Let Love Find You

by Johanna Lindsey

  When Amanda turned away from the racetrack, she saw that Devin had brought his horse down to the track and that a groom was just then delivering Sarah to them, already saddled.

  As Devin offered his cupped hands for her to step on, Amanda reminded him, “You said I’d lose Kendall if I don’t ride with him.”

  “No, what I was getting at was he could shrug you off if he knows you won’t ride.”

  “I’ve gone through this hell for a ‘could have’?!”

  “No, you proved something to yourself—that you can tackle anything, even your own fears, with the right incentive. You don’t think that was worth discovering?” She started to answer, but he added, “Bloody hell, so now I have to make sure you excel at this?”

  His obvious irritation at her father’s order banished her own anger completely. “I’m sure you’ll manage somehow,” she said with a smirk.

  “No, you better manage it. I was going to say you’re ready for a ride with Kendall, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “You really thought I was ready?”

  “With limitations, one being that you keep it slow. You can do that by using the excuse that you want to be able to talk with him while you ride. The other limitation is that—well, I do agree with your father, you should forget about the sidesaddle. If you’ll be embarrassed to be seen in that skirt in Hyde Park, I suggest you ride with Kendall at Norford instead. You might even mention your dislike of the sidesaddle and why. Or we could resume your lessons at Norford.”

  Since he was apparently all business again, she told him, “I’m going for final fittings this afternoon, since I needed new gowns for the weeklong party, and we’re going home this weekend to start preparations. The guests will start arriving early in the week, but I suppose we could get in a few more lessons at Norford Hall, if you’d like to come early.” She grinned. “Not a bad idea, since that will guarantee you a room in the house. Those will go fast, once everyone starts arriving.”

  “I imagined a duke’s home would be huge. It’s not?”

  “’Course it is, but Norford Hall has never had a party like this one, at least not after the last of my aunts moved out. The guest list is already approaching several hundred! We’ll need to make arrangements with some of our neighbors to accommodate the overflow.”

  He mounted his horse, which had been eyeing Sarah from the moment she got there. “We’re going to ride a circuit around the grounds today. Kendall’s usual mount is a stallion. We need to see how you do riding next to one. It will be his duty to control his horse, and while I have absolutely no doubt that he will do so, the test is for you to see that all you need to do is not get nervous if the stallion comes too close.”

  That sounded easy enough, but it wasn’t. Devin didn’t control his own stallion today one little bit, and Amanda lost count of how many times both brutes got too close to her and Sarah. Odious man, he did it deliberately!

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  SHE’S BEAUTIFUL, SHE’S COURAGEOUS, and occasionally she’s even amusing. Amanda couldn’t get that statement out of her thoughts. Compliments from Devin? It had almost sounded as if he liked her!

  Even her father had remarked on what Devin had said about her on the ride back to town that day, saying with a grin, “ ‘Occasionally amusing’?”

  Julie had burst out laughing and said to her brother, “You noticed that, too? Sounded as if he admitted that part grudgingly. ’Course we know you can be amusing and delightfully so, Amanda.” Then Julie asked her pointedly, “Do you restrain yourself because you like him?”

  Amanda had been blushing by then and mumbled, “I’m usually too infuriated with him to notice much else. He’s a fine instructor. He’s helped me to overcome my fears. But he’s the most exasperating man I’ve ever met, brazen, too blunt, arrogant, provoking—”

  Julie cut in, “Methinks she protests too much and forgets to mention how handsome he is.”

  “I don’t like him,” Amanda had insisted. “I merely tolerate him.”

  But she did find him fascinating, how could she not? He was like no man she’d ever before met. And she was having a deuced hard time getting him out of her mind ever since she’d returned to Norford with her family, even with Ophelia keeping her quite busy with her long list of tasks that had to be done prior to the guests’ arrival.

  But she’d known she was going to have some time to herself this afternoon and had planned ahead, arranging with one of the stable lads yesterday to find her some worms. The boy had been surprised that a lady would even want to go fishing. He didn’t mention the time of year as a deterrent, but why would he, when he’d bragged he’d gone fishing just last week and stretched his arms to show her how big his catch had been.

  And the weather did cooperate, splendidly so. The breeze was only slight, the sun had decided to shine, so it almost felt like an early-spring day rather than heading toward deeper winter. She found a dip in the creek with a slope at her back, which would keep the breeze away. It hadn’t been cold enough at night yet for the creek to freeze along its edges. She was actually overdressed and a little too warm now with the sun shining directly down on her, enough that she was debating whether to take off her coat and gloves.

  Well, maybe just the coat, which she shrugged out of. She stared at her little container of worms and wondered if she could bait her hook with her gloves on, or if they were too bulky for that. She should probably have invited the stableboy along to do it for her, but she realized she’d wanted to be able to brag to Devin that she’d been able to bait her own hook without even cringing about it. Now if she could just muster the nerve to do so.

  “I confess, I didn’t expect to find you here.”

  She gasped and glanced up behind her. She could only make out a silhouette of a man standing at the top of the little slope, with the sun behind him. But she’d recognize that deep voice anywhere.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Devin came down the slope and stood next to the thick wool blanket she’d brought along to sit on. Without the sun in her eyes, she saw that he carried a fishing pole himself and had already removed his jacket, which he held by a finger over his shoulder. “You said you fished as a child,” he reminded her. “So I knew you had to have a good creek or pond nearby. I asked and was pointed in this direction.”

  “Yes, but you actually brought your pole to Norford? So you planned this ahead?” Then she scowled, wondering if he was reverting to his high-handedness. “Or were you intending to drag me out here?”

  He chuckled. “No, I had just been looking forward to fishing with you the other day simply because I’d been reminded how much I used to enjoy it. Your declining to join me didn’t change my wanting to fish again. And I figured I would have idle hours here that I usually don’t have back home, so now would be an excellent time.”

  His sudden presence might have flustered her, but that was no excuse for jumping to wrong conclusions. She grinned to make amends. “In the winter?”

  He chuckled. “I notice it didn’t stop you—though it would appear the worms were going to.”

  She winced as he looked pointedly into the little container. “I was going to try it with my gloves on.”

  “And now you don’t have to.” He hunkered down to pull out a single worm and hold his other hand out for the hook she had in her lap. She handed it over with an exuberant “Thank you!” and quickly stood up so she didn’t have to watch the gruesome process.

  “There you go, Mandy. Now show me if you even know how to cast that thing.”

  “Of course I do. My brother was a good teacher.” She whipped the line out into the water to prove it, then sat back down. “Help yourself to some of my worms, there are plenty.”

  He did, and after another moment his line was also in the water, but instead of holding his pole, he anchored it between some rocks close by, then asked, “Are you going to offer to share that blanket as well?”

  Amanda wasn’t expecting that. She hadn’t exactly
spread the blanket wide, having kept it folded for added thickness. But as long as he was being so cordial, she scooted over to the edge to make room for him. A mistake! As he sat down cross-legged next to her, one of his knees pretty much crossed her lap, and his arm rested firmly against hers. He made no effort to correct how close they were now, though she had to allow there probably wasn’t any room to spare on his side of the blanket. But he didn’t even seem to notice, so she held her tongue. It would be too prudish of her to ask for more room when the man had almost lain on top of her, as close as two people could be, to give her a lesson in kissing that she had provoked with a loose tongue. Darned whiskey.

  Why did she have to remember that now? To put that lesson firmly from her mind, she said, “So you decided to be the first guest to arrive just so you could get in some fishing today? Or did you come early to give me more riding lessons so I’ll be ready to ride with Lord Kendall while he’s here?”

  “Neither. You don’t have to ride with Kendall here, either. It’s a social gathering, so you can come up with any number of excuses why you need to remain in the house.”

  “So we’re not going to have any more lessons while you’re here?” She was appalled to hear the disappointment in her voice and hoped he didn’t catch it.

  But, apparently, he didn’t notice it because he merely shrugged. “If you want to get up early for more lessons here, I’m sure we can keep it from his notice. The ton does tend to sleep inordinately late.”

  She grinned. “Indeed. And that’s a splendid idea. But if not for fishing or extra lessons, why did you come early then?”

  “I had to visit a breeder in the area, just a few hours from here. I also wanted to make sure your brother’s present is on hand for tomorrow. The stallion is stabled in Norford Town, to assure the surprise.”

  “With as many horses as you have, you still buy from other breeders?”

  “Only when I don’t have what a customer wants.”

  He said that with some annoyance, leading her to guess, “It’s important to you to satisfy all of your customers?”

  “No, just this one in particular. The breeder I tracked down specializes in whites. I was worried they wouldn’t meet all the requirements, but a few did. Your new mare is stabled at Norford Hall.”

  Her eyes rounded. “You found me a white?!”

  He glanced to the side and grinned at her. “As gentle as you could ask for.”

  She squealed in delight and, without thinking, threw her arms around his neck, releasing her fishing pole. It slid into the water. Devin laughed, ran over to the creek, and retrieved the pole for her. After anchoring it in a pile of rocks close to where she sat, he resumed his seat. It gave her a moment to get rid of the blush from belatedly realizing she shouldn’t have hugged him. But since he appeared to think nothing of it, had only been amused that it caused her to lose her pole, she put it from her mind.

  Besides, she was so incredulous that he’d gone out of his way to do this for her, it left her all bubbly inside, and she had no one to share that with! She had so many mixed feelings about this man—and no one to talk to about it. It made her miss her mother all the more, the only person with whom she would have been able to share a special moment like this.

  “You’re sharing it with me.”

  She blinked. Surely she didn’t say any of those thoughts aloud?!

  “It’s—it’s just that I’ve missed her keenly since my come-out.”

  “What was she like?”

  “Beautiful, soft-spoken. What I remember most often is she was always smiling. Always, as if she kept wonderful secrets.”

  “Did she?”

  “No, she was just so happy, and so much in love with my father.”

  Devin smiled gently. “I see now why you’ll settle for nothing less, nor should you.”

  “Yes, their happiness did leave quite an impression on me. I just wish I could have had more time with her. I appreciate my aunts and Ophelia, but it’s not the same as having a mother to advise me and give me more self-confidence. I could tell her anything and not be embarrassed by it. Do you know what I mean?”

  “I know what it’s like to miss a mother, yes.” He looked away, picked up a small pebble, and seemed to angrily throw it at the water.

  Hesitantly she asked, “Were you close to yours?”

  “I was, until I started asking too many questions and she sent me away to live with her brother. And then she died.”

  That was definitely bitterness she was hearing, but she attributed it to his feeling abandoned by her death, the same way she’d felt when her mother died. “They say your father died when you were a baby. How much worse it must have been for you, to not have either parent growing up.”

  He turned a sharp look on her. “That was a lie to hide my mother’s indiscretion. My real father isn’t dead. The bastard wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t even know who he is!”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  DEVIN WAS ILLEGITIMATE? AND bitter about it, by the sounds of it. But what struck Amanda’s heart most deeply was that he’d grown up without a mother and a father’s love. At least she’d had her father, and a brother who’d compensated in his way, and a huge extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins. What had Devin had?

  She suddenly felt like crying for him and had to fight back the tears. His rough-around-the-edges attitude wasn’t from the lack of genteel upbringing as she’d thought, it was from losing what meant the most to him so early in his life. Did he want to let no one close to him because of it?

  Staring at her, his expression turned confused. “Why do you look sorry for me? I didn’t mean to blurt out my secret, but why aren’t you disgusted by it?”

  She gave him a tender smile without realizing it. “We can’t arrange who we are born to, Devin. It’s not your fault your mother had an indiscretion that resulted in you. There was nothing you could have done to prevent what she did, so why would you take the blame for it? It’s got nothing to do with the man you are.”

  “Of course it does,” he said harshly. “I am branded unacceptable by my peers. I am denied a lady of good birth for my wife because of it.”

  “Why? Your peers don’t even know.”

  “Do you really think I could keep something like that from a woman I wanted to make my wife or her family?”

  She gave him a slight grin. “Ah, I see, good conscience, an excellent quality. You’re proving to be one surprise after another today.”

  “And you’re proving to be as exasperating as always. I am a bastard. Why do you seem to be shrugging that off? No one else from your station of life would.”

  “I understand why you think that way. Yes, some fathers might deny you their daughters if they knew of this, yet some might not. You’d be surprised how many families of quality have that same secret hiding in their ancestral closets. I can count a few I know of where it’s not even a secret. We’ve even had kings who’ve been born on the wrong side of the blanket!”

  He snorted at her reference to the royals. “When an heir to the throne is needed, exceptions are made real quick. That’s not the case—”

  “Oh, stop. If you didn’t know about this, it wouldn’t be an issue for you, would it? Fie on whoever told you this secret.”

  “No one told me,” he replied bitterly. “I figured it out for myself.”

  “So you aren’t even sure?”

  “I am now. My uncle knew and finally admitted it to me when I confronted him about it.”

  And Devin had let this govern his whole life, she guessed. It was obvious he felt unworthy because of it. Again she felt like crying for him. No one should feel like that based on something that had happened before they were even born, but him—why did she hurt for him? And she did. It was painful to see how adversely he’d let this affect him.

  Without thinking, her compassion impelled her to place a soothing hand on his knee, which was still bent halfway across her lap. But she immediately caught the mistake and gaspe
d. Touching a man’s leg for any reason was so far beyond the pale. She tried to cover the gasp with a cough, but he’d heard it. Her touch didn’t go unnoticed either. He actually took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. Merely to thank her for understanding?

  “Your empathy astounds me, Mandy,” he said softly. “You keep revealing the unexpected.”

  And he didn’t? But she somehow felt closer to him after he’d shared his secret with her. Perhaps they were even becoming friends. . . .

  “I’m glad you didn’t soak the blanket with your tears,” he added.

  She finally risked glancing at him, then chuckled to see the teasing light in his eyes. “I only cry to good effect. Ask my brother, he’ll assure you of that.”

  “Little liar. The least I can do is remove your sadness on my account.”

  He was suddenly looking at her so heatedly she thought she might melt. Before he drew her closer with the hand he hadn’t yet let go of, she knew what he was going to do, and that would definitely banish all of her sad thoughts. She had time to stop it. She didn’t. She probably couldn’t have if she actually wanted to. Instead she stared in fascination as he slowly drew her across his lap until she was cradled there in his arms. Then he slowly bent to kiss one of her cheeks, then the other, then even her brow.

  He drew back only slightly to say in husky tones, “That was to thank you for your understanding. This, however, is just for me.”

  This was the kiss she’d anticipated, the one she’d been waiting for since the last time his lips had touched hers. That had to be why passion sprang so quickly to life inside her. She’d thought about kissing Devin so often, had wondered if she’d ever experience it again, and now that she was, she held tight to his neck, reveling in the taste of him again.

  His fingers gently touched her cheek, then her neck, but she truly caught fire when his hand moved lower and was suddenly resting lightly over one of her breasts. Although she barely felt his hand through the thickness of her clothes, simply the idea that he was touching her there inflamed her and brought forth a moan. Hearing it, he deepened the kiss, his tongue luring hers to dance with his, his hand moving more firmly over her breast. She moaned again, unable to help herself or contain her excitement. The feelings he was stirring in her were amazing! She trembled, could feel her blood racing to her core, could hear her heart pounding with excitement.