Back To The Start

by Peter Styles

  “Why? Someone might hear?” Ben lowered his hands and leaned forward on the table.

  His shirt had fallen back into place, Greg noted, and then forced the thought from his mind and went. “You didn’t have to come over and piss him off like that.”

  “Piss him off? How did I piss him off?”

  “You implied a date at a coffee shop was lame.”

  Ben frowned. “Did it come off as an implication? I was hoping I made it clear a date at a coffee shop was lame.”

  “Why are you like this? You’re so frustrating!”

  “Why? Because I pointed out your date was lame? Well, it is. Also, the guy…”

  “Wayne.”

  “Wayne. Fine. Wayne didn’t care I insulted the date. He cared that you were talking to another guy.”

  The mental image of Wayne slumped in his chair with his arms crossed filtered back to Greg.

  “Really? Because you were,” Wayne had remarked, an edge in his tone, suggesting that he had been checking Ben out.

  Refusing to give Ben an inch, he instead said. “No, he didn’t. Not everything is about you.”

  “When did I ever say it was about me?” he countered. “All I’m saying is that’s a big warning sign. A guy getting bent out of shape over saying hello to your best friend’s brother… you should look out for that sort of thing.” Ben’s tone was matter of fact, like he understood anything about dating or even knew Wayne after a small interaction with him.

  “God, I really thought you’d have mellowed out over the years but you’re just as much of a dick as ever,” Greg snapped, losing his cool.

  Ben cocked an eyebrow. “Am I? I was hoping I’d have gotten better at it.”

  Greg made a sound of disgust. “That isn’t something to be proud of—what, is coming over and ruining dates like an asshole your kink? I don’t get how you can be related to Jewel.”

  “Someone had to get all the shitty traits in the family. She was perfect for that,” he quipped, completely unbothered by anything Greg tossed his way.

  This only further fueled his annoyance. “I meant you, you insufferable jerk!” His voice raised a little, causing people to look over again.

  Ben smirked. “Love when you talk dirty.”

  The words brought him up short, throwing him off balance. His pedestal of righteous annoyance threatened to waver. Greg made a frustrated noise and spun around. He didn’t have to stand there and deal with Ben for a second longer. Hearing his laughter, Greg stormed out of the coffee shop, cursing himself for once again allowing him to get under his skin.

  *

  He hadn’t meant to slam the front door when he got home, but he was still silently seething from dealing with Ben.

  “Greg? That you? Or an angry burglar?” Jewel called from her room.

  “It’s me. Sorry. Were you sleeping?”

  “No, just got home from work,” Jewel replied, coming into the living room. “Sorta lied and said I wasn’t feeling well. Is that wrong of me?”

  Jewel worked for a real estate agency, in the front office, dealing with calls and filing. She loathed it. Greg figured she would be there another couple of months before quitting. She leapt from job to job. The only time she had a steady one was when she was with Stephen. He had managed to ground her, but now that he had proved himself to be an asshole, she was back to bouncing around jobs.

  When he didn’t reply, she went, “Uh-oh. Was the date that awful? Do you want to talk about it?”

  At least Jewel wasn’t acting weird. This was the first time she had seemed like herself since the conversation about her drinking. Greg was almost dreading bringing up her brother, afraid that it would remind her of their discussion.

  “It wasn’t Wayne. Wayne was fine,” he grumbled, heading toward the kitchen.

  She trailed after him. “Then what was it?”

  “Your brother,” he said, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. “I thought I wasn’t going to see him a lot.”

  Jewel groaned and pulled herself onto the kitchen counter, swinging her legs off the edge as she sat there. He didn’t have the energy to tell her she shouldn’t sit on the counter where they made food.

  “Ben was there?”

  “Studying.”

  “What did he do? Did he ruin the date?”

  “He managed to piss Wayne off.” He leaned against the fridge. “I tried to talk to him afterwards and he was just… a dick.”

  “Sounds like him.”

  “He’s worse. Isn’t he? I mean, he didn’t used to be like this back in the day,” Greg said, trying to figure out Jewel’s brother and how they could be related.

  “He was always grumpy but yeah, maybe he is worse now. He tends to keep everything to himself. I’m afraid that I can’t offer any sort of explanation for why he is worse now. Do you want to talk about it?”

  He thought about Ben leaning back and how he had fought the urge not to look at him in that way and shook his head. “No. No, it’s fine.”

  “God, he really gets under your skin, doesn’t he?”

  “What does that mean?” Greg snapped, on edge.

  “Whoa, I’m on your side here, okay? Believe me, I know how Ben can be. I just mean that it normally takes a lot to piss you off and he’s managed to piss you off the last two times you have seen him.”

  “He didn’t piss me off the last time,” he countered.

  There was a flash of something across her eyes, but it was gone before he could make out what it was. “I pissed you off last time then?”

  “No. That isn’t what I meant.” He fought off the urge to sigh.

  “I thought we were over… that.” Jewel made a vague motion with her hands.

  “With what?”

  “The drinking thing.”

  Greg didn’t feel like talking about this right now. It was a rare day that both Ben and Jewel could annoy him like this. He didn’t feel up to it.

  “We are,” he lied, quickly.

  The truth was that Greg was still bothered by the fact that he hadn’t known about that dark period after Stephen had dumped Jewel. He should have known, sensed it somehow, and been there for her. He hadn’t thought he had been caught up in his own life, but he was accepting that he had been. He hadn’t seen how in trouble his best friend was. The entire thing, coupled with Mark’s fondness for reminding him about how he hadn’t been around either, made him feel incredibly shitty.

  Jewel eyed him carefully. “It doesn’t feel like we are alright. Things feel… off with us. I know you feel it, too.”

  “There’s just a lot going on right now.” He swallowed back the words he really wanted to say: What else haven’t you told me?

  “I guess,” she said doubtfully and slid off the counter. “Listen, just ignore Ben. Seriously. It’s the best advice that I can give you.”

  “I’ll try to keep it in mind. Hey.” He reached out for her, bringing Jewel to a stop. “You know that you can talk to me, right?”

  “Are we getting all after school special right now?” Her gaze softened a little. “I know that, Greg. I’m fine now.”

  He nodded and watched Jewel leave. But things didn’t feel as if they were fine.

  No, the longer that he stayed here, the messier things seemed to get.

  Chapter Eight

  Greg stared impassively at his painting. He hated it. He was debating if he should just throw it out.

  Working for clients non-stop usually meant that he didn’t spend too much time on his own stuff anymore. With how he had been feeling lately, he decided that today would be a good day to create something solely for himself.

  But it had turned out all wrong. He had wanted to paint a self-portrait. But the entire thing had come out too dark for his liking. There was Greg in the middle, strange colors dancing across his face, and shadows behind him. It had poured out of him and felt therapeutic. Yet looking at it now, Greg hated it.

  His phone rang, startling him. Jewel was at work and he didn’t
know who could be calling him. It wasn’t like Mark ever blew up his phone. He picked it up and looked at the unknown number flashing on the screen.

  Greg debated hitting ignore. He hated answering unknown phone numbers. But something compelled him to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Where the fuck are you?” came a familiar, hostile voice.

  “What? Ben? How did you get my number?” Greg asked, thrown.

  “Jewel gave it to me when you moved in with her. In case of emergencies.”

  Alarmed, he replied. “Did something happen to her?”

  “No, you idiot. Why aren’t you here at the hospital?”

  “Why would I be at the hospital?”

  There was a long pause of silence. Greg felt a shiver wiggle its way up his spine and gripped the phone tighter.

  “Mark didn’t tell you,” Ben finally mumbled, although it seemed to be more to himself than to Greg. “Nicki fell. She’s in the hospital.”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “Just what I said.” His deep voice was monotone as if his news wasn’t earth shattering. “She’s been here for a few hours. Mark told Jewel who told me because I had to go walk the fucking dog again.”

  Greg’s head was swimming. “I don’t—I don’t understand.”

  “Just get here, alright? I don’t have to be the one explaining this shit,” Ben said and promptly hung up.

  He stared at the phone, fighting the urge to slam it against the wall. Mark had gone too far this time. This was beyond a petty brotherly fight.

  And Greg wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

  *

  The small waiting room in the hospital was filled with people—none of them Greg. There was Catherine, pale in her chair in the corner. Mark staring at the ceiling next to her. Bethany was prattling on about something, nervously fiddling with a bracelet. Jewel was pacing the waiting room. Even Ben was there, Ben of all people who didn’t need to be there, sitting in the chair closest to the TV, watching a daytime talk show.

  The air changed when Greg walked inside. Mark’s face tightened and he stood up like he was expecting a fight. Greg’s fists were clenched. He was trying hard not to punch his brother in the face in a hospital.

  Instead, he hissed, “What the fuck? No one told me. No one told me! I had to hear it from goddamned Ben! No—there is no excuse or petty bullshit strong enough to explain why you didn’t tell me that our mother was in the hospital!”

  “He’s right,” Ben chimed up, sounding bored.

  “Shut up,” Greg and Mark snapped at him in unison.

  “Maybe you guys should discuss this elsewhere—” Bethany tried to say.

  But Mark cut her off to speak to Greg, “I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t even sure you’d come. You’re not a part of this family anymore, Greg. You don’t get to come back and shove yourself into the situation. Not after what you did.”

  “What I did? Is that what this is about? It always goes back to Dad dying. Like it was my fucking fault he died. You have absolutely no right not to tell me that Mom is in the hospital! Is she okay?”

  “She fell,” Catherine stood up, trying to wedge herself in-between the brothers. “I stepped out for a moment to collect the mail and she had a seizure. This is my fault. I should have been there.”

  “This isn’t your fault,” Greg said. “It isn’t anyone’s fault. She hasn’t had a seizure in a while.”

  “I should have been more careful,” Catherine replied, unable to meet his gaze.

  “How is she doing?” he asked again, anxiously.

  “She’ll be okay,” Mark answered, gruffly. “But they want to keep her overnight. We’re just waiting for confirmation that she’s stable enough to move.”

  “This is the most fucked up thing you have ever done,” Greg directed at his brother.

  Mark was grinding his teeth but didn’t say anything back. Greg turned his back on him and tried to focus on his breathing. He was furious with a white-hot rage that was bubbling inside of his chest. Trying not to punch his brother, he looked over at Jewel.

  “How come you didn’t tell me?” he snapped at her.

  “My phone died. I just thought—”

  “Thought what? Unless every single person in this room has a dead phone, one of you should have called me. Not Ben.” He tore his gaze away from Jewel and forced himself to look at everyone else.

  Bethany spoke in a soft voice, “I don’t have your number. Or I would have…” She trailed off when Mark glared at her.

  “Just sit down and shut up,” Ben said, turning his face to look at the brothers. “Both of you. Nicki wouldn’t want you fighting in the waiting room. And Jewel, stop pacing. It’s fucking annoying.”

  Mark hesitated and then sat down, leaving Greg standing. Not wanting to look like he was trying to keep the fight going, as much as he really wanted to, he sat down on the other side of the waiting room.

  Jewel avoided his gaze and took a seat next to Ben, who had already turned his attention back to the TV.

  He wasn’t feeling particularly kind to anyone, especially Mark. The longer Greg sat there, the angrier he grew. He even felt hostility towards Jewel. She could have called him from anyone’s phone. They knew each other’s numbers by heart. So, why hadn’t she? That was just an extra layer of shit added onto the pile.

  Here he was, in a waiting room because his mother was in the hospital, and the only person who had reached out to him had been Ben. What alternate universe had he stepped into?

  *

  After the decision had been made to keep Nicki overnight for observation, Jewel left. More like she had run, clearly not wanting to discuss anything with Greg. He didn’t have the energy to yell at her or anyone else. It was late at night and he was tired from the day’s events.

  Mark and Bethany left next. Mark hadn’t apologized or tried to talk to him. Greg hadn’t made any attempt to talk to his brother either. He wasn’t convinced that any sort of discussion wouldn’t end up in a fistfight. Better to deal with it later when they had gotten some sleep. Maybe they could talk about it rationally… although Greg wasn’t feeling very optimistic. He still wanted to punch him.

  Ben had left the waiting room with a grunt, so Greg didn’t know if he was gone or had wandered off somewhere. He didn’t think on it too long because that had been when Catherine had approached him.

  “I know you’re angry. But I hoped we could talk a little.”

  “Yeah. That’s fine,” Greg replied, stiffly.

  “Mark had told me that he had called you. I didn’t know that he hadn’t. That was the first thing I had asked. And with everything going on… I didn’t give it enough thought. I feel just awful about Nicki and…”

  “Don’t. Seriously, Catherine, it’s alright. With everything going on, it wasn’t your job to make sure my brother wasn’t an asshole,” Greg replied, not having the energy to be angry at his mother’s caretaker.

  She didn’t look convinced and nervously chewed on her bottom lip. “It was terrible. I shouldn’t have left her alone even to check the mail. I understand if I am to be let go.”

  “What? Let go? No, Catherine, we aren’t going to do that. Even if you had been there, Mom can drop so suddenly that she’s hit her head even when Mark and I were around. You could have been on the other side of the room and not been able to catch her. That’s just how shitty this situation is. Blaming yourself for it isn’t what Mom needs right now, you know?” He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it, hoping to give her some sort of comfort.

  “Thank you.” Catherine took a step away from him. “I should get home. Unless…”

  “Nah, I am going to leave too. I’ll be back in the morning.”

  “Me too. Greg… Try not to be too angry at Mark?” She hurried away after saying it, probably afraid that he would be angry.

  Greg watched her leave and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He felt like shit. Shitty because Mark hadn’t
told him. Shitty because neither had Jewel. He took one last look at the waiting room and headed out of the hospital.

  Greg wasn’t sure what to do when he saw Jewel. He had been harsh on her in the waiting room, but he was still angry. He went around the corner, trying to remember where he had parked in his haste to get here. Somewhere behind the main hub of the hospital, if he remembered correctly. The place was quiet. There was a soft breeze cutting through the trees.

  He had gotten to the back of the hospital when he realized he had made a wrong turn. This was the employee parking lot. Greg was about to turn around when he saw a familiar figure slouched against the wall.

  Ben was smoking a cigarette, practically blending in with the night since he was wearing all black. The tip of the cigarette glowed orange, offering the only source of light around him.

  Greg walked toward him; Ben heard his footsteps and looked up.

  “Thought you left,” Greg said. “Also, I thought you quit.”

  He looked at the cigarette. “I did. Mostly. Sometimes I smoke one when the days are extra shitty. You want one?”

  “No thanks. I don’t need another bad habit,” Greg replied with a sigh, leaning against the wall next to him. “You know, I’m pretty sure hospital grounds are a strict no smoking zone.”

  “Didn’t see any sign,” Ben replied, even though there was one a mere foot away.

  Silence filled the space between them. Even though Ben drove him nuts and was an asshole, he had still been the one to make sure he knew about his mom. For that, Greg thought that maybe he wasn’t all that bad.

  “Thanks for calling me and letting me know.”

  Ben took a drag of his cigarette before replying, “I would have called sooner but Mark told me he had called you.”

  “Can you explain how you got roped into this?”

  “Like I said, Jewel called me up, freaking out about Nicki. I had to go walk the dog and then I thought I should come by. Nicki has always been nice to me, regardless of what anyone else thought of me or told her. Figured I’d check in. I got here and you weren’t here. That struck me as odd. I mean, you moved to this shithole to help your mom out, right? So, why weren’t you here?”