Back To The Start

by Peter Styles

  “But I read that coffee can be like, really bad for your heart and stuff so I stopped.”

  Greg raised an eyebrow, “So, you switched to energy drinks?”

  Bethany took a swig and nodded. “Yeah! They have vitamins and stuff in them. This one even has thirty-three percent real juice. Much better for you. Uhm, not that I am trying to tell you what to do or anything. Coffee is delicious. Tastes better than energy drinks. I’m not here to preach.”

  He was starting to feel his head spin at keeping up with Bethany and her passionate speech about energy drinks versus coffee, but he pressed the on button and watched the coffee start to drip into the pot.

  “You were saying? About the shower head?” Greg prompted, when Bethany appeared to be moving onto the second part of her energy drink monologue.

  She put her hand to her forehead, “Oh my god, I got off track, didn’t I? Sorry, I do that sometimes. Mark says I have terrible focus on things.”

  “Does he?” Greg deadpanned.

  “Yeah, so, my shower head wasn’t working right. I was getting seriously no water pressure. So, Mark came by to fix it and he stayed the night. My car is in the shop so he took me here to shower and get ready for work and he’s coming by on his lunch break to take me to go pick it up,” she finished, a little out of breath.

  “Where do you work?” Greg asked, the coffee machine beeping loudly next to him.

  “The candle shop downtown. Do you know the one? It’s called Meredith’s Candles. Not a creative name. I told her she should change it but she doesn’t want to. It’s brand new. Opened a couple months ago.”

  “I haven’t seen it. I just moved back so I haven’t gotten a chance to really see what has changed.” Greg was starting to get a headache from Bethany’s high energy levels.

  “Oh, well. I’m working there while I go to college. I’m taking general education courses first before I figure out my major. Mark said you were an artist? That’s so cool. I’d love to be creative but I’m not very good with that sort of thing. I tried writing and it just didn’t work. I might try painting but that looks really hard. Is it hard?”

  Greg poured his coffee and took a sip even though it was piping hot, “Well–”

  The front door slammed closed, signaling his mother’s return. Seeing a getaway from Bethany’s babbling, Greg excused himself and left the kitchen hastily. Nicki and Catherine stood in the foyer. His mom was wearing a hoodie despite the warm weather.

  “Cold out?” he frowned.

  “Greg, you’re here,” Nicki replied and smiled. “When did you get here?”

  “Not that long ago. Enjoyable time at the park?”

  Catherine was helping Nicki remove her hoodie. “Your mom is cold a lot more now. Even in warmer weather. She feels the changes more acutely. Don’t you?”

  Nicki nodded seriously. “Yes. But I wear the hoodie and feel okay.”

  “Let’s get you in the living room.” Catherine led her past Greg, who felt a bit useless just standing there.

  “Mark, is that you?” Bethany called out, bounding into the living room and seeing Nicki, “Oh! Good morning!”

  “Morning, Bethany,” Catherine replied as Nicki got settled in on the couch.

  Was it him or did he detect a note of wariness in Catherine’s tone while speaking to Bethany? The girl was way too high energy for this early.

  His mother looked over at Bethany and frowned, “Who is this?”

  She raised her voice. “I’m Bethany! Mark’s girlfriend!”

  “Why is she shouting?” Nicki asked Catherine, still looking baffled.

  “Bethany, dear, for the last time, you don’t have to shout at her. She isn’t deaf,” Catherine said, grimly.

  The front door opened again, which sent Bethany hurrying toward it, calling Mark’s name. Greg looked at Catherine and she shrugged. Clearly, she didn’t understand why Mark was dating her either.

  “How was the park?” he asked instead.

  “It was nice,” Nicki responded. “Very cold outside though. But I liked the fresh air.”

  “That’s good, Mom. I’m glad you went out a bit.”

  “Yes, I… I’m sorry dear, what were we talking about?”

  “The park,” he reminded her.

  “Ah, yes. It was lovely. There were ducks. I watched them swim along in the pond.” She smiled at the memory.

  Greg was going to reply when Mark stepped into the living room. His brother barely managed to hide his scowl at the sight of him, causing Greg to let out a small sigh. Was this truly how it was going to be? He knew the past was rough but…

  “Why are you here?” Mark asked.

  “Came by to see Mom,” he replied, trying not to sound defensive.

  “How kind of you. Bethany, get your things and head to the car. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  She stuck her head in the room. “Lovely meeting you, Greg!” she said, beaming and giving him a small wave before ducking out of sight.

  “Uh, yeah, you too,” he mumbled.

  “Greg, can I talk to you for a moment?” Mark asked, heading toward the kitchen.

  He followed his brother, leaving Catherine to turn on the TV and finish getting Nicki settled in. Holding tightly onto his mug, he prepared himself for an onslaught from whatever Mark was going to assume he had done wrong.

  “Why are you here?” Mark asked instead, crossing his arms.

  “Catherine made me a copy of the key.”

  “No, I asked why. Not how. I know you can work a lock.”

  “Pretty sure that I can come visit Mom whenever I want. That’s why I came back here.” Greg put his coffee mug on the counter and shook his head. “You know what? You’ve been copping an attitude since I moved back and I’m already sick of it. Is this how it is going to be? You’re going to keep scolding me in the kitchen? We did this already. Met your girlfriend, by the way. Thanks for the heads up on that.”

  “Didn’t realize I had to tell you about my dating life. It isn’t like you tell anyone yours.” Mark’s eyes hardened with the comment.

  “Please, I’m tired of you making a big deal out of my sexuality!” Greg hissed quietly. “I don’t owe you any information about my dating life.” As soon as the words left his lips, he knew he had said exactly what Mark had been looking for.

  “Yeah, exactly. You can’t say shit about whomever I am dating, Greg. It isn’t any of your business. I don’t owe you any information, right?” He sneered. “Listen, if you’re so dead set on suddenly being the good son, why don’t you pick up some stuff from the store to help Catherine out. You popping by here, having small conversations with Mom—it’s the bare minimum.”

  He was seeing red again, but he bit his tongue. As much as he wanted to shout at his brother, Mark’s words were wiggling inside of his heart and taking root there. He had been having his own doubts, after all, and Mark seemed to know exactly what to say to bring them to light.

  Mark pulled a grocery list off the fridge and handed it to him. “Pick these things up. It’ll make it easier for Catherine and me. I have to take Bethany to work.”

  “Yeah, wouldn’t want your daughter to be late,” he said, under his breath.

  His brother narrowed his eyes. “What did you–?”

  There was a muffled noise of a horn honking. Clearly, Bethany had grown impatient. Mark stared at him for a second or two, struggling with causing his girlfriend to be late for work in order for him to rip into Greg or leave.

  He opted to leave, storming out of the kitchen. Greg let out an uneasy breath and looked down at the list.

  Sooner or later, he was going to have to sit down Mark for a serious talk. He just had no idea how he was going to convince his brother to do just that.

  *

  Greg was on auto-pilot in the grocery store. Even though it had been years since he had been inside the place, the layout was the same. It came back to him, like riding a bicycle, of exactly where he needed to go.

  This meant he w
as back to doing his latest hobby: dwelling. He was thinking about Jewel, about himself and what it had been like living here, and his family. The grocery store kept bringing memories to mind.

  When he had been younger, he used to walk here with Mark and buy candy with their allowance money. They used to share each other’s candy on the walk back. Once they got home, they’d lie to their father and say they hadn’t eaten any. But their Dad, Malcolm, always knew. They’d keep it a secret from Nicki.

  They had both been close with their father. It was what made his death even harder to take.

  “Are you going to buy that apple or just hold it for a couple hours?”

  The voice snapped Greg out of his thoughts. Blinking, he looked to his side and saw Wayne, the man from the night before.

  “Hey!” he replied, looking sheepishly down at the apple. “Spaced out, I guess.” He put the apple back down. “Can’t believe I ran into you here!”

  In the daylight, Greg could make out Wayne’s features. His brown hair was slicked back and he was wearing a blue button-up shirt with slacks. His beard was orderly, not unkempt like Greg disliked in facial hair, and he was well put together. He was exactly quite cute. Greg’s heart skipped a beat at the thought. First Ben and now Wayne. Maybe he really did need to get laid.

  “Only grocery store in the area,” Wayne reminded him, with a smile. “You’ll run into everyone here. But I’m glad I ran into you as well.” His eyes crinkled when he smiled. Greg liked that a lot.

  Running his fingers nervously through his hair, he struggled to find something to say. Man, he was rusty. He had always felt confident when it came to flirting and dating. But he was out of practice and it was showing.

  “So, did your girlfriend make it home safely?” Wayne asked, saving the conversation from dying completely.

  “Oh, Jewel? She isn’t my girlfriend. We’re just friends. But yeah, I got her home. She’s still asleep. But I’m sure when she wakes up she will be full of regret.”

  “We’ve all been there,” Wayne joked.

  After a brief pause, Greg went, “Thank you again for your help. Jewel hasn’t gotten that drunk in years. She’s just going through some stuff.”

  “Hey, I have some horror stories about how drunk I have gotten in clubs before. Now, I keep it to a two-drink maximum to save myself from looking like an ass.” Greg liked Wayne’s voice. There was something comforting about it.

  “At least you learned, right?” he replied, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  Why was he so bad at this? He felt like he was one sentence away from turning into a babbling idiot. Wayne was cute and well put together. He carried himself well and had an easy-going smile. But it wasn’t like he had met Wayne at the gay club Jewel had originally mentioned. No way was Greg going to try to hook up with a straight guy. He had tried that once when he first moved to the city and it had been a complete disaster.

  “True. Well, I should get going. I popped in to pick up a couple things before going to work.” Wayne said, probably wanting to get out of this disaster of a conversation.

  “Where do you work?” Greg asked, wishing that he didn’t have to go quite yet.

  “I’m the office manager for Johnson and King.”

  “Oh, the lawyers? I didn’t know they were still around,” Greg remarked, vaguely remembering when they had opened back when the town had started to expand.

  “They’re not going anywhere. I think they’re immortal,” he said, with a laugh. “Listen, before I go… how about I get your number? Running into you twice like this—well, it has to be a sign, right?”

  Greg’s heart skipped a beat and he nodded, agreeing to exchange numbers. After they did, Wayne said goodbye, leaving him standing among the produce. Greg looked down at his phone. Had Wayne given his number just to be friendly? Or was there more to it than that?

  He decided that he was going to consider it a sign of interest. Slipping his phone back in his pocket, Greg started humming quietly to himself as he returned to shopping.

  *

  Greg returned to the house an hour later to find his mother was napping and Catherine was quietly reading a book in the living room.

  “Want some help with the groceries?” she asked, when Greg came into the house.

  “No, no, I got it, really. Just take it easy while my mom naps,” he replied, not wanting to bother her while she was reading.

  “I don’t mind,” Catherine remarked and followed him into the kitchen.

  They put the groceries away, chattering about the weather and anything that wasn’t serious. Greg wanted to ask her about things he didn’t know; for instance, Mark and Bethany. But he didn’t feel like dragging her into the middle of any family drama. She was here to focus on his mother, not tell him gossip about Bethany.

  But Catherine must have sensed something because she asked, “What did you think about Bethany?”

  “Oh, uh, well, she was very interesting. A bit… different from the other women I have seen my brother date.”

  “She’s high energy. But very kind. Sometimes I think this house benefits from her perkiness. Although I have a tough time having her memory stick with Nicki.”

  “Probably because she is new. I don’t think it is a reflection on Bethany herself.”

  “Is she—Mom, I mean… she’s getting worse, isn’t she?” Greg asked, avoiding Catherine’s gaze.

  She seemed to hesitate and then replied, “Yes. But we knew going into this that Nicki is only going to grow worse. Her memory is fading rapidly and she is frail. But all we can do is make sure we are here to take care of her and ensure that she is well tended to.”

  Greg put the milk in the fridge and sighed. “You know, growing up and seeing Mom’s seizures… they happened so often. It got to the point where Mark and I weren’t even startled by them. We knew exactly what to do when Mom had one. The doctors would put her on all sorts of medications but none seemed to actually stop the damned things.”

  “Your mother’s epilepsy is very serious.”

  “Mom never took it very seriously.” Greg’s tone hardened. “She always brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal. I remember more than a few times coming home to find her on the floor after a seizure. She was always hitting her head on the way down. Ended up in the hospital more than a few times.” He shut the fridge door, suddenly embarrassed at his emotional outpouring to his mother’s caretaker.

  Catherine rested her hand on his shoulder. “Your mother has been through a lot. Between her head injuries and her seizures, it makes sense that she is the way she is. Even so, it is difficult seeing a loved one like that. Your mother is still young but acts much older. With her memory fading, it is hard for everyone involved to deal with it.”

  Greg smiled wanly. “Thanks for listening. I didn’t mean to dump on you like that. You aren’t the family shrink.”

  She laughed a little. This close, he could see the gray beginning to streak through her hair. Catherine was probably older than his mother, yet she was the one taking care of her. The thought made him sad.

  “Don’t ever apologize for that. Something like your mother’s health—it affects everyone,” she said, kindly.

  They put the rest of the groceries away in silence. Greg happened to glance out the window in the dining room and frowned.

  “Are those lemon trees? Those are new.”

  “I think your mother was forming a green thumb before it became too much for her. You should look at the backyard if you haven’t already. It’s lovely.”

  “Thanks, I will,” he replied and excused himself from the kitchen.

  Opening the back door, he stepped out into the daylight. Things had been so busy since he moved back that he hadn’t even noticed the lemon trees until now. Greg racked his brain, trying to recall if his mother had ever mentioned lemon trees to him before.

  He headed over to one, staring up at it. There were blue patches through the tree branches and the sky here felt different from the city. Greg k
new that made no sense. It was the same sky no matter where he ended up. But somehow, in his hometown, the sky felt bluer and more beautiful.

  He was so lost in thought that, when a door slammed in the distance, he jumped a little and turned around. To his surprise, Ben was coming out of the house next door where Jewel’s parents still lived. He hadn’t expected to see him again so soon.

  There was a dark blur as the neighbor’s dog leapt out into the backyard. Ben trailed after the dog with a bored expression on his face. That was Ben’s default facial expression. So, that was something else that hadn’t changed. There was something, at least.

  Ben had taken notice of him and nodded his head. On a whim, Greg walked over to the short fence that Jewel’s dad must have put up to keep the dog from getting out. Ben hesitated and Greg knew that look, too. Ben wasn’t exactly a social butterfly. He tended to keep to himself whenever possible. He was probably debating if he could get out of talking to him.

  He must have settled on getting the conversation out of the way because he walked slowly toward the fence. Greg was still having a difficult time wrapping his brain around the fact that this was Ben—lanky and awkward Ben. He towered over Greg and looked into the distance, not directly at him.

  “Wish Jewel would have told me you were coming by. You could have just let the dog out,” he grumbled.

  “I didn’t know that she had called you.”

  Still not looking at him, Ben went. “She always let the dog out in the mornings when our parents had to work early. Now she moves out and I have to deal with it.”

  “Sorry. She should have just called me. She didn’t know I was coming here though. Next time she’s hungover, I’ll leave a note,” he joked.

  Ben looked down at Greg with sudden interest. His eyes had narrowed and his jaw had tensed.

  “What?”

  Greg frowned, “It was just a joke.”

  “No, not your unfunny attempt at a joke. What do you mean she’s hungover?” Ben’s tone, which had been neutral before, was now downright frosty.

  Thrown, he replied, “What did she tell you?”

  “That she was sick. Not that she was hungover.”

  Greg wasn’t following why he was so upset by this. Ben had always been slightly erratic with his emotions. Though he usually came off like he had a thick layer of ice around his heart, Greg had known him long enough to know that he felt things acutely.