The Beloved Hope Chest

by Amy Clipston

  How would Leroy react when he found the basket? He could send her another basket of gifts with a letter, or he could finally let her go. But how would she feel if he didn’t contact her again?

  CHAPTER 21

  LEROY STEPPED OUT ONTO THE PORCH AND STOPPED SHORT when he saw the basket near the steps. He picked it up and carried it to the kitchen counter. His hands trembled as he pulled out the letter and read it.

  Dear Leroy,

  Danki for the schee flowers, the lovely picnic, and the generous meal. The flowers have brought a lot of happiness and sunshine into the kitchen, and mei mamm enjoyed the lunch meat and rolls too.

  I thought about your questions in your letter, and I really don’t have any answers to give you. If we were meant to be a family, then Jacob would have lived. Without Jacob, we’re not a family. We’re just two freinden who mistakenly decided to get married too soon.

  Please forgive me for hurting you, but I owe you my honesty. I just don’t see how this marriage can work if I can’t give you back the love you’ve offered me.

  Danki again for the gifts. When I look at the flowers, I think of you and smile.

  Sincerely,

  Mattie

  Leroy stared at the letter, reading it two more times, and then disappointment lanced through his gut. He hadn’t expected her response to be so short or so repetitive since they’d shared the romantic picnic yesterday. He thought they’d bonded during the picnic, and he had hoped his questions would have pushed her to examine her feelings for him and make a decision.

  He sat down on a kitchen chair as his thoughts turned to Jacob. How different would their life have been if the baby had lived? Maybe he would have been the catalyst for Mattie to finally consider their marriage authentic, but Jacob was gone, and now Leroy had to find another way to show her the potential their friendship truly could have.

  Leroy folded up the letter and put it back into the envelope. Then he crossed the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He pulled out the loaf of banana bread and coffee cake he’d baked for her last night.

  As Leroy set the baked goods in the basket, he pressed his lips together and wondered what his mother would say if she saw all the baking he’d done in the past couple of weeks for Mattie. A calm settled over him as he contemplated his mother. She’d always loved Mattie. Of course she would have approved of their marriage.

  He blew out a deep sigh. If only his mamm were here to guide him through this confusing time. Mamm would have given him advice to help him win Mattie’s heart.

  “I miss you, Mamm,” Leroy whispered as he gathered up his notepad, a pen, and an envelope.

  Then he sat down at the table and began to write another letter to Mattie.

  Mattie peered out the kitchen window Wednesday morning. Her pulse quickened and she hugged her arms over her middle as a horse and buggy came to a stop in the driveway and Leroy hopped out.

  She admired his tall, muscular stature and attractive face as he walked up to the porch. She had a sudden urge to hug him.

  Whoa. Where had that come from?

  Pushing the thought away, she stepped out onto the porch. “Leroy. Gude mariye.”

  “Mattie.” He repeated the greeting before holding out the basket and a vase of red and yellow tulips. “These are for you.”

  “Danki.” She inhaled the sweet scent of the flowers. “They are schee.” She looked up at him. “Would you like to come in?”

  He shook his head. “I need to get to work.”

  She studied his eyes, finding pain and sadness there. A pang of guilt slammed through her. Her letter must have hit him hard. If only she could make things work between them.

  “Have a gut day,” he said before sauntering back toward his buggy. After climbing in, he guided the horse to the road.

  “What did he bring you today?”

  Mattie jumped with a start as her mother appeared behind her. “I didn’t know you were standing there. He brought me more flowers and the basket.” She inhaled the sweet scent of the tulips once again as she carried them into the house. She placed the vase next to the flowers she’d received on Monday.

  “They are schee.” Mamm sniffed the flowers.

  Mattie opened the basket and lifted out a loaf of banana bread and a coffee cake. “Look at these. He should have been a baker.”

  Mamm clicked her tongue. “Those are perfect. Let me make some tea, and we’ll have a piece of each.” She filled the kettle and put it on the stove.

  Mattie sank onto a kitchen chair and opened the letter.

  Dear Mattie,

  I’m froh you enjoyed the picnic and like the flowers. I wanted to do something special for you. I was disappointed your letter was so short after I poured my heart and soul into the last letter I sent you. Actually, I’ve been pouring myself into all of my letters, but they don’t seem to be helping you realize how determined I am to make things right between us.

  As I put the banana bread and kaffi kuche in the basket, I found myself thinking of mei mamm. I miss her. Mei mamm admired you and your family. She always appreciated how thoughtful and kind your parents were to her, especially after mei dat left us. I would have loved for her to be here now to help us through this difficult time.

  Mei mamm always gave great advice, especially when we were cooking and baking together. I’m sure she’d have gotten a kick out of the baking I’ve done for you lately. She appreciated that I was always more interested in learning how to cook than Joel was. To be honest, I just enjoyed spending time with her, and learning how to cook was a bonus.

  Joel once asked mei mamm if she thought he should get married someday. She didn’t understand why Joel asked the question until he explained he was afraid he would wind up like mei mamm—alone and sad after Dat left us. Mamm told Joel not to judge all marriages on her and Dat’s. She said Dat made a mistake when he left us, but it was Dat’s mistake.

  She explained love and marriage were a blessing, and we should all strive to find the right person to spend our life with. Joel asked if she made a mistake when she married Dat, and Mamm said no. She believed her sons were a blessing, and she had no regrets. I was grateful to hear she didn’t resent her life, but I will always regret her sadness and loneliness after Dat left.

  When I was a bu, I never thought I would understand mei mamm’s sadness, but I do now. I mean it when I say I miss you and I pray every night you will come home to me.

  As I write this, I find myself wondering what Mamm would say if I had the opportunity to ask for her advice on our situation. She once told me she could see you and me married and raising a family together someday. Isn’t it ironic that mei mamm believed in us, but you don’t?

  In your letter you said we’re not a family without Jacob. I disagree. Wouldn’t you agree Hank and Tillie are a family? Some couples are blessed with kinner and some aren’t. They don’t need kinner to be a family.

  Well, I need to get to work. Today we have to do inventory, so I will most likely deliver this to you Wednesday morning.

  I hope someday you will decide I’m worth fighting for.

  Love,

  Leroy

  “Here’s your tea.” Mamm set the mug next to Mattie’s hand.

  Mattie looked up at her mother. She’d been studying the letter so intently and for so long she hadn’t even heard the kettle whistle.

  “Danki.” She gripped the letter in her hand.

  “What did he say?”

  “I don’t understand why he’s holding on to me so tightly. He said his mamm would have approved of us. He also said he understands his mamm’s sadness and loneliness now that I’ve left him.” She folded up the letter and stuffed it into the envelope. “He’s hurting, and I need to release him.”

  “No, don’t say that.” Mamm reached across the table and squeezed Mattie’s hands in hers. “You don’t mean it.”

  “I actually do. When I agreed to marry him, I thought I could make it work, but I can’t. My heart isn’t ready for the love he
needs and deserves.” She blew out a deep, tremulous sigh. “I’ve made up my mind. I need to just cut myself off from him.”

  “Don’t do anything in haste. Give yourself a day to think about it.” Mamm pointed toward the doorway. “After we have our snack, you should go work on your quilt and think about it some more. If you need someone else to talk to, go and see Lizzie. Don’t make a decision you might regret terribly later on.”

  Mamm cut a piece of banana bread and a piece of coffee cake and put it on a plate before handing it to Mattie. “Here. He made this for you. Enjoy it and then go work on the quilt and think about how much he means to you.”

  Mattie complied, but her mind was already made it up. It was time to let Leroy go and move on with her life. She had to stop hurting him. Prolonging the inevitable with these letters and gifts was only making it worse.

  Leroy stepped out of his barn after caring for the animals and walked toward his house Friday night. He glanced up at the gray clouds clogging the sky and inhaled the strong scent of rain.

  Thunder rumbled in the distance. Memories of sitting on the back porch and watching the storms approach with his mamm and brother filled his mind. His mother had permeated his thoughts during the past few days. He again longed for her wise advice, but he held on to the hope that Mattie would come to her senses.

  As he unlocked the back door, the sound of a horse and buggy drew his attention to his driveway. His pulse skittered, and hope swelled in his gut. Maybe Mattie had come to her senses sooner than he’d expected. He descended the stairs, hurrying to the buggy as a light mist of rain kissed his face and another clap of thunder roared, sounding closer this time.

  When Lizanne and Al climbed from the buggy, Leroy’s hope dissolved.

  “Hi.” Al smiled. “Wie geht’s?”

  “It’s gut to see you.” Leroy forced a smile on his face as Lizanne hefted the basket from the buggy floor. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine, danki.” She held the basket out to him. “We had supper with my parents tonight, and Mattie asked us to deliver this to you.”

  “Oh, danki.” He took the basket and then gestured toward the house with his free hand. “Do you want to come in since the rain is starting?”

  Just then a bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by a loud boom of thunder. Lizanne jumped with a start and then laughed a little.

  “No, danki.” Lizanne glanced toward Al. “We’d better get home.”

  “Oh, okay. I appreciate you stopping by to drop this off.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Al waved before climbing into the buggy. “See you soon.”

  “Ya. Drive home safely.” Leroy started toward the porch.

  “Wait!” Lizanne rushed after him, meeting him at the bottom steps. “I have to say something.”

  He spun to face her. “What?”

  She frowned and pointed to the basket. “You’re not going to like her letter, but I need you to promise me something.”

  “What?” His shoulders tightened with foreboding.

  “Mei schweschder is confused.” She took a deep breath. “She’s convinced she somehow deserves all the pain she’s endured, and she believes she’s supposed to go through life alone now.”

  Rain soaked through his shirt, causing him to shiver as he listened to her. “What do you want me to promise you?”

  “Promise me that when you read her letter, you’ll keep an open mind and listen to what she has to say. But you also need to not allow her to alienate you. You have to be strong and keep trying.” She hugged her wrap closer to her body. “I’ve been trying to tell Mattie she deserves as much happiness as I have with Al, but she won’t listen. She thinks she had her shot at happiness and lost it. She doesn’t think she can find it again, but I know she can.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she pointed at him. “You’re the key to her happiness, and once she realizes that, you two will have a wonderful life together. It will be the brand-new start she both needs and is entitled to have.”

  Lightning blazed again, followed by a boom that shook the ground beneath their feet.

  “Lizzie!” Al called from the buggy. “Let’s go. You’re getting soaked, and the storm is getting worse.”

  “Go,” Leroy told her.

  “Promise me.” Her gaze held his.

  “Fine. I promise. Now, go on before the storm gets worse. Be safe going home.”

  “Danki.” She rushed through the rain to the buggy.

  “Lizzie!” He called as she climbed into the buggy.

  She turned toward him, her eyebrows raised.

  “Danki!” he yelled over another clap of thunder.

  “Gern gschehne!” she responded before Al guided the horse and buggy back toward the road.

  Leroy hurried into the house, flipped on a lantern, and placed the wet basket on the kitchen table. As he wiped down the basket with a rag, Lizanne’s words rang through his mind. The letter had to be bad if she had to make him promise not to give up.

  Worry and dread coiled in the already tight muscles in his spine and neck as he opened the basket and retrieved the empty baking pan from the coffee cake. He peered in and found an envelope with his name written in her neat handwriting.

  He held up the envelope and studied it while taking a deep breath. Lightning lit up the kitchen for an instant, followed by a loud roar of thunder.

  “It’s now or never,” he muttered as he sank onto a chair and opened the letter.

  Dear Leroy,

  Danki for the flowers and also for the appeditlich banana bread and kaffi kuche. We all enjoyed them.

  I appreciate all you’re doing to try to save our marriage, but it’s time to admit we’re fighting a losing battle.

  With this letter, I’m releasing you to live your own life without me. Please stop pursuing me and trying to convince me to come home to you.

  You’re wasting your emotions on me, and I’m not worth your time.

  I will cherish your friendship the rest of my life.

  Always,

  Mattie

  “No!” Leroy slammed his hand down on the table and then shoved his chair back with such force that it fell onto the floor with a clatter.

  Fury swamped him as he marched to the counter and pulled out a book of matches. After lighting one, he held the letter over the sink as it burned, reducing Mattie’s rejection to ashes. The acrid scent of the burning paper filled his lungs and wafted throughout the kitchen as thunder continued to rumble and shake the house.

  He gripped the sink with his hands, and keeping his arms straight and elbows locked, he leaned his head down as anguish drowned him. His strength and his hope were crushed.

  He couldn’t fight this any longer, but he still believed to the depth of the marrow in his bones that he and Mattie were meant to grow old together. And Hank and Tillie couldn’t fix this for him. What he needed was divine intervention.

  “God, please help me. I need Mattie in my life, and I believe she needs me too. Please make her understand our marriage is worth saving and that we can be a family no matter what life throws our way. Make her understand I can comfort her during her grief and show her happiness again. Please guide me to the words and actions that will touch her heart and bring her back to me. Please, God. Please help me be the man Mattie needs. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.”

  CHAPTER 22

  “GUDE MARIYE!” TILLIE STEPPED INTO LEROY’S KITCHEN. “I hope you haven’t eaten yet. I made a new breakfast casserole, and I thought you might want a piece.” She stilled and her eyes widened. “Leroy. You look terrible.”

  He looked up from the table and held his mug of coffee up in a sardonic toast. “Danki.” He pointed to the percolator on the stove. “There’s kaffi. Help yourself.”

  Hank emerged from behind her and approached the table. “The circles under your eyes are so dark you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

  “I didn’t sleep much last night.” Leroy leaned back in his chair and stretched before ya
wning.

  “Why?” She set the casserole on the table. “Was iss letz?”

  “I got a letter from Mattie. It’s over.” He lifted the mug to his mouth and took a long drink.

  “What do you mean by ‘it’s over’?” Hank pulled out the chair across from Leroy and sat. “Explain it.”

  As Tillie cut and distributed pieces of the casserole, Leroy shared his conversation with Lizanne last night and then gave a brief summary of the letter he found in the basket.

  “She wants me to walk way, but I don’t know how.” He looked down at the large piece of breakfast casserole. Despite the delicious aroma of egg, cheese, and bacon wafting up from the steaming food, his appetite dissolved at the thought of losing Mattie forever.

  “Maybe it’s time for you to take a step back again and give her more space. Do what she thinks she wants.” Hank forked a piece of casserole into his mouth.

  “That’s a gut idea.” Tillie pointed to her plate with her fork. “If you step away from her, she’ll have time to mull over everything you’ve shared with her and whether she’s made the right decision. Don’t send the basket to her. Just back off.”

  Leroy smiled slowly as he looked back and forth between his friends. “That’s a great idea.”

  “Eat.” She pointed to his casserole. “You need your strength. A tour company called yesterday and asked if they can bring their tourists over to see the shop. We’re going to be busy.”

  Leroy cocked an eyebrow. “Is that why you brought me breakfast? You’re trying to butter me up before a tourist invasion?”

  She chuckled. “Ya, that’s it. You caught me.”

  Hank frowned. “I should’ve known better. I thought you made the casserole because you loved me.”

  “That too.” She touched his cheek.

  As Tillie gazed at Hank, Leroy silently prayed the new plan would work.

  “I’m froh you joined us for church today,” Joel said as Leroy sat across from him at his kitchen table. “I’m just surprised you didn’t want to go to church in your district.”