Damaged and the Outlaw

by Bijou Hunter

  Grinning, I took her hand and pulled her away from the side. “I’ll keep you safe.”

  Bailey’s eyes widened, but she didn’t scream like I expected. Her hands gripped mine as I skated backwards while pulling her along.

  “I only know how to skate on the gravel,” she said and I fought the urge to laugh. “I really hate falling down.”

  “You’re fine. I’ve got you, see?”

  Bailey chilled and let me guide us around the rink. “You really like Vaughn, don’t you?”

  “Yes, but he and I aren’t going to be anything more than we are now. Last night, we were in bed and he said he would dump me if he wasn’t so lazy. I told him he couldn’t dump me because I had already dumped him. We just keep it light because otherwise we’re both fucked.”

  “He hasn’t cheated on you. I asked around and a bunch of his regular hookup chicks say he hasn’t banged them since he first banged you.”

  “Doesn’t change who we are and what we can manage.”

  Bailey nodded as I skated faster and her hands tightened around mine. “The Devils are going to kill him soon. I wish we could kill the fuckers, but Cooper doesn’t want to start something that’ll spill over to the whole club.”

  “Maybe someone else could kill them?”

  “Maybe. They wouldn’t all need to die either. Just the top assheads. The ones calling the shots. When another club that was heavy into criminal shit lost their president, the whole thing went to hell. Like in-fighting and other clubs trying to steal their territory and clients. If someone could kill the Devils’ president, vice president, maybe a few others who could take over easy, they wouldn’t care about Vaughn. It wouldn’t be worth the trouble, you know?”

  “Yeah,” I said, thinking about how a handful of deaths could mean Vaughn would be safe. Harlow too, but my heart beat for the blond bastard who was watching me skate around with Bailey.

  Vaughn stood with Judd, Cooper, and Tucker. Arms crossed, the men wore frowns. Whatever they were discussing pissed them off and I was glad for the separation. I didn’t want more bad news.

  “Wait for me!” Sawyer screamed, arriving with Farah.

  While my preggers friend smiled at Cooper then found a seat and vegged, Sawyer skated into the rink. The seven year old made it a few feet before her ass and the hard ground became acquainted.

  Skating over with Bailey, I helped Sawyer back up. The girl fought tears and I knew she’d hit her tailbone hard. Hugging her to me, I moved us slowly into the rink. Bailey held onto my arm as we worked our way in a circle.

  “I didn’t cry,” Sawyer said finally.

  “No, you didn’t, but crying doesn’t mean anything,” I said, playing with the curls in her hair. “I cry when I get really pissed off. Tears usually mean I’m about to punch someone.”

  Sawyer and Bailey clutched onto me while I skated them around and around until the place filled up. The Storm Babes arrived with their lovers and kids in tow. Around the time the opposing team showed up with their entourage, Lark walked in with Aaron. They were both wearing tie-dyed shirts and I nearly barfed at their coordinated outfits. Sensing my horror, Lark started laughing and nearly chocked on the lime slice in her mouth.

  “What’s the deal?” I asked noticing how she and Farah wore lime slices like teeth guards.

  “It settles our nausea,” Farah explained before popping the slice back in her mouth.

  Lark hugged me. “Pico de Gallo also helps.”

  Even with the two chicks looking ready to hurl, I felt a hint of jealousy. I wanted a baby. I also wanted that baby to have a dad and a home like I never did. Glancing at Vaughn, I found him watching me like I was crazy. I grinned then realized his expression was related something one of the guys was saying. My grin widened and he wiggled his eyebrows. This drew Judd’s attention and the men’s conversation stopped midsentence. Vaughn shrugged and walked away.

  “What a bunch of whiners,” he told me as I left Lark to suck on her lime slice.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No,” he lied.

  Allowing him his secrets, I asked, “Will you cheer for me?”

  Vaughn smiled as I strapped on my shin guards. “I’ll caw for you. Just you wait.”

  Laughing, I bumped his hip. “I dare you to do it in front of your boyfriends over there.”

  Vaughn looked like he might realize cawing for me wasn’t worth the ribbing he would receive.

  “What do I get if I embarrass myself?”

  “What do you want?” I asked, stroking his sweaty arms with my nails.

  “An hour of Tour of Duty.”

  “A videogame?” I balked. “I could do dirty things to you, but you’d rather play videogames?”

  “Gingersnap, our things aren’t dirty. They’re wholesome fun especially when I spank you and you love it.”

  Even glaring at him, he had a point.

  “Besides,” he continued, “we’re going to do those fun things after the videogames. Maybe before too. Possibly during. I just want to play Tour of Duty and Judd is whipped. I’ve lucked out to have a hot chick who likes shooting games. I’m milking that.”

  Grinning, I nuzzled his crotch with my knee. “I’m going to milk you later.”

  “You had me at ‘milk you later,’ honeysuckle.”

  “Idiot,” I muttered, but he was making me wish we were alone.

  “Be careful out there.”

  My fake irritation faded at the seriousness of his tone. “It’s a game I’ve been playing for years.”

  “I know, but you get smacked around at the Thunderdome. I don’t need you getting bruised up here too.”

  “You’re cute when you start with the feelings, blondie.”

  “Thanks for that compliment, baby corn.”

  “Really? Baby corn?”

  Vaughn leaned down and kissed my still tender nose then whispered, “Caw, caw.”

  Laughing, I left him so I could join my team. We warmed up while Sarah told us her big plans to ditch us and go to the Bahamas for a week.

  “Try not to lose every game while I’m gone,” she said.

  Chantal snorted. “We’ll barely notice your absence.”

  “Speak for yourself,” I muttered. “I’ll miss Sarah because I need someone to distract from my awesome moves.”

  “We’ll see,” Sarah said, giving me a wink.

  Maybe she knew something I didn’t. After all, I managed to collide with the wall four times over the game. I also fell on my ass twice and was “accidentally” hit in the face once. By the end of the game, we’d won and I was limping.

  Game over, Bailey and Sawyer took off while I cuddled with my lime sucking sister. Aaron asked if I was planning to go to the upcoming fair. Lark and I just laughed at him. No one loved shitty fair food like I did.

  Packing up, I realized Vaughn was gone. I tried not to take it personally. My body hurt enough without getting my feelings hurt too.

  When I got outside, I found Tawny waiting at my dusty jeep. Her expression was hard, angry even. I sensed it was a defense mechanism related to the guys checking her out.

  “They won’t mess with you,” I said, arriving at the jeep. “They want to keep their eyes and I heard Judd likes to rip those out if a man messes with his woman.”

  Tawny smiled tightly. “I need a ride home. Vaughn and Judd had to handle something.”

  After getting into the jeep, Tawny pulled her gun and waved it at the guys still looking at us. They got the hint and walked away.

  “I can’t stand the dirty fuckers checking me out. I’m not a damn piece of meat.”

  “Are you okay?” I asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

  “Yes. No. Who knows? Therapy makes me crazy and I hate talking about shit and want to quit. I might take a break from it until we’re moved into the new place.”

  “What’s the point of therapy if it makes you feel worse?”

  Tawny shrugged. “To face your crap and deal with it. I’m just stressed
by the move. Judd doesn’t like change either. He’s tense about the move and Vaughn. When he’s tense, I feel worse. He’s my rock. The person who makes me feel like my crazy is sane.”

  After a few deep breaths, Tawny calmed herself. “It’ll be fine, but I need things to be settled. Everything feels too big now. Every comment about when we’ll have a kid feels like someone is nagging and judging. I just want to live with Judd and have my sister close. I want to feel safe in Ellsberg and I don’t right now.”

  “Because of the move or the shit with Vaughn?”

  “Both. The whole club is tense.”

  Saying nothing, I stopped at a red light and thought about Vaughn. He cawed during the game, eliciting frowns then laughter from his buddies. Having earned the videogame time, he wouldn’t bail unless it was important. I just hoped he was safe.

  “Vaughn killed my parents,” Tawny said, startling me. “After my mom attacked Farah, Cooper had her killed and Vaughn did it. When my dad came here to hurt me and steal money from the Johanssons, I shot him. It was Vaughn who finished him off, so Judd wouldn’t have to do it.”

  Staring at her in the dark car, I wasn’t sure what to say. Tawny’s face was unreadable. She had learned to copy Judd’s cool expression, revealing nothing.

  “Do you resent him for that?” I finally asked.

  Tawny frowned. “No. The light is green.”

  Driving again, I remained silent, so Tawny spoke up.

  “My parents needed killing. Some people just do. Sometimes, those people will run up against a force like the Johanssons and the Reapers. When that happens, those people end up dead. I only told you because Vaughn is hardcore. Not a lot of guys can kill a woman, but Vaughn is a badass. You shouldn’t worry about him. I think he’ll beat the Devils because they’re fucking stupid and he isn’t.”

  Smiling, I turned a block closer to her apartment. “Vaughn is a tough bastard.”

  Tawny gave me a little grin. “You can’t change him. Once this crap with the Devils is done, you can’t expect him to turn into a nine-to-five guy.”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “They’ve done ugly things. Vaughn and Judd both. Now, they can’t pretend to be normal men. Working some job and pretending they’re average guys would make all those ugly things uglier. It would destroy them. If you want Vaughn, you have to accept not only the ugly of his past, but the ugly of his future. He’s an enforcer and that means he’ll hurt people. He’ll come home with blood on his hands and you’ll have to love him anyway. You can’t make him feel bad because it’ll destroy him. Judd looks at me like I have the power to tear him apart. I’m careful because I know he’s done those things and I can’t make him feel bad about it. He accepts me and I accept him. You have to do the same with Vaughn.”

  “I will,” I whispered, afraid to hope for a future with him. “I understand what Vaughn does.”

  “I had a feeling about you. Even in Vegas when you were swearing off men, my gut said you would be good for Vaughn. Like you’d understand him.”

  Panicked at the idea of jinxing what I had with Vaughn, I mumbled, “We’re just dating right now. Fuck buddies really.”

  “Sure, sure,” she said, giving me a grin. “He’s so whipped and you’re hooked on him. The guy made fucking bird noises tonight. It’s a done deal.”

  “I have bad luck with men. I care about Vaughn, but I don’t think things will work out.”

  Tawny studied me then shrugged. “I want him to be happy and he seems happy with you. He was so pissed off when Judd and I got together. Pouting and having tantrums like a baby. He was obnoxious. Now, he doesn’t look at me like I’ve stolen his only friend. He looks happy.”

  Vaughn just looked cranky when we pulled into the apartment garage. He and Judd were leaning against their Harleys, having a frowning contest. Their battle ended when we parked next to them.

  Tawny climbed out and walked quickly to Judd. They stared at each other then he lifted an eyebrow and she smiled. Vaughn and I didn’t have the ability to do the silent conversation thing. Instead, he strolled over to me and ran his tongue over his top teeth.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, it was just a false alarm about some douche trying to break into my place,” Vaughn said, sliding his hands into my shorts and cupping my butt. “I cawed my heart out during the game, baby cakes. You owe me videogame time.”

  “Are we fucking here? Should I start fake moaning?”

  “Why fake moaning?” he asked, wide eyed. “Am I not satisfying you? Am I a failure in bed? Is my dong too small?”

  Laughing, I looked at Judd who rolled his eyes before taking Tawny’s hand and walking away. When I returned my gaze to Vaughn, he was fondling me under my shirt.

  “You looked so damn hot skating around tonight.”

  “Did you like how I fell?”

  “No,” he said as his cocky smile faded. “I hate seeing you bruised up. Are you in pain?”

  “Yeah. In fact, I might just go home and sleep. Save our fun for when I feel better.”

  Vaughn stared at me expressionless for a minute. I thought he might let me leave and I really needed the separation. Talking with Tawny made me hope for more with Vaughn. I was even thinking about him alive at Christmas, next year, in a decade. My hopes had gotten too high and I needed time to bring them back to earth.

  “Listen, candy apple,” Vaughn said in a low seductive voice that instantly made me smile, “my place has that deep bathtub. How about we head over there and you soak for a while in the hot water. I promise I won’t climb in and join you. Boy Scout’s honor. Afterwards, I’ll dry you off with my tongue then we’ll play a little. After that, we’ll order something yummy from that takeout place you like and play videogames. Finally, I’ll massage you before bed.”

  “That sounds nice,” I said, running my fingers over the rough hairs on his cheek. “Promise you won’t be mad if I’m not the best company tonight.”

  “Mad? Never. Will I cry like a bitch? Yeah, probably, but we’ll make it work.”

  Hugging him, I inhaled his divine scent and listened to his heart beat. “I don’t normally fall down that much,” I said as he played with my hair.

  “Were you thinking of me naked and got distracted?”

  “Yes,” I lied. “My brain couldn’t handle the image.”

  Vaughn laughed and kissed my head. Following him to his place, I used the drive to think about why I couldn’t keep my mind on the game. Every time I saw Vaughn acting like an idiot in front of his friends, I realized how special he was. I also realized how much I loved him, but he would be gone soon. The thought of him dead sent me sprawling every time.

  Chapter Eighteen – Vaughn

  Lies were my sustenance for years. I bullshit myself so easily until I met Raven. When I broke down after my mom died and she held me, I knew I loved her. The way she looked at me sometimes made me certain that she loved me too.

  The lies kept on coming though.

  We were fuck buddies. Nothing more. Even if I wanted to call bullshit on this lie, Raven needed to pretend. Whenever I talked about how I’d never met a girl like her, she’d pull away. I’d feel her closing herself off from me and I hated that feeling. So I let her lie because I wasn’t sure I was strong enough for the truth either. I’d met the woman of my dreams just as my death was on the horizon.

  Every morning for the last week, Raven awoke in my bed with her wild bed head and sleepy smile. This was the face I wanted to wake up to every day for the rest of my life. Too bad my life wasn’t going to amount to much.

  The Summer Fun Fair was a chance to think about something besides death. Raven was the perfect kind of girl for the fair too. She loved shitty food, unsafe rides, and the noise. In the first hour, we had a hot dog eating contest that I easily won. Next, we rode the Tornado to see who would puke. Neither of us did, but Raven ran to the restroom to deal with the huge sodas she’d downed.

  Standing near the restrooms, I was relieved
Raven didn’t carry a purse. With how whipped I felt, no doubt I’d agree to hold it like a chump.

  The fair was pretty packed despite the lack of college kids in town. I noticed a few club guys with their families. Kirk had Sawyer on his shoulders as they walked with Jodi. The little girl was eating cotton candy and pointing at rides.

  If I wasn’t an outlaw, I might have that one day with Raven. The possibility was so real, yet just out of reach.

  “Boo!” a voice said and I felt a poke at my back.

  Turning around, I came face to face with the girl who inspired me to be the outlaw. Harlow looked young with her hair in a ponytail and face paint making her look like a cat.

  “Hi, Vaughn. Can’t believe I snuck up on you like that,” she said, smiling brightly as if life were all rainbows and unicorns.

  “My enemies don’t tend to be cats, so I overlooked the threat.”

  Harlow’s smile faded at my tone. Her hurt expression made me sigh. It was always awkward with Harlow.

  “This is Winona,” she said, nervous now. “She’s my Todds sister.”

  Like Harlow once hid behind me, Winona now cowered behind her sister. With her face painted, I couldn’t tell how old she was. I’d suspect around the same age as eighteen year old Harlow. If she was living with the Todds, Winona suffered a shitty childhood thanks to bikers. No wonder she was scared of me.

  “It was nice seeing you, Vaughn,” Harlow said when I only frowned at her.

  “Enjoy the fair,” I muttered, wishing I could look at her without wondering about my choices years ago. “Stay close to your parents.”

  Eyes lighting up, Harlow nodded. I suspected she was thrilled for me to say more than two words to her.

  Not long after the girls walked away, Raven appeared, messing with her shorts.

  “I think I gained weight since we got here,” she said, fiddling with the waistband.

  “I like a girl with some meat on her bones.”

  Raven looked up at me and smiled so beautifully that my chest tightened at the sight. I wanted to blurt out how much I loved her then beg her to take my balls as an offering of my love. Fortunately, Raven wasn’t ready to have me embarrass myself so completely.