Healing Cathy

by Kasey Belle

  “Prison.” She blurted out, her face turning beet red.

  He kept his expression impassive, because if he let his thoughts and emotions show, he would scare the hell out of her. She would think he was mad at her, but he wasn’t. He wanted to kill Bud Latimer. “What else? Don’t think or censor, just answer, please.”

  “Oppression. Fear. Suffocating. Hopelessness.”

  He caressed her hair, as much to calm her, as himself. The self-soothing technique wasn’t working. All Paul could think about was that fucking dream. His wolf wanted out. He wanted to hunt and kill. He wanted to claim his mate. Paul wouldn’t let his wolf do any of those things, now wasn’t the time. He didn’t want to scare her, but honesty was always the best practice. If his control slipped, he didn’t want his mate to think, he was going to disembowel her. “I want to kill your ex. I want to go and hunt that bastard down and any other bastard who hurt you and slaughter them. I am not telling you that to scare you.”

  “I know.” She offered him a little small, and he saw the gratitude in her eyes.

  He didn’t want her gratitude. Didn’t she understand that as her mate, he would protect her? He would die for her. Didn’t she get that? He mentally smacked himself upside the head, of course she didn’t understand.

  “Did Bud have a lot of rules?” Paul already knew the answer to that question, and the others he was about to ask. Thanks to the Fates, he had the pleasure of seeing the answers in vivid technicolor. Cathy didn’t know that, nor would he ever tell her, at least not anytime soon. She needed to talk about it so she could heal and so they move forward.

  Cathy nodded.

  “What happened if you broke those rules?”

  She shrugged, looked at her hands, and wrung them together. Just as he was about to order her to answer him, she did. “I tried not to break them, because if I did it was bad. He would hurt me. Um, he would make me strip, lean over, place my palms on the bed, and then…and then he would whip me. He would use this leather strap he had made just for me.” She snorted in disgust.

  Paul watched her gather her courage, and she looked up at him. The flash of anger in pretty, violet eyes made him proud.

  “The day after our wedding, he told me, he had a present for me. I was so excited when he handed me this beautifully wrapped gift decorated with a giant purple bow. I thought, how sweet it was that he used my favorite color. I unwrapped the box and opened it. I saw the contents, but didn’t know what I was looking at. I didn’t understand. I looked at Bud to ask him what it was. God, I will always remember the look in his eyes. For the first time in my life, I knew what pure evil looked like and it was on the man who, the day before, stood in front of our friends and family, and promised to love, honor, and cherish me.”

  He said, “I had it made for you, wife. Don’t you love it?”

  I asked what it was. He said, “It’s your strap. I am going to teach you how to be the perfect submissive, the perfect wife.”

  Paul watched as his mate retreated into the past, her eyes had a faraway, glazed look about them.

  “I started to back away, and he reached out and grabbed my forearm. His fingers dug into my skin and I cried out. The pain was excruciating.”

  “You will not move, until, I have dismissed you. You stood in front of everyone we knew and promised to obey me, or were you just lying, whore?”

  “I was shocked. I didn’t know this Bud. He never spoke to me like that. I didn’t recognize the man who so violently, grabbed me without regard. I kept thinking who is this man? What have I done?”

  “Answer me.”

  “No I said vows.”

  “Master.”

  “Wh-what?”

  “He hit me for the first time. He slapped me across the face. I never saw his hand coming and if he hadn’t been holding my arm, the force would have knocked me to the floor.”

  “Do I have your attention now, slave. You will address me only as Master in private. When we are in public, you may address me as Bud. Understand?”

  “I nodded, too numb and stunned to do anything else.”

  “Your training starts now. You left the cap off the toothpaste, didn’t wipe down the counter after you made my breakfast, and breakfast was late. I expect my meals to be ready at exactly six a.m., twelve-thirty p.m., and six p.m. Repeat it back to me.”

  “You expect meals at six a.m., twelve-thirty p.m., and six p.m.”

  “I will tell you what I want to eat, and you will make it exactly to my specifications. I said, I wanted toast with my scrambled eggs. You gave me burnt toast. That’s eight. Two for being late and two for burning the toast. Two for the toothpaste and two for being a slob and not cleaning up after yourself. I think, I will add two more for your disrespect. An even ten.” He released my arm and shoved me towards the bed. “Remove your clothes.”

  “I stood there staring at him. I didn’t understand.”

  “Hesitate for one more second, and I will rip them off of you and double your punishment.”

  “I began to cry. My hands shook so badly I had trouble removing my clothes.”

  “You are such a hot piece. I should add to your count for making me wait to fuck you until last night, but I am feeling generous. Bend over, palms on the mattress. You will not move from this position. Your hands will stay where they are. I will not hesitate to break your fingers if you use them to try to shield yourself.”

  Cathy blinked. She was back in the present once again. “He raped me for the first time that night. That was worse than the beatings. Rape crushes you from the inside out. Thing is, he was never like that. I knew Bud for years before we ever dated. He was always nice to me. I was drawn to his bossiness, like ordering for me or telling me what outfit to where when we went out. He wasn’t mean about it. I thought it was his way of showing he cared about me and what I did. I was so naïve. I didn’t realize what he was doing was controlling me, slowly taking over everything. He revealed his true self once the ring was on my finger. He no longer needed the charade because he had me truly caught.”

  She closed her eyes, and a tear leaked out. He brushed it away.

  He wasn’t going to kill Bud quickly. Nope, he was going to torture the fucker.

  “You are safe here, kitten, finish it.”

  She cleared her throat. “The number of lashes depended on what rule I broke. He never gave me more than twenty because I had to be able to tend to all my duties. He would whip me so hard I would have whelps, and sometimes, he even broke the skin. He always forced himself on me after he beat me. He got off on my pain. I would just stand there, gritting my teeth. Fighting him would have only made it worse. When he was done, I had to thank him for fucking me and for disciplining me. I felt so worthless and weak.” Her eyes widened in shock. “Your eyes are glowing.”

  “I know. I am trying hard not to go feral, on that fucker.”

  She gave him a real smile, this time. “I would pay to see that. I have scars.”

  Yeah, he knew that. “I’m sorry we should have discussed your punishment first, given you a choice, a safeword.”

  “You warned me. I never thought you would hurt me like he did.”

  “I would never do that to you. Never hurt you like that. I hate hearing you denigrate yourself. When you called yourself, fat, I couldn’t take it anymore. Then, you were facedown over my lap, your perfect peach of an ass on display, and all the blood left my brain for my crotch.”

  Her cheeks turned a lovely shade of rosy red at his statement. He was successful in hiding the rage he felt about her scars and his anger at himself. The fact that, her ex marred her beautiful skin added more time to his slow and painful death.

  God, he hoped he would be able to hide his reaction, when he saw those scars up close and personal. He didn’t want her to think, he thought, she was anything less than perfect.

  He didn’t want her to fear him, but he couldn’t let her actions go unpunished. He gave his word, made his intentions known, and deep down Paul knew, he had
no choice, but to start as he meant to go. He briefly considered tugging off her jeans before he smacked her ass. Thank the Fates he vetoed that idea. He wasn’t sure, he could have laid the flat of his hand where evidence of violent abuse, glared back at him, even if it was only to get her attention.

  He knew that if he did not follow through on his warning, she would take it as a sign that he wasn’t accountable, and she couldn’t trust his word. He always trusted his instincts and training, especially where D/s was concerned, so he went with his gut. It didn’t make punishing her any easier. He didn’t like to use pain as punishment. He only used “punishment spankings” to gain his sub’s full focus and attention. That’s the reason his spankings were short and to the point, five swats no more, no less.

  When he had to discipline a sub, he preferred more sensual forms of punishment, such as, withholding her orgasm for hours until she was pleading for relief or making her come so many times that her only recourse was to pass out to gain relief. Cathy wasn’t ready for his preferred form of discipline, but she had earned a punishment. She also needed to cry, to purge her soul of all that poison. A spanking was the quickest way to get her there.

  “I understand why the thought of rules scares you. My rules aren’t designed to oppress you, but to free you and protect you. I want you to have your own thoughts, goals, and opinions. I want you to tell me when you don’t agree with something, and as long as it doesn’t interfere with your safety and wellbeing, I will listen. I don’t want to oppress you. I want you to soar, kitten.”

  Her indignant snort called bullshit on his statement. “Yeah, right.”

  He smacked her outer thigh for her sass, but the smirk on his lips ruined his reprimand. “Don’t get sassy, kitten. I am not looking for a full time D/s relationship. I don’t live the lifestyle twenty-four seven. I don’t want to. I don’t want a slave. I want a partner. Someone to share my life with, not rule like an overlord.”

  ****

  “And spanking me will help me soar?” Maybe he meant sore, not soar, because it certainly helped her have a sore ass.

  “In a way, yes. I did that for two reasons. One, to get your attention, because you wouldn’t have listened to me otherwise. Would you?”

  He raised his eyebrow in that sexy as sin dominant all male way of his. She wanted to lie, but instead opted for the truth and shook her head in the negative. When he squeezed her hip and smiled at her in praise, she was glad she chose honesty.

  “Two, because you needed to cry. You had to purge some of that poison from your system. Crying can be very cathartic. Women heal themselves through their tears. According to Luke, you never cry.”

  That shocked her. “I never wanted him to see me upset. He needs me to be strong. I didn’t realize he noticed or that it bothered him.”

  “I know, kitten. It bothers him because you raised him right. Luke’s a good boy and will be an even better man. He’s protective of his mother and other females, as it should be.”

  She beamed with pride when he complimented Luke. He wasn’t spouting empty words. He meant what he said. Luke was a great kid. He would grow up to be nothing like Bud because of her influence. Paul, his brother, and cousins would reaffirm what she taught him through their words and actions. Was she really considering this? She was strongly leaning towards, yes.

  “I need you to know, and believe, that I will never punish you in any way that physically or mentally harms you.”

  Paul laughed when Cathy voiced her opinion with an indignant snort.

  “Five swats may sting and get your attention, but they won’t harm you.” He squeezed her right ass cheek, playfully. “I don’t believe in corporal punishment. I don’t judge others that do, it is needed by some and works for some, but not me, not us. I prefer to torture you in sexual ways.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. She giggled in response.

  He kissed her nose. “I love to hear you laugh. I would do any and everything to keep that light in your eyes, and that smile on your oh-so-kissable lips. Have dinner with me tonight.”

  “Are you asking me or ordering me?”

  “Which will get me a date?”

  “Asking.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “Good girl.” Paul cleared his throat. “Will you have dinner with me tonight, kitten?”

  “I would like that.”

  “Awesome. We’ll discuss things. I’ll explain the rules, both yours and mine, and answer your questions.”

  “You have rules?”

  “Of course, I do. Rules on both sides are an integral part of BDSM. We all have our roles and must be accountable to that role for ourselves and those around us. Clearly defined unbreakable rules help us build trust, establish boundaries, and help us weed out the committed from the posers. How can a Dom or Domme ask a submissive to follow rules if they aren’t willing to follow rules that keep those in their care safe?”

  “The relationship would be one sided.”

  “That’s not a relationship. It’s an abuse of power when one side takes, but gives nothing in return. A consensual D/s relationship consists of shared responsibility, give and take.” He kissed her one last time. It was only a sweet lingering kiss, but it set fire to her blood, all the same. “I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress casual.”

  Paul jumped from the bed and headed towards the door. He grasped he knob and looked at her over his shoulder. “I’ll meet you downstairs in three hours, Cathy. Don’t be late or I might have to -.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “Oh, and kitten, I didn’t miss the fact that you never answered my question. Tonight, you will tell me why you were so angry.”

  Chapter 16

  Paul left Cathy to freshen up. He wanted to stay with her, love her, and claim her, but that was not what was best for her.

  He was afraid to make a mistake at this point. Even the slightest misstep could put them back where they started. Spanking her had been a calculated risk. It panned out, but he wasn’t about to push his luck. He needed advice on how to proceed. He didn’t want to push too hard, too fast. Paul pulled out his phone, as he headed down the porch steps, and walked back to his place.

  “Well, well, well, long time no hear Paul. How are you?”

  The tightness in Paul’s chest eased at the sound of his mentor’s voice. Silas Greer was not only owner and operator of Impact, the private BDSM club in San Antonio Paul was a member of. Silas was also a wolf shifter. If anyone understood Paul’s dilemma, it would be Silas.

  “I’m good.”

  Silas snickered. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

  “Telling, smart ass.”

  “Your ears must have been burning.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “We were just talking about you.”

  “We who?”

  “Really Sheriff, you’re slipping if you need to ask me that.”

  Paul groaned and smacked himself in the forehead. His mate and her situation were messing with his head. Of course, Paul knew who was the other half of “we”, Silas’ mate and submissive, “pup”. “How is Kieran?”

  “Perfect as always.” Paul didn’t have to see his friend’s content smile, to know it was there. It was always present whenever the Silas spoke or thought of Kieran. It always made Paul a little jealous and envious, of his friend. Paul didn’t begrudge Silas his happiness, he deserved to be happy. Paul, also, wanted that happiness for himself.

  “So, why were you two talking about me?”

  “Ah, so we are at the avoidance stage of your call, are we? Don’t think I’ll forget that you called me. However, since I do have a message to relay, I will play along, for now.”

  Fucking Doms.

  “I heard that.”

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “You thought it.”

  Paul rolled his eyes like a thirteen-year-old girl.

  “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

  Paul pulled the phone away and looked at the screen. How the hell did Silas know that? Paul checked
the camera, nope it was off. Paul put the phone back to his ear. He could hear Kieran laughing in the background.

  “Did you forget who I am mated to?” Silas snickered. “Kieran, King of the Eye Roll.”

  Paul’s laughter joined Kieran’s, as he thought about the first time Kieran bestowed that bratty trait on Silas. Paul thought for sure that Kieran wouldn’t be able to sit for a week once Master Silas got ahold of him. It had shocked, the ever loving shit out of Paul, when all Silas did was smirk and wag his finger in warning at his errant mate. Impact’s Master was not known for his leniency, when it came to bratty subs. “How could anyone forget Kieran and his many bratty talents? So what’s the message.”

  “One of your biggest fans was at the club looking for you last night.”

  “I’m sorry, biggest fans? I have fans?”

  “Oh please, as if you don’t know how much all the single subbies want Master Creed.”

  “Who’s my biggest fan?”

  “Mina.”

  Paul groaned. He thought, he’d gotten through to her the last time he was at the club. Mina wanted Paul to be her full time Dom and wear his collar. She was a beautiful woman and perfect submissive, for a Dom whose kinks matched hers. Paul’s didn’t. Mina needed a sadist. Even if their kinks matched, Paul wouldn’t collar her. His mate was the only sub that would wear his collar.

  “What did she want?” As if Paul didn’t know.

  “She cornered Kieran, asked him if he’d seen you. When he told her no, not that he would have confirmed if he had, she asked if he knew where you were. She said you promised to consider her for a full time contract.”

  “She what?” Paul was outraged. “How dare she go around spreading rumors, especially that one.”

  “I would have called you earlier, but I was discussing the matter with Ms. Sarnos. She swears it’s true. Neither Kieran nor I believed her, of course. However, I didn’t want to call her on the lie, without speaking with you first.”

  “I didn’t even hint at it.” Wanting to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, he added. “Maybe, she misconstrued something I said.” Paul didn’t think so. He was very clear with her on the matter, but anything was possible.