Take Me, Break Me

by Cari Silverwood

  “I won’t…Sir.” I could hear amusement in her voice.

  “But now.” I raised her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Tonight I want to just be with you.”

  “Yes. Mmm.” Her sigh was beautiful. She pressed closer until her body leaned into mine and her head rested on my shoulder.

  She was next to me again. Living, breathing, my Jodie.

  I would find a way to make this work, even if I had to tunnel my way up from hell itself to make things right. I pulled gently until she lay down with her head in my lap.

  After a while, she whispered up at me. “No panties, remember? Though…” She wriggled. “I don’t want sand up my hoohah.”

  “No? I guess even us sadists don’t do that. You tempt me, though. Wait until I have you ass up, naked, and bound.” I froze as the image spun into my head and had to turn down my internal lust setting before I could go on. One day. One day soon. I shifted position. “We’re going to do this slow. I’m not touching you until we go visit Moghul.”

  “Oh. Not at all?” I could almost hear the pout in her voice.

  I chuckled then leaned in and brushed my lips on hers. I pressed small kisses on her until she opened her mouth. “Maybe just a little, like this.”

  She snuggled her fingers beneath mine again where they cradled her jaw. “I like that.”

  “Mm-hmm. I should think so. Now sit still so I can do it again. It’s been so long.” I thumbed the side of her soft mouth then traced the line of her eyebrow. “I want to make sure you remember that you’re mine.”

  “Am I?” In the soft moonlight I could barely make out the fine wrinkling of her forehead. “Are you sure?”

  She was taunting me. And that was so novel. So interesting. The beast in me sat up and growled. I’d given her very little leeway before but this had possibilities. “I think you’re trying to provoke me.”

  “Mm-maybe. It’s not as if you can do anything.”

  Glee bubbled up. I inched my fingers into her hair, twisted until she squealed then leaned in again until I could murmur in her ear. “You shouldn’t tease a sadist. My ‘maybe just a little’ just got made bigger.”

  “Oops. And ouch! Let go!” But I could feel her shaking with suppressed laughter.

  “Never.”

  Kissing her like a new lover was done with. I hesitated for a second, taking stock without undoing the twist of my fingers in her hair, making sure I wouldn’t go too far. Then I released just a little of that other nastier me.

  I took her mouth like I was a monster barely holding back from turning her over, yanking up her dress, and screwing her until she couldn’t walk. When she was gasping and moaning and had bent up her knees so she could dig her toes in the sand, I drew away.

  “That’s my girl.” I looked at the suggestion of cleavage and farther, down the length of her body. “It’s dark enough here. I should pull down your dress and bite your nipples.”

  She went still.

  It was all very well making threats, but I shouldn’t. I knew, I shouldn’t. I exhaled. “And, perhaps not. We’ll wait.”

  “Oh.” Her disappointment was obvious.

  “I’m sorry, but it’s for the best.”

  “So it’s just to be kissing?”

  I narrowed my eyes, staring down at her, playing lightly with her hair, and wondering at the change in her tone. She’d said that like a judge questioning a witness.

  “Yes. For a while. Now shush and relax, and we can be here for a while.”

  “But then we go home, together?”

  My grip tightened on her hair. I so wanted to turn her over and spank her. There it was though – my irrational need to hurt her for what? Being normal and having an opinion?

  “No.” I let out a measured breath. “I go to my apartment and you to your house.”

  “Oh.”

  I could almost hear her thinking, and I waited for her next question with some unease.

  “Can we discuss this tomorrow, in daylight, at my house? I’ll have Adrianna come over, so you can feel safe from me. She can sit out on the back verandah while we talk. She’ll do it for me.”

  She’d said that so steadily, I wasn’t sure if it was a tease or not.

  “Safe? From you? You are pushing it.”

  “It’s true though. You are scared of getting close, doing things. Well?”

  “Damn.” I glowered, though no doubt it was wasted in the darkness. “Okay. We do need to talk more. With Adrianna there, okay. Now be quiet and enjoy the bloody sea.”

  That time she giggled. I smiled despite my annoyance.

  When we rose to go home and walked up the beach hand in hand, I was reluctant to let her go. But her hand slipped from mine and we said goodbye. I would see her tomorrow. More talking only, maybe I would kiss her again. It seemed like we’d reverted to being teenagers, or worse. Except the yearning inside me wasn’t just from a need to screw her. It was a far darker need. I clenched my fists. This was the best way. The time would pass.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Jodie

  At the knock on the door, I did a last-minute assessment of my dress. White, slightly lacy, and short. In fact, I’d made very sure it was short with a bodice line that made my breasts stand out. I remembered how much this had turned on Klaus on the night of the party. I was playing with fire doing all this, but too late now.

  I closed my eyes a second, then I opened the door.

  He took my breath away. Solid man. Blue jeans and a light-brown linen shirt, broad chest, and him. Just him. I think I forgot about needing oxygen for all of five seconds. Unavoidable. Klaus had become my addiction. My nipples tightened, my gut clenched, and I even sighed as I absorbed this wonderful man on my doorstep. This separation he’d devised, it had to go. Had to. I wanted to be his and how could that happen if we were apart?

  Then he smiled. “Going to invite me in?”

  Uh. “Yes! Come in.”

  The door clicked shut behind him. Now or never.

  I hesitated then took his hand, those thick masculine fingers lying across mine, and without fuss, walked with him down the hallway and then led him into my…our dining room. I looked up at him. The line on his brow deepened as he checked the room, then he centered his gaze on me.

  “Where’s Adrianna?”

  Still holding his hand, I lowered myself to my knees then I bowed my head. “She’s not here, Sir. I lied. I lied to get you here.”

  His sigh was heavy. After his fingers slipped from mine, I felt them bunch in my hair in a familiar stinging grip. My pussy clenched. Whatever it was, habit, an instinctive response, the control spun me into submissiveness. He forced back my head until I looked up into his eyes.

  “Why?”

  I licked my lips, absorbed in again being under his hand. The room jiggled as he shook my head in emphasis.

  “Why, Jodie? Speak.”

  I shuddered awake. I had to keep above this and be more than a slave if I wanted to sway him.

  “Because we’re adults, both of us. I know you’re afraid you might go too far and hurt me, but that’s not going to happen here today, or any day. I agree, we wait for Kat before you let your sadist out. But…I trust you not to.”

  “You do?” He cocked an eyebrow. “And what if here and now I put you over my knee and spank you for lying? You don’t imagine I can hurt you from spanking? I could. Any man is strong enough to.”

  “But you won’t,” I whispered.

  “What?”

  “You won’t. You’re feeling guilty so you’re punishing yourself by keeping away. But it’s hurting me to be apart.” This time the tears leaked from my eyes. I let them. I let him see.

  “Jodie.” Again he sighed and his other hand came up and touched the tears. “You look so sad. It’s hurting me too. I’m sorry.”

  I choked for a second, my throat twisting before I could speak. “You already said that, last night. Please? Please? I trust you. I do.”

  “Too much, perhaps.” He let me go
, stepped away. “If we’re to talk, it’ll be outside on your verandah.”

  My heart leapt. “Okay.” Progress. I checked the kettle as we went through the kitchen. The coffee was brewed. “Would you like some?”

  “Sure.”

  So I set out cups and saucers and poured us both a cup. The clink of china, the smell of roasted coffee, and all the little minute details, sent waves of calm filtering through me. And he was here. I could feel his presence in the small kitchen without seeing.

  Then he was behind me, his body fitting against the curves of mine as unerringly as the sky fitted against the earth. He kissed the top of my head. My worries drained away and I waited there, absorbing him. Being close again.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, “when you give like this. Just seeing you making coffee for me makes me feel like you need me. Like we suit each other.”

  I nodded slowly, careful not to bump his mouth, feeling him breathe into my hair. “Me too.”

  Such a gentle side to his personality, yet it completed him. I loved this part of him too.

  “Come.” He reached around me and took his own coffee. “Outside.”

  Smiling, I followed, trying not to let my cup shake on the saucer.

  The two-yard-wide verandah out the back of the house ran along outside the kitchen, one story up with stairs, on the left, going down to the back yard. We’d not come out here for the whole month the capture fantasy had run its course. Too public, I guess. The view out across the cliff and the sea was stunning, though. I had a small table and two chairs and we sat opposite each other for a minute or two, sipping coffee and exchanging small talk.

  The sea was calm. The cockatoos in the nearby trees were loud. The sky, strangely enough, was blue. Then we fell silent again.

  I was nervous but I managed to only play with a strand of my hair, curling it round and round my finger while he observed – sitting like some sort of Buddha made into an accountant with delicious short blond hair.

  Waiting…watching. Silent. His eyes had washed to light gray in the sunlight.

  “Fuck.” I frowned. “Say something.”

  “No.” He leaned in and captured my hair-twirling hand, brought it down to the table and trapped it there under his. “You made this happen. You start, Jodie. You must have thought this through? Explain.”

  Explain. It had been easy when I was by myself. Take a breath, explain.

  “I accept that you’re worried you’ll hurt me.” I nodded a few times. “Moghul told me what happened.” I checked his expression but he was merely absorbing my words like a sponge. “But that was in the heat of the moment. I feel like this separation is some weird sort of penance. Punishing us both for one problem is wrong, unnecessary, and…fuck.” I bent my head and shoved my hand over my mouth for a second, scowling down at table. “Fuck, this hurts us both. Please, please, let us be together.”

  Unblinking, he stared at me. “Jodie…” He shook his head.

  I barreled on, unable to stop my spiel. I had to let this all out or I’d burst. “Okay, so we won’t play without Kat for a while. But we can live together. We’ll just set boundaries. No S and m activities.”

  “Maybe you’re right. Penance? Maybe I am doing this as penance.” He paused a long time as if thinking, then his mouth twisted. “Do you have any idea how tempting it is when I have you naked?”

  I smirked. “Perhaps. But after you heard how I’d lied, you didn’t spank me, and I’m sure I tempted you.”

  His eyes fired up. “Yes, you did.”

  “See.”

  “But you weren’t naked.”

  “Close. I don’t have underwear on.” Smiling, I stuck out my tongue tip, touching my upper lip. Then I laughed. “You should see the look on your face.”

  “That’s because the idea of you sitting there without panties has given me an instant hard-on.”

  “Mmm.” My smile widened. “Back on track, though. We can make love without you doing S and m. I know it.”

  “You do?” He sat back a little. “And you think after all I’ve done to you that I’ll be satisfied with only making love?” His voice trailed off.

  “Yes?” I squeaked. Was he saying what I thought he was? That he couldn’t do this? Again, tears threatened. I was fragile as butterfly in a hurricane. Another word, the wrong one, and I would cry.

  Slowly, he shook his head.

  “Oh.” I coughed, desperate to hold back those tears. My hand trembled under his.

  The coffee cup in front of him was empty. One last gesture. I wanted to do this. To wash it. Then perhaps it would be best if he went. I’d be sad, but I could bear this.

  “Let me wash your cup.” Washing the dishes for him had become a symbol to me, of submission. I looked at him. “Let me? I need to do this.”

  His eyes shone. “No.”

  “Please?” This time tears welled in my eyes. I moved to reach for the cup but he restrained my hand under his.

  “Shh. It’s going to be okay. No, I won’t be satisfied with only making love. Not after having you as my slave. Jodie, you should know how much I liked that – making you my slave. If we were together, I would want that again.” His eyes did those small movements as if he were double-checking my expression. His next question ground out harshly. “Would you accept that?”

  I couldn’t look away. Was this him saying yes? Me, again, at his feet, not having a say in what he did to me? “I would die to have that again. But…” I inhaled. I had to take a stand. “Not always.”

  “No. Not always. Come here.”

  He’d changed his mind? Riveted by the possibilities, by the excruciating future that seemed almost here, I froze for an instant.

  Shaking, I rose and went around the table to stand before him. He smoothed his hands around my back, then down to my thighs and up the sides, slowly raising the dress until he could look beneath at my mons.

  “You are indeed naked. Pretty.” He cupped my pussy and I gasped at the heat of his palm. “I remember you sitting on Damien at the party. That was so sexy.” He paused and studied my face. “The alternative to me hurting you is of course you submitting to me utterly when we’re at home and in private. If I want you to lick my shoes or kiss them, or to again sit on the floor at the table while I eat, will you?”

  Hell. Why did that arouse me? My clit had instantly perked up. “Yes,” I said, hoarsely. “I will. To me, I’m not sure how to explain it, but…” I stared at him pleadingly. “It’s my way of loving you.”

  “I realize that.” He sucked in a long shuddering breath, his fingers clamped onto my hip hard, and I heard the sound of his shoe scraping on the timber deck. His eyes were stone.

  Whatever he was about to say, must be difficult for him to say. I waited, patient, yet churning up inside with tension.

  “I’m not into the word love, Jodie, but you are the only woman for me. Always have been. Always will be. But, I have to ask this. Jodie, you’ll trust me?”

  “Yes.” God, yes.

  “Okay. I’ve done my penance. I see your point in that. I want to do small painful things to you that can’t escalate into anything dangerous. I am going to trust you to safeword though. Say red if you need to. Okay? But only for pain. No safeword for anything else.”

  Small and painful. He was back. I didn’t bother to ask what he would do. “Red.” The word had come out husky and had barely squeezed out my throat. I swallowed. “Yes.”

  “Good. Excellent. First task.” He grinned. “Unzip me and then sit on my cock.”

  There was nothing before me except his eyes pinning me to the spot and that damn smile. Fuck. Bastard.

  I didn’t want to fail at the first hurdle. I curled my toes, thinking fast. No safeword for this? What about people out here? Someone might see us. My neighbors couldn’t, though. Only, perhaps, someone out on a boat. And they’d need a telescope. Unless someone was on the beach below, but even then…

  Trust me.

  I took a step closer, then I ben
t over and unbuttoned and slowly unzipped him. I freed his erect cock from his underwear until it stood up where I could see it clearly. The idea of him fucking me outdoors…I was instantly damp. He pushed the table away so there was more space.

  “Straddle me. I want to feel your pussy on me. I want to see you, Jodie, in daylight as I penetrate you. Wait, first, wet me with your mouth.”

  I was already wet enough between my legs, but, he wanted my mouth.

  “Yes, Sir.” As I lowered myself and knelt, he took my hair, and guided me.

  Face turned upward by his hand, I could do nothing as he fingered my lips. “And from now on it’s Sir when we are in private.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Then I let him push my mouth onto his cock. My saliva wet him all along his length and I curled my tongue around him as I went down and came up. I tasted him for the first time in days. The pressure between my legs made me squeeze my thighs together and wriggle my ass. His hand fumbled and slid beneath the bodice of my dress, and over my breast. His finger and thumb clamped onto my nipple. Uh. I choked on his cock. The zing of the hurt elevated me into another level of excitement. The sadism said mine like nothing else.

  I’d never worked out why, maybe never would, but I loved that. The multiple tiny pains, his hand in my hair, the sharp ache at my nipple as he tugged and twisted, the dig of his fingers at my hip – all these said I was wanted, taken.

  The chair creaked as he shifted and lifted my head away. As my mouth left his erection, a string of saliva wet my chin. I blinked up at him.

  “Now sit on me,” he growled.

  God, yes. I wanted this too. I didn’t care who saw. I could feel him sliding into me. Mind fogged by desire, I stumbled to my feet, and lifted my dress while he observed my every move.

  It was awkward to get my leg on the other side of him but once I had, my legs were far apart and split. My lower lips pulled wide. With his hand at my hip, I directed myself until my entrance poised above, with his tip nudging my center. Down. At the exquisite sensation of his cock entering me, I let my head fall forward.