What's the Matter with Newton?

by Mark Young

Nurse Bunsen put a hand up to stop him. “Your scanner is working fine, Theremin. Better than fine,” she told him, and then she laughed. “You know, they always need good scanning equipment in the cafeteria, if you’re looking for a part-time job.”

  Then she cackled at her own joke.

  Scanning equipment.

  His processors started to overheat. I am no mere piece of equipment, he thought. I am a boy—yes, a robot boy, but a boy! With thoughts and feelings. And right now I am feeling . . .

  “Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Theremin screamed. He knocked down the pyramid, sending everything crashing to the floor. The jar of eyeballs broke, and the eyeballs rolled all over the room.

  “And it looks like your energy levels are just fine, Theremin,” Nurse Bunsen said.

  Couldn’t she see that he was upset? That just made him angrier.

  “I’m outta here!” he announced, and he burst through the door, sending shards of metal flying, shredding the “Safety Goggles Save Eyes” poster in the process, and leaving a Theremin-shaped hole in the door. Theremin didn’t even notice.

  Everything is going wrong! he fumed. And it all started with the new kid!

  CHAPTER 3

  The Most Annoying, Sneezy Song in the World

  Newton was listening to Shelly chat away as they walked to the headmistress’s office.

  “The last class of the day ended about an hour ago,” Shelly informed him. “Now is the time when most students do homework or extracurriculars. There are lots of after-school clubs. I can tell you all about them.”

  “Um, what about you?” Newton asked. “I mean, I don’t know who I am, but I’d like to know who you are.”

  “Oh, sure,” Shelly said, sounding a little surprised. “Sorry. Theremin says I can talk faster than he can process me sometimes. Anyway, my family, the Ravenholts, is a distant branch of the Frankenstein family.”

  Newton looked at her blankly.

  “Oh, that’s right, the amnesia,” Shelly said. “You don’t know about Frankenstein. Dr. Victor Frankenstein was a very famous mad scientist, who—”

  Newton interrupted her. “I’m still not even sure what a mad scientist is or does.”

  “Sorry,” Shelly said. “When someone is called a mad scientist, it’s because some people think the things they study are wrong or dangerous, even if they aren’t.”

  Newton nodded. “I think I get it.”

  “Good. So, anyway, Victor Frankenstein created a creature that some people thought was a monster,” Shelly went on. “It’s sort of his claim to fame. There were books and movies written about him and everything. People don’t think he was real, but he was, and he was one of the founders of this school.”

  “Do you make monsters too?” Newton asked her.

  “I guess it depends on your definition of ‘monster,’ ” Shelly replied. “I really like animals, so I’ve been working on ways to protect defenseless ones by making hybrids.”

  She held up her tablet and scrolled to a picture. “That’s a Chihuahua. They’re tiny little dogs. So I bio-designed this one with camouflage fur, for protection.”

  Newton nodded. “So it can blend in its fur with its surroundings.”

  “Exactly,” Shelly said. “Animals are my thing, I guess. So my goal is to find ways to use science to help them.”

  They passed a glass case filled with trophies, each one flashing holographic images of the student who had won them. Newton caught his reflection in the glass, and stopped.

  It’s my face! he thought. I’m seeing it for the first time. Or am I?

  The face looked kind of familiar. Small nose. Big eyes. Dark, wavy hair with a white streak running through it. And was that a faint tint of blue in his skin? Or was that just an effect of the bright light overhead?

  He glanced around at the other students. Some were short, some were tall. Some had crazy-colored hair. Some were made of metal, polymers, and plastic, like Theremin. He didn’t look any stranger than any of them.

  So why do I feel so different?

  “Newton?” Shelly called back to him, and then she stopped. “Oh, the trophies. It’s a very competitive school. In fact, the Mad Science Fair is coming up soon. Whoever wins will get a trophy that will go in this case.”

  “Oh cool,” Newton said, snapping back to attention.

  They walked a little farther and stopped in front of a door with a glass window etched with HEADMISTRESS MOBIUS MUMTAZ.

  “We’re here,” Shelly told him. As she reached for the doorknob, a girl with blond hair bumped into her.

  “Did the perfect Shelly Ravenholt get into trouble?” the girl asked.

  “I’m not in trouble, Mimi,” Shelly answered her. “Newton here is new, and I’m bringing him to see Ms. Mumtaz.”

  Mimi faced Newton. “New student, huh? What’s your whole name?”

  “Um, Newton Warp,” Newton replied. Something about this girl was making him feel uneasy.

  “Where are you from, Newton Warp?” Mimi asked.

  “Mimi, can you please save the questions for later?” Shelly asked with a sigh. “Newton’s having kind of a weird day.”

  Mimi smiled sweetly. “Sure, Shelly,” she said. Then she pulled a makeup compact out of her purse and opened it. “I’ll just stop questioning Newton and fix my face. The lighting in these halls can make your nose look so shiny. Am I right, Shelly?”

  Mimi picked up the powder puff and blew on it, causing powder to fly out and hit Shelly’s nose!

  Why would Mimi do that? he wondered.

  “Achoo!” Shelly sneezed. “Achoo!”

  And then Shelly started to sing. A lot.

  “This is the most annoying song in the world, the most annoying song in the world, the most annoying song in the world, and it goes like this . . .”

  “Shelly?” Newton asked, but Mimi pulled him aside.

  “Listen, Newton Warp,” she said. “My parents warned me that there might be spies at this school. You’re trying to steal my science fair project ideas, aren’t you? If you’re a spy, you’d better confess right now.”

  Mimi was the daughter of Crispina and Karl Crowninshield, the founders of Crowninshield Industries. They made products like the World’s Lumpiest Pillow and other items designed to make people miserable . . . but Newton didn’t know that yet.

  “This is the most annoying song in the world . . . ,” Shelly sang.

  Newton looked over at Shelly, then back at Mimi. “I’m not a spy,” he answered cautiously. “At least, I don’t think I am.”

  Mimi’s blue eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

  “It means, I can’t remember anything about myself,” Newton answered honestly.

  Mimi frowned. “You like to play games, huh? Well, I can play games too.”

  “Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!” Shelly sneezed.

  Mimi poked a finger in Newton’s chest. “Listen, ‘New-ton’—”

  Before she could finish her threat, the office door opened, and the headmistress stepped out.

  “What on earth is going on out here?” she asked.

  “Achoo!” Shelly sneezed, took a breath, and then kept on singing. “This is the most annoying song in the world . . .”

  Mimi started to slip away, but Mumtaz stopped her.

  “Mimi, what did you do?” the headmistress asked.

  “It was an accident,” Mimi said. “Somehow, I put purolated hydrobvious into my compact by mistake, and . . .”

  Shaking her head, Mumtaz snorted and muttered, “Hmph, it activates the brain’s misery center.” She then pulled a small vial out of her pocket, unscrewed the top, and held it under Shelly’s nose. “Breathe,” Mumtaz instructed.

  Shelly obeyed. “Ah—” The sneeze stopped midway. “Thank you!”

  The headmistress turned to Mimi and shook her head. “Can’t you behave yourself for even five minutes, Mimi?” she asked. “You were just in my office, promising me you would stay out of trouble, and yet . . . here we are.”

  “It w
as an accident,” Mimi insisted.

  Mumtaz sighed. “You are not getting off the hook this time,” she said. “Go to detention. Now!” Then she suddenly noticed Newton and her expression softened.

  “Shelly, are you with this boy?” she asked, and Shelly nodded.

  Mimi headed to detention as Mumtaz said, “You two, follow me.”

  Newton and Shelly followed Mumtaz inside her office. Newton found himself slightly mesmerized by the headmistress’s colorful outfit: orange and yellow tights, black shiny boots, a black necklace, and a dark green dress with pink arm warmers.

  And Mumtaz’s hair was just as colorful, a short bob streaked with orange and purple strands. Her large eyeglasses had thick dark frames. Her thin face reminded him of a . . . a bird.

  The headmistress sat behind her desk. When Newton saw Shelly sit in a chair in front of the desk, Newton took her cue and sat down next to her.

  “Now, then, let’s—” Mumtaz began, but she was interrupted by a ringing sound. The lenses in her eyeglasses flickered, then brightened, and then transformed into translucent screens. Words began scrolling on the screens.

  “Sorry, it appears there’s a slight emergency,” she said as she read the screens. “Professor Yuptuka decided to treat her students to a lovely French snack and teleported them to Paris. But she miscalculated the coordinates, and they’ve landed on top of the Eiffel Tower. Unfortunately, Yuptuka is very afraid of heights.”

  Mumtaz blinked and started speaking again. “Professor, you know that teleportation must be approved through official channels. You should have filled out a form.”

  There was silence as Mumtaz read the response. “Yes, I know that doesn’t help your problem right now. Why don’t you try teleporting to a location on the ground? Of course you didn’t think of that. Good luck, then. Au revoir!”

  The glasses flickered again and returned to normal.

  “Now then,” she said. “What’s brought you two to my office?”

  “Theremin and I found Newton in the library,” Shelly replied. “He doesn’t know who he is or where he’s from.”

  “Hmm,” Headmistress Mumtaz said, eyeing Newton.

  “I heard that Odifin Pinkwad was working on an amnesia formula,” Shelly went on. “So I was thinking that maybe since Newton is a new student, Odifin played a prank on him.”

  “That’s possible,” Mumtaz replied. “Newton, is it? Let’s get you settled in. May I see your ID please?”

  Newton unpinned the ID and handed it to her. Mumtaz took it from him and then swiped the air in front of her. A holographic screen popped up.

  “I’ll just run this through the student database,” she said.

  Mumtaz swiped the ID on the side of the screen. The back of the screen facing Shelly and Newton was mostly hidden by green laser lines, so they couldn’t tell what she was reading. Newton noticed the headmistress flinch and then inch closer to the screen.

  “Is something wrong?” Newton asked.

  Mumtaz’s face quickly reverted to a blank expression. “Nothing unusual. Just that you’re registered as Newton Warp, and you’re allergic to flamingoes.”

  “What are flamingoes?” Newton asked.

  “We’re in the beginning of our first semester here at Franken-Sci High, so I’ll assume you transferred from another school,” she said. “I see you’re already enrolled in a few freshman classes, but you’ll have to select some electives in the next few days to get a full schedule. Let me get a tablet for you.”

  Mumtaz got up and walked over to a supply closet. Newton leaned toward Shelly.

  “She doesn’t seem very surprised that I turned up in the library with no memory,” he whispered.

  “She’s not easily flustered,” Shelly responded. “As cool as water mixed with frozen cucumber extract. You’d have to be, to be in charge of this school. Weird things happen every day.”

  Newton nodded and glanced around the room. Portraits of women with birdlike faces and thick dark glasses adorned the walls.

  Mumtaz returned and handed Newton a tablet and a black drawstring bag filled with Franken-Sci High spirit wear.

  “Those are the former headmistresses of Franken-Sci High,” she said, smiling at the portraits. “Each one a Mumtaz. Now, here you go. You’re all set for classes.”

  Newton stared down at the tablet and the bag for a minute. Then he looked back up.

  “Is this it? What about my memory? Does the database say anything about my family? Or who I am?” he asked.

  Mumtaz looked at the screen again, squinting. “No, there’s nothing here,” she said.

  A wave of disappointment swept over Newton.

  Mumtaz swiped the air and the holographic screen disappeared. Then she walked around the desk and put a hand on Newton’s shoulder.

  “But you’re enrolled in the school, and your tuition is paid for, so I know you’re supposed to be here,” she said. “Maybe there’s a glitch in the system that’s masking the information about your family. I’ll look into it.”

  “And you’ll question Odifin?” Shelly asked.

  “Certainly,” Mumtaz replied. “In the meantime, I suggest that you make yourself at home here. I’m sure you’ll find, Newton, that Franken-Sci High is like one big, happy family.”

  “One big, happy family,” Newton repeated.

  “I’m assigning you to dorm room YTH-125,” she told him. “It’s all in your tablet. Your locker number’s in there too. Shelly, since you two are already friends, would you mind showing Newton the ropes? Oh, and teach him how to use the portal to the campus. He’ll have to pass the portal test in a few weeks, just like everyone else.”

  “Sure,” Shelly said brightly. “We can start right away.”

  Shelly stood up, and Newton followed her lead. Mumtaz held out her hand. Newton guessed he was supposed to do the same, and Mumtaz shook it.

  “Feel free to stop by anytime, Newton, to let me know how you’re doing,” she said.

  “Okay, thanks,” Newton said.

  Something told him that Headmistress Mumtaz was not telling him the whole truth. It made him even more determined to find out what was really going on.

  CHAPTER 4

  Today’s Secret Flavor Is . . . Cotton Candy!

  When they left Mumtaz’s office, Shelly could see that Newton was worried.

  “It’s going to be okay, Newton, I promise,” she told him. “But I’m sorry if I made it seem like Mumtaz could fix everything. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up. Honestly, I’m a little confused.”

  Newton hesitated. “Did you—did you get the feeling she’s, maybe, hiding something?”

  Shelly nodded. “Whatever it is, I am going to do everything I can to figure it out, okay?”

  Newton looked at her with sad eyes. He had reminded her of a lost puppy dog from the moment she saw him, and she was a sucker for any animal that needed help, or was hurt or lost.

  Back home it seemed like they were drawn to her. It was some kind of strange sixth sense. She once caught a baby bird just as it fell out of its nest. An injured squirrel showed up on her doorstep, and she made a bionic leg for it. She even knitted a bodysuit for a bald porcupine, and nursed a star-nosed mole with a hurt paw back to health. Shelly felt very lucky that her mom and dad appreciated what she was doing and let her turn the garage into a wildlife rescue center.

  As Shelly got more interested in mad science, she started making animal hybrids. Some people called them “monsters,” but Shelly’s goal was for the greater good. She wanted to make animals that could withstand harsh conditions, repair their own bones, and survive oil spills. Animal rescue was her first love, and she was grateful that when she had left for Franken-Sci High, her parents promised to keep her rescue work going.

  When she thought of Newton, who had no idea who his family was, she felt a pang of sympathy. She wanted to help him.

  “Let’s go to your locker first,” Shelly told him. “Let me see your tablet.”

  Newton pas
sed it to her, and Shelly nodded.

  “We’re in the same locker hive,” she said, handing the tablet back to him. “Come on! To get to our lockers, you make a right here at the Sentient Vegetation Incubator,” she said, pointing to a glass wall where Newton could see that some unfortunate student was wrestling with an aggressive ivy vine. “Try to remember that if you get lost.”

  “Well, my brain is pretty empty right now, so I should be able to fill it with a lot more stuff,” Newton joked.

  Shelly laughed. “That’s pretty funny, Newton! Guess your brain bank is pretty empty.”

  She made a right turn and about halfway down the hall, stopped in front of a gleaming metal locker.

  “Locker number 352.17,” she said. “You’re lucky you’re on the first hive level.”

  Shelly looked up, and Newton saw that rows and rows of lockers, going up as high as fifty feet, were stacked on top of one another. “I’m all the way up there,” she told him.

  Then she looked back at Newton’s locker. “They’re a bit tricky to open. I’ll show you,” she said.

  She pointed to a glass pad on the right side of the locker door.

  “Students here are very protective of their experiments and their research, so the school developed a triple-factor verification program for lockers,” she explained. “First, it reads your fingerprint.”

  She motioned for Newton to touch a button on the pad with his finger. He obeyed, and a beep sounded.

  “Next is the eye scan,” Shelly said. “Just open your eyes wide and put them close to the pad. They don’t have to touch.”

  Newton leaned forward. A green light flashed across his eyes. Beep!

  “So far, so good,” Shelly said. “Finally, the saliva analysis. You need to lick the lines on the bottom of the pad, and it recognizes your DNA. Professor Phlegm is in charge of it, and he chooses a different flavor for the pad every day. What kind of flavor we get usually depends on his mood. He must be in a good mood today because it tastes like cotton candy.”

  “Cotton candy tastes good?” Newton asked.

  “Try it and see,” Shelly said.

  Newton cautiously leaned down again and licked the pad. Then he smiled.