Anything Your Heart Desires

by AJ Adaire

  The silence in the apartment was deafening. She missed Stacy already. When she checked the time, she knew Stacy was still on the road and wouldn't be able to answer her phone. Regardless, she wanted to tell her she loved her and couldn't wait for her to return. Maybe telling her I love her will remove one concern, allowing her to focus fully on her father. Deciding to send a text, Jo got her phone and typed. 'No doubt about it, I love you, too. Can't wait to give you your final lesson in your current course of study.' She smiled to herself as she typed the final line. 'The final exam is hands on!'

  Jo glanced at the time. Their friends would want to know about Stacy's trip home and the reason for it She didn't want to wake them if they were all sleeping in after a late night last evening, so she decided to text them instead of calling. She sent Nic a separate text saying she'd be in to the office Monday morning by ten. Jo explained that she needed Nic to check her translation for Stacy as soon as she arrived because she’d promised to get Stacy’s documents into an email in a timely fashion.

  Jo tidied up her breakfast dishes, then took a shower, and got dressed. Nobody was at the office today, so that was not an option. She decided she'd go back to her house and clean.

  ***

  Stacy arrived in her hometown at two that afternoon. Despite her exhaustion, she wanted to talk to Jo. She wished for about the hundredth time that she’d allowed Jo to come home with her, but there would be time for that if Jo would allow herself to love her. Jo and those damned rules.

  Stacy wanted to call to tell Jo she’d arrived safely. As she flipped open her phone to make the call, she saw that she had a text. She clicked on it. Her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes closed, and she said a silent prayer of thanks. She loves me. Tears of relief and joy came to her eyes, and she exhaled for what felt like the first time since she’d written the note. Was that just this morning? Although she knew she needed to get in to see her Dad and Mom, what she needed more was to hear Jo's voice. She dialed Jo's cell number.

  Jo spoke before Stacy had an opportunity to greet her. “I love you, Stacy Alexander.”

  “I love you, too. I wish I'd let you come with me.”

  “I wish you had, too. I want to meet your family and I want to make love to you. Not necessarily in that order.”

  They shared their laugher, each clutching the phone close, each wishing they could be together.

  Stacy released her seat belt so she could adjust her position in the seat. “So, I have to pass a hands on exam, huh? I hope there’ll be opportunities for ample practice before the final.”

  “I'm available for individualized instruction for the right student.”

  “I'm glad. I only want one instructor, just you, no others.”

  “I'm counting on that.” Jo hesitated before she said the next sentence, wording it carefully. “I couldn't stand it if you went back to one of my competitors.”

  “I know that. You don’t need to worry. I’m positive that no one can compete with you. I’m one hundred percent positive. I have no doubts. I'm glad you decided to believe me.”

  “Me too.” Jo paused, breaking the tone of the conversation to change the topic. “I don’t want to stop our conversation, but I’m concerned. How's your dad?”

  “I just arrived here and got your text. I haven't been in there yet. As much as I hate to do it, I have to say goodbye for now. I'll call you later tonight with a complete update. Don't forget that I love you.”

  “Not for a minute.” Jo was grinning ear to ear. “It makes me happy to think about it. I love you, too. I hope your Dad will be okay.”

  They reluctantly hung up as Jo pressed her hand to her heart, remembering the feel of Stacy's hand resting there as she slept.

  Chapter 20

  STACY ENTERED THE HOSPITAL and got directions to the CCU where she found her mother in the waiting room. “Hi, Mom.”

  Her mother looked up, her face beaming at the sight of her daughter.

  Stacy hugged her mom. “How's Dad?”

  “He's doing much better. It turned out it was angina. They did an emergency angioplasty early this morning. If everything goes well today and he remains stable, he may be released tomorrow. The doctor said your father needs to lose some weight and increase his exercise. According to the medical team, as long as he doesn’t take a turn for the worse before morning, he's good for another ten thousand miles.”

  “That's certainly a relief.”

  “I'm sorry I made you race down here, Honey. Still, it's good to see you. Can you stay a while?”

  Stacy sat next to her mother, taking her hand in her own. “I'll stay until he comes home, but I have a project due Friday. Some friends will help me submit it if I don't get back in time to do it myself. But there’s another project I’ve been working on that requires my attention, too.” She smiled inwardly, thinking of Jo. “I’m eager to get back to it as soon as I know Dad is okay.”

  “I'm happy to hear you've got some friends who will help you. I worry about you up there alone.”

  “I know. I've met some new friends that I like a lot, some very nice people. I'll tell you more once we know Dad's all right.”

  That afternoon, Stacy's sister, Melody, arrived. The family received a good report from the doctor who again confirmed that, if all was well the next morning, he would release his patient to their care sometime Monday.

  “Come on, Sis, let's go get Mom a cup of coffee and catch up.”

  Stacy and her sister found their way to the cafeteria, which was relatively unpopulated on a late Sunday afternoon. The sisters each picked a drink and a snack before they settled in a quiet corner for their catch up chat.

  “You look tired. Hard trip down?” Melody asked.

  “Not really. More likely it’s the late night I had last night.”

  “Oh? Do something fun?” Melody peeled back the wrapper from her cupcakes.

  “Yes, in fact I did. I went out dancing after dinner with some friends.”

  “I haven't heard much from you this past month or so. Guess you’ve been busy. How's the book coming?”

  Stacy unscrewed the cap from her bottle of water. “Actually, quite well. I’ve been busy doing research on an aspect of my story I knew nothing about. I decided to hire someone to tutor me on the subject. She moved in and has been very helpful to my research.”

  Melody's brow furrowed. “Moved in? What subject needs someone to move in?”

  Okay, Melody, here we go. Good thing you're sitting down. “Lesbianism.”

  Melody's eyes snapped up. She searched her sister's face. “This is just research, right?”

  Stacy took a deep breath. “No, as it turns out, I don't think it is. I've fallen in love, Sis.”

  “With a woman, I assume?”

  “Yes.” Stacy held her breath and waited for her sister's response to the unexpected news.

  Melody's closed hand came to her mouth, more in contemplation than in shock. “Gee, Stacy, when you tell Mom and Dad, you might want to lead into this a little more gradually. Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I have no doubt that I love her. Her name’s Jo, by the way. I didn't expect it. Mel, I'm happier than I've ever been. It's very new, the realizing I’m in love part, I mean. We just confessed that we love each other last night, well, this morning really. We started as friends, and my feelings developed from there.”

  “So, you're a lesbian now? I don't understand how. You've always dated men.”

  “I'm not sure exactly how it happened, either. I just fell in love, probably for the first time in my life. I wish I’d brought her with me. You’ll love her. I know it.” Stacy paused, giving her sister some time to process all the new information. “I feel a little guilty. I want to be here for Dad and Mom but, now that I know Dad will be okay, I can't wait to get back to Jo.”

  “Tell me about this woman, Jo.”

  Stacy grinned. “Well, first off, she’s amazing.” Stacy filled in her sister on Jo's background. She described her new friends across the str
eet, told her about Jo's shooting injury, and how she had saved at least two people's lives. “Besides all that, she’s gorgeous. She's got these grey eyes that I could drown in, and a killer smile. And her body, Melody…”

  “Okay, stop right there. Too much information!” Melody laughed.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about sex.” Stacy pursed her lips. “Technically, we haven’t really done that yet.”

  “So how do you know you’re a lesbian?”

  “It’s not really about sex, Sis. I mean, sure, that’s part of it. I want her. I’ve never ever felt this way about anyone before. I’m just sure. I can’t explain it, really. There’s just not one doubt in my mind.”

  Melody glanced down, processing her sister’s words. Slowly she raised her gaze to meet her sister’s and smiled. “So when do we get to meet this amazing woman who has such power over you?”

  “I don't know, maybe in a couple of months when we've had a chance to be together for a while. I'll bring her down. I'm sure you'll like her Melody, she's a good person.”

  “Look, maybe you shouldn't tell Dad right now.”

  “I know.” Stacy took her sister's hand. “So, do you still love me, Sis? I know this is a big adjustment in your thinking about me.”

  “Of course I still love you, you idiot. Why would you ask me such a thing? Did you doubt that?”

  “Maybe, just a little. You're the first person I've told. One of my friends, Amanda, told her family and they disowned her. Her parents both passed away not speaking to her. She and her brother are finally in contact thanks to Amanda’s partner.” Stacy gathered up the two drink containers and napkins preparing to stand. Almost as an afterthought Stacy asked, “What do you think Mom and Dad will say?”

  “I don't know.” Melody rested her elbow on the table and put her chin in her palm. “They know these two gay guys, Leonard and Bruce. I've never heard them say anything negative about them. Then again, neither of them is their kid. Honestly, I just don't know. Do you want me to come home with you and Mom tonight? I'll stay with you while you tell her if you think it'll help.”

  “No, you told me to not tell them like I told you. I think I'll tell them I'm in love first with a wonderful person named Jo. I'll try to figure out how to break it to them more gently than I did to you.”

  Stacy stood up, gathering her cup and napkin for the trash. “We'd better get back to Mom. She'll think we've abandoned her.”

  On the way back to the CCU, Melody asked her sister, “Wouldn't it be wise to wait until you and Jo have been together longer, you know, have a really established relationship? I mean you've only known her a few weeks. What if this doesn't last? Then you won't be gay any more, right? Maybe they don't need to know right now.”

  “No, I don't think it works that way. I love Jo, and I want to be with her. Even if something happened to Jo, I won't automatically become straight again. I've learned that's not where my interests are. Being with Jo, holding her, feels right. I've never felt that way before. I’ve finally found out where I belong.”

  “Stacy, I’m just saying that you need to be sure before you tell our folks.”

  “I am sure. I promise though, I’ll be more measured with the news.” Stacy grinned as she smacked her sister on the arm. “You’d better wipe that deer in the headlights look off your face.”

  “You’re not going to say anything now. Right?”

  “No, I’ll tell Mom in private. I won’t make you have to witness my confession.” Stacy laughed at the look of relief that shot across her sister’s face. “Come on, you big coward. Let’s go.”

  They returned to their mother, coffee in hand, and took turns visiting their father one more time before they all headed home. Stacy and her mother waved goodbye to Melody as they headed for their separate vehicles.

  ***

  “I'm starving, Mom. Are you hungry? Can I make you a sandwich or something?” Stacy pulled open the fridge and various cupboards looking for sustenance. “Want half a sandwich?”

  “I'm not really hungry, so a half will be more than enough. I think I'll have some chips. I need to get rid of the snack foods before your father comes home. It'll be good for me, too. I could stand to lose ten pounds myself.” She reached for the chips and opened the bag, nibbling as Stacy made a sandwich.

  Stacy looked at the clock. It was only six thirty. It felt like she'd been awake forever. She did want to call Jo and, despite what her sister had said, she wanted to tell her mother about her new relationship before her father came home. Because they were alone, tonight would be a good time. Maybe her mother could break the news to her father after she’d returned north. She wanted them to meet Jo, and she wanted them to know about her relationship before they met Jo.

  “Mom, I want to talk to you. I have some news to share with you.”

  “Good or bad?” Stacy's mother asked, turning towards her daughter with a smile filled with love on her face.

  “Well, I'm going to start with the good news. The rest, I think you'll have to be the judge of whether you think it’s good or bad.”

  Her mom sat wiping her hands on a napkin she plucked from the holder on the table. “Okay, I'm ready, let's hear this good news.”

  “Mom, I met someone, and I've finally really fallen in love. It’s the head over heels kind.”

  “Oh Stacy, that's wonderful. Who is he, and when did all this happen?”

  Stacy buttered the bread and spread the mustard as she talked. “Well, we met about five weeks ago when I ran into a block on my story I'm working on. I got an idea that maybe my victim who was murdered was being blackmailed. I wanted to learn more about my victim's lifestyle and why there might be reason to blackmail her. About the same time, I met a group of women who opened a new business across the street.”

  “These are the friends you told me will help you with your report.”

  Stacy smiled. “Yes. Actually, I met Jo first. Jo and Nic helped me with the translation of my report. Later, I met the other partners, Dana, Mallory, and Amanda at the open house for their business the next day. They opened this translation service and language school right across the street from my apartment. I shared my problem about my story with them. Oddly enough, Amanda is an author, too. They suggested that Jo would be a good resource for my research.”

  “So are you dating Nic or Jo?”

  Stacy took a deep breath, delaying the rest of the conversation as she folded up the lunchmeat and put the meat and cheese back in the fridge. “Now, Mom, don't get ahead of me here! Nic is already involved with Dana. But, I did fall in love with Jo even though, technically, we've not done what you'd consider dating.”

  “How can you fall in love with someone you haven't dated?”

  “You know, Mom, it just happened.” Stacy explained that Jo was now retired from the police force because of the shooting at the hospital. There were tricky times, although she managed to avoid using the feminine pronoun in reference to Jo as she described her bravery, resulting injury, and pain.

  Stacy put the sandwich she’d made on the table, separating it onto two plates. She pushed one towards her mother. “So, because of the leg injury Jo suffered and my need to get so much information about my subject, I decided to offer Jo a place to stay in my office.”

  Mrs. Alexander paused before taking a bite. “You let a complete stranger move in with you? Are you crazy? Some man you didn't even know a week?”

  “I know it sounds crazy, Mom, but you haven't heard the whole story. Bear with me a little longer, and I hope you'll be relieved. Anyway, Jo moved in and we began to talk. While we worked together on my project, I helped Jo exercise and take daily walks. Then I came up with the idea that massage would help, you know like with the little boy I helped in high school, remember? So we started massages, twice a day, and there's been a big improvement in Jo's leg since then.”

  “Oh God, Stacy. Now you're telling me you're rubbing this strange man's leg. No wonder he never dated you. He didn't have to
. I thought I'd raised you better than that.”

  “Mom, really. Nothing has happened between us sexually. We just fell in love.”

  “I want to meet the man who could live with an attractive girl like you, who is massaging his leg all the time, who hasn't made a pass at you. There has to be something wrong with him. Is he gay? Is that the news you're avoiding telling me?”

  “Technically, yes.”

  Her mother interrupted. “Dear God, Stacy! What are y'all doing getting involved with a gay man? That’s just asking for heartbreak, girl.”

  “Okay, Mom. Here's the part I've been avoiding telling you...”

  “Oh, Stacy. He's illegal. He's in the country illegally and is looking to you to get him a green card.”

  Stacy actually laughed. “No, Mom, there is no guy, there is nobody illegal. Jo is a woman. I fell in love with another woman.”

  Stacy's mother's mouth literally dropped open. “Well, that's not news I'd ever thought I'd be relieved to hear. Honey, are you sure? How can you be so sure?”

  “I can't explain it, Mom. She makes me feel…” Stacy paused searching for the right words. “I guess it makes me feel like I'm home. It just finally feels right.”

  “Not everyone will agree with you, you know. Did you tell your sister?”

  “Yes.” Stacy put her uneaten sandwich on the plate and leaned forward.

  “And?”

  “She says she still loves me. I'm hoping you'll be able to tell me the same thing.”

  “Don't be ridiculous.” Stacy’s mother rose, came around the table, and gave Stacy a hug. “Of course I still love you. You're my daughter. I won't say I'm overjoyed. I hope you know that the thing I want most is to see you happy.”

  Stacy gave her mother a few minutes to process the information she’d just learned. “I want you to believe me when I say I've never been happier. I love her, Mom.”

  Stacy and her mother talked a little while longer as they finished their meal. She told her mom all about her new friends and answered all her mother's questions about Jo.