“I’m so-“
I put up my hand, not wanting to hear yet another excuse from him.
“Let’s sit in the office.”
His eyes dart back the way he came and I can almost see the wheels turning in his head.
“Come on, Dean. We’ve known each other long enough to know this has been a long time coming.”
He nods, a look of utter shame crossing his otherwise unreadable features.
Following me toward the seats I have set up for us, I hand him a water from the fridge before sitting beside him.
“What has been going on with you, lately? I’m not stupid enough to think you are being unreliable just for kicks.”
His face drops then, his shoulders shifting back and forth as he gathers his words. I had expected him to push me off as unwanted concern, but seeing him struggle makes me want to help, yet how can I?
“Come on, Dean.” I gently probe, trying not to push him too much.
“I’m just depressed, I guess. Shit sucks in this life, Kel. You know that better than anyone.”
I nod, though I sure don’t believe that’s all there is to his troubles.
“When I took you on, honestly, it was a favor to your sister. She truly worries about you.”
Dean nods his head, still shifting in his seat.
I wish I could make this easier for him, but for the sake of the store and our customers, I have to do what’s best for everyone.
“I never meant to-“
“We know Dean, but we can’t keep you on not knowing whether you’ll be here. We need someone to take an active role, to show up. I’m so sorry, Dean. But I don’t know what else to do.”
He nodded, eyes closing tightly for a few moments before opening and muttering an apology I could barely hear. As he scurried back up the stairs as fast as he possibly could, I felt a fundamental sadness for the kid, my first thought that he was damn lucky he still had Meghan as a sister.
She would help him, even if I couldn’t.
It was close to closing time when the line thinned enough for us to take a break to clean the place up after our busy day.
“How did he seem, Kel? You know, after . . .”
I halted the movements of mopping the lobby floor, swept my eyes to her curious ones.
“Sad. Mad at himself, I think. I wish it hadn’t come to that, Meg. I really do.”
She nodded, gave me a sweet smile that made me return it with just as much light.
“Me too.”
“You really didn’t have to close with me, you know.”
My head tipped up from the register till I was counting and I shrugged my shoulders.
“Dad has the girls and I didn’t have much else planned for the night. Don’t worry about it, really.”
Her eyes narrowed just a bit, and from the look in her eyes, I should’ve known what she was thinking.
“Oh, hell no. Meg. No.”
I started shaking my head, knowing she was thinking of some “hot piece of man” like she called the men she would set me up with whenever she thought I was settling into a boring and unfulfilled life.
My life was perfect if you asked me. My girls were my entire world and I would stop at nothing to make them happy, feeling loved and safe as they continued to grow.
“How long has it been, Sweetie?”
Oh, here it comes, I told myself. I hadn’t been celibate in the since my marriage fell to pieces, though that’s what everyone in my life seemed to think.
“I go out, I do!”
Crossing both her arms against her chest, she raised one eyebrow.
“Hmm? When? Because you forget I live with you. So . . .”
Yeah, she had a point there. Sitting my bottom on one of the tables behind me, I tried to think back to the last time I had taken advantage of a babysitter to do something other than work or go out with either Meghan or the girls that worked here.
Shit.
Brandon Collins had been the last, he’d been a kind voice throughout the meaningless noise of a club sometime last year. He had also been the first man I succumbed to sexually after my divorce and it had left a scar in my heart to know I didn’t belong fully to Lucas anymore. In my heart I had always believed he would come back but yet, he never did.
Swallowing back the turmoil rising from my belly at that memory, dark and heavy in my chest, I looked to see Meghan’s concerned eyes locked on mine.
“That long?”
“Ah . . .” I cleared my throat, getting my wits about me once more.
“Last year.”
Her eyes widened and then she was taking my hand, tugging me to stand in the next second.
“We’re going.”
“Wait, what about . . . ?”
“I’ll call your parents on the way. But we are going, Kel.”
Dropping my head, I nodded and accepted that she was right. It was time.
The smell of bacon, oh dear god, Elsa’s home cooked bacon, lured me out of bed the morning after yet another grueling treatment. If I had thought I was weak before going into the room each time, I learned how wrong I was, also. As if every ounce of strength was stripped from me; that was how my body felt. I moved to the closest dresser and dropped my head until my chin touched my chest.
Everything fucking hurts.
I barely registered that this was worse than I remembered from the last round Dr. Rhodes had insisted on.
My hand slammed down the familiar bottle of pain medication I kept with me almost everywhere I went and I struggled to fit my hand around the damn kid safe top. Quickly becoming frustrated, I practically punched the wooden dresser in my struggle to get the thing opened.
I used to be able to lift a cow on my uncle Rod’s horse farm, but here I was, panting like a girl in my attempt to open a simple pill bottle.
“Son, what the heck are you doing?”
My father’s gritty voice sounded behind me and before I could turn to slam the door, he pried the object from my grasp and slapped my hands away as I tried to do it my own self.
“I get that this is hard, hell, son it’s hard on all of us. But we are here to help you through this. We can’t do that if you won’t let us.”
A sharp breath fell from my mouth as I nodded and my ass hit the bed with a resounding thud.
“I’m fine, dad.”
His low chuckle had my head flying up and my hands clenching into fists.
He thought this was funny?
“Is my useless state of being that hilarious to you?”
My father sobered immediately at my words and sat down next to me.
“You don’t have to do this all yourself. These past few weeks you have been doing everything you can to remain aloof, as if this sickness isn’t affecting you. That has got to stop.”
My eyes widened as I took in my father’s admission, my entire body succumbing to what I knew was the truth. I was pushing them away. Again.
“I’m sorry, dad. These past few weeks have been hard and I’m not totally sure why.”
His head dropped as if ashamed of what I had said and then he looked over to the calendar. It was penciled in with numerous doctor appointments, treatment days, and wellness meetings with the always optimistic nutrition counselor my doctor had suggested, Fiona Mills. I felt my dad’s hand brace on my shoulder as he showed me what the date was.
My chest seized painfully as if someone had just speared it with a knife and turned traitorously slow.
May eighth.
Fucking hell.
It was May eighth.
This day marked the anniversary of my and Kaelyn’s wedding.
It seemed so long ago, now.
“Six years. How has it been six years?”
The pain that struck his face made the storm raging inside me become all the more real.
I had stolen six years from the girl I had thought I would never stray from and yet, I had.
Past
May 8th, 2010
My hands were numb from being pulled every which way by my sister and the numerous party planners Kel’s mom had insisted we enlist in our crazy, big event. But it was what my girl wanted, so I didn’t hesitate to make it as big as it could be.
A princess wedding.
I’m pretty sure that’s what she called it last night after one too many of those fruity drinks she loved to get.
“Cool your jets, man. Your bride is asking for you.”
I heard Ben say as he practically fell down the stairs trying to get to me.
My heartbeat pounded loudly in my ears and my skin prickled in awareness.
What had happened to have her ditching the no seeing the bride rule that had her practically kicking me out of the hotel last night?
“Is she upset?”
My fists formed as I had the urge to punch my brother if he had said something to upset her.
“No, no man. She’s in the pissed off category for sure.”
My muscles didn’t relax at that as I rushed up the carpeted steps and into the bridal suite where I knew she had to be.
“Kel, what happened?”
Her blonde hair was pulled into one of those fancy braids I loved to run my hands over and my heart felt as if it would beat out of my chest to see her before the ceremony. She turned and I was gutted. I didn’t see the beauty of the dress she was wearing or the hot as hell cowboy boots I knew she would have on her feet or even the delicate blush on her cheeks that I loved more than anything. All of it melted away when I saw her tear streaked face.
I went straight to her and lowered to my knees as my hands sought out her hands where they gripped the hem of her white lace and ribbon dress with clenched fists.
“Sweetheart, what is it?”
Her eyes closed when I tried to lift her face to see into them and I don’t think my body could be any more tensed for a fight in that moment. My girl was a lioness; I used to call her that when we were in college. She had to be the bravest woman I had ever known. Kaelyn hated for people to see her cry, even if that person was me. Clenching my eyes shut, I knew there could only be one reason for a crack in her armor.
Whoever had upset her was going to be sorry for even breathing her same air. I repeated that to myself as I traced my fingers across her palms in a small effort to soothe her.
“She didn’t come, did she?”
I voiced the only logical thought in my mind and when her honeyed eyes opened and two tears fell from them, I hated that I was right. Her mother hadn’t showed up in her life until she heard talk of the wedding. I had doubts she would show today, yet I’d hoped to be proven wrong just this one time. I had hoped that just once in her life, my strong girl would have her mother’s support.
“N-no,” was all she got out before her breath became shallow and a low sob pierced the air between us.
“Oh, sweetheart.”
As if my body was drawn to hers, I pulled her gently into my lap and smoothed a hand over the braids that fell across her shoulder. I barely felt her hum against my chest and when I looked down to see her lips tipped up in a sad but visible smile, I thanked God I could make her smile through her sadness.
My head dipped to her shoulder and I ran my lips across her velvety soft skin.
“Love you,” I heard her say through a thick veil of emotion, one I was sadly very familiar with; soul rocking sadness and mental acceptance. My body formed even closer to hers as I sought out the solace of her mouth and the sweet taste of berries I found there. As my lips barely brushed against hers, I whispered against them.
“To the fucking moon, Sweetheart.”
Present
“Come on, Elsa made some breakfast for you. After that I have something I want to show you.”
I nodded, though I had barely registered what my father had said. What I wouldn’t have given to go back and live that moment again. Even when we had been at our worst, it was more than I could have ever imagined having. She’d been my light.
And I had left her without a goodbye.
My beanie itched something vicious by the time I stepped into the light filled kitchen of my father’s open concept condominium. I had the strong urge to rip the damn thing off my head, but I knew I wouldn’t. If there was one thing I still kept dear over the past years, it was my dignity. No one besides Ben had seen my bald head, and that was only because my hands were shaking too badly for me to shave it off myself.
“How are you feeling?” Elsa’s soft voice hit my ears and I met her eyes with mine, knowing the worry I always found in her face. She loved me as if I were here own son and to see me deteriorate had to be hell for her.
“I’m okay, Elsa. Don’t you worry about me, been through this before.”
Nodding faintly, she came to me with a heaping plate of eggs and French toast, bacon and sausage links. Rye toast sat on the side of the plate, my favorite since I’d been a boy.
“You’ve got to stop spoiling my boy, baby. He’s going to expect this kind of treatment the next time he comes home.”
My father’s deep voice came from the parlor and I grinned when I saw the light blush that cast over Elsa’s cheeks.
“That’s how it’s supposed to be, Garrett. Now stop riding his bum and let him eat.”
My head dropped when they came together in an embrace that seemed a bit too intimate for my eyes.
My chest ached, a memory of that same emotion that my gorgeous girl had always elicited in me.
Warmth that could open even the blackest of hearts. Especially mine.
A large hand slapped across my back as I dried my plate by the sink, my hands being kept busy by a white dish rag and the motion of the plate turning beneath it.
“You ready to go?”
I nodded once, not sure if I was going to like whatever my father wanted to show me. If I knew him at all after twenty-six years, he was going to try and teach me some sort of life lesson during our little outing.
I kissed Elsa on the cheek as I shrugged my leathers on and she gave me a warm smile, playfully pushing me toward the door where Dad waited.
“So where are we going?”
“Let’s just call it a surprise.”
I arched my eyebrow over to him as we started our bikes and I strapped on the black helmet with a blue eagle formation on the back of it. It had been a gift along with my Harley and one of the few things I’d insisted on taking with me from Chicago. The familiar rumble and roar of the engine underneath me spurred adrenaline to surge through my veins, and the sense of power I got from the danger of riding had my hands clasping the handle bars with an eagerness for the thrill I knew was coming.
“Follow me, son.”
“Go.”
My father’s silver and black Harley Davidson Street Bob pulled out onto the dirt road that led to the main road and flipping the kick stand up with my boot, I swept past him in no time at all, the wheel underneath my seat eating up the dirt as if it was inconsequential.
“Damn, daredevil slow down!” I heard dear old dad holler from behind me and I shot my face back to his line of sight, a grin tipping my mouth for the first time in way too long.
“Come on, old man. You’ve got to go faster if you’re going to surprise me!”
His brow furrowed and then with a challenging gleam in his eye, he sped up real damn fast.
“Left!” He called, still a few yards behind me and we swerved through the lanes of the barely populated interstate, our wheels turning to take an exit I was guessing my dad was familiar with.
A large brick building came into view and we turned into the parking lot of what looked to be an old warehouse. I cocked my head to the side as my eyes examined it, my feet landing on bumpy concrete as our bikes came to a stop and I begrudgingly turned off the engine to mine.
“This is the place, dad?”
He nodded, and when I looked at him to decipher what the hell he was t
hinking, His face was blank.
This day was really turning out to be interesting, that was for damn sure.
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
I took my helmet off and tossed it into the storage compartment beneath the seat, wondering what the hell my father was leading me into as we neared a metal door. A lone sign hung above it and I read the words as we got close.
Wrecking Ball Studios L.L.C.
“Are you sure we’re at the right spot?”
“Will you stop asking questions and just go inside?”
My father snapped, turning a key into the lock and using his boot to open the heavy as hell door.
“This better be good, old man.”
The moment I stepped inside the spacious room, I became speechless.
Holy mother of God, it couldn’t be.
Yet it was.
In the center of Fredericksburg, Texas laid a gem hidden in miles of country road.
Stained glass separated two areas of the room, though the space had to be more than three hundred feet all the way around. The first thing I saw was the audio panels set up on a makeshift control desk, everything looking to be brand spanking new. A secretary’s desk sat against the wall closest to the entrance, rows of chairs and wooden carved tables making the waiting room have a vintage feel to it. The wooden floors had to have been new, since that fresh smell of pine and wood dust lay potently in the air.
“What is this, dad?”
I turned toward him where he was leaning up against the nearest wall, a cat ate the canary grin across his otherwise blank face.
“It’s yours. There has been a light gone from you ever since we moved out here, and though I know there is another reason for it, music is something I could give back to you. Your brothers helped me rent this place out and Asher did close to all of the renovations over the past three months.”
The breath left my lungs and I stood there completely dumbfounded by all of this. They had done this for me?
Approaching me, my dad’s hands clasped my shoulders.
“Music is a huge part of who you are and I knew if you were going to be happy, this was how.”
Breaking Lucas (Trinity series Book 2) Page 5