Anything Your Heart Desires

by AJ Adaire

  Stacy pointed to the book she was reading. “Can we talk about the book?”

  Jo shook her head, denying the request. “Not until you finish it. You have a surprise or two coming. I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.”

  Stacy looked disappointed although she didn’t argue her point. “Okay. So what's on the agenda for today? Do you have to work?”

  “Yes. Today is the official opening of the store. I'll go help out for as long as they need me. I also would like to walk. If you're available, could you come with me? When you came with me, I went farther because we were chatting and I wasn’t paying attention to my discomfort. We can go on your timeline. By the way, I already did a minute and thirty-five seconds on the bike.”

  Stacy was already deep into her reading.

  “Oh Stacy? Did you hear me?”

  “What?” Stacy reluctantly dragged her eyes up from the book she was reading. “No, sorry, I didn't.”

  Jo repeated what she’d said.

  “Thirty-five seconds longer. Impressive.”

  Jo rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Not in my book.” She checked Stacy for signs of insincerity. Finding none, she responded. “You're serious?”

  “Sure, why wouldn't I be?” Stacy closed the book, holding her place with her finger. “I've watched you out the window for days. Every step you take causes you to wince. Still, you've walked a few feet more every day. I know how determined you are, and I respect that in you. I know you'll set your goals and will attain them. It's one of the many things I admire about you.”

  “How can you admire me? You don't even know me. We only met, what was it, um…two days ago?”

  Stacy confirmed Jo’s statement with a nod. “Yes, two days. Still, I think you'd be surprised what I know. I know you’re honorable.”

  Jo met Stacy’s eyes. “You think so? Based upon what?”

  “Well, I know you think this whole idea is a stupid boondoggle. Still, once you agreed to it, you’ve certainly kept your end of the bargain. I also think that you are generally of good spirit. I mean, since you weren’t wild about this whole idea of helping me do this in the first place, you could’ve been surly or only met your obligation to me with incomplete answers. Instead, I think you've been exceptionally forthcoming. You have loyal and caring friends, so I would assume you’re a loyal and caring friend in return, although it’s only an assumption. I can also say this because you put your life at risk to save the lives of your friends Meg and Mallory.”

  “Okay, enough. I stand corrected.”

  Stacy grinned, revealing her dimple. “Hey! Do you think I'd be welcome over there if I hang out with you today?” She gestured in the general direction of the shop across the street.

  “Well, since this whole thing about me living here with you and you following me through my life was their idea, it would seem you'd have to be welcome. Don't you agree?”

  “Gee, I'd hoped for a little more enthusiastic response on your part concerning my presence.”

  “Hey, I was only pulling your leg,” Jo said contritely.

  “I know, and I was tugging yours right back.” Stacy marked her location in the book and put it aside. “I can be ready whenever you want to go.”

  Chapter 9

  STACY AND JO WALKED across the street together. The store was just opening as they arrived. Already there were several local people waiting to check out the place. As they entered, the others greeted the visitors while Amanda came over to Stacy and Jo and hugged them both.

  After a brief conversation, Jo noticed Nic waving to her to come over. She excused herself leaving Stacy to continue her conversation with Amanda.

  “Stacy, so nice of you to join us.”

  “Thank you. I’m excited for all of you.” Stacy glanced over at Jo. “I’m excited about my project, too. I hope to gather enough information in the next month and a half to be able to write the motive part of my story. Think you'd be willing to read and critique it for me?”

  “Sure, I'd be happy to. Maybe we can help each other out. I'm almost finished the book I've been working on.” Amanda glanced around. “It's a lesbian romance. Do you think you'd be comfortable doing a read through for me?”

  “Jo just gave me a couple of her favorite author’s books to read in that genre. I'm enjoying the first one of them now, so I'm sure I'd be equally comfortable reading yours.”

  Amanda plucked a business card from the container on the desk, flipped it over, and wrote on the back of it. “Here's my cell number. Call me when you’re ready, and we'll set up a time to meet.”

  Stacy heard some laughter. Glancing around, she saw that Nic and Jo were speaking French to an older woman standing in front of the sign up sheet for the conversational French class.

  Amanda took the opportunity to ask, “I know it’s only been a couple of days, but I’m curious. How are you and Jo doing with your research project?”

  “I'm very pleased with the arrangement so far. I'm honestly surprised at how open she is with me.”

  Amanda's face registered surprise. “Really? Our Jo? Open? I don't know anyone who would use that particular word to describe her.”

  Stacy smiled and told Amanda about buying the companion chair and trainer. “Jo has been using it and is progressing already. She works so hard. I’ve told her how proud I am of her.”

  “You seem to be capable of getting her to do things none of the rest of us would be able to do.”

  Stacy shrugged one shoulder. “She is very determined.”

  “Yes,” Amanda said with a kind smile. “Determined can be one word that can definitely be used to describe Jo.” Her eyes scanned the room coming to rest on Jo. Stacy's eyes followed the same path, finding the same target. “However, that same determination can also become stubbornness with very little apparent effort on her part. When that happens, and it will, don't push and try to force her. Coaxing works much better.”

  Sensing she was being watched, Jo looked up. When Jo's eyes met Stacy's, she flashed her a quick smile before she turned her attention back to her conversation.

  “She's very attractive, especially when she grins that killer smile.”

  Amanda's eyes snapped back to Stacy's face to capture her expression. She didn't comment beyond a simple, “Yes, she is.”

  The opportunity for any further private discussion about Jo ended when Dana joined them. After greeting both women, Dana reported that the classes were growing. “I’m amazed at the number of people who have signed up already. We’ve had requests for tutoring as well, thanks to the coupon we offered. We'll need to focus on increasing demand for our translation services next.”

  “If you don't mind a suggestion,” Stacy offered, “I just did a marketing survey a few months ago for this company I work for occasionally. Responses showed that a discount targeted to small or mid-sized companies via direct mailing was the most effective advertising tool. Of course direct contact can be very effective as well. That came in second in the survey.”

  “Thanks for the suggestions, Stacy. Dana, we should share this suggestion with the others.”

  “Absolutely.” Dana nodded. “I’ll make some calls to a couple of contacts I still have at some of the companies I used to freelance for. I agree with you that a personal touch never hurts.”

  Mallory beckoned to Amanda to join the conversation she was having with a woman and her son. Amanda excused herself, leaving Dana and Stacy alone.

  Stacy followed Dana's gaze as she watched Nic, then her eyes returned to study Dana's expression, noting how it had softened as Dana focused on her lover. “Oh, sorry.” Dana smiled. “I guess I'm still at that 'I can't believe she's mine’ stage in our relationship. Although I feel like I’ve known her forever, it actually hasn’t been that long.”

  Having concluded their business, a number of people departed, allowing Dana and Stacy a private moment.

  “Really? How long has it been? Stacy asked.

  “About six months. This being in love business is ve
ry new for me. I was alone for a long time before I met Nic. I think I’d probably given up hope of ever meeting 'Mr. Right,' and then Nic came into my life.”

  Stacy registered surprise. “Mister Right?”

  “Oh, Jo didn't tell you? Get Nic to tell you about the first time she met Dana and Mallory. It's a funny story. To answer your question, yes, Mister Right. Historically, I've always dated men. I guess you'd have to classify me as a fallen or failed heterosexual at this point.”

  Respectful of the business environment, Stacy glanced around to be sure no one could overhear the conversation they were having. “So you don't identify as a lesbian despite being in love with a woman?”

  “I'm still working on that,” Dana replied, giving Stacy a quick smile. “I mean, obviously I guess I am. It’s just that I've always perceived myself as straight before Nic. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm not exactly who I thought I was. I suppose my brain hasn't progressed as quickly as my heart did.”

  “And you're not ever troubled by that?” Stacy watched as Dana carefully considered her question.

  Dana's eyes quickly flicked back to her lover. “No, not at all. I know without a doubt that she is the one I'm meant to be with, so labels don't mean a thing to me.”

  “You're very lucky that you found the right person for you.”

  “I know,” Dana replied softly. “I'm thankful every day.”

  ***

  Jo walked up behind Stacy. “I need to take a walk,” Jo said softly into Stacy's ear. “Will you come with me?” Stacy nodded. “Dana, it's a good turnout for our first event, don't you think?”

  Dana agreed. “Yes, actually much better than I’d even hoped for.”

  “I’m sorry. I need to stretch my leg. Can I steal Stacy away to go with me?”

  “Sure, no problem. Stacy, I'm sure we'll talk again soon. I look forward to it.”

  “Me, too. Thanks, Dana.”

  Jo got the chair. Together, she and Stacy started down the street with Jo pushing the companion chair and Stacy walking next to her. They made small talk about the open house until they arrived at the bench. “Want to sit here awhile or go a little farther?”

  “Let's shoot for the bench down there,” Jo said, pointing to the bench on the next block. Jo's limp was more pronounced as they neared the next bench. “I think I'd better sit down before you have to pick me up again.” Giving Stacy a quick grin, Jo sat in the chair, and Stacy pushed her the final fifty feet to their destination.

  Stacy helped her raise the leg to rest it on the bench. Jo started to rub her thigh. Stacy said, “Here, let me.” She gently began to stroke the knotted muscle. Jo closed her eyes as the tightness in her leg eased.

  After a few minutes, Jo placed her hand on Stacy's to stop her. “Thanks. I'm good.”

  “I had an interesting conversation with Dana just now.”

  Jo smiled. “Really? Want to tell me about it?”

  “Yes, actually, it puzzled me a bit. Dana told me that Nic is her first relationship with a woman, and that she's still not sure she's a lesbian. How can that be?”

  “Sometimes it's hard for us to accept who we are. I think Dana surprised herself by falling in love with Nic. Apparently Dana had never really considered a relationship with another woman a possibility before Nic. A lot of us struggle with accepting that we’re gay or lesbian. Some seem to accept it easily. There are others who struggle with it all their lives, even going so far as to try to get cured.”

  Stacy flinched, denying a concept she couldn’t wrap her mind around. “Cured?”

  “I'm sure you've heard the expression 'pray the gay away.' Sadly, there are actually gay people who are quite homophobic and even some who are self-loathing. Look at the suicide rate, especially for gay teens compared to heterosexual teens. It's much higher. Society teaches us that we're wrong, perverted, and deviant. Churches, not all, but many of them, disapprove of people like us. Until very recently, and still in the majority of the states, the government discriminates against us by not allowing us to marry. The tax code treats us extremely unfairly. Parents and friends disown us when we tell them about our same sex lover or preference. Why wouldn't it be a hard label to apply to oneself?”

  Stacy shook her head as she processed all Jo revealed. “Hmm. I never thought about it that way before. It makes me feel sad.” Stacy nonchalantly placed her hand on Jo's calf, an action that garnered Jo's attention instantly despite Stacy's apparent lack of awareness of the intimacy of her action. “Jo, you told me how your parents reacted when you told them you were gay. What about the others in your group?”

  “I don't think anyone's parents would leap to their feet and do a happy dance,” Jo said wryly. “You should ask Nic. Her mom came for Christmas, met Dana, and Nic came out to her mom. I wasn't there, so I don't know the details of what was said. She'd be a good person to talk to since her experience is recent. I think both Dana and Amanda's parents are gone. Amanda's family rejected her. They were still estranged from her when they died. Her brother hasn't spoken to her for years, ever since she came out.”

  Stacy’s hand had wandered higher on Jo’s leg. She was idly playing with the seam about mid-thigh on the leg of Jo's jeans and still completely oblivious to the effect it was having on Jo. “Tell me more about what your family said.”

  “I was one of the lucky ones. I was close to my dad and had an exceptionally open and honest relationship with my mom. I was always a tomboy. I filled the role of the son my father never had.” Jo shrugged. “When I came home from college, I eventually told my mom about my tent sharing experience and the fact that I was a lesbian. I shared that I was concerned that my sexuality would impact my ability to be a cop. Mom’s brother, who died in Vietnam, was gay, so she was already accepting. She warned me about what difficulties I might face and reassured me that she would always love me.”

  “I’m glad she was supportive. What about your sister?”

  With a gesture of her hand, Jo indicated the impact was minimal. “By then my sister was already in college, so it had virtually no impact on her life. I think her comment was something like, 'Well, it sure took you long enough to figure it out.' I don't think I've ever really discussed it with my dad. He hugged me just as tightly after I told my mom as he did the day before I told her. The two of them never keep secrets, so I figured he knew. When I asked my mom about it on my next visit, she said that Dad still loved me. Then she advised me to not bring it up right away. In all honesty, he and I have never really talked about it. He seems to still love me as long as my sexuality is an invisible part of my life. Since I've never gotten serious about anyone long term, it's never been an issue. Like I told you, he’s learned to be accepting of my friends and their relationships. It’s probably different when it’s your own kid. Lucky for him, it’s not been a problem because I’m single.”

  There was a silence when Jo finished talking. Eventually Jo inquired, “What are you thinking about?”

  “Nothing really.” Then, as if remembering how forthcoming Jo was being with her, Stacy reconsidered. “No, that's not entirely true. I was wondering how my parents would react if I ever confessed something as important as that to them. I wonder if it's easier to tell your parents when you're younger, like you did, or to have to tell them later in life like Nic?”

  “I don't think it's easy at any age. I have a friend who has never mentioned it to her parents although she has brought her lover of twelve years home every year for Christmas.”

  “Really? And they've never addressed the elephant in the room?”

  Jo laughed. “Nope. Then I have two other friends, Peggy and Sue, who have been together since college. After ten years of living together as a couple, Peg finally got up enough courage to tell her sister she was a lesbian.”

  Jo paused for effect, causing Stacy to ask, “What happened?”

  Chuckling, Jo revealed, “Her sister asked if Sue knew.”

  “Oh, no! Obviously more explanation was nee
ded there.”

  “Yes, I'd say so. What do you say we head back?” Jo stood up and took the handles of the chair. “I think I can walk at least part of the way.”

  They made it nearly all the way back. When Jo started to limp, Stacy made her sit in the chair and pushed her the rest of the way to Oui, Madame. There seemed to be a lull in the festivities at the shop. All the visitors were gone, and the four friends were discussing the results of their grand opening so far.

  “We got quite a few takers for our classes, enough for all three conversational classes, and several requests for tutoring. One request for a French tutor. Interested, Jo?”

  “Sure. That would be great!” Jo rubbed her arms, working warmth back into them after her walk.

  Amanda sighed. “I’m already tired, and we have another couple of hours to go. Anybody have enough energy to cook, or should we consider some alternative for dinner?”

  Stacy made a suggestion. “Would you like to come over to my place? We could order Chinese. The place down the street has good food.”

  Everyone agreed that was a wonderful suggestion. They all met at Stacy’s place at the end of the day. Dana was first in after Stacy opened the door. When she entered the landing and smelled the leather aroma, she turned to Nic and commented, “Umm, smell that! It makes me want to don chaps and a cowboy hat.”

  “If that's all you're planning to wear, I'll see if I can rustle some up,” Nic replied with an obviously interested grin.

  Stacy hurried up the stairs. She was glad no one would see her blushing. She heard Amanda say quietly, “Knock it off, you two. You'll embarrass our hostess.”

  Everyone removed their coats and handed them to Stacy who asked Jo to show everyone the apartment. “I’ll stow these and then I'll find the menu.”

  With the group gathered in the kitchen after the tour, they huddled around the counter discussing what they wanted to eat. Once the menu was decided, Jo called and placed the order while Stacy set the table. Nic and Dana volunteered to go get the food. Stacy retrieved their jackets.