Silence

by J. E. Taylor

  My madness was working. Natalie and Becky looked on in awe and amusement at the battle of wits before them. “Get up and I’ll stop slapping you.”

  “I’m hating you right now,” he muttered and closed his eyes, his chin dropped to his chest.

  Slap.

  “What the fuck!” His voice echoed in the small wooded area.

  I felt bad, but I got him in this situation, it was my responsibility to get him focused enough to catch his bus. “You need to sober up or you’ll miss your bus.”

  He glared at me, but it was short lived as his lids drooped again. I stepped in, delivering yet another swat.

  “Goddammit!” This time, his aggravation got him to a pair of unsteady feet. “I told you if you kept doing that I was going to punch you.”

  His head lolled and he started to tilt. I stepped in with another slap, this one with some power to it and his head rocked to the side. The glare that came back toward me should have scared me, but it didn’t, not with my quest to get him moving working so brilliantly.

  His jaw tensed and his fists followed suit. He pulled his arm back to deliver the blow he promised. Unfortunately, for him, his balance wasn’t stable and the pullback of his arm triggered the rest of his body to fall with it.

  It was like watching a lumberjack take down a tree, and I think I even yelled “Timber!”

  He thudded onto the ground. After a shocked beat of silence, Natalie, Becky, and I started laughing. We couldn’t help it, and Rob’s more sober gaze sought us out in a glare that softened before his own laughter took hold. None of us were near sober, but at least we all were functional drunks.

  When his gaze found mine, he let out a loud sigh, winding down the laugher and pushed himself up on his elbows.

  “I hate you,” he muttered, but the glint in his eyes told me otherwise.

  “I didn’t know any other way to get you moving other than to royally piss you off,” I said when my laughter wound down. “And it worked,” I added, and offered him my hand.

  He stared at the offering and pushed himself into a wobbly sitting position before he took my hand. Instead of pulling himself to his feet, he yanked me close to his face. A flash of aggravation and something else more pronounced danced across his eyes. “Don’t ever do that again.”

  After the warning, he held me in place, his eyes searching mine before he leaned in for a kiss. I turned away from his mouth, gulping down on the tightness in my throat. He smelled like vomit and I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him.

  “I’ll take a rain check,” I said, glancing at him. “You’ve got some nasty-ass, vomit breath,” I said when I pulled away. “But you can try that again tomorrow if you want.”

  He sighed and climbed to his feet, starting the unsteady zig-zag until Natalie and Becky each grabbed an arm, leading him back toward the school.

  I watched until they stepped out of sight and then turned, heading toward home. Walking was a little challenging for me as well, but it was more because I arbitrarily started laughing at the vision of Rob falling backwards. Every time, I had to stop and catch my breath because, let’s face it, that just doesn’t happen outside of cartoons.

  By the time I reached my house, I was unable to wipe the grin off my lips. I no sooner stepped inside and barely said hello when my phone rang. I jumped up the stairs two at a time and answered it, breathless.

  “I missed the bus.”

  I blinked and looked at the phone. “Rob?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What the hell happened?”

  “I fell asleep on the bench outside the school.”

  “You mean passed out?”

  His low chuckle filtered through the line.

  “Where did Natalie and Becky go?”

  “They sat me down and went to get their bus.” His sigh filled the line. “I closed my eyes for a minute...”

  “How are you going to get home?”

  “My dad’s picking me up after work, so I have a few hours to kill.”

  “And?”

  “And we need to talk,” he said. “Mind if I come down?”

  “You still wasted?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, but not as bad as earlier.”

  I knew I could pull off fooling my mom, but I wasn’t sure he could, not with the way he looked earlier. “Why don’t I meet you down at the skate park and we can walk back to the house from there.”

  “Okay. How do I get there?”

  Rob had never been to my house and I wondered just how wise a decision that was considering, but the mile walk would sober him up enough. “You just follow Route 83 down past 7-Eleven and the gas stations. You keep walking through the light for Reagan Road and my road is at the next light, right on the corner where the skate park is. Basically, it’s a straight line.”

  “How far is it?”

  “A mile, door-to-door.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you in like twenty-minutes—okay?”

  “See you, then.”

  I hung up and went back downstairs into the family room where my mother was lost in her soap operas.

  “Mom, my friend missed his bus and he has to hang out ’til after his father gets out of work. He lives in Stafford and wanted to know if he could come down here to pass some of the time.”

  Her eyebrows bunched together. “He missed his bus?”

  “It’s a long story and he doesn’t feel like hanging outside the school until five.”

  “I can’t drive him back to the school later. I’ve got to take your sister to her class,” she said and I rolled my eyes.

  “He’s perfectly capable of walking back.”

  “Oh, okay, but he has to leave when I leave, okay?” She gave me a nod.

  “No problem. I can walk him back to the end of the road when you leave. I’m meeting him down at the skate park, too, okay?” I knew she’d nod, but I just wanted her to know where I was going. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

  “Okay,” she said and focused back on the television.

  I took the short walk back the way I had come and parked myself on the parking lot curb, staring down the street until I saw him walking. At least he wasn’t weaving like the last time, but even at this distance, he was pale. As he got closer, I noticed the soda in his hand and the timid sips he took as he traversed the sidewalk.

  I stood as soon as he saw me and waited for him to close the distance.

  “This is your fault.” He pointed his finger at me and took a sip of soda around the ghost of a smile.

  “I didn’t make you drink half the bottle,” I said and hooked my arm through his, leading him toward my house. “Are you okay?” I said after we took a few steps toward our destination.

  He sighed. “Yeah. I just feel like a royal ass.”

  “Not used to getting falling down drunk?”

  “No. Not like that, and I think I owe you an apology,” he said, looking down at me with his bright eyes. They were still red, but not quite as bad as they had been earlier.

  “For what?”

  “For trying to hit you.”

  I burst out laughing. “Babe, you couldn’t have hit a brick wall today if you were standing right in front of it,” I said through the laughter.

  Rob rolled his eyes and cracked a smile. “You might be right there,” he said and took another mini-sip of soda. “I still feel like crap.” He fished his hand in his pocket and pulled out a roll of breath mints. “But at least my breath doesn’t stink anymore.”

  I couldn’t help the smile as he popped one in his mouth and offered me the roll. I took one and passed it back. The grin that played on his lips matched the sparkle in his blood-shot eyes and my heart picked up the pace.

  “So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked after we covered half the distance to my house.

  He stopped and turned towards me and cupped my cheek with his free hand. The way he searched my eyes left me breathless and he leaned in to kiss me. The spark between us ignited and my mouth opened, welcoming hi
s minty tongue to dance with mine.

  When he pulled away, his eyes slowly opened and my heart jumped. I wasn’t ready for this kind of thing again. Not just after how crushed Dan had left me, and the level of adoration in Rob’s eyes scared the daylights out of me. Not to mention the way he swept me away with that kiss.

  “I want you to go out with me,” he said.

  I blinked and stepped away from him, unsure how to respond. I opened my mouth to speak and then I closed it and turned, heading in the direction of my house, avoiding answering him.

  He caught up with me and grabbed my arm. “Are you telling me you don’t feel this?” He pointed between us.

  I met his gaze and licked my lips. “I’m not ready for this,” I whispered and blinked back the mist that covered my eyes. I had very few friends left after my illness, and if I gambled on a relationship with him and it went south... “I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

  His features hardened in a way that tore at my insides. “Do you feel what I’m feeling?”

  His direct question caught me off guard and I gave him a single nod before my gaze dropped to the ground. I felt the growing electricity between us, that I couldn’t deny, and he hooked my chin, tilting it until I was forced to meet his gaze.

  “Then I’ll wait,” he said.

  I stepped out of his grip. “Don’t.” I don’t know what prompted me to say that, but the thought of him pining away while I kept him at arm’s length irritated me.

  “You gotta let someone in, sometime,” he said.

  “I did and look what happened.” I didn’t mean to respond, and I certainly didn’t mean for the tears to sprout from the corner of my eyes. I turned away and trudged towards my house. He shuffled behind me like a lost puppy, and when my house was in view, I stopped and turned back to him. “I lost a lot over the winter, and I can’t stomach losing anything else.”

  I started to turn away and he grabbed my arm, pulling me into his. Tears fell on his shoulder and I relaxed into him, just letting them come, for the first time in a very long time. His lips found my forehead and his hands caressed my back as he let me purge.

  My sense of self-preservation kicked in and I pushed away, swiping at the tears on my face like they were my greatest enemy. My whole strong girl facade had been cracked by my tears and I glared at him, turning away and stomping home. I didn’t care if he followed or not and when I slumped on my front porch, he slid into the spot next to me.

  “So, you are human,” he said with a little laugh and I glared at him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He shrugged and laced his fingers through mine. “It means I’ve never seen you... lose control.”

  I tried to pull my hand away and he clamped down.

  “I want a cigarette,” I said and he met my gaze. My heart beat three times before he loosened his grip, releasing my hand. I pulled the pack out of my pocketbook and offered him one. He took it and fished in his pocket for his lighter.

  We smoked in silence and the door creaked behind us. I turned and met my mother’s gaze. “Rob, this is my mom, Mom, this is Rob,” I said, waving between the two of them.

  “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Wilson,” Rob said and stood.

  “No need to get up,” she said and waved for him to sit back down. “It’s nice to meet you, too,” she said from the other side of the door. “I understand you missed your bus.”

  Rob chuckled and shrugged. “Yeah, not my brightest move.” He didn’t elaborate further and glanced at me, his cheeks reddening in embarrassment.

  My mother didn’t press, and I gave her a nod of thanks.

  “You’ve got a half hour before I have to take your sister to her class, okay?”

  “Thanks,” I said and she closed the door.

  “Your mom seems cool.” He took another drag and then crushed the cigarette under his work-boot. Rob reached down and picked up the snuffed cigarette butt and offered it to me. I flicked it in the bushes and did the same with mine.

  “Half hour?”

  “Yeah, you can’t be here when my folks aren’t here.”

  “Ah,” he said and leaned back on his palms.

  “I’ll walk you back to the skate park when you have to go.”

  Some color had returned to his cheeks in the short walk to the house, and he offered me a strained smile. “So, what do we do now?”

  I sighed and met his gaze. “We stay friends.”

  His smile faded and he shifted, leaning his elbows on his knees. It was not the answer he was hoping for, and his head dipped. When he glanced back at me, his eyelashes were wet.

  “That’s really not what I want.”

  “It’s all I got right now.”

  “And if I said I liked kissing you?”

  “I wouldn’t stop you if you tried to kiss me,” I conceded and my face heated up. He knew how to make a girl melt and I wasn’t adverse to that sensation.

  “And if I told you I think I loved you?”

  The air whooshed out of my lungs and I stared at him, unable to speak. I just shook my head as fear enveloped me in a tight squeeze that made it nearly impossible for me to draw a breath, and a twinge of pain flared in my left side. Both his words and the twinge freaked me out.

  “No response.” His eyes pierced through me and I shook my head.

  An awkward silence brewed.

  “Fuck.” He stood and started toward the road.

  My gaze dropped to his soda can before following his progress across the street to the sidewalk. I got up and sprinted, catching up with him.

  “Don’t be mad,” I said as I matched pace next to him.

  He didn’t look in my direction, instead he increased his pace. This time it was me who grabbed his arm and swung him in my direction. We both froze in place. I stared at the wet stream of tears on his face and the glare that accompanied them.

  “You were serious.”

  “Why the fuck do you think I missed the bus?” He yanked his arm from mine and took a seat on the grass, cradling his head in his hands.

  “I thought you said you fell asleep,” I said, still trying to put the pieces together.

  He glared at me.

  “Oh.” I took a seat next to him and ran my hand over his back. He shook me off him and I wrapped my arms around my knees. “I’m sorry.”

  “If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it,” he mumbled.

  “You already know I love you,” I said and he dropped his forehead back on his arms.

  “Yeah. As a friend.”

  “Friend with benefits,” I said and gave him an elbow in jest.

  He rolled his head to the side, meeting my gaze. His eyebrow rose.

  “You’re a great kisser,” I said and focused on the grass between my feet, plucking a few blades so I could avoid his blatant stare. I stretched my legs out and busied my hands with braiding the grass strands.

  I slid my gaze to his and he sighed and unfolded. Before I knew it, he had me pinned to the grass, and his bright eyes stared into mine. The kiss he delivered, along with the trail of his hand to my breast shot my pulse through the roof. His gentle caress matched the twirl of his tongue and when he pulled away and sat up, I stared at the sky, unable to draw a full breath.

  He sat with his arms resting on his elbows, looking out at the street and when my heart roared to life again, I pulled myself up.

  He slid a smile in my direction. “That’s so you know what you’re missing.”

  I let out a high-pitched laugh and a part of me pitched a fit. I didn’t really want him to walk away from this. I wanted someone who would fight for me, and not give up until they wormed their way under my defenses. But those defenses were daunting to anyone in their right mind.

  Rob gave me a nod and got to his feet. He offered his hand and helped me up.

  “I can find my way back. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said and headed off without another word.

  “Call me when you get home, okay?” I called and
he turned, taking a few backwards steps. I wasn’t sure if he would or not, and the pressure on my chest actually hurt when I turned away, heading home. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder because I had a feeling, he was still walking backwards, watching me. If I turned, I wouldn’t be able to let him go.

  Silence Chapter 9

  By the morning, I had steeled my emotions, shoving them down with everything else. My heart plummeted when I stepped out into the courtyard. Rob was nowhere to be found. I crossed to Natalie and Becky, ignoring the slurs hurled in my direction.

  He hadn’t called last night and the flare of worry left me on edge.

  “Where’s Rob?” I asked, taking the spot on the end of the bench.

  “I haven’t seen him today,” Natalie said.

  I lit my cigarette and glanced in their direction. “You know he missed the bus yesterday.”

  Their mouths dropped open in shock.

  “We walked him right to his bus,” they both said in unison.

  I nodded and looked at the ground. “He asked me out.”

  “That’s great!” Natalie started and I moved my gaze to hers. “Isn’t it?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not ready for anything serious right now and that didn’t go over too well.”

  “Oh.” They traded a glance and we smoked the rest of our cigarettes in silence.

  “He’s liked you for a while,” Natalie said and I looked through my bangs at her.

  It wasn’t something I was completely oblivious to, especially with the sheer amount of flirting we did on a daily basis. I just enjoyed the light humor and sexual undertones of our friendship. It somehow made it safe, but that was now no longer an option. In one day, he had changed the dynamic of our relationship and that stab of disappointment present in my core didn’t go unnoticed.

  Without another word, I flicked my cigarette under my heel and headed out with one intention. I slipped out of the school unnoticed and traversed the same path we did yesterday, finding my way to the payphone outside of the store. I rummaged around my pocketbook, looking for change. Stafford was long distance and I had barely enough coins to make the call.

  The phone rang and rang and just before I went to hang up, a gruff voice mumbled hello.