Where The Pieces Fall : Lost Hearts (Lost Hearts Series Book 1)

by Blue Saffire

  “Which I finished on the bus on the way back from our game,” he replies.

  I gasp and turn my face up to him. “You did not finish that ten-page psych paper already.”

  He shrugs and pecks me on the lips. “Sleep, I’ll get your notes from your tablet. Let me at least start it for you. If you don’t like what I write, you can fix it,” his voice rumbles through my sleepy body.

  “No, you hold me while I sleep, and I’ll think about staying over while I write my papers,” I argue sleepily.

  “You’re aggravating me,” Caleb growls.

  I burst into laughter. “Why, because I don’t want you to do work I should be doing?”

  “Work, I’ve kept you from doing,” he says with a poked out lip.

  I giggle and cup his handsome face. “What you can do for me is make a list of your favorite things to do so we can brainstorm on the photo shoots for the calendar. I can work on my papers while you and Cam are at the gym tonight,” I purr. “And by the way, I’m just as guilty for me not doing my homework.”

  “Whatever,” Caleb huffs.

  “I love you, Caleb. You don’t have to do my homework.”

  “Horses.”

  “What?” I wrinkle my nose at him.

  “I love horses. Daddy used to take me horseback riding when my Mama couldn’t get me to settle. “I could ride on my own, before I could toss a ball.”

  I can hear the fondness in his voice. His eyes have a distant look, as if in his mind, he’s on a horse right now. I smile wide, knowing exactly what I plan to do for the photos for the calendar.

  “You’re just a regular cowboy aren’t you,” I tease.

  “Maybe,” Caleb shrugs. His southern drawl heavy. “I haven’t been on my granddaddy’s farm since he died. When I go riding, I go to a friend’s stable. I haven’t gotten my hands dirty on a ranch in years.”

  “Seriously? I was just joking. You used to be a cowboy,” I giggle.

  “I used to be a little shit head, with Cameron. Running around making more work for the ranch hands and our granddaddy,” Caleb shrugs.

  “You know you just get sexier by the minute,” I purr.

  Caleb groans, sliding his hand from rubbing my stomach, up to cupping my breast. “You should sleep,” he murmurs, just before kissing me.

  “Mm,” I hum as I break the kiss. “Sleep now, sex later, homework sometime after.”

  “Hurry up and sleep.”

  I let out a laugh as my lids droop. I’m too full and sleepy to reply. I pass out against Caleb’s warmth.

  chapter Sixteen

  Taking a Loss

  Nicole

  I’ve had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach all day. Caleb’s team has an away game in Arkansas today. I saw him off last night. The team will be returning tonight, right after the game.

  I wanted to go, but I have exams to study for. Honestly, I should have just gone. I haven’t focused on a thing in front of me for hours, this sucks.

  I look at the clock, for the millionth time, as I chew on the edge of my highlighter. It’s only five minutes past the last time I looked. The game should be over by now, but it will be at least another hour before Caleb and the team arrives back on campus.

  I heard talk about a big party being thrown for their return. I doubt Caleb will go, though Cameron has been partying a lot more since he and Kay have broken up. I haven’t seen or heard much from Kay in the last month.

  Tournaments are coming soon, so everyone has been high strung. Caleb’s team needs this win to stay in the running. If they lose, they could lose their seed.

  Caleb and Cameron are under so much pressure. Drafts are right in the middle of the tournaments and Caleb has high hopes. For Cameron, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. He has fun playing. Lose or win he’ll be fine with it. If he gets drafted, it’s just more good times.

  For Caleb, it would crush him if his team slips from their coveted spot, because he didn’t do well or because he could’ve done more. If he doesn’t get called up, again, his dreams will be smashed. I’m so nervous for him.

  I hate that he is under such pressure and I hate that I didn’t go to be there for him. Caleb insisted I stay behind to study. I love him for putting me first, but I wish I would have done the same for him.

  I just have this really bad feeling. I try to shake it off and pay attention to the notes in front of me. I wish Caleb were here. He has become the best study buddy, when we actually study.

  Not that I’m a terrible student. My grades were stellar before dating Caleb. However, I have seen improvement since we’ve been dating. Caleb sees things from a different view, which often helps to get to the heart of things and makes them stick better for me.

  When I finally get lost in my notes and some reading, my phone rings. I knit my brows when I see that it’s Cameron. The feeling in my stomach grips me. I reach for my phone and answer right away.

  “Hey Cam, is everything okay,” I rush out.

  “No, Nicky,” he calls me by his nickname for me, causing my heart to pound hard in anticipation. “He’s fucked up right now. You think you can meet us when we pull in. He needs you.”

  “Oh, my God, you guys lost,” I gasp.

  “Yeah, his head just wasn’t in it,” Cameron whispers.

  I don’t miss the hard edge to Cam’s words. Something else has happened. I know it. Now, I’m so sick that I didn’t go. I swipe at the tear that falls. I should have been there for him.

  “I’ll be there,” I say with a fierce promise in my voice.

  “Thanks, Nicky,” Cam sighs before hanging up.

  I jump up and pull on the thin jersey hooded dress, I had on earlier in the day. I pull on a pair of socks and shove my feet into a pair of converse. I know they won’t be here for a while yet, but I need to be moving. I can’t sit knowing something is wrong.

  ~B~

  Caleb

  I fucked up. I never should’ve taken my Mama’s call before the game. I just thought that just maybe she was calling to wish me luck. Daddy said she wouldn’t be joining him for the game. Mama took off a few weeks again on a trip to Greece.

  Mama has been pissed at Daddy for not going with her. It seems everyone but my Mama gets how important the next month of my life is to me. This is my moment of truth. I’m either going to play ball or I’m going to find something else to do with my life.

  I blew that game. It was all my fault. My Mama called me not to wish me luck, but to tell me once again about the bad decisions I’m making. Mama started out pretending she was okay with me dating Nicole.

  Now, lately, every time I turn around, Mama has been repeating all the shit she said to Nicole in the study that day. My head has been a fucking mess. I know what I want, but I’m no longer sure if it’s what I should want.

  I love Nicole. I can’t see my life without her, but I know I can’t be a husband to her. I know I can never give her a family. Or at least, I think I can’t give her those things. I’ve been talking to Cameron and Daddy about it a lot in the last few weeks.

  My father and I have never been so close, but I can see him trying. Something has changed and my Daddy has been a different person. I can see him treating me differently.

  Daddy said if I love Nicole, I need to hold on to her. Cam says the same thing. I just don’t know if their right or if I can. Everything is about to change again. If I get called up to the majors, I’ll be leaving her behind.

  Nicole is a Junior. She still has a year left in school. This is it for me. I graduate at the end of the month. In the same time frame I could be drafted.

  There’s no telling where I’ll end up playing. This shit is going to be hard. I hate being away from Nicole for a few hours. If I get called to a team away from Texas, I’m going to come unglued.

  Just let her go, Caleb.

  My Mama’s words have been ringing in my head since she said them this morning. I haven’t been able to focus on anything but them. What if my Mama is right? What if I shou
ld let Nicole go?

  “Thank God,” I hear Cameron breathe behind me as we step off the bus.

  I stop blinking and squint my eyes. My heart pounds the moment I laid eyes on her. With a hood pulled over her head, her dress clinging to her full hips and converse on her feet, she is the sexiest sight I’ve ever seen.

  I’ve missed her so fucking much, and I just saw her yesterday morning. It hits me hard that I don’t stand a chance in hell of walking away from her. Just seeing her helps me find my center again.

  When she pushes her hood back and runs at me, I drop my bag and catch her in the midair. Nicole wraps her legs around me and buries her face in my neck. I squeeze her tight, needing her embrace more than she knows.

  “I’m so sorry, Baby,” she whispers.

  “I need you,” I choke.

  I do. I need her bad. I need to be inside her. I need to feel her around me. When I’m inside her, I know she’s mine. Nothing else matters. I need that right now.

  She looks me in the eyes and nods her understanding. I start for the gym. I’m not going to make it home. The rest of the team is heading to some party on campus to drink their woos away. I know just the place where we can be alone.

  My bag forgotten, it doesn’t matter to me if Cameron gets it for me or not, I head into the locker room of the gym. I make it as far as my locker, before I start to devour Nicole’s mouth. The way she just yields to my desires fuels me.

  I deepen the kiss, begging her with my mouth to stay with me. I need her to fight for this the way my Daddy told me I should. I’m ready to give it my all and I need her to as well.

  “Caleb,” she cries, as I move to suck on her neck.

  I press her back against the lockers and push her dress up her thighs. Her legs are still wrapped tightly around me. When I reach her panties, I pushed them aside to tease her already wet center.

  The heat coming from her pussy drives me insane. I want to feel that heat around me. I reach between us and fumble to release my cock.

  “Caleb wait,” Nicole pants. “Do you have a condom?”

  I look into her eyes and blink my lust away. “I think I have one left over in my…fuck. My bag,” I grumble.

  Nicole bites her lip, as she looks down at my throbbing erection in my hand. She licks her lips and my cock jerks. Her eyes lift back to mine.

  “You’ve been tested, right?” She asks, in a soft shaky voice, before biting her lip again.

  I nod slowly. “Yeah, and I’ve never fucked anyone without protection before.”

  “I’m on the pill. It’ll be just this once,” she says quietly.

  The thought of nothing between us snaps my restraint. I lift her hips to angle her over my pulsing erection. Nicole locks her fingers in my hair, as I pull her down onto me.

  “Ah,” we cry out in unison.

  “God, Baby,” I groan. “You feel so fucking good.”

  I reach to cradle more of her weight on my forearm, bracing her thighs over my arms. She opens to me, as I thrust up into her hot body. Nicole buries her face into my neck, calling my name over and over.

  I’ve never felt anything this good. Her juices are soaking me, as I fuck her into the locker behind her. I’m a savage right now, but I can’t stop myself. The thought of losing her has broken something inside me, something only she can fix.

  Her ankles lock over my ass, as I pound out every word of doubt floating in my head. We can make this work. I can do better. We can have a life together. I won’t hurt her.

  “I love you,” I pant, kissing the side of her head as she keeps her face in my neck. “I love you so much.”

  ~B~

  Nicole

  His words have never been so desperate. I can feel it in my bones, something is wrong. This is not how Caleb makes love to me. This is something else.

  All I can do is ride it out and cling to him. Don’t get me wrong. He feels so amazing. Caleb knows what to do with my body and he never fails to bring me pleasure. Even now, as his hands palm my ass to knead my cheeks with each pounding thrust, he is applying just the right touch with just the right roll of his hips and force of his thrusts.

  “I love you, too,” I whimper.

  “You feel so good,” he groans.

  “You do too. Caleb, please!”

  I didn’t think he could ever feel better than before, but skin to skin. This is next level. I’m so close already. I ignore the bite of the locker digging into my back. It is actually mixing with the pleasure, as just the right amount of sharp pain.

  “Fuck, Caleb,” I moan-sob, into his neck.

  “You’re mine, Nicole. I can’t give you up. I can’t lose you. I’ll fight with everything I have for you,” Caleb bellows.

  I’m taken off guard. His southern accent has become thick, which usually happens when he’s frustrated or tense. I pull my face from his neck and look him in his eyes. There is a storm brewing in them. I can see the cracks in the plate. Someone has rubbed him raw about us.

  I have two bets that I know who. I’ve seen him change when his mother calls. His father has been stopping by the apartment to hang out with the guys more. I can see the Caleb loves that, but the calls from his mother make him tense and standoffish.

  I cup his face, while he continues to rock into me. My walls tighten and clinch at him. I kiss his lips. Reaching to wipe the tears that slip free from his eyes.

  “And I’ll fight for you, Baby,” I say with love. “You won’t lose me, Caleb. I’m right here.”

  He reaches between us and strums my nub. “I need you to come with me.”

  I bite my lip and nod my head. When he picks up the pace, I throw my head back against the locker. I reach behind me searching for purchase to anchor me.

  I loop my fingers through the padlock to either side of me. It is all I have. I grip the locks, as I cry out in bliss.

  Caleb roars out his own release, as my body shakes around him. I feel him shoot his hot seed inside me, causing me to come harder. His big body shudders, as he slumps into me. Reaching for the locker behind me for support.

  “Don’t move,” he breathes into my face as he presses his forehead to mine.

  “We’re not moving until you tell me what happened on that field today. I want the truth,” I huff.

  Caleb nods, locking his arms around me. He steps back from the lockers and sits on the bench with me still draped around him, and him still inside me. I can feel the mixture of our essence sliding down my thigh.

  “I lost the game. My head was fucking up. I couldn’t get focused. I should have done better,” he starts.

  “Well, where was your head?”

  “On our future,” he murmurs.

  I wrinkle my nose. “What about our future?”

  “What if I’m not what you want? What if you decide you want a family? What if me going pro changes the way you feel about me?”

  “What ifs suck. We can’t live our lives by them. We could sit here all night and come up with all the what ifs that could scare us apart, but the reality is, we love each other. If we want a family, Caleb, we’ll have one,” I say with conviction.

  “That’s just it, Darlin’. I don’t want a family,” Caleb say with pain in his voice.

  “What?” I gasp out, feeling like someone has slapped me.

  He shakes his head. “I don’t want a family. I can’t handle something like that. I…I don’t want to put my children through what I’ve been through. What if I pass this down?”

  “Stop it! Stop it, now,” I yell. “You could handle it if you wanted to. I hate that you feel like something is so wrong with you, that you would be hurting our children if they were like you. You’re brilliant, talented, and so freaking amazing. You just haven’t had enough of the right people showing you that.”

  “I don’t want a family,” Caleb says firmly.

  I start to feel cold inside. I wiggle to lift from his lap and let him slip from my body. The position we’re in is too intimate for this conversation.

&nb
sp; I stand and back away from him, wrapping my arms around my middle. I don’t know what to say. I do want children someday, but lately I’ve been seeing Caleb as my future.

  If he seriously doesn’t want children, that could be a problem. I don’t know if I can give up on the maternal instinct I have. I can’t look Caleb in the eyes because I’m afraid of what he might see.

  For the first time, I understand his fear. I feel the tears sting my eyes, because I don’t know how to change or fix this. I want to, but I don’t know how.

  “You’re pulling away from me,” Caleb chokes out.

  My eyes do snap up to meet his at his words. My mouth falls open, but no words come out. I can’t think of what to say.

  I clamp my lips shut, searching his eyes with my own. I see the plea in his blues and my heart aches. It’s right then that I know I’m willing to give my dream of a family up for him.

  I’ve fallen that hard. The fear I see in his eyes floors me. I know it’s not just the fear of losing me, but the fear of not being what I need. The fear of not being a good husband or father, things others learn to grow into.

  I step back towards him and wrap my arms around his neck. I press my swollen lips to his. Neither of us forces the kiss further.

  “I want what you want. I want us to be together. I’m ready for whatever that brings,” I whisper, even as my heart aches with the loss that my words bring.

  chapter seventeen

  Charity

  Nicole

  Things have been so busy around here. Caleb has barely had time to spend with me. His team has been killing in the tournament. After that loss, Caleb turned into a different man.

  The transformation has brought on more interest, as well. It’s looking very likely that Caleb will get picked up and called up to a major team right away. I’m so happy for him.

  I have awesome news. I hope this is just the beginning of what’s to come. I didn’t know I would be so excited about this, but we worked hard on our calendar and it paid off. We could hardly keep up with the orders.

  Everyone loved the photos of Caleb and the kids. Caleb riding a horse with a little boy, name Jack that has autism. Caleb on the baseball field with a little girl, name Jennifer, that has Asperger’s. We were able to get her in her softball uniform for the team she actually plays for.