The Beloved Hope Chest

by Amy Clipston

  I doubt it. Leroy hung his straw hat on the peg by the back wall. Then he stepped through the mudroom and into the kitchen.

  “Leroy!” Tillie stood by the kitchen counter holding a pitcher of water. “I’m so glad you could join us for lunch.” She pointed to the table, which was already set for three. “Wash up and then have a seat. We have plenty of lunch meat and rolls.”

  “Danki.” So this lunch was planned because Tillie and Hank were worried about him. Leroy had turned down their offers for supper last night, but they had still found a way to invite him over to eat with them.

  Hank and Tillie were a blessing in Leroy’s life, and he was grateful Hank had bought the house next door to his. Leroy washed his hands at the sink and then sat at the table. He scanned the platters on the table, taking in the variety of lunch meat and condiments, and his stomach growled, alerting him to how little food he’d eaten since Saturday morning.

  After washing his hands, Hank sat down across from him. “I hope you’re hungry. I can’t eat all this lunch meat myself.” He smiled, and Leroy longed to return the gesture but couldn’t.

  “We don’t have to eat it all in one day.” Tillie sank into the chair beside Hank. “I just picked it up this morning.”

  Leroy hoped Tillie hadn’t made a special trip to the market just for him, but he had a sneaking suspicion she had.

  After a silent prayer, Tillie and Hank each took a roll from the center of the table and began to build sandwiches. Leroy chose a roll and then silently debated what type of meat to put on it.

  Tillie spoke.

  Leroy looked up and met her gaze. “What did you say?”

  “I asked if you’ve slept.” She opened a jar of mayonnaise. “You look exhausted. You have dark shadows under your eyes, and you’re a little pale. You look as though you haven’t slept since Saturday. Am I right?”

  He swallowed a snort. Actually, mei fraa left me and I’ve never been better.

  But Tillie didn’t deserve a biting response. She’d been like a sister to Leroy since Hank had met her. She always went out of her way to include Leroy as part of their family. No, she didn’t deserve his sarcasm. She was entitled to his honesty.

  “No, I haven’t slept much at all.” He piled roast beef, ham, turkey, and cheese onto his roll. After adding a piece of lettuce, he grabbed the mayonnaise and mustard. “I just stare at the ceiling all night and wait for my alarm to go off.”

  “Have you heard from her?” Tillie asked.

  Leroy shook his head as he spread mayonnaise on the roll. Then he added the mustard and closed the sandwich.

  “Have you reached out to her?”

  Leroy looked over at her. “I thought I should give her some space. Isn’t that what you suggested I do?”

  “She’s had more than twenty-four hours to think about you.” She cut her sandwich in half and then peered up at him. “I think it’s time you reach out to her and tell her how much you miss her.” She frowned. “I hope this doesn’t come across as forward, but you look terrible. It’s apparent you’re suffering. I’m certain she’s miserable too. If you leave her a message then she’ll know you haven’t given up on your marriage.”

  Leroy stilled. “I haven’t given up, but I’m also realistic. The letter she left me made it clear she wanted to go to her parents’ haus.”

  “I didn’t say you’ve given up,” she countered. “I only meant she might take your continued silence to mean you don’t think you can work things out.”

  Suddenly a memory washed over Leroy. He was five, and he was sitting on the top step of a spiral staircase while listening to his parents’ loud voices boom below him. Tears streamed down his face as his mother begged his father not to leave. After several moments, the back door slammed, and Mamm’s wailing echoed throughout the house.

  His stomach tightened, and his appetite dissipated. All he’d ever wanted was a loving wife and a family. Why couldn’t he have that with Mattie? How had he managed to wind up as lonely and broken as his mamm?

  “I’m sorry.” Tillie scowled. “I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries. It just breaks my heart to see you and Mattie suffer like this.”

  “Danki, but how do I convince her to come back to me?” Leroy asked.

  “Tillie already gave you the first step.” Hank placed his sandwich on his plate. “Call her and leave her a message. Tell her exactly how you’re feeling and then let her reach out to you. If she doesn’t reach out to you, then do something else to show her you still care.” He lifted his sandwich. “Give her a call and let the Lord handle the rest.”

  Leroy nodded and then forced himself to take a bite of his sandwich. It tasted like sawdust in his mouth, despite the fresh lunch meat. They ate in silence for several moments, and he hoped one of them would change the subject. He was tired of being the focus of the conversation.

  “I saw mei mamm at the market,” Tillie began, and Leroy was grateful for the change in subject.

  “Oh ya?” Hank asked. “How is she doing?”

  “Fine. She said mei dat is feeling better. He’s finally over that terrible summer cold. Summer colds are the worst.”

  Leroy lost himself in thoughts of Mattie as Tillie talked on about her parents. When their lunch was finished, he thanked Tillie for the meal and then followed Hank out toward the harness shop.

  “I’m going to make a phone call,” he called over his shoulder as he continued on toward his house.

  Hank gave him a knowing smile. “Gut idea.”

  “I hope so,” Leroy mumbled as he headed toward the phone shanty.

  Mattie stood in front of the bathroom mirror and studied her reflection. Although her face was pale and her eyes seemed dull, the hot shower and clean dress and apron had refreshed her. Yet her heart remained heavy with grief for not only her loss of Isaiah and Jacob but also for the loss of Leroy’s friendship. But she had to continue to believe she made the right choice.

  As Mattie opened the bathroom door, voices drifted into the hallway. She froze, listening to her mother and sister speaking in the nearby kitchen.

  “I’m just relieved you got her off of the sofa,” Mamm said. “It’s okay if you had to upset her to get her to take a shower. I tried all day yesterday to convince her to get up, but she refused to budge. I brought her a plate of food, and she only ate a few crackers. Maybe she’ll start a sewing project or work in the garden since she’s dressed.”

  “I don’t know if she’ll do any chores.” Lizanne blew out a deep sigh. “When I asked her if she loved Leroy, she refused to answer, beyond saying she didn’t know how she felt. She seems like she has a lot of emotions to work through. How long are you going to let her stay here?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t allow her to stay too long. She has to go back to her haus and work things out with her husband. That’s the right thing to do. There are no other options. She can’t stay here forever. She has to face her problems with Leroy like an adult.”

  Mattie hugged her arms to her abdomen as her stomach growled. Mamm was right; she hadn’t eaten much yesterday. Her stomach was hollow. She needed food.

  Her stomach gurgled and she stepped into the kitchen, where her mother and sister were sitting at the table. She nodded a greeting to them as she moved to the counter and found a loaf of bread. She buttered a slice and then smeared her mother’s homemade strawberry jam over it before sitting at the table across from them. They exchanged surprised looks as she ate without saying a word.

  “It’s gut to see you up and dressed,” Mamm finally said.

  Lizanne carried Mamm’s and her mugs to the counter and began washing them. “Would you like me to make you something else to eat?”

  “No, danki,” Mattie said. “This is appeditlich with Mamm’s strawberry jam.”

  “I’m so froh you like it.” Mamm’s expression became serious. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m all right. I’m just tired.”

  Mamm frowned. “I’m sorry you’ve been through
so much, but I promise you it will get better. Just give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically.”

  Renewed grief radiated through Mattie’s belly. She fiddled with the napkin in her hand.

  Mamm gestured toward the doorway leading to her bedroom. “Lizzie and I are going to work on a quilt if you’d like to join us. It’s one that a customer ordered, and it needs to be done next week. You can help with the stitching if you’d like.”

  “I’d love to,” Mattie said. “I’ll join you after I finish eating.”

  “Great.” Mamm stood and looked over at Lizanne. They seemed to share a silent conversation before they both stepped toward the bedroom.

  Mattie finished eating and then washed and stowed her plate and utensils before slowly walking to the bedroom where her mother had a small sewing area set up in the corner. Although her parents had planned to retire when they moved into the daadihaus, her father still worked part-time in his furniture store and her mother continued to take custom orders for quilts to keep busy and make a little extra money.

  Her mother and sister sat together while working on a beautiful wedding ring-patterned quilt accented with purple material. She stood in the doorway for a moment, and Lizanne looked up.

  “Mattie.” Lizanne gestured for her to come in. “Come on in. Do you want to work on this quilt or maybe start on another one?”

  “Do you need my help?” Mattie pulled a chair up to them.

  “You can work on something else if you want. You once told me quilting helped you when you were upset. You can create something new if you’d like.” Mamm pointed toward the far end of the room. “My box of material is back there.”

  Mattie looked toward the back of the room to see the large cardboard box with “Ruth” written on the side in Mamm’s elegant writing.

  “May I make a lap quilt?” The idea popped into Mattie’s mind and took hold of her.

  “Ya, of course.” Mamm didn’t look up from the wedding ring quilt.

  Mattie crossed the room and peeked into the box, which was stuffed full of material of all colors. She picked through it until she found enough different shades of tans and browns for the lap quilt she had in mind.

  “What pattern are you going to make?” Lizanne asked as Mattie sat at the sewing table across from them.

  “I’m going to make a log cabin.” She held up the material. “I thought tans and browns would look gut.”

  “Oh, I love it. Is it going to be a gift?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I just want to make it.”

  They worked silently for several minutes. Mattie found a notepad and pencil and drew out her design.

  “Mattie.” Mamm finally broke the silence. “I know you’re upset, and my heart goes out to you.”

  Mattie closed her eyes while keeping her back toward her mother. She wasn’t ready for a lecture. It was too soon. Her pain was still raw.

  “But you can’t hide here forever. You need to be a gut fraa and go back to your husband. You lived together for almost three months, but that’s not enough time to form a marriage. Besides, it’s not right to live apart. You’re joined for life now.”

  “I know that,” Mattie responded through gritted teeth. “But I’m not in any frame of mind to be a gut fraa.” She looked over her shoulder at her mother and sister, who both gazed at her with bright, intense blue eyes. “I’m not the same person I was when I married Leroy. He’s entitled to a true fraa who can take care of him. I can’t even take care of myself right now.”

  Lizanne gave her a muted smile. “Let him take care of you for a while.”

  “Lizzie is right,” Mamm chimed in. “Let him take care of you.”

  Mattie sighed. She just wanted them to drop the subject and let her work it out on her own. She turned her attention back to her quilt project, hoping it would help to heal her heart and soul.

  CHAPTER 15

  “OH, RUTH, SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK THE PHONE MESSAGES.” Dat turned toward Mattie as he sat across from her at the table later that evening. “Would you mind checking them after supper?”

  She chewed her pot roast. “I don’t mind.”

  “Danki.” Dat gave Mamm a meaningful stare, and Mattie raised her eyebrows in question. Were they plotting something?

  “How was work?” Mamm asked about the furniture store Dat ran with his three brothers, their sons, and Al.

  “It was gut. The store is busy. I took another order for a bedroom suite today. That’s four orders for bedroom suites just this month.”

  “Oh, that’s wunderbaar!” Mamm exclaimed.

  Mattie moved the green beans around on her plate. Was the harness shop staying busy too? Was Leroy sleeping well, or had he tossed and turned as much as Mattie did every night? Her heart always hurt when her thoughts turned to Leroy. She sighed and speared a green bean and then lifted it to her mouth.

  She blinked as she chewed. Her stomach soured when she swallowed the green bean. Would she ever find a way to move past her grief and live once again?

  She glanced up at her parents, who were still discussing the furniture store. Relief washed over her as they spoke. She was grateful to not be the center of their attention. She couldn’t handle any more opinions or advice today. She just wanted to be left alone to contemplate her thoughts and confusing emotions.

  When they were finished with their meal, Dat went outside to help Al care for the animals, and Mattie helped Mamm clear the table.

  “You can go check the messages,” Mamm said as she began to fill up the sink with water.

  Mattie hesitated. Her parents were awfully eager for her to listen to the messages, but they wouldn’t stop nagging her until she did as they asked. “All right.”

  Mattie wiped her hands on her apron and headed out the front door toward the phone shanty beside the barn. She dialed the number for her parents’ voice mail and listened. She wrote out three messages for her mother—two were from friends inviting her to a quilting bee and the third was from a customer checking on her quilt order.

  She was finishing up the note to her mother regarding the quilt order when another voice sounded in her ear. Her heart thudded and her knees wobbled.

  “Mattie.” Leroy’s voice was low and seemed to strain with emotion. “I’ve been sitting here staring at the phone for several minutes now trying to figure out what to say to you. I’ve dialed this number three times and then hung up like a coward.”

  He blew out a loud breath. “There’s so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know how to put it all in coherent sentences. I was devastated when I found your letter. I had no idea how serious you were when you said you were a failure and I would be better without you. I thought you were just upset about the burned dinner. I didn’t know you really believed that. I’m not better off without you. In fact, I’m a mess without you.”

  He paused again as if gathering his words and perhaps also his courage. “You’re mei fraa, and I care deeply for you. I’m sorry if I didn’t make my feelings clear to you. I understand you need time to rest. I’ll handle all your chores for you until you’re ready to do them. I won’t put a deadline on when you’re supposed to go back to a regular schedule. There is no timetable for this sort of thing. No one has instructions on how they’re supposed to feel or when they’re supposed to feel whole again after something like this happens.”

  Mattie’s eyes prickled with unshed tears. Regret churned in her belly.

  “Please come home to me.” He blew out another breath. “I need to talk to you in person, so I can make sure you understand I will give you all the time you need. This is your haus now. Let’s work this out and build a life together.”

  A tear slipped down Mattie’s check, and with a sniff, she wiped it away.

  “We can get through this together. I promise you that I will try harder next time. You’re mei fraa now. You’re the most important person in my life. Call me or come and see me. I’m waiting for you.”

  The message clicked off, and Mattie stared
at the top of the desk before hitting the button to erase it. Leroy’s voice and pleading words touched something deep inside of her, but she wasn’t ready to face him. She couldn’t admit to him that she didn’t know who she was or where she belonged. She didn’t know when she’d be ready to go home to him. Right now she just wanted to be alone.

  She gathered up the notes she’d taken on the notepad by the phone and then went back into the kitchen, where Mamm was drying dishes.

  “You had three messages.” Mattie set the messages on the end of the counter, picked up a dish towel, and began drying utensils.

  “Danki.” Mamm looked down at the messages. “I’ll call them back tomorrow. Were there any other messages?”

  “There was a message for me. I listened to it and then erased it.” Mattie put down the dish towel and placed dry dishes in the cabinet, careful to keep her focus on them. She didn’t want to discuss this with Mamm. It was already too painful to think about it, and talking about it would just drive the confusing emotions deeper into her soul.

  “Who called you?”

  Mattie retrieved her dish towel, gathered a handful of utensils from the drainboard, and moved the towel over them. “Leroy.”

  “What did he say?”

  Mattie looked up at her mother. “Don’t you already know the answer to that question?” She immediately regretted snapping at her mother, who had always supported her and her sister.

  Mamm raised her eyebrows. “How would I know what Leroy said?”

  “Isn’t that why Dat sent me out to listen to the messages?” She leaned her hip against the counter. “By the expressions on your faces during supper, you and Dat seemed to know there was a message for me.”

  Mamm frowned. “Your dat listened to the messages when he got home. He said he didn’t listen to the message from Leroy because it was private. He saved the messages and then told me he was going to ask you to go out and listen so that you could hear it.” She touched Mattie’s arm. “I’m sorry Dat misled you, but we were worried you wouldn’t listen to his message if he told you Leroy left one for you.”