1811-1812 How It All Began- Part 1

by Deborah E Pearson

  “The eldest two girls, though, are very handsome and manage somehow to keep themselves away from the reprehensible behaviour of the rest of the family. The eldest girl is a sweet, serene young woman, but the one I want to talk to you about is her sister, the second eldest girl. Her name is Elizabeth. She is an attractive woman, especially to me. Her performance on the pianoforte, though not entirely skilled, is sweet and beautiful, although her middle sister would always try to succeed her. I was in Miss Elizabeth's company quite a lot in Hertfordshire, and I am quite certain nobody knows of my attraction to her. However, I want to know if I did the right thing in not letting anyone know of my attraction and whether or not I should have made her an offer. I doubt myself."

  "Well, Darcy, if as you say, there are no connections and no fortune, and an ill-mannered family then yes you did the right thing."

  "I've come to miss her, though. She spent five days at Netherfield when her sister took ill visiting Bingley's sisters at Netherfield. I enjoyed talking with her, and I believe I am in love with the girl. I keep wanting to go back to ask her to marry me. She is bright, well read, and a very advanced thinker. I believe she would make an excellent partner in my life."

  "Now here's a turn, Darcy, was it not you who asked my brother how he knew that his wife was the one for him?" teased the Colonel.

  "I know, but I did not have any idea back then that I was going to fall in love. All I knew was that I was feeling lonely and as if something was missing in my life."

  "Well, it seems that something missing was the right woman in your life."

  "I know. I've already promised myself that I will not go into Hertfordshire again, and not put myself in her way."

  "Probably a wise move if she is as unsuitable as you say, but shall you forget her?"

  "No, I shall remain a bachelor for the rest of my life. Georgiana will have Pemberley when I am gone. I can't have the one woman who has captured my heart. I had already reconciled myself to never finding another woman who was my equal. I shall not do so again."

  "Heavy thoughts indeed, but if you love this girl this much, you have a fortune large enough to have been able to make an offer. You marry her, not her family. Perhaps you could minimise the contact with her family?"

  "That wouldn't be fair, they are after all her family, and I would expect her to love them no matter how they expose themselves. Although, certainly, she is not unaffected by their behaviour. She blushes constantly because of it. Besides, I overheard the mother talking and apparently the cousin was going to make her an offer. Therefore she was taken as far as I was concerned. I didn't sleep that night though as I was trying to reconcile all the contradictions I had in my mind."

  "And what was your success?"

  "None at all, for no sooner did I tell myself I would never think of her again then I thought of her with more affection than ever! I would remind myself she was likely to be about to get married and then the next moment want to rush over there and make her an offer. I'm not sure how much was my emotions and how much was a desire to save her from that odious parson.

  "The more I try to put her out of my mind, the more I wish she were by my side. I declare that there is no other woman in the world for me. She is the exception to the rule. She's witty, well read and certainly fulfils my idea of an accomplished lady. I'm sure that what she doesn't know she will gladly learn. She's perfect, but I fear that she'll have accepted the person's marriage proposal now and beyond my reach even if I were to change my mind and go back."

  "Darcy, I'm astonished to hear you say such things about a woman! Your arguments about the family, although not without merit, are weak. You are not a member of the peerage, despite the fact that our grandfather was an earl. As long as she is a gentleman's daughter or higher she is eligible to become your wife. Regarding fortune, you do not have to worry about that as much as I do! Even I do not understand how broad your investments are, you have increased the amount you are worth, so why torture yourself by putting money before your heart? Connections? You barely bother with London society as it is; why bother if they accept this young woman or not? You have enough influence that you'll both be courted for your wealth anyway. Georgiana will always be accepted for my family's sake. Remember she has the Darcy influence and my father's influence behind her. It would take a lot for her to be ostracised. However, if she is indeed engaged or likely engaged, then you had better stay away from her, as you would probably bring censure and disgrace to both of you."

  "I shall indeed. By the way, Fitzwilliam, would you please go with me to visit Aunt Catherine the end of March? I promised I would visit her at Easter."

  "Indeed I shall, Darcy. However shall you explain to our aunt that you are not going to marry Anne?"

  "I have already stated it to her several times, but she doesn't listen. Every time I hear the same question, 'when will you make good on the arranged engagement and unite the two estates?' I am so bored with this question!"

  "I sympathise with you Darcy, but must admit I am happy to hear you say so." Fitzwilliam's face broke into a broad smile.

  "How so Fitzwilliam?" Darcy looked suspiciously at Fitzwilliam.

  "Well, our aunt is rather overbearing."

  True! However, that is not what would make you glad. Why are you so keen on knowing that I am not going to marry Anne? "Indeed she is. Oh, and another reason I left Hertfordshire when I did was that Bingley was interested in another young lady for whom there were similar objections as in my case. I know they don't hold the same weight for him, but I didn't detect any peculiar regard on the lady's side. It seemed to me that she would accept only because of mercenary reasons. I am pleased that Bingley listened to me when I told him that the young lady had no feelings for him at all."

  "Are you sure that was the best course of action? Are you sure you were correct that she didn't have any feelings for him? How is he coping?"

  "Yes, Fitzwilliam, I was correct," answered Darcy, surprised at the question. "The lady was totally unsuitable, and expectations were arising that would have ruined him. It had to be done. He doesn't say anything about how he is feeling, so I can't tell how he is getting on. Really, the only thing I am sure of is Bingley maintains the same social behaviour he always has."

  At this, they decided to go and join the group.

  The evening was spent happily. They played bullet pudding, several times they had to reset the pudding as Georgiana, Mr Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam unsuccessfully tried to get the bullet when it fell on their portion of the 'pudding'. The real surprise of the evening though was that the fourth time it fell, it fell towards Darcy. Laughing, Darcy dived in with his face to sift the flour and find the bullet. For a minute Georgiana feared that he was laughing so hard that he would inhale the flour and choke. This, however, was not the case, and soon Darcy came up with a face covered in flour and a bullet between his teeth. Next, they played charades, and after that, the two ladies honoured everyone with recitals for the rest of the evening. The party sat down to cards and after that, the night ended as each of the young people had other things to attend to. Darcy was happy, for he had made a chance to talk about Miss Elizabeth with his cousin and gotten advice that he would have given had it been a friend of his who was in the situation and not himself.

  A few days later Miss Bingley rushed over to Darcy in a panic. "Mr Darcy, I have just read this letter from Miss Bennet. Apparently, Miss Bennet is staying with her aunt and uncle in Gracechurch Street. Charles, of course, would want to visit her if he knew. What should I do Mr Darcy?"

  "Simply make her letters disappear and ensure that Bingley gets no hint that she is in town."

  "Yes, thank you, Mr Darcy, I shall instruct the servants to burn her letters immediately they arrive. Without any of us even reading them."

  "I shall leave it in your hands," said Darcy, then as an afterthought he asked, "Does he still talk about her or show any inclination towards her?"

  "Sometimes, but nothing really to speak of," replied Mi
ss Bingley, and then she left.

  Chapter 14

  Humiliation is the beginning of sanctification - John Donne

  14th March 1812

  The winter passed slowly for Darcy. Estate business took most of his time in the mornings and then it was the season in London, so there were endless dinner parties and balls to attend in the evenings. None of these parties and balls had the same lustre of the Hertfordshire gatherings, and soon Darcy found himself dreading the arrival of another invitation. Mr Bingley missed Hertfordshire for the first half of the winter and would bring it up incessantly. This, although by no means a disagreeable a topic to Darcy, gave Darcy many a cause for alarm that Mr Bingley would not forget Miss Bennet, and might still be induced to make an offer to her. However, by the latter part of the winter and the early spring, Mr Bingley was making plans to visit the North. Bingley showed little inclination to go back to Netherfield, or if he did, then his sisters would complain and ask him either to remain in Town or to go with them to the North for a bit. Darcy was anxious to make a trip to Pemberley but found that business in town kept him there longer than he had planned, so the middle of March arrived, and he met his cousin the Colonel at his townhouse and made the trip to Hunsford. However, Hunsford was to be a greater trial to Darcy's resolve, much to his surprise.

  It was the day of their journey to Hunsford, and Darcy was anxious. He recollected that Elizabeth would have had an offer from her cousin, the odious Mr Collins. If she had accepted Mr Collins, then it would be the end of all Darcy's hopes and dreams. He had missed Miss Elizabeth's wit and light pleasing figure. Although he still didn't realise, nor would he admit, how much. Lady Catherine had written to him to tell him that the clergyman had returned married to a sweet, gentle woman. Darcy hoped that Mr Collins had not married Miss Elizabeth. However, he didn't know anymore and had to admit that Miss Elizabeth choice of Mr Collins would have been a prudential match. It was now nervously that Darcy told the Colonel nearly everything that had passed in Hertfordshire, the only concealment Darcy made was that the lady that Darcy had separated Mr Bingley from was, in fact, Elizabeth's older sister. Darcy did not expect to see any other acquaintance from Hertfordshire than Mr Collins and his new wife.

  Darcy nervously stepped from the carriage and entered Rosings Park, where his aunt and cousin were waiting to greet him. Approximately five minutes passed before Mr Collins entered the drawing room to greet the new arrivals. During that brief introduction, Mr Darcy found out that Mr Collins had in fact married Charlotte Lucas, Elizabeth's best friend and that his cousin Elizabeth was now staying at the parsonage with her cousin and friend. "Mr Collins, please allow me and the colonel to come and renew our acquaintance. We will walk to the parsonage say in half an hour?" Colonel Fitzwilliam proposed a change in the time.

  "Why wait? Let's walk over there with you now. I need to stretch my legs anyway” I'm going to kill you Fitzwilliam! This slight alteration was not as satisfactory to Lady Catherine as it was to Darcy. However, the three gentlemen agreed to it with such haste that Anne had no time to express her disappointment at them wanting to be out of the house as soon as they had arrived. Indeed, when with Lady Catherine and Darcy Anne rarely said anything. However, she would often be more forthcoming in the privacy of an afternoon's tête-à-tête with either of her cousins.

  The three men made their way back to the parsonage, where Darcy, so relieved that Elizabeth was neither engaged nor married, sat and listened to the conversation more than he spoke. He was happy to see his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam easily make Elizabeth's acquaintance. Darcy soon realised that his silence was rude and turning to Elizabeth he asked, "Miss Elizabeth, may I enquire after the health of your family?"

  "Thank you, Mr Darcy, they are all in good health." She then paused and asked him "My eldest sister has been in town these three months, have you never happened to see her there?"

  Bloody hell. Why am I to be tortured with hearing about your sister? “Unfortunately no, I have not had the pleasure of seeing your sister." He felt a pang of guilt and felt unable to proceed with the topic and was at a loss of what else to discuss. Fortunately, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who was much fatigued from the journey, recalled that they had been away from the house far longer than they should have been, and so they made their excuses and quitted the parsonage.

  "Darcy, you sly thing, you didn't tell me half of what was happening at Hertfordshire!"

  What the hell are you talking about? “I told you what I needed you to know."

  "Well, it's no wonder you fell in love with Miss Elizabeth. She's delightful! Something in Fitzwilliam's tone as he said this that made Darcy uncomfortable and slightly suspicious.

  "Watch out Fitzwilliam, she has no fortune, and I’ve told you what the family is like."

  "Yes you did, and no I'm entirely safe from Miss Elizabeth I assure you! However acting as you did will never attract her either."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, you had that grave austere face on you and hardly spoke to anyone, including Miss Elizabeth. Tell me did you do that in Hertfordshire also?"

  "I've said before that I didn't want to attract her. I love her, but I won't do anything about it. I cannot vouch for my manners in Hertfordshire. I was the same as I always am."

  "Uh Oh! Were you your usual charming self? You'll have a lot of work to do if you want her to fall in love with you! I know you better than anyone else. You would best start showing her your good heart. I know that you will do something about your feelings, I can see you struggling now."

  "She's not the one for me," said Darcy, so firmly that he surprised his cousin with his adamance, and himself with his prevarication.

  “Yes, she is Darcy, life is not always a pretty picture of the perfect you know, oh and she won't disgrace you one jot."

  "No, but the family would" They continued in like vein until they reached Rosings. Where they said no more on the subject, but each contemplated the situation. As usual Lady Catherine's favourite topic was speculating on when Darcy and Anne would get married, which left the two men to their thoughts. This opportunity Darcy took, and very soon he was lost in his own world. Wondering if it would be so terrible if he did ask Elizabeth to marry him, and daydreaming of this possibility, but just as he smiled at the thought of Elizabeth being mistress of Pemberley, his aunt brought him back with a start. "That idea seemed to attract you, Darcy, shall I arrange for you to marry your cousin by the end of the year."

  "No thank you, Aunt, I will not be marrying Anne as you know."

  "You smiled when I suggested the idea."

  Oh God! Keep your daydreaming about Miss Elizabeth away from Aunt Catherine! She’ll push you into marrying Anne if you don’t! “I’m sorry Aunt, an idea just occurred to me to buy Georgiana a new pianoforte" Darcy hastily lied.

  "What a good idea, should I commission it upon our return to London?" Asked the Colonel.

  "No, I shall do it myself when we return." The conversation continued, but Darcy was so distracted that he didn't hear a word of what was said, the afternoon turned into dinner, dinner turned into evening. Darcy made his excuses and went to bed early that night. However, once more sleep would not come. He tossed and turned, he was tired from the journey, he was mulling over the events of the morning visit, and then he was going over Fitzwilliam's comments when they left the parsonage. He got up to write in his journal, working through what he considered to be his dilemma.

  Could it really be possible for him to marry the woman of his dreams? He had missed her so much and had not wanted to leave the parsonage when they had, yet decorum stated that they should. Elizabeth was in his mind and his dreams morning noon and night. The more he struggled against falling in love with her the more in love he was. She was beautiful, and he was hopelessly in love with her.

  The next morning as he was out for his morning walk he met Elizabeth walking his favourite walk in the park of Rosings which was fortunate for Darcy as it meant that he could be sure of meeting the wo
man he loved in the walk that he loved. She shared his passions. Why, oh why, did he find out that she liked the same things he did. He felt himself in torment. Every day he loved her more, and nearly every day he met her in the park. Some mornings he would walk another way, in the hopes that he might avoid her, and yet every morning his footsteps eventually bent their way to his favourite walk again. However, except for the accidental meetings in the park, Darcy did not see Miss Elizabeth anymore until Church on Good Friday. That in itself proved an ordeal, for though Elizabeth correctly was seated with her Cousins wife, she was in fact seated directly opposite to Lady Catherine's pew, which meant the Elizabeth was seated directly across from him, and consequently he didn't hear a word of her cousin's long sermon. This in itself was no hardship for he was totally engrossed with the spectacle opposite him, and thanking God that Miss Elizabeth had not married the parson. It suddenly occurred to him that there should be an invitation to the parsonage for the clergyman and his family to dine at Rosings that evening. Darcy scribbled a quick note to his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam, who was seated next to his Aunt, and the Colonel whispered such to Lady Catherine. Lady Catherine was not unwilling to make such an invitation, and so it transpired that upon their leaving the Church Lady Catherine invited the Collins' for that evening, and the invitation was accepted.

  When the Collins' party arrived that night, it was his turn to be embarrassed by his relations. His Aunt, as usual, spoke of little else than the joining of the Rosings and Pemberley estates by the marriage of himself and Anne, hardly bothering to take a breath or to wonder if anyone attended to what she was saying. However, Miss Elizabeth and Colonel Fitzwilliam were talking with ease and rapidity after dinner, that they eventually drew the notice of both Darcy and Lady Catherine.