Agony (Entangled Hearts Duet Book 1)

by Kaylee Ryan

  “Don’t knock it until you try it.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A girlfriend. The one person you can count on no matter what.”

  “I have a best friend for that.”

  He nods. “For now.”

  “What do you mean for now?”

  “What are you going to do when she meets someone? What happens when he gets pissed because she decided to drink and spend the night in your bed, curled up in your arms? What’s going to happen then, Cooper?”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

  It’s hard for me to imagine a situation where Reese and I aren’t close. That’s just how it’s been and how it will continue to be with us. Our bond is tight.

  The dorm room door opens, ending our conversation. “You guys are the best,” Tessa says, wrapping her arms around Nixon’s waist. He bends to kiss the top of her head.

  “What she said.” Reese stops to stand next to me. “We got tape.” She holds up the shopping bag with a few fresh rolls of packing tape inside.

  “Good. I just used the last of this roll.” Nixon holds up the tape dispenser that is now indeed empty.

  “What’s left?” I ask Reese.

  “Just the toiletries that we use every day and some clothes, books, and our furniture. I didn’t expect us to be done packing this soon. You guys are packing machines. We can’t move in for two more weeks.”

  “Great. Can we go eat now?” Nixon asks. “We’ve been at this for hours.”

  “Three hours.” Tessa laughs at her boyfriend.

  “I’m starving,” he tells her.

  “We just ate before we got here,” Tessa counters.

  “It takes fuel for these guns.” He flexes his arms, and she playfully rolls her eyes before looking over at me.

  “Are you hungry too?”

  “I could eat.” I turn my attention to Reese. “You know what sounds good? A big bowl of your mom’s white chicken chili.”

  “My mom’s not here,” Reese replies.

  “Come on, Reese. It’s been ages.”

  She looks over at Tessa and Nixon. “You all in the mood for white chicken chili?”

  “Never had it, but I’m in,” Nixon tells her.

  “Looks like we’re going grocery shopping,” Reese says, and I pull her into a hug.

  “Why don’t you pack a bag and stay with me tonight?” Nixon asks Tessa.

  “You too,” I tell Reese. “I’ll drive and can bring you both back here tomorrow.”

  The girls share a look before they both nod and proceed to pack a bag. Once they’re ready, we pile into my Jeep and head to the grocery store.

  “I don’t know where you came up with that, but I’m damn glad that Cooper talked you into it. That was so damn good,” Nixon tells Reese.

  “Her mom used to make it for me all the time when we were growing up. It’s one of my favorites,” I say.

  “Yeah, so much so that he asked me and my mom no less than a million times if I was sure I knew how to make it before we left for college.” Reese laughs.

  “Sounds like Momma Latham is a good cook,” Nixon comments.

  “The best. Reese isn’t the only one I begged to learn how to make it. I used to beg my mom too. Instead, she would call Eve, that’s Reese’s mom, and tell her that her son, meaning Eve’s son, which meant me, needed some white chili.” I smile thinking about it.

  “Was your mom mad?” Tessa asks.

  “Nah. She and Eve are best friends.”

  “So what, your families are super tight?” Nixon asks.

  He already knows this, so I’m not sure why he’s asking, but I answer him anyway. “Yeah. Neighbors and best friends, all of us for years now.”

  “So, the two of you are kind of destined to be together?” He points his index finger at me and then at Reese. “Reese is literally the girl next door.”

  “We’re just friends.” Reese is quick to squash the idea. “And us being neighbors growing up isn’t new news.”

  “So,” Nixon sits up straighter on his spot on the loveseat, “you’re telling me that your moms never once suggested that the two of you would end up together?”

  I look at Reese to find her looking at me. We both shake our heads. “No.” I pull my eyes from hers, and the look I can’t explain to Nixon. “They know we’re friends.”

  “Never?” Tessa asks in disbelief.

  “What’s with the inquisition? Our families are, well, like family. Coop and I being together is more like incest,” Reese speaks up.

  Tessa gives her a look, but it’s gone before I can decipher it. “Yeah, what she said,” I agree with her. Just because she’s the coolest fucking girl I’ve ever met, and the most beautiful doesn’t mean that we aren’t just friends. I wish people could understand that.

  “What smells so damn good?” Levi asks, entering the kitchen. Dustin, Hank, and Trey all trail in behind him.

  “Reese made white chicken chili,” Tessa explains.

  “Fuck me. A smoke show, and she cooks?” Levi drops to his knees. “Marry me.” He bats his eyelashes dramatically, making Reese laugh as she pushes on his chest to shove him away.

  “Get out of here with that nonsense. We both know you can’t handle me,” she quips.

  “Oh, sweetheart, care to wager on that?” he asks her.

  My hands are balled into fists at my sides. I don’t understand their relationship. They hit it off the first time they met freshman year, and since then, they’re this teasing easygoing duo. Hell, she sends him messages that are full-on innuendo before each game. I get messages too, but mine are from my Reese—the sweet, loving cheerleader she’s always been with me. I love that Reese, but part of me is jealous that I don’t get the flirty Reese either. At least not when she’s sober.

  “You can’t afford me,” she teases.

  Nixon catches my gaze. I can read the question in his eyes. You good? I nod at him, a subtle nod that he returns. “What are you jokers getting into tonight?” Nixon asks them. In this moment, I’ve never been more grateful for my best friend. He’s changing the subject, knowing that my nod was a lie. I’m not okay. I hate seeing the two of them like this. I just wish I knew why.

  “Nothing. Everyone is cramming for finals or packing their shit to move back home for the summer.”

  “That’s what we did,” Reese says. “Well, but not to move home. We’re staying here. Did you decide what you’re doing?” she asks Levi.

  “Yeah, I’m going to go visit the folks, and will probably come back here.”

  “What about you three?” she asks the rest of my housemates.

  “Going home,” they all reply.

  “So it’s really going to be the four of us all summer?” She looks at me, then over to Nixon and Tessa.

  “Oh, the secrets we’ll keep,” Tessa quips.

  “Nope. No secrets. We get all the details.” Levi points at Reese. “I’m calling you daily. I want the juicy bits.” He stops and seems to think about it, then turns to Tessa. “On second thought, I’ll be calling you daily for the real juicy bits,” he tells her, making us all laugh.

  “Not happening. What happens in the house, stays in the house,” Reese jokes.

  “I live here,” Levi reminds her.

  “Yeah, but if you’re not here to witness it, it’s your loss. This summer stays between the four of us and these walls.” She grins at him.

  “Whatever,” Trey pipes up. “They’re all just boring married folk anyway. We’re not missing anything.”

  Reese rolls her beautiful green eyes, and the smile pulling at her lips is one that can brighten the darkest of days. “You want some chili or not?”

  “Want,” Levi, Trey, Hank, and Dustin all reply at the same time.

  “It’s on the stove.”

  The four of them rush off like toddlers being bribed with ice cream. “You’d think it’s been days since they’ve eaten,” I say, watching them l
eave.

  “Like you can talk.” Reese pokes her finger into my ribs, and I retaliate by pulling her into my lap and tickling her until she’s screaming that she’s going to piss her pants. I let her go, and she rolls off my lap and darts down the hall to the bathroom. I don’t realize that I’m staring after her until I see a hand waving in front of my face. Blinking, I look up to find Nixon standing in front of me. I glance around and see that Tessa is no longer in the room with us.

  “What’s up?”

  “You went from looking like you could murder our roommates to all googly-eyed.” Nixon smirks.

  “Whatever.” I avert my gaze to hide the truth.

  “You’re a shit actor, Reeves.”

  “Who’s acting?” Levi asks, sitting next to me on the couch, with a huge bowl of chili.

  “Do we own bowls that big?” I question him. Partly because it’s a huge fucking bowl, and the other part to sway the conversation.

  “I think it’s Reese’s or maybe Tessa’s. I know they use it when they cook.” He takes a huge bite. “Who’s acting?” he asks again. So much for swaying the conversation.

  “Reeves here. He needs to work on his acting skills.” Nixon not so helpfully points out.

  “You changing majors?” Levi asks. There’s a twinkle in his eye that tells me he knows better.

  “Nix is just being an ass.”

  “Au contraire, my friend. I’m being anything but. How am I an asshole for speaking the truth?” Nixon raises his eyebrows in question.

  Before I can answer, the girls walk back in the room, Tessa following Reese. They’ve both changed their clothes.

  “We’re tired,” Tessa says, looking at Nixon. “I just wanted to say goodnight.”

  He rises from his seat, and on autopilot, I do the same. “I’ll come with you.” He wraps his arms around her waist and leads her back upstairs to his room. He doesn’t say goodnight to any of us. His only focus is Tessa. As it should be. I exhale a sigh of relief that our earlier conversation has been squashed.

  “You going to bed too?” I ask Reese.

  “Yes,” she says, covering her yawn with her hand. “It’s been a long day.”

  “I’ll grab you a water and be right up,” I tell her.

  “You don’t have to. I just didn’t want to be rude and go to sleep without saying goodnight.” She steps forward and wraps her arms around my waist, giving me a hug, one I don’t hesitate to return. She pulls back and turns to walk away. I watch her as long as I can, just like earlier.

  “He’s right,” Levi says, pointing his spoon at me. “You’re a shit actor.”

  “Stop with the acting nonsense,” I say, exasperated.

  He shrugs. “You’re only lying to yourself. Well, and her. You’re lying to her.”

  “I’m not. You know us. You’ve seen us together. You and Nix have this romanticized concept that she and I are meant to be together. We’re not. She’s my best friend.”

  He nods. Good, maybe he’s finally getting it through his thick skull. “I’ve never doubted that. None of us have. Anyone who sees the two of you together knows that you have a strong connection.”

  “Then drop this acting and lying bullshit.”

  Levi’s face grows serious, something you don’t see from him very often. “You’re one of my best friends. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize what you missed out on.”

  “How am I missing out?”

  He shakes his head, clearly disappointed with my answer. “I need more chili.” He stands and walks back into the kitchen, dismissing me and our conversation. I follow after him, grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge. Dustin, Trey, and Hank all sit around the table with empty bowls in front of them.

  “Thank you,” Hank says as I’m ready to walk away.

  “For what?”

  “For having a girl like Reese that knows her way around the kitchen.”

  “Tessa helped.”

  He nods. “Yeah, I should thank Nix too.”

  “You guys can clean up since we bought and the girls cooked.”

  “If we keep coming home to meals like this, doing a few dishes is a small concession,” Trey agrees.

  I leave them to it. Taking the stairs two at a time, I push open my bedroom door to find Reese curled up in my bed. She’s already sound asleep if her even breathing is any indication. I place her bottle of water on the nightstand on her side of the bed, then do the same with mine. Stripping out of my clothes, I pull on some basketball shorts and climb into bed.

  I lie still, listening to her soft breaths. I wish things were different. I wish I could love her like she deserves to be loved. I wish that I could call her mine, but there are no guarantees in life. Nothing to assure me that if I were to cross that line, that one, she would be receptive to it, and two that she would always be mine. We’re safer staying friends. I know that if we were to test those boundaries, there would be no going back. And if things ended, our relationship would be ruined. My lifelong best friend would no longer be there, and the thought of that causes my stomach to sour. That can’t happen. I never want to lose her, and this is the only way I know how to do that.

  Chapter 8

  Reese

  Tessa and I have been in our new apartment for a little over a month. It’s an all-new level of independence. Sure, living in the dorms I was independent, even staying over at the house with Cooper, but this, having my own place not ran by the college, it’s an all-new level.

  “What are you doing today?” Tessa asks. She’s sitting on one end of our second-hand couch, while I’m on the other. It’s Saturday morning, and we’re both moving slowly today.

  “I’ve got nothing. What about you?”

  “Nixon’s picking me up and we’re going to see a movie. It’s such a dreary day there’s not much else to do. You should come with us.”

  “Thank you, but no thanks. I’m just going to hang here. Maybe get caught up on laundry. Read a book or two.” I smile and shrug.

  “Oh, did I tell you? I finished Pants on Fire by Lacey Black. So good.”

  “That’s on my Kindle. Maybe I’ll read that one.”

  “As much as I want you to meet Cricket and Rueben, I want you to come with us even more.”

  “Go, enjoy the day with your man.”

  “What’s Cooper getting into today?”

  “He’s with Sasha; at least, I assume he is. She is his girlfriend.”

  “She’s a bitch,” Tessa says, not holding any punches.

  “She’s not my favorite person, but I get it. Coop and I are close; she’s intimidated by that. It’s nothing new. It’s always been like this. The girls get jealous of me for no reason.”

  “She’s a mean girl.”

  “That seems to be his type.”

  “I guess.” She rolls her eyes. “Anyway, you should really come with us.”

  “Not happening, Tess. You and Nix don’t need a third wheel. Go enjoy your time with him. Football is about to be in full swing, and that time is going to be limited. You should soak it up while you can.”

  “I hate leaving you here all day by yourself.”

  “Why?” I laugh. “I’m perfectly fine spending the day in this lovely quiet apartment with my book boyfriends. This is freedom at its best.”

  “Do you mind if Nix stays over tonight?”

  “I told you, you don’t have to ask me. He’s your boyfriend. Hell, you can move him in for all I care. He can help with the bills,” I tell her. “I know you two are growing closer every day. Just because we agreed to live together doesn’t mean that plans don’t change. If you decide you want out, to live with him, just give a girl some notice.” I mean that. I want her to be happy, and anyone and everyone who looks at the two of them together can see that happy is what they are.

  “No. I don’t want to rush into anything too fast. It’s bad enough that my heart is going to be pulverized if this ends between us.”

  “What makes you think it might end?” />
  “He’s crazy talented, Reese. They’re talking possible pros, and he’s a sophomore.”

  “Okay. What’s that have to do with the two of you?”

  “Hello. Famous football star. He can have anyone he wants.” I can see her insecurities shining through. We all have those moments. It’s my job as her best friend to make her see she’s talking crazy and worrying for nothing.

  “You’re right. He can have anyone he wants.” Her face falls. “He has you. You are who he wants, Tessa. He’s crazy about you. Nothing is going to change that. He needs you there by his side to support him through all of this. You were there before the fame, before the talks of the pros. He knows that you’re with him for the right reasons. That goes a long way. And if that’s not enough, let’s talk about how he looks at you. As if you are the only person in the room.”

  “I love him.”

  “I know you do.”

  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It’s scary, and we’re young, and I just don’t want to rush it too much. My heart is already in deep. Us living apart, even though we sleep over at his place or mine most of the time, that gives us some sense of independence. I want to know that if this goes south, and we end things between us, that I have a place to come home to.”

  “Tessa,” I say softly. “You will always have a place to come home to. I am your best friend. You are welcome here with me, no matter what the circumstances. Don’t let fear stop you.”

  She nods. “Thanks, Reese.” She stands. “I’m going to grab a shower.” She’s almost to the hallway when she turns to look at me. “Reese.”

  “Yeah?” I say, turning my head to look at her. “He’s an idiot.”

  “Who?”

  “Cooper. He’s letting his fear stop him. In fact, so are you.”

  “Our story is different. Losing Cooper as a part of my life would be devastating. It’s better this way. Besides, I can’t compete with the Sashas of the world.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. The Sashas of the world can’t compete with you.” She turns and leaves me with her words.

  There have been many times over the years I’ve thought about risking it all and telling him how I feel. I love him. Not just the him who’s my best friend, but the man he is. Every single time I chicken out. Then he brings home someone like Sasha, and I’m reminded that my choices have been good ones. No way can I compete with the tall leggy brunette.