by Jenny Hale
“What is it?” he asked, looking concerned. “You seem really intense.”
“I’m struggling, Pop-pop.” She slumped in her chair, as the daylight streamed through the window in the form of a white hazy mass, the cloud cover preventing the golden glow they usually got in the afternoons. “I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I feel like there are versions of me now, yet when I try them on for size, none of them feel like they fit.” She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, ready to ask the big question while Pop-pop looked on lovingly, as supportive as ever. “Phoebe wants me to go out to LA with her.”
His eyebrows lifted with interest.
“She wants me to move there.”
“Do you want to?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “But if I did, I’d want to open the coffee shop there because no matter where I am, I wouldn’t feel whole without what Gram started.”
He agreed, thoughts behind his eyes.
“Would I have your blessing to move the coffee shop?”
He sat quietly for a bit, clearly thinking it over. Then, with a small smile, he said, “Noelle, you have your whole life ahead of you and where you make that life isn’t nearly as important as whom you make it with. So if Phoebe is the person you want to spend that life with, then you have my blessing.”
That was just like Pop-pop. He knew that, while she loved Phoebe, the rest of her heart was here with Jo, with her family, even with William. So, while giving his blessing, he’d also told her what he thought, and she loved him for that.
“You said you had different versions of yourself—we all do. But there’s one version of us that’s the perfect version. You need to find that.”
“Do you think you and Gram were the perfect versions of yourselves?”
Pop-pop broke into the biggest smile and then he said quietly, as if there were others in the room with them, “When I met your gram, she was a different version of herself.”
Noelle didn’t take her eyes off him.
“I’ve never told a soul about this, but she was in love when I met her. She was in love with someone else. And she was broken—he’d ruined her spirit, crushed it. Now, being the optimistic guy that I am, I decided not to be intimidated by this. Instead, I showed her what love was like with me, and it didn’t take her long to realize that she’d been heading the wrong way, and her real path in life was right there in front of her. Later on, she told me all about that lost love of hers, and years after, we shared a good chuckle over the idea of what she might have become. But it was funny only because, after being together for decades, the thought that she could’ve been anything other than who she was, was ludicrous to both of us.”
“I know that story,” she said, the burden lifted from her chest.
Pop-pop tilted his head to the side in surprise. “You do?”
“William told me.”
“Ah. Yes.” He didn’t have to say anything else for her to understand that he knew Gram had been in love with William.
“He fell in love again too, and he shared charming things about his wife with me.”
Pop-pop grinned, not a trace of animosity in his face. “Glad to hear it,” he said.
“It doesn’t bother you to talk about it?”
He frowned and shook his head. “Why would it? Gram and I had our storybook ending, didn’t we?”
He was right, and the exhilaration she felt from his answer lifted her spirits. “Yes,” she said, feeling happier than she had in days. “Yes, you did.”
Noelle’s phone rang just after she and Lucas had gotten ready for bed. They’d brushed their teeth and washed their faces side by side in the bathroom at the two sinks that were nestled beautifully in a slab of marble. She picked the phone up quickly before Lucas saw who it was. If he knew that Alex was calling, he might get excited, and she wasn’t sure, after not hearing from him, what Alex would say. She needed to talk to him anyway and tell him what she was considering.
She walked out of the bathroom in her pajamas and answered it.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
“I need to talk to you, too.” She was still hurt by his silence when Lucas had texted him, but she didn’t let that show in her tone.
“Who is it, Mom?” Lucas called from the bathroom, peeking his head out.
She smiled, shaking her head kindly and shooing him back into the bathroom. She checked in on him and he was combing his hair after his bath, running the comb under the stream of water first like she did, even though his hair was soaking wet, making her smile.
“I’ve been thinking,” Alex said. “A lot. I can’t stop thinking…”
She waited, walking back into the living room and sitting on the edge of the sofa, noticing how cold it was this evening without a fire going.
“I want to see you.”
A silence fell between them as she tried to figure out what he’d meant by that statement. Confusion swam around inside her, and without any answers herself as to his motives, she asked, “Why?”
“I left because I was terrified,” he began. Before she could process what he was getting at, he continued. “I was terrified that I would let you and Lucas down, like my father and grandfather let me down. I don’t have any practice being good to a family; I’m not sure I know what to do.”
It was exactly as William had thought.
Lucas came out and climbed onto the sofa beside her, making her heart race more than it had already. She thought about how Alex had run at the first sign of difficulty and William’s story about how the family hadn’t accepted someone who wasn’t wealthy—it all made her unsure of where to go from here. She filtered through the times when William and Alex were together and how broken their relationship was, and her possible plans for LA.
“This isn’t all about you, you know?” she said quietly, glad Lucas had gotten restless and hopped back off the sofa. He was tinkering with the fireplace boxes. “I can’t just drop everything and come to New York because you want to see me. I’m not someone who will simply pop in and out of your life when you have the whim.”
“I know.” He was quiet. Then he asked, “What can I do to show you that I’m serious?”
“How about texting Lucas back, for starters.”
Lucas’s head snapped up. The line buzzed in her ear. Alex didn’t say a thing. She knew she’d gotten him. “Hang up,” he said suddenly.
“What?”
“Hang up.”
Her cheeks burned with worry, but she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong. Did he really want her to go? He wouldn’t have said it if he hadn’t meant it. Her breath shallow, she ended the call. Just after, a text floated onto her screen: Lucas? It’s Alex. Are you there?
Hesitant, Noelle handed the phone to her son. Lucas looked at the screen, his face erupting into an enormous smile.
Lucas texted back.
Another text came through from Alex: I’m so sorry that I missed your text. I was a little busy. You see, I was traveling and my phone was off while I was on the plane. Then I spent all my time working to get things done for Christmas. I won’t miss another text, I promise.
Noelle read over his shoulder, trying not to think about how wonderful Alex was with Lucas. She felt bad for snapping at him a little like she had. After all, he’d only missed the one text. Lucas responded that it was okay.
Alex replied: I miss you and your mom.
Lucas was elated by that comment. “He misses us!” he said, waving the phone in the air.
Noelle asked if she could text back and Lucas handed it to her. She typed: This is Noelle. If you really miss us, then come back for Christmas. Stop running. She hit send and then got distracted by an odd noise at the door. It went on for a bit, getting louder and more unusual with every sound. Alarmed, she got up and opened the door, gasping as she saw what was there.
Tapping around in front of her was a tiny yellow Labrador puppy with the biggest red bow around its neck, the tails of the ribbon
trailing behind it as it ran back and forth across the shiny floors. Lucas lifted it into his arms, cuddling it while Noelle looked both ways in the hallway, trying to figure out what was going on. Then, out of nowhere, Alex stepped into view, holding his phone, his eyes locked with hers. “I’m one step ahead of you,” he said with a crooked smile, making her heart beat like a snare drum.
“Alex!” Lucas said, running over with the puppy as it squirmed in his arms.
Alex scooped him up along with the puppy and gave him a squeeze. “This is Henry. He’s moving in,” he said with a look over to Noelle, and she recalled their conversation about how he should have a dog. He’d remembered. “I named him after my sixth great-grandfather—since he built this house, and it’s where I met you.”
She loved the name he’d chosen, but what she loved more was how much he’d thought about it, and how he’d picked something to let her know that he cared. For someone who’d claimed he didn’t know how to do this kind of thing, he was certainly good at it. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.
Alex stayed and helped put Lucas to bed, Henry sleeping soundly in a crate in Lucas’s room. Alex had texted Jim, who had jumped at the chance to take care of the puppy, promising to come get him once Lucas had fallen asleep so he could take him out during the night the first few weeks. After Jim had left, Alex got the fire going and he sat down next to Noelle. She could see the exhaustion on his face.
“This is a surprise,” she said, her plans becoming unclear again.
“I know.” He put his arm around her and trailed his finger along her shoulder. “I’ve never had another person affect me like you have.” She took in his honesty, the way he looked at her, the complete adoration he had for her in that moment. She thought about Pop-pop’s advice, mentally trying on this version of herself—the one where she and Alex had their happy ending; it felt so good. But this version hadn’t been what was meant for Gram, and she was just like her gram.
“So much has happened,” she said, feeling overwhelmed by it all. “I, uh…” Her idea about moving to LA seemed a bit more difficult now, but she had to keep a clear head about it. “I’ve been thinking about moving to California.”
“What?” He sat up and twisted toward her.
“With my friend Phoebe…”
She couldn’t finish her sentence, the lump in her throat making words nearly impossible, her emotions surprising her. Phoebe had left the person she thought might be the perfect guy, to do this for herself. And now, Noelle was facing the same fate. If she stayed here, she may encounter the possibility of a failing coffee shop, no direction workwise, and no real plans for the future.
“Do you want to go?” he asked. His face had dropped, his smile gone, his eyes wide as he hung on her answer.
“I think it’s something I could do. I deserve a shot at making a living the way I want to make one.”
“Keep the bakery open,” he said almost frantically. “I’ll let you stay.”
She shook her head, stopping him. “I want to be successful on my own, not because you’re funding it like some sort of extravagant hobby.”
He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands pressed together against his lips as he considered what she’d said.
“I need to be successful myself,” she repeated, still feeling like she was going to cry and worried she was making the wrong decision, but how could letting him pay for her coffee shop be what was meant for her?
He sat up, took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “Okay,” he said, his disappointment clear. Then he shook his head. With a deep breath, he said, “We can talk about all this later. I came home because you asked. Will you spend Christmas with me? I want to show you the best Christmas you and Lucas have ever had. I have some surprises up my sleeve.”
“There’s more than the puppy?”
“Yes. Much more than the puppy. And will you at least give the coffee shop a chance here? Let’s see if you can make Christmas magic there because if anyone can, it’s you.”
She smiled despite her emotions. “Okay.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
With Lucas home from school for the holidays, Noelle hadn’t planned to take him to her mother’s, but she did one last time. He’d wanted to show her Henry, and he just knew that Muffy would be overjoyed to have a new friend. Noelle had agreed because she had something to do. She met Alex in the kitchen with William. There was no way she could leave the two of them the way they were right now if she went to LA. She had to feel like she’d made some kind of difference in their lives, like there was some reason that she’d had this stop on the way to where she belonged.
“What’s going on?” Alex asked, his eyes on William.
“You both want to see Elizabeth; you’ve both told me so. Today’s the day. Get your coats. We’re going to see her.”
When Alex didn’t respond right away, she added, “In my house, Christmas was always about family. The two of you can put aside your differences for the holiday and see someone you both love.”
They’d all sat together in the back of the car as the driver maneuvered them through the snow to see Elizabeth. Noelle had never been on a quieter ride; neither Alex nor William said a word the entire way.
It gave Noelle time to think about how much her life had changed this holiday, and she prayed she would make the right decision for her and Lucas. If she stayed now, and one day, when all the fairy-tale moments with Alex were over and they’d gone their separate ways, she’d be working a job she wouldn’t have chosen and giving Lucas just a mundane childhood, she’d never forgive herself. Moving across the country was an opportunity she’d never get again because she wouldn’t go unless she had a reason, and her friendship with Phoebe was a great reason, even if she did feel a little uncomfortable about leaving the people she loved.
When they arrived at the assisted living home, Alex was the first from the car. He helped Noelle out and then steadied William as he got up. Noelle took in the tall, hospital-like structure, the automatic doors that swished open, allowing two nurses to exit past them. As they entered the main entryway, their shoes clacking along the polished floors, Noelle offered an uncertain look at the woman working the front desk; her smile was welcoming, but it didn’t change Noelle’s opinion of the place. It was a fine facility, but it certainly wasn’t like home.
“We’re here to see Elizabeth Harrington,” Alex said, his face stoic, as he put a hand on Noelle’s back while greeting the woman behind the gleaming front desk. She was still smiling, perched on a stool that gave her a view between a plastic leaflet-holder and a vase of flowers.
“Yes, sir,” she nodded. “May I just have your identification, please?”
Alex handed over his driver’s license.
“She’s in the Pembroke wing, suite seven forty-three. Would you like me to give you directions?” The woman returned Alex’s card.
“No, I remember.” He produced a smile, but Noelle knew that it wasn’t his natural look of happiness. “Thank you.” Then, without warning, Alex took Noelle’s hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. For an instant she could see that scared little boy he must have been all those years ago. She gave his fingers a tender squeeze.
“William, are you okay?” Noelle said, turning to check on him. His hand was trembling on his cane, his eyes teary. He nodded, clearly trying to get himself together. “You can do this,” she whispered to him. “Do it for her.”
He cleared his throat and took a step forward.
The three of them walked side by side, like a united front, to Elizabeth’s suite, where a nurse was leaving. She greeted them warmly. “Ah, visitors. Mrs. Harrington is doing very well today. She’ll be glad you came by.” Then she left them outside the door.
William leaned against the doorframe, hanging his head, as if he needed the support before going in. Alex reached around him gently and opened the door. They entered into a small living area, the furniture sturdy and basic, but the side tables had mor
e flowers like the ones on the front desk. The overhead lighting was off, lamps illuminating the space around them and the daylight from the wide windows filling the rest of the room as it reflected off the newly fallen snow.
A woman was on the sofa furthest from them, and Noelle recognized her from the photo in the Harrington mansion. She’d been under a quilt but was standing up to fold it, her eyes on William. She had gray hair pulled away from her face by a clip at the back, and she was wearing little diamond earrings. Her expression was kind and soft, and Noelle could understand how William had found both her and Gram attractive—they had similar attributes. Elizabeth draped the blanket on the arm of the sofa and came over, facing him first.
“I get so cold,” she said to him, without a hello.
He cleared his throat, emotion getting the better of him. “You always did.”
She smiled at that, searching his face. “Where have you been?” she asked in nearly a whisper, as if he’d been out shopping or something.
“At the house.” William wiped a tear from his eye, barely able to keep himself steady with one hand on his cane. He smiled warmly at her. “You always wanted me to live there. I know why you liked it so much. And Jim sends his love.”
She smiled at him absently, but then her focus narrowed as if there was some spark of recognition.
Noelle took a second to pull her eyes away from Elizabeth to focus on Alex. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he rapidly blinked them away. “Hi, Grandmother,” he managed. “It’s me, Alex.” He swallowed hard.
Elizabeth turned toward him, that searching look returning. “Have you come for Christmas?” she asked, her face crumpling in confusion. “I didn’t have time to get anything.”
“You didn’t need to get me anything,” he said, taking a step toward her. “You’d be very happy,” he said with a smile, “I got us a dog.”