The Beloved Hope Chest

by Amy Clipston

  CHAPTER 20

  MATTIE’S KNEES AND BACK ACHED AS THE SUN BEAT DOWN on her head and shoulders. She brushed her forearm across her sweaty forehead as she walked toward her parents’ cottage carrying the basket full of snap beans, cucumbers, tomatoes, and squash she’d gathered from her mother and sister’s garden. She’d also spent more than an hour weeding.

  Just before she reached the bottom steps, something glinted in her peripheral vision. She turned toward the driveway and gasped at the sight of Leroy leaning against his buggy with a basket in one hand, a vase of flowers in his other hand, and a quilt draped over his arm.

  Blinking with confusion, she stared at him. “What are you doing here?”

  “Hi.” He held up the basket. “Do you have time for a picnic?”

  She tilted her head as he walked toward her. “A picnic on a Monday afternoon?”

  “That’s right.” He gave her a knee-weakening smile. “I have the food and a quilt.” He held out the vase. “You might want to put these inside, though.”

  She set the basket of vegetables on the back porch steps and then took the vase in her hands. Her heart thudded in her chest as she inhaled the sweet scent of white daisies, pink roses, and baby’s breath. “These are my favorite flowers.” She looked up at him with bewilderment.

  “I know. That’s why I got them.” He raised an eyebrow. “So about that picnic . . . ?”

  She looked down at her soiled apron and cringed. “I’m a mess. I was just working in the garden.”

  “You look fine. You don’t need to change.” He gestured toward the house. “Just put the flowers inside. We can go sit over by the garden if you’d like.”

  “Okay. I’ll be right back.” She rushed into the house and set the vase of flowers and the basket of vegetables on the kitchen table.

  “Oh my goodness! Those flowers are so schee,” Mamm commented. “Did Leroy bring you those?”

  “Ya,” Mattie said as she picked out a clean apron and dress from her pile of clothes by the sofa. “He’s here. He wants me to go on a picnic with him.”

  “A picnic?” Mamm grinned. “That is so romantic. Go and have fun.”

  “I’ll be back.” She hustled into the bathroom and changed before checking her hair in the mirror. Then she dashed out the front door and met Leroy on the porch. “I’m ready.”

  “Great.” He held out his hand to her.

  She hesitated for a moment before taking his hand and letting him lead her back toward the garden, where he spread out the quilt on a patch of grass and then sat down. He patted the spot next to him, and she lowered herself down beside him.

  He opened the basket and pulled out a bag of rolls, roast beef, turkey, American cheese, two bottles of water, a bag of chips, and a zipper storage bag filled with brownies.

  She studied the food with awe. “This is perfect.”

  “I’m glad you like it. May I make you a sandwich?”

  “Ya. Danki.”

  He made her a sandwich and then built one for himself. They sat in amiable silence as they ate their food. Mattie’s thoughts spun with a mixture of admiration and bewilderment. She told him in her latest letter that they couldn’t be together as anything more than friends, and yet here he was giving her a generous picnic lunch on a lovely autumn afternoon. His thoughtfulness and dedication warmed her battered heart.

  She finally broke the silence. “Is the store busy today?”

  He swallowed. “It is.”

  “Shouldn’t you be there?”

  “Everyone is entitled to a lunch break, right? I chose to take a longer lunch break with my schee fraa.”

  A smile overtook Mattie’s lips.

  “How has your day been?” He crisscrossed his long legs as he faced her.

  “Gut. I swept the cottage, weeded the garden, and picked the vegetables I had in that basket.”

  “And you’re sleeping better?”

  “Ya. How did you know?”

  “Your face isn’t as pale, and the dark circles under your eyes have faded.” His expression became hesitant. “You look gut. I’m froh to see that.”

  “Danki.” She needed to change the subject before he begged her to come home with him. “How are Hank and Tillie?”

  “They’re fine.” He leaned back on one of his hands and looked up at the sky. “This weather is heavenly. I love the fall.”

  “I do too.”

  They made idle talk about the weather as they finished their sandwiches and then each ate a brownie. Soon the conversation turned to friends in the community.

  “Well, I’d better get back to work.” He stood and held out his hand to help her to her feet.

  She packed up the remaining food in the basket while he folded up the quilt and draped it over his arm. They walked over to his horse and buggy together. When they reached the buggy, she held the basket out to him, and he shook his head.

  “You keep it. There’s a letter in the bottom for you.”

  “Oh.” She stared up at him, taking in his handsome face and gorgeous dark eyes. “Danki for the picnic.”

  “Gern gschehne.” He touched her shoulder. “I miss you, Mattie. Come home to me soon.”

  Before she could respond, he climbed into the buggy and waved before guiding the horse toward the road. After his buggy disappeared, she headed into the house and found her mother in the kitchen.

  “How was the picnic?” Mamm sidled up to her.

  “It was wunderbaar.” She told her mother about the meal. “Why would he take so much time away from work to bring me lunch?”

  “I think you know the answer to that question.” Mamm peered into the basket. “Is there a letter too?”

  “Ya, it’s on the bottom.” She pulled out the envelope and then sat down on a chair.

  Mamm moved to the counter, as if to give Mattie privacy while she opened the letter and read it.

  Dear Mattie,

  I get the impression you believe I’m going to give up, but I’m not. If I have to keep sending you meals and desserts for the next three years or more, then I will.

  You seem to think that a nearly lifelong friendship is not a solid basis for a marriage, but I believe it is. My grandparents were freinden first, and then they were married and had six kinner. Why can’t we have a family together? Why won’t you even try to make it work with me?

  In your letter you said I’ve always been there for you, and you’ve been able to count on me since you were six years old. You said you appreciated my friendship, and I mean so much to you. Then you said you care deeply for me. If all that is the truth, then why do you want to live separately from me? Isn’t a gut marriage based on mutual respect and trust? Don’t we already have those things?

  I don’t understand you. If you cherish me the way I cherish you, then why are you insisting on staying away from me?

  You said you married me too quickly and didn’t give yourself enough time to mourn Isaiah. I’ve never rushed you, and I won’t rush you.

  Well, I think I’ve said enough for this letter. I’m in this for the long haul, and I hope you wake up one day and decide that you are too.

  Love,

  Leroy

  Mattie sniffed and looked up to where her mother stood at the counter.

  “Ach, mei liewe.”

  Mattie sniffed again and then folded the letter and put it back into the envelope. “There’s food left in the basket. Would you like to have a sandwich for lunch? I’ll sit with you while you eat.”

  “That sounds gut.” Mamm took a plate from the cabinet and placed it on the table. She sat down across from Mattie and made a sandwich.

  “He seems determined to win your heart.”

  Mattie sighed. “I know.”

  Her mother ate in silence for a few moments, and Mattie’s mind filled with images of Leroy and their friendship. Suddenly she remembered the kiss they’d shared the night of the shop’s grand opening, and a sizzle of heat thrummed through her. How she longed to relive that kiss. B
ut was she ready for all the intimacy a real marriage required? Anxiety replaced the heat that had rushed through her body.

  After her mother finished eating, Mattie cleaned up the kitchen and then she and her mother headed to the bedroom to sew. Later in the afternoon, Mattie took a break from quilting and wrote a letter to Leroy. Then she sealed it in an envelope before dropping it into the basket.

  Soon it was time to start cooking supper. Mamm told her Lizanne and Al were coming, which was unusual for a Monday night. But Mattie didn’t ask why. They were always welcome.

  She helped her mother prepare the meal, which was ready just in time when her father, Lizanne, and Al all arrived. After greeting each other, they sat down to eat.

  “So you’ve been busy quilting,” Mamm said to Lizanne as Al and Dat began talking business.

  “Ya.” Lizanne cut up her roast. “I’m making two king-size wedding ring quilts. They’re due in a couple of weeks. Business has picked up, and I’m doing custom orders.”

  “That’s wunderbaar.” Mattie spooned peas onto her plate.

  “How’s your lap quilt coming along?” Lizanne asked. “Mamm told me about it.”

  “It’s going well.” Mattie looked over at Mamm at the end of the table, and Mamm smiled serenely. So Mamm had been talking to Lizanne about her.

  “What brings you over for supper on a Monday night?” Mattie asked her sister.

  Lizanne’s gaze turned to Al and then back to Mattie. She placed her fork on the plate and sat up straighter.

  “Al and I have something we want to tell you.” She looked back at her husband, who was discussing furniture prices with Dat. “Al? May I interrupt for a moment?”

  “Sure.” He nodded toward Lizanne. “We’ll have to continue this later. Duty calls.”

  Dat chuckled. “It’s no problem.”

  Lizanne smiled. “Danki, Dat. Al and I have something to share. We want to tell you all first before we tell Al’s family.”

  Mattie stilled and her shoulders stiffened.

  “We’re expecting.” Lizanne bit her lower lip. “I’m due in April.”

  Mamm gasped and Dat clapped as Mattie sat frozen in place. While she was happy for her sister and brother-in-law, envy and grief swirled in her belly like a cyclone.

  Lizanne turned to Mattie and squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else. I didn’t know how to tell you. I never meant to hurt you.” Her eyes shimmered with tears. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

  “Stop it.” Mattie pulled her into her arms and hugged her close. “Don’t be sorry. I’m so froh for you. You’ll be a wunderbaar mamm, and I’m thrilled to be an aenti.” She buried her face in her sister’s shoulder and held her breath in an attempt to stop herself from crying.

  “That raspberry pie was amazing.” Lizanne carried the plates to the counter. “Were those raspberries from Leroy’s garden?”

  Mattie gripped the glass she’d been washing so hard she was surprised it didn’t shatter in her hand.

  “Ya, they were,” Mamm said. “Leroy gave me some raspberries at the beginning of the summer. I made a couple of pies and froze them.”

  Lizanne turned to Mattie. “Have you heard from Leroy?”

  Mattie glanced over at her sister’s innocent expression. This visit must have been planned between her mother and sister. Did that mean her mother had already known Lizanne was pregnant? Had she only pretended to be surprised at the news? Mattie gritted her teeth as she studied her older sister.

  Lizanne’s eyebrows drew together. “Why are you glaring at me?”

  “Was this dinner a ploy to get me to talk about Leroy?” Mattie pointed at their mother. “Did Mamm ask you to come here to try to talk some sense into me?”

  Lizanne gaped and then turned to Mamm, who frowned as she set her dish towel on the counter.

  “Don’t snap at your schweschder like that.” Mamm leaned her hand on the counter. “Lizanne said she wanted to come over for supper, I assume to tell us her news, so I invited her and Al to come tonight. Your schweschder asked about Leroy because she cares about you.”

  Guilt grabbed Mattie by the shoulders and shook her. Lizanne had always been nothing but supportive of Mattie. She helped Mattie with her chores when they were children. She kept Mattie’s deepest secrets, stayed awake with Mattie at night and listened to her talk about the boys she had crushes on at school, and dried Mattie’s tears when Isaiah and Jacob died. Her sister didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of her frustration or her envy.

  “I’m sorry.” Mattie slouched her shoulders. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

  “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have stuck my nose in your private business.”

  “Leroy brought her those flowers today, and he brought her a lovely picnic lunch they shared too.” Mamm pointed to the vase on the counter. She seemed to ignore Lizanne’s comment about being nosy. “He brought her a whole meal.” Then she counted off the contents of the basket on her fingers.

  “That is so romantic.” Lizanne hugged her hands to her chest as she smelled the flowers. “Are you going to respond to him?”

  Mattie returned to washing the glasses. “I’m going to take the basket over to his haus later. Do you want to come with me?”

  Lizanne grinned. “I’d love to.”

  “I’m really sorry for snapping at you earlier,” Mattie told Lizanne as she guided her horse down the street toward Leroy’s house. “I didn’t mean to take all my issues out on you.”

  The sky above them was cloaked in darkness.

  Lizanne squeezed her hand. “Stop apologizing. That’s the third time you’ve said you’re sorry. I’m not angry with you.” She paused. “I was worried you’d be upset by my news.”

  “Upset with you?” Mattie gave her a sideways glance. “You’re mei schweschder, my only sibling. I’m thrilled for you and Al.”

  Lizanne raised her eyebrows. “You didn’t need to hear that I’m expecting now. It’s the worst timing ever.”

  “That’s not true. Your life shouldn’t stop because mine has.” She guided the horse to turn right and then headed onto Gibbons Road toward Leroy’s house.

  “Your life hasn’t stopped.” Lizanne touched her arm as she spoke softly. “Your life has changed drastically, but you’re still here, and you have people who love you very much, including Mamm, Dat, Al, and me. And you still have Leroy.”

  Yes, I know, and everyone keeps reminding me.

  Mattie squeezed her eyes shut for a quick moment. Then she sat up straighter. “How long have you known about your boppli?”

  Lizanne sighed. “A couple of weeks.”

  “A couple of weeks?” Mattie shot her another sideways glance. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “I felt so bad about it.” Lizanne frowned. “I saw you wearing black at church and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. The last thing I wanted to do was make your grief worse.”

  “Please don’t feel that way. I could never resent you or your baby. This is a tremendous blessing. Don’t shut me out because you’re worried you might hurt me. I want to be a part of this.”

  “Danki. I want to include you, and I’ll do my best to be sensitive.”

  “That’s a deal.” Mattie’s stomach fluttered as she guided the horse toward Leroy’s house. “Would you take the basket up to his porch?”

  “Are you kidding me? No way. You have to do it.”

  “Please, Lizzie. I’ll be eternally grateful.”

  Lizanne crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you afraid to face him? He’s your husband. What’s the problem?”

  There it was—the question that got to the root of all the issues.

  Mattie sighed as she halted the horse on the street near Leroy’s house. A single lantern glowed in the kitchen. She silently prayed he hadn’t heard the horse and buggy.

  Lizanne studied her. “You’re avoiding the question.”

  “I’m tired of hurting him.” Mattie up thre
w her hands in surrender. “I don’t want to see his sad face when I hand him the basket and then tell him I’m going home to my parents’ haus.”

  “So then stop hurting him and stay here tonight so you have time to talk things out. I’ll take the horse and buggy back to Mamm and Dat’s haus for you.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “But it should be.” Lizanne leaned over toward her. “You’ve been hurting since Isaiah died and it only got worse when you lost Jacob. Aren’t you tired of feeling lonely and falling asleep at night with tears in your eyes? Stop blaming yourself for not stopping Isaiah from going to the bank that morning. And stop punishing yourself for Jacob’s death when it wasn’t your fault.” She touched Mattie’s shoulder. “Let Leroy love you. You deserve happiness just as much as I do, Mattie.”

  Mattie gasped at her sister’s words as fresh tears stung her eyes. The buggy was closing in on her, and she had to get out of it. She lifted the basket from the buggy floor and pushed open the door.

  “I’ll be right back,” she muttered before padding up the driveway.

  When she reached the back porch, she stopped and stared at the two-story house. Memories of her brief time spent there as Leroy’s wife rushed through her mind, and she pushed them away. Her sister was wrong. Mattie didn’t deserve happiness. She didn’t deserve Leroy’s love when she wasn’t capable of giving him the same love in return.

  She quietly set the basket on the porch and then hurried down the driveway to the buggy.

  “That was awfully quick,” Lizanne quipped as Mattie guided the horse back toward their parents’ house. “I guess you really didn’t see him.”

  Mattie needed to redirect the conversation. She couldn’t handle another lecture. “Have you and Al talked about names?”

  “Oh.” Lizanne seemed surprised by the question. “We have, actually. I was thinking of Malinda for a maedel.” She turned toward Mattie. “What do you think of that name?”

  “I love it. What about a bu?”

  “Well, Al would like to name him after his daadi, which would be nice. His name was Robert.”

  As Lizanne talked about names, Mattie’s shoulders relaxed, but her sister’s words about her happiness continued to swirl through her mind and haunt her thoughts.