Atlas Lost

by Alaska Angelini

  Chapter 18

  Cara

  Maybe I had lied a little. Or a lot. But what could I say? I couldn’t tell Ri or Atlas the truth. And I sure as hell didn’t want to admit it to myself. What had I done? Worse, what was I becoming?

  Atlas sucked in air, his lids flying open as he awoke and spun toward me. I was sitting in the corner of the tent, hugging my legs. The tears were still coming, and I wasn’t sure when they would stop. Greed, something I thought I had gotten rid of with Ri, was circling back through my system. It was tinged with murder and a darker lust I was terrified of.

  “What happened?” Atlas’s eyes darted to the opening of the tent, only to come back to me. He reached for his sword, hesitating as I shook my head.

  “They’re not a threat,” I managed. “You wouldn’t have heard them come.”

  “You were screaming. I heard you, but I didn’t wake. I saw you asleep. How were you sleeping if you were—”

  Harder, I cried at his confusion. The pain in it made the guilt grow.

  “Shhh.” He let go of the sword, lifting my hand, only to freeze at our contact. “You feel like them. Your energy…it’s stronger, but…” He swallowed hard. “Let me into your mind. I want to see.”

  “Atlas.”

  “Cara, let me see.”

  Anger coated his words. Whether it was from the Ri inside me or because I was guarding myself from him, I wasn’t sure.

  “There’s nothing to see. I want to forget about it. I’m done talking.”

  “You’re refusing to be open with me?”

  “It was nothing.”

  “It was something. If it wasn’t, you would open. Mates don’t hide anything. They don’t lie to each other. They don’t put blocks on their connections. Mates—”

  “I didn’t ask for this!”

  Pain. It was a dagger to my heart as Atlas’s head reared back.

  “You didn’t ask for this?” I was spun to my back so fast, I hadn’t seen him move. “Take it back, Cara.”

  “I…”

  “Take it back.”

  Lips crushed into mine far from their usual gentleness. The heat that connected us burned at my core, and I gasped as his fingers tore at the button of my pants. The zipper gave way, not standing a chance as Atlas’s hand pushed down the front. My moan couldn’t be contained. My legs spread wider, regardless that I couldn’t meet his eyes. The lust. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t right.

  “Look at me. Say you don’t mean it. You couldn’t. There’s nothing mates wouldn’t do for each other. You’re scared of something, when you don’t need to be. Do you not feel us? Do you not feel the way our souls are one?”

  Pressure from one of his hands gripped into my face while he used the other to separate my folds, teasing over my clit.

  “I do.”

  “We share the deepest levels of love. This love would kill for you. This love would go to war for you. Protect you. We’re meant to learn lessons throughout our lives, but the only thing I’ve learned is to guard what’s mine. I failed once. Karma be damned, I won’t do it again. Not if it means losing you. I could have lost you today,” he groaned, kissing me again.

  “You won’t lose me to them.”

  “Damn right I won’t. I won’t lose you to anyone. No one. Now, tell me you didn’t mean what you said. We both know you wanted this. Somewhere inside, you wanted me too. Admit it.”

  Another finger stretched me, pushing deep as he continued his slow thrusts. My mind was becoming muddled, and maybe that was his intention. But I couldn’t think to care. I never had a reason for secrets. I didn’t like lies.

  “I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. You scared me, but it didn’t stop our connection.”

  Atlas let out a long breath, lowering his forehead to mine. “Don’t ever say you didn’t ask for this. We’re meant to be. We belong together.” He paused. “I need you to be honest with me. Show me what happened. I don’t care what it is. It changes nothing.”

  His thumb teased over me mercilessly at my hesitation. “I can’t. It changes everything.” A stream of tears slid down my face as he rose enough to stare into my eyes. For seconds, I studied his depths. When I pushed my fear into him, his fingers paused, anger rumbling in his throat.

  “You’re terrified. You’ll show me right now.”

  “Kiss me. Make me forget.”

  “I ask for your truth and you ask me for affection?”

  “Look how you tease me even as you ask? It’s better this way.”

  “No.”

  “You have…love for me?”

  “Have love for you?” Atlas blinked repeatedly. “Have love…oh, mate. This life is but a speck of the time I have known you. We’ve always been together. Even if we’ve never met. You’ve been part of me, and I, you. I love you. I don’t need another second to get to know you to realize that.”

  “It’s so easy for you to say. Aside from who we are at our core, you don’t know my personality this life. Or who I am, or what I’ve been through.”

  “You’re thinking like a human again. I don’t have to know your life lessons. I feel how right our connection is. I feel how we’re meant to be. I believe that’s love.”

  “Then show me. I need it right now. I need you.”

  Frustration increased in his energy as he lifted. Each article of our clothing hit the side of the tent, cementing his anger. He wanted this as much as I did, regardless that he wanted honesty as well. I didn’t care. And maybe he didn’t in his submission either. By the way he was spinning me to straddle his sitting frame, we were already wrapping ourselves around each other. Atlas sat, hugging me to him as he kissed the morning away. No Ri, no creatures stalking our every move.

  He ran his hands down my back, gripping my ass and lifting me to fit against him. I was already so wet, I moaned as he stretched and inched inside me.

  “Tell me you love me again.”

  “Just once?”

  My head shook as I took in more of his length. Rotating my hips, I held the back of his neck as I withdrew, only to sink down further.

  “A million times.”

  “I love you.”

  A cry left me as he lifted and brought me down harder.

  “I love you.”

  Faster, he thrust, repeating it. My hands moved to the sides of his face, feeling his emotions. I let them flood me, masking the sour guilt and lies swimming around within. His love blanketed my entire being until I was intoxicated in his sense of self.

  “Say it back. I can feel how you want to.”

  Atlas was so thick inside me. And he was right. The closer I got to my orgasm, the more I wanted to scream the truth. But with my new sins came new insecurities. Ones Ri had once taken away. Questions bombarded me: Was this real? Would this last? Would Atlas hurt me if this bond ever broke? What if he came to find out it wasn’t love at all?

  “You resist? You’re…doubting us again?”

  “Stop reading me. I was thinking. Nothing more.”

  “Say it then. I felt it. Tell me.”

  My teeth sank into my bottom lip. “I love you…and that scares me.”

  Atlas rolled me to my back, leveling his face with mine as he ground his hips into my inner thighs. A cry left me, but our gaze never broke.

  “If it scares you, your love is real. Say it again.”

  “I love you.”

  “Again.”

  My lips parted, and my breathing turned heavier as he pinched my nipple.

  “I love you.”

  “Again.”

  “I…love you.”

  He slammed into me as he built me up higher. My nails dug into his back with all the urgency I felt.

  “Again.”

  “I love you. I-I love you. I—”

  Atlas’s lips crushed into mine as spasms overtook me. He was swelling, pushing deeper as he captured my continuous moans. When he broke away with one of his own, love was all I knew. It was in his expression, in the way he held me through
his release. It was radiating from us both. And it was undeniable.

  “Can a bond like the one we share ever reverse?”

  “What?”

  “We’re mates. Can that change? Can our bond go away?”

  Atlas withdrew, pulling me into his arms as he laid beside me. In soft strokes, he brushed back my hair.

  “That’s what you’re afraid of? That what we have will disappear?”

  “Can it?”

  “No. Not if we lived to be a million years old. To my last breath, I’m yours. Even afterward. Twin flames…” his brow creased. “You saw how we were made. With this mating put into place on top of who we are, it is the ultimate unbreakable bond. The love we feel is real. It goes back to the beginning of who we are.”

  “And if one of us dies?”

  Atlas paused. “It changes nothing. This life, the next, the one after. For however long we live, even if we are reborn without remembering our past lives, we’ll search for each other again. We can’t help it. You and I are like magnets. One day, maybe thousands of years from now, amongst millions of people, the timing will be right. You and I will see each other, our eyes and souls will connect, and within that second, I will fall in love with you all over again. That time, it’ll be stronger than this one. We’ll have a lifetime of love already behind us.”

  “Like quantum entanglement. Two particles on opposite sides of the universe, yet they’ll always be connected and affect each other no matter what happens to them. That’s beautiful. Perhaps souls are quantum entangled as well.”

  “That’s the wonders of life. Of love and light.”

  My smile faded.

  “What if I’m not light? What if I’m not good?”

  “Of course you are. You’re mine.”

  “Well yes, but I’m not so sure about the good or light. Something—” I stopped.

  “Are you ready to show me?”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Of what I’ll think of you?”

  “That, and what I’ve done. Atlas, it’s really bad.”

  “There’s always a darker side to one twin. It’s what evens us out. It’s balance. I accept this. I accept you, no matter what. Let me see. Let me help you.”

  At my uneasy stare, he waited, countering my nervousness with encouraging vibrations. Like a dam broke inside, I let the morning flood out in a massive shade of visions. Of black, red, graphite…of yellow.

  Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

  The beating awoke me. There was an extra pulse, and it was close. I hadn’t expected to hear it. Only Atlas had the ability to hear the Ri. I had picked up on his gift during our hike. But this wasn’t coming from his mind. The ability was my own. I sat so I could peek out of the tent. Turning, I went to wake him when something changed. A temptation sparked. Something new. Something unfamiliar. It was an attraction I couldn’t fight.

  Easing outside, I walked to the foggy edge in a trance-like state, easily climbing along the side rocks I could barely see. Sight was pointless when I felt the heartbeat getting stronger. My gaze stayed ahead, neglecting what was at my feet. My arms came out, balancing me on the edge as if I were some sort of reckless child. I cared not for the fall. I needed it. I wanted to test these creatures who were supposedly devoted to me.

  “Atlas, I can’t go on.”

  Wide eyes blinked, but there was hunger there. One desperate for the truth. He could feel my emotions. Read my thoughts. More encouragement came. I took a big breath, letting go, and plunged myself over the steep edge of the mountain, right into the foggy, white nothingness. Atlas’s hand locked in my hair, but I continued falling. Feeling nothing but a quick jolt as I was hit from the side.

  Large arms swooped around me, spinning me so the Ri could take the impact as we slid down the rocky slope. The heartbeat increased, awakening the tie I held with the creature whose yellow reptilian eyes bore into mine as we rolled to a stop. The need to talk was there. He tried breaking into my mind, but my palm was already on his stomach. Tingling prickled, and my energy took hold of his, drawing it up his throat, right into my waiting mouth as our lips connected. I sucked with all my might, holding to his stiff, scaly frame as he tried everything he could to fight the weird spell my frequency emitted to disable his.

  More heartbeats—a cadence of increasing war drums as they rushed toward me. For the first time, terror struck like a knife. The glamour began to fade. My energy let go, and the Ri fell to the side at my push. Empty. Dead. I jumped to my feet, fighting the unlevel ground as I ran back for the tent. But their energy was there. They were everywhere.

  “I didn’t mean to. I swear. I don’t know why I did that.”

  Four dark humanoid creatures took form so close, I had nowhere to run. With each step, sharp teeth and claws emerged. They were going to kill me for murdering one of their own. Traitor oozed from their large build. It was written in their narrowed eyes and long tongues as they licked the length of their wide mouths.

  “Please, I swear. I…stop,” I panted. “One more step and I’ll scream. I’ll…” My hands were already coming out to face them. And the fear was leaving, becoming the freeing feeling of purpose. Of food for the darkness tied to my soul. The same things that wanted to eat me, wanted to eat them.

  Pulsations engulfed my aura. One creature stopped, looking toward another. When pressure shoved against me, I could tell he couldn’t come closer. None of them could. They couldn’t move.

  “I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry. I…”

  Level with two of their stomachs, my palms stayed the course as my body grew a mind of its own. The denials kept coming, but they meant nothing to the churning from Ri’s tie. It wanted them. And like before, the twisted lust began to consume me. Dark cravings forced my new power from my palms, and their essence flooded me with more pleasure than the world’s finest chocolate. Multiple minds tried to reach out for help, for Ri, their king, but just like their spirit, they were held to my will.

  Dark mist oozed through the air. It swirled around me, fighting my mouth to open wide as it forced its way in. One by one, they fell as I turned my attention to the next. As the last dropped to the ground, all I saw was a world tinted in black. In evil. My future. They were a part of me now. Stuck to my insides like toxic, poisonous pleasure. And even though I was repulsed, the shadow side of me was in heaven, so high, it was addicting.

  “Atlas…I’m not good. I’m not good.”

  He hugged me close. He didn’t speak, but his emotions were all too revealing. Underlining the blank, shocked slate of his thoughts was confliction. He wasn’t sure whether to be afraid for me, or of me. It had me holding him as if his large frame could ground the devil inside.

  “It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. I’ll take it away. Somehow, I’ll make it stop.”

  “How?”

  “I’m not sure,” he whispered. “But I won’t stop until I find a way.”

  Chapter 19

  Atlas

  Water rippled at my steps. Although the day was growing comfortably warm, the river felt like ice over my feet. It was calmer here, and there was no way around except through. To stay a moment longer at camp would have been a grievous mistake. After what I had seen, getting Cara to my sister was of extreme importance. Not just because Ri might go back on his word and send more of his soldiers, but because if he knew what she’d done, if he could have seen it, he’d realize how to tempt her with darkness. And that would tie Cara to him even more. Like an addict, he’d feed her. And she wouldn’t be able to help herself. I’d lose her to my enemy, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  “Oh, God. Oh shit. It’s cold.”

  I held Cara’s free hand, letting her squeeze my fingers as she got waist deep. Her pants bobbed above her head as she tried a feeble attempt to run. It only had her tripping and dipping down to her chest as she gasped and cursed to right herself.

  “Tell me we’re not far and there’s a shower with warm water. I’d love a ho
t shower. And food. And coffee. I’d walk twice the width of this river if I knew there was coffee waiting for me on the other side.”

  I laughed, easily holding up the pack as I leaned in to kiss her cheek.

  “Coffee lowers your vibration. But it’s good. I’ve become rather fond of it myself these last few years.”

  “So they have it?”

  “No.”

  “Damn. What about the w-warm shower?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Sort of?”

  “Better than your human showers. Cara, we need to talk about what may happen when we get there.”

  She paused, glancing over. “You’re worried what they’ll think about your return.”

  I nodded as we broke past the middle of the river. My grip slid under her bicep, lifting, as the water began reaching up toward her neck. Deep gasps left her while her teeth chattered.

  “I may not be received well. The people may refuse to let me in at all. You, though…Kelu will take you. She’ll keep you safe until I can sort this out with Ri.”

  “You’re l-leaving me there?”

  My lips twisted at the pain in her chest.

  “Not leaving you. Not in the way you’re interpreting it. I’m getting you to safety in a place Ri doesn’t have access.”

  “But I’ll be there without you.”

  “Possibly.”

  “What about y-your safety? We have to stay together. If they won’t l-let you in, I’m not going either. I’ll r-refuse.”

  The chattering was so bad, Cara could barely get the words out.

  “You can’t refuse. There’s no other way. We have to break this tie, or at least weaken it. The Paltenian may be our only hope.”

  “Break Ri’s tie? No, I-I don’t think so.”

  “You don’t want the tie broken?”

  Cara’s eyes shot to me as we headed up toward the bank. “Of course I do. But I know what I f-feel. I’m not sure it’s possible. Not without you. You’re s-strong, Atlas. So much stronger than when we first got here.”

  I laughed, helping her over the slippery rocks along the edge.

  “I was drained, no thanks to Ri. But it was worth it. He healed your face and revealed his secrets. Now that the Dron has stepped in and made me better than before, I can actually do something. I can make it right by you and my people.”