Damaged and the Outlaw

by Bijou Hunter

  We walked around the fair, dodging crowds of people. Spotting Judd and Tawny at a game yards away, I got an idea to show my woman how much I cared without having to say the words.

  “Let me win you a bear,” I said, stopping in front of a ball throw game. “I was the pitcher on my little league team.”

  “No and stop telling me personal things about you. Especially about your childhood.”

  “Worried you won’t seem fascinating next to my amazing stories?”

  Raven wanted to smile. I saw how much she fought the grin, but she won. Glaring at me, she sighed.

  “You’re getting clingy.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “Men win crap for their girlfriends and we’re not dating. You’ve gone soft. I need to dump you.”

  “But we’re not dating.”

  “Dump you as my fuck buddy.”

  A staring contest ensued. As usual, she won because I wanted to kiss her when I stared into those eyes for too long.

  “Looky over there,” I said, turning her around towards Judd and Tawny.

  My friend had won his woman a big bear. Tawny was smiling like Judd was amazing even though I suspected he probably cheated.

  “Judd and I are buddies. Like most men who are buddies, we have regular pissing matches. In this case, he’s making me look bad, so I need to win my girl a bear to show him up. Since I don’t have a girl, just some hot fuck toy, I’m going to win a bear for you.”

  Raven watched our friends then glanced over her shoulder at me and grinned. “Fuck toy was my nickname in high school.”

  Laughing, I took her hand and yanked her to the game. “Applaud when I kick ass.”

  “Why should I?”

  “There’ll be rewards later,” I said, giving her a wink.

  Raven’s smile widened. “Throw the fucking ball!” she cried, jumping up and down. “Knock down those bottles! Mama needs a new pair of orgasms.”

  I struggled to concentrate with her staring at me with the fake excited expression. Finally, I turned her away so I could focus on hitting the bottles.

  “What’s wrong, champ? Performance anxiety?” she asked, leaning forward and laughing at my expense.

  The guy running the game stared at Raven and I didn’t appreciate the way his gaze was mainly on her fine ass.

  “Eyes off my woman,” I growled and he acted like he hadn’t been looking at all. “I want the bear with the heart thing on its stomach. How much crap do I have to knock down to make that happen?”

  “Ten,” the guy said then noticed Raven was now eyeing the bear. “Fine, six.”

  Smirking, I took the ball and threw it at the bottles. They smashed in a really dramatic way and Raven smiled like I was an ace pitcher. When she cheered and bounced, I nearly missed the second set of bottles.

  “Ooh, you’re so strong,” she said, rubbing up against me. “Such a powerful Little Leaguer.”

  “Please, allow me to win this toy for my fuck toy. She deserves it for going to a carnival without a bra.”

  “I’m wearing a bra,” she hissed, looking at her boobs.

  Taking this moment with her eyes off me to focus on something besides those tits hiding in a black bra, I threw the ball and hit the last set. Raven was still fiddling with the bra when I handed her the bear.

  “Ta da.”

  Raven shrugged. “Did you call my boobs saggy?”

  “No, I just like talking about your tits. Now, take your fucking bear.”

  Raven looked at the bear then at me. “My last fuck buddy won me a bigger prize.”

  Frowning, I thought the bear was damn cute for a carnival prize. It was pink and furry and had a heart on its fucking tummy. What chick wouldn’t want this damn bear? A crazy one, dammit!

  “I’ll toss it then,” I said, aiming at the nearby trashcan.

  Raven reached for the bear. “Don’t you dare.”

  “Beg for it,” I whispered as she reached for the bear I held over her head. “Make me pity you.”

  Raven stopped trying to reach the bear and caressed my chest. Her blue eyes met mine and I smiled at the softness in her gaze.

  “Please, Vaughn,” she whispered.

  “Fuck,” I mumbled, handing her the bear. “That’s cheating.”

  Nuzzling the bear, she smiled. “I believe it’s called winning.”

  Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I walked towards Judd and Tawny. I was impressed by how my friend managed to look butch even while holding a rainbow colored bear under his arm.

  While Judd sized me up then my bear, Raven smiled at Tawny who was licking a giant green lollipop. My woman’s eyes lit up and Tawny gestured towards the stand selling candy. When Raven looked at me, I saw the need in her gaze. She could afford a lollipop. What she longed for was the idea of her man getting her something like Judd got for Tawny. She craved the reality of our relationship. The thing we hid from constantly.

  “Do they have pink?” I asked Judd. “Fuck Toy likes pink.”

  “Nice nickname,” Tawny snorted. “Judd calls me angel.”

  Raven smiled easily. “Vaughn calls me a million nicknames. I’m too hot for just one.”

  The girls eyed each other and I liked the competitive streak between them. Raven might not be able to say the words, but she was claiming me in little ways. Tawny finally smiled at Raven.

  “Good luck with that,” she said, walking away with a smirking Judd behind her.

  As they disappeared into the crowds, I walked with Raven to get her a pink lollipop. Like an excited kid, she had a bounce to her step. Soon, she enjoyed a giant pink lollipop while I kept a second one for later. I planned for her to eat it while naked. It would be my prize for the night.

  More fried food and a nearly puke-inducing carnival ride later, we met up with Cooper and Farah at Whiskey Kirk’s. Tucker was on the dance floor with Maddy, but I doubt they’d last long. They were less dancing than giving foreplay.

  “Remember when we were about to get married and were still hot for each other?” Farah asked Cooper who was staring at her tits.

  “Yeah, too bad all the heat went out of the bedroom when you said, ‘I do.’”

  Farah caressed his jaw. “You’re so mature now. All grown up like a man.”

  Cooper finally stopped looking at her tits so he could frown at her.

  “I was always a man. All man.”

  Farah shrugged. “You were a boy really.”

  “It was less than a year ago,” he grumbled, kissing her neck. “I was all man.”

  “You’ve grown since then. Matured. Came into your own. Stopped wetting the bed.”

  Cooper tried to act irritated, but Raven had spit out her beer and Farah was laughing too hard. Shrugging, he glanced at me.

  “Any trouble?”

  “No, boss. Quiet all night.”

  When the women looked at us, we shrugged in unison. Raven seemed unconvinced.

  “I might puke from eating so much crap tonight.”

  “I’ll hold your hair, Daisy Dukes.”

  Cooper made the sound of a whip snapping and I glared at him.

  “Really? Really?” I growled. “If I opened Farah’s purse, would I find your balls rolling around in there?”

  Now, Cooper glared. Farah nodded though. “He’s mine and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  This comment made Cooper smile and he went in for another nibble on Farah’s neck. I glanced at Raven who was trying very hard not to wish we could admit what we felt. While lies were necessary, they weren’t fun.

  “I’ll be back,” Raven said, sliding off the stool and walking to the restroom.

  “She’s not preggers, is she?” Cooper asked.

  “No, she drank a few kegs of watered down fair soda.”

  Cooper nodded. “I feel bad for Lark. She’s miserable. A tiny miserable pregnant chick. Maybe I should feel bad for Aaron.”

  “I saw them at the fair and she looked fine. Pukey, but they were laughing and wearing
matching shirts again.”

  “What the fuck is that about?” Cooper grunted and Farah laughed.

  “My guess?” I said. “They’re doing it to be obnoxious.”

  “It’s working.”

  “That’s not why,” Farah said, grinning. “They’re making fun of me and Cooper because we showed up in matching denim one time. Everyone was teasing us, but Cooper’s head was up his ass and he didn’t notice.”

  “It’s your job to alert me when my head isn’t available.”

  Farah grinned. “I didn’t want you to be self-conscious. Besides, you looked really hot that night and no way was I telling you to dress different. I really liked the view.”

  As Cooper and Farah fucked with their eyes, I felt like maybe I should get the hose. Glancing around to avoid watching them stare at each other, I noticed Raven near the bathroom talking with the asshole who claimed to be her dad.

  “Excuse me, boss. I think I’m about to make a scene.”

  Cooper looked at where Raven and Scott stood. “Have at it.”

  Raven had daddy issues. This was evident by the look on her face as Scott babbled at her. Normally, she would get in the guy’s face and make him fear for his safety. With Daddy Dearest, she looked shamed by his bullshit.

  “Back off, asshole,” I told Scott.

  “This isn’t about you, Outlaw.”

  “It’s Vaughn and you need to fuck off. Raven’s shit is more about me than you.”

  “I’m her father.”

  “You’re the guy who came in her mom and had a swimmer get lucky. Let’s not put ribbons and bows on what you are to her. Now, back off.”

  Scott crossed his arms and smirked. “You’re young, so you don’t get it. I’ve been around and I don’t need my kid whoring in my territory. It’s a big town. Take it somewhere else.”

  Raven was focused on her father when he said whoring, but her gaze quickly turned to me as I pointed the gun at his head.

  “Tell me why I don’t kill you right here?” I asked Scott who pretended he wasn’t pissing himself.

  Around us, people moved away. Those customers who weren’t club members were corralled from the place. Scott knew this was between him and me and no one was interfering.

  “You really going to start trouble over a piece of tail?” Scott asked.

  “Wrong answer,” I said, smacking him with the gun. “The answer I’m looking for is that Raven is none of your business. You will not speak to her. You will not look at her. You will act like she’s a stranger. If you don’t stay away from her, I’ll kill you.”

  “And after someone kills you?”

  Years of lies kept me from showing how much that question bothered me. My gaze held steady, but Raven shrunk at his words.

  “Raven is my woman,” I said, deciding I couldn’t hide from the truth anymore. “If I die, she’s the responsibility of the club. Men like Judd will protect her and I don’t think he’ll lose a second’s sleep over dropping you in a shallow grave, asshole.”

  Scott realized he was fucked. A guy in the club claiming a woman made her untouchable even to her shitty dad. Even if it didn’t, Scott wasn’t an enforcer. He wasn’t a guy Kirk needed around. His death would mean little. The mole Kirk had killed months ago meant more in the scheme of things than Scott.

  Without saying another word, Scott walked away and the tension in the bar eased up. People talked more freely and outsiders were allowed back inside. I watched Scott leave then looked at Raven. Her expression was unreadable.

  “I want to go home.”

  Raven bolted from the bar and I wasn’t surprised. We were safe in our lies. Fuck buddies didn’t fall apart when one of them was killed. If I was merely her lover, Raven could replace me. If she loved me, my death meant a broken heart. I knew her fear, but the words were out in the open and I refused to take them back

  “Your woman?” she cried when we got outside. “You clingy bitch!”

  “Don’t act like you don’t feel anything for me.”

  “You’re a nice guy I enjoy fucking. Now, you’ve ruined that.”

  Holding her still, I forced her to look at me. “I love you, Raven.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “You love me too.”

  “You wish, loser.”

  “I know you’re scared.”

  “That you’ll turn stalker now that I’ve dumped you.”

  My ego insisted I put Raven in her place. My heart knew how scared she was that we weren’t playing anymore. Everything was real and all of her walls were coming up. Suddenly, I was the enemy attacking her.

  “I need you,” I said, lowering my voice and softening my stance. “I haven’t needed anyone in a long time, but I have no choice with you.”

  “This isn’t fair,” she said, hands in fists. “You’re a dead man and you expect me to make your final days special.”

  “You can say whatever hurtful shit you want, but I know you love me too. We need to stop playing games.”

  Raven shook her head and tried to find something nasty to say that would make me walk away from her. Nothing was changing my mind. I saw on her face how she was stuck. More than anything she was panicking.

  “I’m not the losers you’ve been with before. I understand you.”

  “I’m going to fuck someone else,” she said, walking away. “We can still be fuck buddies. We’ll just screw other people and it’ll go back to the way it was. You’ll see how stupid you’re being.”

  Raven walked around in a weird circle until realizing she had no way to get home. Turning to me, she stared wide-eyed. I knew nothing I thought to say would fix the fear in her expression.

  “Do you want me to take you to Lark’s house?” I whispered as she stared at the dark road.

  When Raven looked at me, her panic faded into something worse. Despair. I’d said the right thing. She needed me to lash out and hurt her. The only escape from her feelings was if I broke her heart. We both knew that wasn’t happening.

  “I’m not your woman,” she mumbled while walking to my Harley. “I’m the thing you’re holding onto because you’re afraid to die.”

  I wished to steal away all of her fear and pain. “Say what you want. Convince yourself we’re nothing to each other. When you go to bed tonight and it’s quiet and you let yourself relax, you’ll think of how I love you and you’ll know it’s true.”

  Raven hid her face against my back and said nothing. Not as we drove to Lark’s house or when she climbed off. Before she could disappear inside, I took her by the arm and kissed her gently. Right then, Raven needed soft and I needed her to find her way past the fear. I hoped my tenderness helped her get through what I suspected would be a difficult night.

  Chapter Nineteen – Raven

  My heart hurt and I felt like I might throw up. Entering the house, I ignored Aaron who answered and rushed instead to Lark on the couch. My sister knew me better than anyone. No, maybe not better than Vaughn. He understood me, but that only made the pain worse.

  Lark frowned at me as I knelt next to the couch. I took her hands and stared panicked into her bright green eyes.

  “Don’t judge me,” I whimpered like a baby, instead of her big sister.

  “What…?”

  Sobbing, I clutched at her and Lark instantly wrapped her arms around me. I never felt as low as I did right then. If Vaughn died, I would be nothing. I feared his death more than anything.

  Crying myself out, I cuddled Lark who caressed my head.

  “Why would I judge you?” she finally asked.

  “Crying is for losers.”

  “I cry.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you that tiny chicks get special rules?”

  Lark smiled down at me. “Did you have a fight with Vaughn?”

  “I dumped him.”

  “Why?”

  “He said he loved me.”

  “Makes sense.”

  Sitting up, I took her hand in mine. “I saw my dad tonight and you kn
ow what he said?”

  “Something stupid?”

  “He said he didn’t want me around his club because everything I touched turned to shit.”

  “Your dad’s an idiot.”

  “He has a point.”

  “When I said the same about Mom, you said I was wrong.”

  Rolling my eyes, I glanced at Aaron who was messing around in the kitchen so we could have a little privacy.

  “When I left, you built something great. I feel like I jinx things and I can’t jinx Vaughn. He’s too special.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes and Lark hugged me again. “It’ll be okay.”

  “Vaughn walks into a room and makes everything better. He shouldn’t die for doing something good. I can’t let him die.”

  “You’re not the one putting him in danger.”

  “I have this bad feeling that something will happen to him if I say the words.”

  “You’re not a jinx,” she said, wiping my face. “You’re what he needs.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Of course, I do. I’m very wise.”

  Despite my panic, I laughed. “Like Yoda. Maybe the wisdom comes from your size.”

  “Don’t make me smack you when you’re already upset, Raven.”

  Grinning, I felt another wave of panic rush over me. “I keep seeing him dead. I need to save him. Maybe I can pay someone to kill those fucks in Tucson.”

  “With what?”

  “I have some money.”

  “Even if you had enough, who would you hire? The guys in the club won’t do anything without Cooper’s okay.”

  “He’s taking too long to do anything,” I whimpered. “Cooper’s going to let them kill Vaughn. I need to do something.”

  “I don’t want to interrupt,” Aaron said.

  “Then don’t.”

  Ignoring me, Aaron continued, “I care about Vaughn too. He’s my friend and I want him to live a long life with his balls rolling around in your purse. Mostly, I want to mock him for claiming he would never fall for a chick. As much as I want him to be okay, you need to give Coop some slack. The guy is twenty two, newly married with a kid on the way, and he’s been the president of the club for a few months. He wants to do the right thing and that’s not always easiest to know. What’s best for you and Vaughn might not be what’s best for the club. Coop has more than one life in his hands.”