Little Petty Notions

by Rae Shawn

“Okay,” he beamed. “I’ll grab a shirt and be back in a few,” he said moving further up the hall. “And door the stays open.”

  I’d have to asked him more about Kouri-Vini. Curiosity killed the cat and I guess I was going to die happy knowing more about this man.

  D'Nae acted as if she had no qualms about the history between Tra'Mel and I, but I could sense it. I let it drop for now. I needed to have a conversation with her when he wasn't present.

  Instead of allowing her to question us on our past, Tra'Mel spoke up to give me part of the answer I'd been searching for. He said D'Nae was the newest employee to join his company, explaining why I found him on her doorstep the day we ran into each other.

  They were work-related friends from when he was still a quarterback. Before his injury, she was on staff with San Francisco, so they would see each other often.

  After he healed up from surgery and therapy, he started his own company and heard she was looking for a new position, so he asked if she wanted to work for him. That wasn’t long before I arrived.

  As he told me everything, we remained standing in the hallway. He never moved from my side. If anything, he got closer. I felt the steam radiating from D'Nae. She liked him, and this whole thing could turn ugly, but whatever.

  He made it clear nothing was happening between them. She didn’t say otherwise. I could turn off the feelings that were trying to resurface since the moment my eyes met his, but I wasn’t sure it I wanted to do that, yet.

  I needed to navigate Raiden and this custody situation, figure out exactly what Tra’Mel wanted from me, plus whatever D’Nae’s mind desired from him. I didn't like this and saw the darkness surrounding it, but I'd coast it for now.

  The facts were Tra’Mel and I were friends and more for almost two years, damn near a decade ago, and I shouldn’t feel any type of way, but I did. Now, I needed to determine if I indeed still had buried feelings for him or if the breakup with Raiden had me on the rebound.

  I told D'Nae I would call her, and she waved me off like she didn't care. I rolled my eyes, I knew this flippant mood. I needed to talk to her and soon. For now, I set the coffee date with Tra'Mel.

  I had plans to fly out to Houston in two days, so when I came back to Frisco, I’d have a week of free time. Our little meeting was the day after I would get back.

  It was Raiden’s week with Jaiden and like I said before, I wasn’t giving him the address to Demontré’s house so he could act a fool like he did during the custody suit. I’d just deal with jet lag for a bit then be fine.

  I tried calling and FaceTiming D'Nae, but she always responded that she was working or training. Guess she didn't want to talk to me. I went to meet Tra’Mel at the coffee bar down the street from Demontré’s house.

  Since I arrived first, I grabbed a coffee to combat the jet lag that was still present. With time to kill, I started looking over a few requests for custom paintings and one for a sculpture that were in my email.

  I knew it would take me some time to do each project, especially since I needed to adjust to my new environment. I started calculating everything, discussing details with the first person via email regarding the painting they were commissioning.

  By the end of the conversation, I’d gave them a time frame, an estimate, and we reached an agreement. I just needed to draw it up and get the deposit before I could start.

  7

  Tra'Mel

  The worst part about running a business was that sometimes unexpected things happened. I was late to meet Jada and hoped she hadn't left and started ignoring me.

  When I arrived at the shop, I saw her sitting at a corner table typing away on her phone. I walked over, but she didn't notice me. I didn't want to interrupt whatever she was working on, so I sat down across from her and waited.

  Her focus was intense and it reminded me of how she would tune out the world when she was in the zone. I smiled at yet another memory of this woman.

  I still couldn't believe she blurted out that we had sex. A blind person could see D'Nae felt some kinda way about it. The tension rolled off her like sweat, but she hadn't said a word to me if it wasn't work related. I didn't know what to tell her.

  Couldn't say much, I mean we were a thing. Better she knew now rather than approach me again with a “lets hook up.” My mind drifted away from D'Nae and back to Jada. The times we would lay on the bed in my dorm or in hers, and just work on something for one of our classes.

  I'd be reading a book and massaging her calves, or she'd be quizzing me on something for one of my classes, or I'd be learning about art from her. After a few months of just chilling and doing our own friendship thing the air between us shifted.

  I remember the first time her lips met mine. She'd been explaining Ancient Greek stone carvings and her interpretations of them. Her passion and knowledge were admirable. I joked about the sensual behavior of the Greek, and she turned to look at me.

  She'd been laying on my chest, hands emotive as she explained the kouroi and kore of Argos and how the definition and life-likeness of the human body started to appear in their work.

  When her head turned and her eyes met mine, she placed her right hand high on my thigh and slowly smoothed it up toward my knee before moving it back up.

  My dick twitched and started to harden against the small of her back. She smiled and her eyes dropped to my lips. There was no verbal confirmation, it wasn’t needed. She brought her lips toward mine and I closed the gap.

  Not a minute later, clothes started dropping to the floor. I walked over and locked the door so my roommate didn't barge in. When I turned around, she stood right in front of me, sliding to her knees before I caught her under her arms and shook my head.

  I wanted her mouth on me like a desert wanted water, but I needed to taste her first. I backed us toward my bed, lifting her to wrap her legs around my waist as we went. The only clothing between us was her bra and panty set and my boxer briefs. Her arms tightened around my neck and I nipped at her earlobe and squeezed her ass.

  She stretched in front of me and snapped my attention back to the present. Her phone clinched in her fist as she kept herself from launching it at me.

  I chuckled and crossed my arms, leaning back. I couldn't believe where my mind had wandered. Now, I had a damn erection and couldn't do shit about it. Her glare made me cut my laugh short.

  “What in the hell, Mikal?” she asked. “How long you been sitting there?”

  “Long enough. You need to pay more attention to your surroundings, Jada Jean’e.”

  “If I could hold an entire conversation over an email, you need to be better at arriving on time, and could you stop calling me by my first and middle name please?”

  I loved pushing her buttons. I saw the small shiver run through her every time I said her name. She liked it, but it also annoyed her.

  “Sorry. I got held up, but I texted you. When you didn’t respond, I came up here anyway," I shifted in my seat trying to get my dick to calm down. "What caught your attention on your phone that much?”

  “Talking to a client. They requested a painting. We went over details and … all that jazz.” That spark was in her eyes. I loved that about her. Shit, I need to focus.

  “Do you still drink your coffee the same or did you stop drinking it all together? Can I get you a flat white with a shot of vanilla or would you prefer the vanilla chai with a splash of almond milk?”

  She glared at me again. Yeah, I still remembered the way she liked her coffee. I remembered everything she liked, especially the way she-

  “I’ve already had a cup of coffee while waiting for you,” She shifted her eyes to an empty mug sitting on the side of the table. “I’m fine with water.”

  “I tried to get through that meeting faster, I’m sorry,” I need to fucking focus. Take my mind off the look of ecstasy she used to have all the time. “Well, can we still have our conversation? I’ll grab you some water.”

  “It’s fine. So...”

  Okay
, I had to think of something to take my mind off her body and get my dick to behave.

  “Jaiden is beautiful,” I interrupted. “Can you tell me about her father?”

  “After you tell me why you left the way you did.” she countered.

  Fair point. DVSN came on over the speakers and I knew the mood would change. She looked toward the ceiling and took a moment to focus, probably on the song. I couldn't wait any longer, if I did, I'd lose my nerve. I told her I'd explain what happened between us back then. The time was now.

  “My dad was dying,” I said. “Diagnosed with stage II colon cancer the semester I met you. It only got worse as time went on.”

  She looked at me, but I couldn't keep my eyes on her. I didn't want to see pity, so I looked down at my lap, dropping my hands to my thighs. Thinking back on dad and his deterioration reopened the wound in my chest.

  “Pops went into remission for about three years before the cancer came back in full force. Within six weeks, he was gone. I couldn't do anything. Mom was distraught. My siblings and I were lost. I still had a damn season to play through and it was terrible because I couldn't go home and just be with my mom.

  “That first game after he died was the hardest game I ever played. We won just barely and I knew the struggle was my fault, but coach didn't take me out. He should have, that game determined if we would make it to the playoffs or not, but he kept me on the field and I welcomed as much of a distraction as he offered.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should’ve reached out.”

  “You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you. I figured you weren’t paying any attention to me after everything went down so how would you know to reach out?”

  I looked at her, my eyes burning from the unshed tears. I needed to finish telling her.

  “Dad stopped working, which put a lot of strain on mom. The savings started drying up. They woulda struggled bad soon after that and I couldn’t let that happen,” I fought the tears. “Jada, I couldn’t let it happen ... so … I changed my plans. I wanted to finish my degree then enter the draft the year after I graduated, but when dad’s diagnosis happened I had to go home. I had to do what I could.”

  A silence between songs amplified in the coffee shop. It felt like everything melted away before Frank Ocean began singing who he was thinking about.

  “I entered the draft and dropped out before my last semester because I needed to help them. I headed back home and got lucky finding a job coaching a youth baseball league until the draft came around. My high school baseball days came in handy and the money from coaching helped a little, but that signing bonus I got boosted my parents and took them out of the stress they were in.”

  “I hated you," she whispered. "You hurt me and I feel selfish for those thoughts now.”

  “I didn’t want to acknowledge the situation pops had been in at the time, so I didn’t. I went back to New Orleans and did what I needed to. I know I should’ve been straight with you, but I couldn’t be straight with myself. I hated the face I left on you when I walked out that day, so I don’t blame you for hating me.”

  “You broke my heart,” She whispered and cast her eyes down. I shook my head because I knew I did. “I couldn’t understand what happened between us. I mean it had only been, what? A year? A year and a half? But one day you said you loved me and the next you were leaving and going to enter the draft. It felt like whatever we began building didn’t mean shit and your focus rested solely on football.”

  Knowing I fucked up and hearing how bad I fucked up were two different things. I was an ass. A total and complete idiot.

  “I wanted to play in the NFL, Jada. It was my dream, but it became a necessity with pop’s diagnosis. Do know, I wanted you. I wanted what we started building, but I didn’t know how to be happy when he got sicker each day.

  “After I left, all I thought about was you. Every accomplishment I achieved I wanted to share with you. Not being able to kiss and lie down with you at the end of the day became hard as hell. It was stupid and selfish as fuck not to tell you about my dad, but I thought the best thing was to enjoy what we had in that moment … I did, and still do love you, Jada.”

  She snorted and shook her head. “Leave the girl you officially started dating a few months prior, leave her right before Christmas, leave her right after telling her you love her? And now you say you miss me and still love me?”

  My heart broke. I felt the betrayal she had been experiencing. It was laced in her tone and she struck me through my chest with it.

  “I couldn’t walk around campus without someone asking me what happened between us. I ended up moving out of the dorms because it got too uncomfortable. You had one semester left, I didn’t. I had an entire senior year to make it through.” Her eyes met mine. “But I am sorry about your dad. I wish you told me. I would’ve come to help any way I could. I wish you trusted me enough to tell me.”

  “I did trust you- do trust you. I didn’t trust myself enough to let you in,” I said, then reached across the table. She hesitated but grabbed my hand. “I’m more sorry about what I did to you. I really am.”

  She nodded tightly before a pregnant silence stretched between us. Ella Mai and her feelings took over the speaker and Jada rolled her eyes. Song choices were spot on today.

  “I met Jaiden’s father a few years after school. I’d been in New Orleans for an art convention," She went to my hometown. "I ran into him almost a year later in Houston while I was exploring the city, and we started talking. He seemed to be nice and attentive which made me like him. We started dating. Fast forward, we had Jaiden and got engaged …"

  “What happened?” I asked after a brief silence. She looked uncomfortable, so I gently squeezed the hand I was still holding.

  “I had Jaiden a little more than two years ago. When he proposed, we decided to wait until she became old enough to participate in the wedding.” Her voice trembled at the end.

  I rubbed my thumb in circles against the back of her hand, encouraging her to continue.

  “A few months ago he accidentally texted me instead of one of the women he was fucking,” She said as tears leaked from her eyes. I stood from the table and moved to the space at her side. She turned toward me and stared down at her thighs, tears dotting her skin.

  “Hey,” I said. She kept her eyes shut, so I grabbed both of her hands, trying to soothe her. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

  She never cried in front of me. Not even when I broke her heart. I hated this man for what he did to her. I kept my anger at bay. She was my concern, not him.

  A twinge in my shin reminded me that I'd been off my game when it came to my regimen. I had to get back on track before the pain level shot back up. I adjusted, but stayed down on my haunches in front of her.

  “W-we would’ve been getting married today," she said, her eyes still closed. "I need a distraction. Something to take my mind off- off him. I need ... to run.”

  I stood, her hands still in mine. She opened her eyes, but didn't raise her head right away. I'd have made a provocative comment if the situation were different, but it wasn't. I still had a stiff, but I didn't think it was too noticeable until I saw, not heard, her intake of breath before lifting her eyes to my face.

  At least I know for sure she was thinking about it. I knew that reaction all too well, even after all these years. That wasn't a now conversation though. I needed to be here for her as a friend.

  “I’ll go for a run with you,” I said. “I just need to stop by the office and change clothes real quick. Would it be alright for me to escort you?”

  Her expression went blank as she contemplated it. I didn't let go of either of her hands though. I felt like the connection was her anchor. A moment later, she nodded and I helped her to her feet. When I released her hands, she grabbed her phone from the table and stuffed it in her pocket. We were out the shop 30 seconds later.

  8

  Jada

  About half an hour after the coffee sh
op confession session, we were pounding the pavement in Glen Canyon Park near Demontré’s house. It quickly became my favorite place to go. Jaiden loved it for our walks, but running was something I seriously missed.

  Luckily, I’d worn clothes that were runner-friendly; denim shorts, Nikes, and a sports bra with a sky blue mesh top over it.

  When we arrived at the park, I pulled my hair into a bun and took off with Tra’Mel taking easy strides beside me. His rehab must have been amazing because you’d never know he nearly lost the ability to walk let alone run.

  When we stopped by his office, he changed into a pair of grey sweats and a thin muscle shirt. He’d taken off his dress shoes and put on a pair of Dukes (the brand that still sponsored him), but I paid him and his delectable appearance no attention. Okay, maybe a little.

  But I needed this run to clear my mind and thankfully he didn’t try to interrupt that. By the time we completed two laps on one of the lightweight hiking trails, I needed a break.

  I wanted to do the stairs next, so I parked my butt on the half-dirt, half-grass area before collapsing fully on to my back and putting an arm across my eyes. I’d nearly run out of breath.

  I just needed a moment before we continued. My chest rose and fell like I’d been running for my life. I heard Tra’Mel sit beside me. I lifted my arm enough to see him lean forward on his knees and rub down his shin.

  “You should’ve been a long distance runner, girl.” He breathed, focused on the empty expanse in front of us.

  I chuckled but replaced my arm to my eyes as I worked to get my breathing back in check.

  “I’ve always been a runner, you never noticed because I usually ran while you were at football practice or in training,” I said after the burn in my chest began to subside. "How's your leg doing?"

  “I've been screwing up my rehab regimen, so it's bugging more than it has in a while, but it's alright." I lifted my arm to look at him again. He lifted one shoulder when he saw me looking at him. I shook my head, but before I could say anything he continued.