The List

by Alice Ward

  I finally found my release and she sighed with relief that she had helped me reach that crescendo. “Did you?” I gasped and she nodded and smiled. “I was so out of my head…”

  She nodded and smiled again. “I know. That’s what I wanted. This was all for you.”

  She got up from the bed and went into the bathroom where I heard the water start. I laid there in the aftermath of sensation and thought back over the preceding few hours. I had been terrified to meet her, certain she would tell me she wanted to end everything between us. I’d prepared myself for the worst and here I was, the recipient of a gift so unbelievable that I felt I didn’t deserve it.

  “Worth, c’mon,” she said and I looked over to see her standing naked in the bathroom doorway. I rolled from the bed and followed her. She had the whirlpool tub filling and had transferred some of the lit candles onto the bathroom floor. I stepped in and held out my arms for her. She crawled up to sit between my legs, her back against my chest. I gently fondled her breasts and relaxed as the swirling waters cleansed us of the perspiration from our lovemaking. I put my hand over her pussy, gently rubbing her out of a feeling of possessiveness. I grew hard again and I knew she could feel me pressing into her.

  Auggie looked up to smile at me, then moved to her hands and knees and I couldn’t believe she was inviting me to enter her again, this time from the rear. This time, we were gentle and tender; a languorous rocking that fed not only the sexual desire, but the desire for possessive closeness. This time was for her and I prolonged her enjoyment as long as I could. It was a symbolic and generous sharing; her submitting to me in a body of swirling water. She had shed her fear and trusted me totally.

  When we finally climbed from the tub, Auggie grabbed a few trays of finger foods and we kissed and fed one another, turning on the massive flat screen to watch a movie. The next thing I knew, it was morning and the television was still on. I flipped it off and rolled to my side to pull her close to me. I thought about how close we’d come to falling apart. I counted the weeks that she’d held me at bay and then finally, when I was about to lose hope, called me. She was a new, improved Auggie. She had taken the time to know herself and get rid of the demons that stood between us. Auggie had done the work and now it was up to me to do the same. I owed it to her to walk the line of pure honesty. I also suspected it was the only way I would hold on to her.

  I resolved to find things for us to do together. We had all the money we could ever possibly need. While she was gone, I realized that money only meant something more to be taken care of. It could not buy me Auggie and did nothing to increase our happiness.

  Auggie finally stirred and I ordered us coffee and breakfast, which quickly appeared at the door. We snuggled in bed, watching the morning news and chatting casually about the weather.

  “Auggie?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I’ve decided to do something I hope will make you happy.”

  “What is it?”

  “Well, first let me say that I’ve realized what you’ve been doing during this time we’ve been apart. I know you talked to Mother and the missing link…” I winced at my pun, but went on, “in your memory couldn’t have been all that pleasant to process. I’m very, very glad that you felt we were worth it.”

  “Of course you’re worth it. I love you,” she reassured me.

  “I know I’ve built a good deal of our life together around the idea of making more money and building my personal reputation. Yet, when it came down to my feeling the most threatened, it was because you weren’t in my life.”

  “I feel the same way,” she whispered, snuggling up against me. We were both wearing the complimentary robes the hotel provided and hers was only loosely draped, giving me full vantage of seeing her nakedness beneath. I fought to keep my mind on the topic at hand.

  “I want us to do something together,” I began.

  “I thought that’s what we were doing?” Her hand snaked down to my penis and she began petting me.

  “Oh, darling, as good as that feels, please listen to me.” I moved her hand and she pouted. “Here, now, just listen, okay?”

  She pretended to pout but sat straighter, a glint in her eye as she licked her lips and nodded.

  “My businesses can run on their own. I only need to be present a day or two a month; supervise the board, that sort of thing. What would you say to our beginning some sort of project together, just the two of us? Sort of like what you did at Sunset Village and then with the farm we donated. Maybe something with horses. What would you say to that?”

  She scrambled to sit up completely and was grinning widely. “I’d say I love the idea, Dr. LaViere,” she agreed enthusiastically.

  “Okay then, Mrs. Dr. LaViere,” I mocked her, “I leave it up to you to choose the project and you can count me in.”

  “Done!” she pronounced. “Now, would you make love to me, please?” she asked sweetly and threw open her robe as she beckoned to me.

  I had no choice but to accommodate her, if only in the spirit of cooperation.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  Auggie

  I’d made my decision and hoped that Worth would be on board with it. As much as I’d loved Steeplechase, things just weren’t the same. Carlos was gone and he’d been too old to ride for the past few years. I decided that my Steeplechase days were over and I was going to convert that part of the estate for a new purpose.

  I wanted to build a camp for children from inner cities. I’d seen these areas on my runaway excursion when I’d left Worth early on in our marriage. There were sections of those big cities where the children looked as though they were being incarcerated — almost prisoners of war. They lacked the fresh air and freedom of riding without fear of being attacked. They needed to learn how to care for animals and hopefully would see that there were options for them beyond the feeling of pure survival every day.

  I proposed the idea to Worth and he generously agreed. We began setting up the legalities with my friend, Brandon.

  Brandon wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as I about the concept. “Auggie, are you two sure this is really what you want to do? You know, it’s a big responsibility. Many of these kids are troubled. They’ve lived with inner city life and know the way of the streets. They’re really not going to be very happy in a Kentucky farm environment.”

  “We’ve thought about all that, Brandon,” I reassured him. He and I were sitting in a park. I’ve brought a picnic and we watched the ducks as we discussed our plans. Brandon still had a holdout hope that Worth and I would break up. He had not yet married and I brought this up now. “Brandon, you and I have always had a special relationship,” I began. He looked hopeful at the turn in the conversation and nodded. “You know I’m fond of you — always have been. But if you’ve been holding on to some idea that maybe there’s a future for us, well I wish you wouldn’t. My marriage is stronger than ever and I don’t want you to be alone.”

  His face fell and I felt bad, but I knew the words had to be said.

  “I won’t deny there were times I was cheering against Worth,” he admitted. “I’ve always loved you, Auggie. I just missed the boat.” He reached out and patted my hand and I grabbed him, throwing my arms around his neck.

  “For what it’s worth, Brandon,” I spoke softly into his ear. “If it weren’t for Worth, you and I would have been together long ago.”

  He lingered in my embrace a moment longer than necessary and then broke away. “I’m not sure if that makes me feel better, or worse,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the moment.

  “Isn’t there some nice gal you’ve had your eye on?” I prompted him.

  “Oh, I’ve not been a monk, don’t worry,” he grinned. His eyes sparkled as he looked out over the small pond. “There have been a few lights in my gloomy past.”

  “I’m glad, Brandon. I’d hate to think that you were holding out on my account,” I teased.

  We sat comfortably silent for a bit and Brandon pulled another s
andwich from the picnic basket. “You know Auggie, there’s more to this than you might think. What happens to these kids when you treat them like royalty for the summer and then send them back to an impoverished world? Is that really the kindest thing you can do for them?”

  “Oh, I’ve thought about that. I really have. The way I look at it, though, is that one summer of freedom might be enough to show them another way of living; that they have options. I can’t see that as a negative. The only thing worse would be not giving them a way out.”

  “But are you two truly ready for the responsibility? These kids will be used to living a certain way. They’re not going to simply slide into the role of a genteel old money family without looking for ways to apply what comes naturally for them.”

  “We get that. Don’t forget, Brandon, Worth may have wasted most of his education on spoiled socialites, but he does know his stuff. He sees it as a chance to really use the tools he’s been given. I really can only see it as a win-win all the way around.”

  “Okay,” he said, wiping the crumbs off his pant leg. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’ll start the paperwork for the foundation right away.”

  “Thank you, Brandon. By the way, I’ll expect you to stop in from time to time and maybe give a few talks about the advantages of becoming a lawyer. Who knows, you might actually have something valuable to contribute yourself,” I teased him.

  He rolled his eyes. “Let’s not get carried away, shall we?”

  “Brandon, you’re such a snob!” I accused him and I had to give him credit. He did stop to consider the possibility, if even for just a moment.

  ***

  Worth and I stood at the side of the Steeplechase course and tried to look at the grounds with a new perspective. No longer was this going to be a diversion for the idle rich, but a learning ground for underprivileged kids who needed to see a bridge between where they were and what it was possible for them to become. We had to be very sensitive in their needs and not look like we were being condescending in any way. These were two totally diverse worlds that needed to be combined into one that made sense.

  “You know, this is as much for us as it is for them,” he pointed out.

  “Yes, the same thing occurred to me. We’ve grown up having before we even asked. These kids, many of them, will never have, no matter how much they might ask. They don’t even know what to ask for. Worth, are you comfortable building the right environment, or would you like to bring in some other colleagues? How about Tyler Peterson?”

  “Exactly what I was thinking, as a matter of fact.” He grinned and pulled out his cell phone. A few minutes later he said, “Tyler’s off today and is on his way over.”

  “Wonderful. I’ll take that as a positive sign.”

  Tyler showed up a short time later and had the good sense to wear boots. While there was no snow on the ground at the time, it was definitely not ground suited for dress shoes. Tyler was a tall man with a grandfatherly appearance, despite the fact that he was just about Worth’s age. Prematurely gray, he walked with a bit of a hunch and was very unassuming. I could see how he would be great with kids.

  We took pictures, walked the grounds, measured things and ended up back at the estate. Worth lit a fire and we sat down in the family room to go over ideas and concepts.

  “This will be a completely different world for these kids, Worth,” Tyler brought up, knowing that we were well aware of it, but using it as a preamble to our continuing conversation.

  “So, the primary question is whether we try to make the atmosphere more reminiscent of what their homes look like, or do we keep it a little more special, sort of like a trip to Disney World?” I asked.

  Tyler smiled. “Have you ever been to Disney World?”

  I nodded.

  “Have you ever thought you could live like that — or even wanted to?”

  “I see what you’re saying. So the atmosphere has to be reachable but inspirational?”

  He nodded with approval. “That’s an excellent way to look at it.”

  Worth spoke up, “So what does that look like?”

  “Well,” Tyler began, “the first thing will be to remove the old money look of things. Naturally, the Steeplechase configuration will have to be taken out and I don’t think we should even have a track. That suggests being competitive and these kids don’t have the experience to ride a horse in that manner. If it were me, I’d level everything but the buildings and then repurpose those. Naturally, you’ll need sleeping and eating accommodations, so you’ll have to build cabins and I would keep these natural looking. Yes, very much like camp and not like barracks. Bunks are fine but there should be a sitting and kitchenette area in each unit so there’s some sense of relaxation. We want things kept on a schedule because it teaches conformity and self-discipline, but not so rigid as to make it undesirable. Use the scheduling for the more fun events. You’ll need camp counsellors who sleep in with the kids to keep an eye on things. Naturally, boys are distant from the girls. It’s less about what goes on inside the cabins and more about group participation and building inner realization of strength and reward.”

  Worth nodded and was making notes. “I’d agree with all that,” he said. “What if we were to invite the kids who were previously campers back after a few seasons to become counsellors?”

  “Marvelous idea!” Tyler agreed. “In the meantime, you might check with some of the youth centers in their actual towns for candidates. That keeps them relatable. In fact, you might have a few weeks of counselor training here before you bring the first kid in.”

  “What about how they’re chosen to come?” I asked. “Of course I want to invite everyone, but won’t it be important that we accommodate those who show the greater inclination to break free from their current environments?”

  “Exactly,” agreed Tyler. “There again, you may want to reach out to the community centers and allow the people who know their own kids to select who gets to come. They can use some sort of graduated incentive with camp attendance as the reward. They’ll know the best way to determine all that. Your job is to be at the other end of that bridge once they get here. They can’t be expected to become millionaires for having attended, obviously.”

  “Brandon was right,” I mumbled.

  “What’s that?” Worth’s ears always picked up on any mention of Brandon. Even though the two had long before come to an understanding, men will be men.

  “Well, when I talked to Brandon about creating the foundation for this, he seemed to think that maybe we were taking on more than we should — that we weren’t really prepared for all this.”

  “Brandon has a point, Worth,” Tyler interjected. “This sounds generous and wonderful on the onset, but it’s a major undertaking. For one thing, have you considered how it’s going to impact your privacy? Your estate is huge, but your house still sits at the end of the same street and these kids are bound to wander. You’ll have traffic you’re not used to and there are liable to be some neighbors who won’t be as enthusiastic as you are in introducing their private little kingdom to incoming strangers. You know how these people are.”

  Worth nodded. “These are all valid points. I probably haven’t given this as much thought as it deserves. I tend to be a bit idealistic and then bull my way through to getting what I want.”

  “I’ve noticed,” Tyler smiled in a teasing way.

  “Well, tell you what, Tyler. It’s the holidays and we’re not going to accomplish much of anything over the next two weeks that can’t be revised at some point. We’ll let Brandon move ahead with forming the foundation and I’ll count you on board. Let’s all give some thought to the most practical way of achieving the goal, and actually defining that goal before we bring in the bulldozers. Will that work?”

  I was thoroughly impressed and let Worth know it by springing up and hugging him. I locked my arms around his neck and turned to Tyler. “Do you have any idea how huge that was for him to say? Do you think there is a chance for h
im yet?” I teased and Worth flushed, grinning. “Seriously, Worth — that was a major step in giving up control and I know what that took. You’re even ahead of me on this one. I want you to know how proud I am of you!”

  Tyler cleared his throat. “Good plan, Worth.” He stood and held out his hand. “I want you both to have a wonderful holiday. We’ll be in touch after the first of the year and begin to formulate plans. That work?”

  We both nodded in tandem and Tyler headed to the door. “Merry Christmas to you and to that son. How is he doing, by the way?”

  Worth spoke up, “He’s learning probably just the thing we’ll want to teach the kids who come here. Self-discipline and less selfishness. Odd, but it just occurred to me that although they’re at opposite ends of the income scale, they share pretty much the same issues.”

  “It’s called being a kid, Worth,” Tyler said, opening the door. “I think you just never took the time to be one yourself.” With that, he saluted and headed out, closing the carved wooden door behind himself.

  “Wow, that was revealing,” I said.

  “Indeed, it was,” Worth agreed. “How about we cuddle on the bed and watch a movie?” he winked. “I seem to have developed a bit of a chill.”

  “I was thinking the same thing myself!” I replied and we retreated to the bedroom for the remainder of the afternoon. Betsy had gone home by the time we emerged and we found plates wrapped and ready to be popped into the microwave for dinner. She’d made fried chicken and mashed potatoes with green beans and dinner rolls. I knew it wasn’t the most “health conscious” things to eat, but there was no beating comfort food when it came to a winter evening.

  “Auggie,” Worth broached the topic. “When are you moving back here full time?”

  I still had the condo fully operational and all my belongings were there. When I came to the estate, I brought a small bag or wore the clothes I’d left behind when I first moved out.