I couldn’t remember.
What I could remember was pushing away my family when the pain of Lucas’ disappearance had hit me. My sister, Aria was my rock as we grew up together and I had pushed her away. I couldn’t take the sympathy filled eyes of my loved ones as I went through this time in my life. I’d always prided myself on being strong. I was always the strong one, the one that held our family together when things got tough. But somewhere along the way, I had lost that strength.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Lily.
My heart called through my ranting thoughts.
Avery.
My soul gritted, longing for her so fiercely I couldn’t breathe from the force of my own emotions.
And it was then that I allowed myself to cry for them, for me, for everything we had lost.
Lucas.
My memories called vaguely, the pain that punched me in the chest halted my heart altogether as my father’s always unwavering arms held me as I fell apart.
“He—he left us, Dad.”
Hushing me gently, he began to rock us against the headboard.
“I wish I knew why, Pumpkin.”
I sniffled, trying to get a hold of what I had to do now. Even through the pain that ricocheted against the walls of my own heart, I knew I had to keep moving, keep living.
“I need help, Dad.”
I looked up at him, telling him with everything I had inside of me that I had finally realized just how deep I’d allowed myself to fall. I was ready to be lifted up again and I couldn’t do it alone.
Present
The warmth of Elsa’s arms at the doorstep to my father’s home almost made up for the nausea that crept its way through my veins along with the poison that had been shot into me today.
“You feel warm, Luke. Come on inside and I’ll fix you some tea.” She led me inside, not really giving me a choice in the matter and I laughed at her fix for everything. It didn’t matter if it was cancer or the flu, my father’s new found love thought that green leaf tea would fix even the worst of ailments. He’d met Elsa in the hospital shortly after my mom’s death and even then, she had seen a troubled soul in him and had done the only thing that could have helped my father then. She’d listened to him. Now, close to ten years later, they were married and she had become a mother to me in a way I never quite accepted.
The woman was impossible not to love. With cherry tinted hair that spread all the way down her back in a braid and kind eyes that held a wisdom way beyond her fifty years, she was a treasure to us.
“Not everything can be solved by your chamomile, Elsa.”
Turning quickly, she tilted her head up to my gaze and raised one thin eyebrow.
“Says who?”
“No one, I’m just saying . . .” Frowning, her hand came up to check my forehead for a fever, which I most definitely didn’t have, and she shook her head before speaking again.
“You must be delirious, boy. You’re talking nonsense.”
I opened my mouth to point out how untrue that was but closed it as she turned away to fix her infamous tea and I spotted the spark of mischief in her eyes.
Little minx.
“Oh, stop bothering him, Sweetheart. He’s been pumped full of drugs; he doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
My father came up behind her and kissed her cheek before shooting a glare in my direction.
Raising my hands in surrender, I laughed at him.
“What? It’s true.”
Shaking his head at me in disgust, he pushed my shoulder as he passed me.
“That tea works wonders; I wouldn’t doubt it if I were you.”
I followed him into his study and sat at the lounge near his desk, folding my hands, I thought back to what the doctor had said today.
There was a chance I could beat this.
“Everything alright, son?”
I turned to see him sitting back in his chair, his eyebrows lowered, eyes filled with worry.
I wished it was the first time I had seen it from him.
“Besides the fact that there is a disease ravaging my body at this very moment? Oh, yeah. I’m great.”
My quip didn’t make him laugh like I thought it would, that’s when I knew he was really worried.
“We saw a new doctor today. He said that after a few treatments, they can start me on this new regimen.”
My father exhaled, a much needed relief visible on his face.
“This is the experimental treatment we spoke to Doctor Ferguson about back home?”
I nodded. We had all packed up our things, clothes, jobs and honestly—our lives to move out to Fredericksburg, Texas to see Doctor Rhodes and the cancer center hospital here in Texas. Each of us, even both my parents had grown up in Chicago, right by Lake Michigan and it had only taken one phone call from Doctor Rhodes for them to decide to leave everything to support my recovery. I still wasn’t sure that sacrifice would be worth it, in the end.
“Yeah. It sounds like I actually have a shot at beating this.”
My father got up from his seat then and came around to mine, hoisted me off my ass and hugged me fiercely in a way I hadn’t been prepared for. A knot formed in my throat as I heard the words spoken in my ear as we held on to each other. Father and son.
“I’ve got you, son. This monster won’t take you, too. I swear to you.”
Coughing my emotions away, I nodded against his shirt and told myself to believe it.
I slid into the last available parking spot just in time for opening and I sagged into my seat. Meghan shot a glance to the building before us and I could feel the excitement exuding off her as if it was a palpable energy filling the space surrounding us.
“You ready?”
I bit my lower lip, trying to stop it from trembling in nerves. Today would be the first day of work for us in our newly renovated cafe and bistro. The Joyous Cup had been shared between my father’s siblings over these past few years and now the cafe I’d loved since childhood was mine and Meghan’s. I knew I couldn’t carry my own business, the girl’s schedules and a sane life without her help and thankfully, Meghan had stepped in to help me. Though I thought what had won her over was my promise of free coffee.
“Yeah, you?”
She nodded, a smile spreading over her flushed cheeks as she grasped the door handle just as I did.
This was it.
Heady anticipation, a yearning I hadn’t felt for this day yet churned inside my belly as we neared the entrance. The glass door called to me as my key turned and Meghan anxiously kicked it open.
“Meg! I swear to god if you break the new door . . .” My words halted completely when I was met with the scent of lavender and jasmine coming from the open space I found in front of me.
“Holy shit.”
“It’s . . .”
We looked at each other across the vast hardwood floors, cherry wood which had to be because of my father since he was the only soul who knew my love for dark wood.
Meg’s lips tilted up and she shook her head in disbelief.
“It’s perfect, Kel.”
My hand swept across the smooth surface of the counters, polished with granite- brand spanking new to my utter surprise, and soon enough I was jumping up and down with my best friend, letting the happiness of this new chapter in our lives overcome me. A mantra that had been on repetition in my head came to the front of my mind and I allowed myself to finally believe it to be true.
We hustled and bustled around the space that morning, preparing for the day ahead. I set small arrays of flowers across the window sills that covered most of the walls, inviting patrons in to the heavenly scents of lilies and white roses. Meg busied herself with decorating the cafe seating areas, making the ambiance warm and hearty. Music played overhead from the speakers we’d had installed last week, Ellie Goulding crooned to us that anything could happen and I grinned, bumped my hip into hers.
“Wanna dance?”
An evil glint shone in her eyes and she turned to change the play-list to something much less iconic.
A hard laugh shot out of me when Rihanna’s “Don’t Stop the Music” came on with a hard, energetic beat.
Linking hands, we swayed in circles, bumping and jumping. I sang to the lyrics and felt like that young girl that hadn’t had a care in the world.
Careless.
I so wanted to indulge in this feeling in times like this.
“You still got it, girl.”
I grinned, kissed her cheek, and swayed my dance moves toward the open bar close to the restrooms at the back of the cafe.
Meg leaned against the counters, both of us wrung out from the task of setting up the place in close to two hours. I scanned my eyes across the room, taking it all in.
Granite counter tops were topped with bags of any flavor of coffee one could desire, the marble colors casting light across the open layout of the space. Wide and spacious hardwood floors fell under chestnut hinted wooden tables along with bar stool styled chairs to seat our guests as they ate.
Closing my eyes, I envisioned the dreams my grandparents must have had for this new place and held Meghan’s hand as we turned the closed sign over in the window for the very first time.
My lunch break came much too soon that day, and I found myself lost in an avid conversation with one of our regulars from before the renovation, Daryl.
“Kel!” I heard Meghan call from down the stairs which housed the main storage areas in the store along with our office and break room. I smiled warmly to the customers that were being helped by Kinsley, one of our best baristas. I rehired her when I heard the Starbucks she’d spent most of her college years working at had laid her off. I thought her to be a kindred spirit, an upbeat girl that I could become fast friends with.
“Give me a yell if it picks up, Kinsley. I’ll be right downstairs.”
Looking up from her transaction at the register, she smiled for me to go.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked as I made my way down the steps where Meg was pacing the length of the basement, clenching her fists, the action so similar to when she’d found me at the bottom of a bottle in the aftermath of Lucas and me.
As I neared where she stood, she shook her head in disbelief, tension rolling off the strong set of her shoulders.
“It’s Dean, isn’t it?”
Meg began to nod and I knew I’d have to have the talk with him I hadn’t wanted to have for quite a while.
I had put off taking on the issue that had become her younger brother and one of our closers, Dean. He had been out of a job when the renovations began and I’d had too large of a heart to deny him when Meg came to me with the favor of giving him an interview.
He was a good kid.
But I had lost count of how many shifts he hadn’t showed up for, sometimes not even finding some sort of coverage before that. I’d lost count of how many times I saw his buddies from the local pub coming in for free sandwiches and sodas after hours as I scanned through the camera footage I’d been forced to put in by my always worrisome father.
He’d been right, inevitably.
“I’ll talk to him, Meg. Calm down, OK?”
I pulled her into my arms, squeezing until a chuckle came from my best friend and her muscles relaxed from the tension she’d had before.
“I’m sorry, Kel. I just—I can’t do it. He’s my brother.”
I nodded, taking full responsibility.
“I know, I know. Go upstairs and let Kinsley go on her ten-minute break. I’ll take my lunch and then give him a call.”
She gave me a hesitant smile and passed me on the way to the stairs, her eyes watching me until I turned to sit at the desk in our office. A sigh left me, my hands going to my neck to smooth out the knot that had formed there. I had thought hiring Meg’s seemingly harmless brother would be great for not only the cafe, but for Meg. I had known her since college and though at times we lost touch, I had seen first-hand her worries about her two younger brothers back home while she pursued her nursing degree.
I picked up the phone and braced myself for the attitude that would surely be on the receiving end when I asked Dean to come in to talk.
“Yeah?”
Coughing muffled by laughter and some sort of loud music met my ears at the third ring of the phone.
“Hello, Dean? This is Kaelyn from The Joyous Cup. I’m going to need you to come in for a bit today.”
The line was quiet for an age and then a hard chuckle came.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Kel.”
“Dean, it’s Kae-“
“Look, I told my sister that I’m not coming in today. Did she not let you know?”
Yes, asshole she let me know that you called out on us yet again.
I wanted to snap into the phone yet I stayed quiet, took a fortifying inhale of breath.
“I’m aware of that, Dean. I believe we are due for a talk. Would you come in or do I need to come to you?”
That got his attention as he rushed to answer me this time.
“Oh, no, no, no. You don’t need to come here. I’ll head your way now. I’m sorry, Kaelyn.”
I highly doubted he was worse for the wear but again, I kept my outbursts in.
“I’ll expect you within the hour, thank you.”
Without much else to say, the receiver landed back into the charging station.
That wasn’t so bad. I just hoped the talk that would be coming with him would go just as well.
After catching up on the inventory counts I had put off that morning, I grabbed my jacket and wallet deciding to head to the local pizzeria for my lunch.
“You okay for an hour or so?” I asked Meghan as I spotted her by the condiment bar which had to be one of my favorite features of our new cafe, as it was topped with beautiful white stoned tiles and stemmed by the richest of cherry wood.
Her eyes flicked up to mine and she nodded, clasped my shoulder reassuringly.
“Go, eat, I’ve got this handled.”
Nodding, I knew she did. She was a lifesaver for not only the cafe, but for me.
I found a friendly face greeting me as I left the pizza place at the corner of Broad and Jones streets, only a mere block from the cafe. The wonderful aroma of tomato and basil that wafted from the open doorway couldn’t have kept me away, that was for sure. If there was one comfort food I indulged in, it was pizza.
“Kaelyn? Is that you?”
The raspy voice sounded so like the one that was engraved into my mind that I stilled where I stood at the sound of it. Turning, I was filled with both relief and a sharp sense of disappointment when none other than Asher Jones met my eyes.
Asher was all taut muscles that corded around each bicep and didn’t end until they met the large set of shoulders he had, his neck covered in black and blue ink I still couldn’t decipher. If memory served me correctly, most of his tattoos were script in foreign languages. It seemed to add to the mystery of the man.
“Asher Jones. I can’t believe my eyes!”
I practically ran straight into him as I embraced my once brother-in-law, yet we’d been like siblings for much longer than my marriage. A heavy weight settled in my chest as I was struck with the unrelenting memories I had with him and his brothers, the most taunting memory always being Lucas Andrew Jones.
“Shit, lovely. You are a sight for sore eyes,” he said, as he squeezed me a little too tight, though I didn’t mind one bit. I hadn’t seen a familiar face besides Meghan and the girls since we’d picked up everything and moved down south to open this new store in Fredericksburg. It had taken a piece of my heart to leave the home Lucas and I had built our lives in and around just outside of Chicago, right where I’d grown up with my own family. But having a fresh start to raise my girls in such a welcoming and kind community, with people that had such giving hearts, was worth it to me.
“You look good! I’m so happy to see you. Not to be rude, Ash, but what the hell are you doing here?”
He laughed loudly, his head falling back before taking both bags of food from me and leading me across the barely used street leading back the way I came.
“It’s a long story, Kel. A damn long story.”
I nodded, didn’t push the issue.
Yet, I thought to myself.
Asher opened the door to The Joyous Cup for me, following close behind me as we caught up and he told me how close to the whole family had moved down here.
“But why? Your father loves the windy city.”
“True but–“
“And the lake, too! I remember how many summers we spent roasting marshmallows by the lake cabin he had growing up. He loved that lake”
He nodded, his eyebrows lowering which I took as a sign for me to stop digging. Grinning, I nodded as Asher leaned down from his six feet and seven some odd inches to place a gentle kiss on my head.
“Dinner, soon?”
I nodded, smiling as I watched him leave.
My lunch was devoured in only twenty minutes after that, my lost appetite coming back with a force today. All the while, I found myself thinking of all the Jones’ being in Fredricksburg and my thoughts instantly went to one man. A man with blond hair down to his shoulders and eyes as green as the forest after a summer rain. Those strong yet so reverent arms as he held me to his bare chest late in the night and so very early in the morning. The kindest heart I’d ever had the pleasure of uncovering from mountains of debris in the aftermath of his mother’s death.
There was only one brother my heart yearned for with this new knowledge, Lucas. God, Lucas.
Oh, how I missed him.
As I wait for the always late employee I’ll have to set straight today, I’m able to get this week’s payroll and scheduling done. Usually what I would consider busy work calms me, especially when I’m overwhelmed or stressed, yet this afternoon all it seems to do is heighten my nervousness for this discussion.
When I hear combat boots barrel down the stairs and come straight toward the office, I take a deep and hopefully, a calming breath.
Breaking Lucas (Trinity series Book 2) Page 4