Christmas Jack-o'-Lantern

by Subhajit Waugh

  Mrs. Santa jumped at her heels, while Mr. Santa desperately tried to evade. “Dear Honey, why do you hesitate?” she said, and nudged Mr. Santa in his fat belly.

  She spoke with a honey-coated tone “Remember, you promised last year to invest most of our savings for the benefit of children worldwide. You confided to me of your grand vision of a ‘Children’s Global Organization’. Belsnickel must have been sent by the heavens to make our dreams true”.

  “Can’t we talk about it later?” Mr. Santa said.

  “Even after I convinced you so many times in the last few days, you still hesitate?” Mrs. Santa snapped furiously. She stepped forward and twisted Mr. Santa’s nipples really hard. Mr. Santa screamed in agony.

  Mr. Santa appeared to have slipped into a very embarrassing and uncomfortable situation. He spoke rather evasively “Oh darling! How can I provide so much money?”

  “Why don’t you cancel your plans to set up a global chain of lavish theme parks?” Mrs. Santa suggested and stepped with her heel-shoe on Mr. Santa’s toe, to add some required weight to her suggestion “besides, you don’t hesitate to spend billions every year, when it comes to distributing Christmas gifts and on donations”.

  “You mean…” Mr. Santa Claus fumbled guiltily for some suitable excuse, looking at the floor, not daring to look directly at his wife’s frowning face.

  “Now stop fumbling!” she said furiously and pinched hard on her husband’s hand.

  Mr. Santa jerked his hand in pain and looked helplessly at Belsnickel’s face for support.

  “She is very reasonable” Belsnickel said, grasping the opportunity “I know that canceling your crazy, extravagant plans to set up a chain of theme parks will disappoint you” Belsnickel said with a consoling tone, but his body gestures suggested otherwise. “Also, you must be upset to cut back on your mindless spending on Christmas. But think logically. Presently, it is much more important to set up a powerful organization, having tooth & nails for resisting Ded Moroz’s ruthless expansions”.

  “We are getting too old” Mrs. Santa supported Belsnickel’s point “We shall remain memorable forever by setting up an organization devoted to the cause of children worldwide”.

  Santa stammered, “You are right sweetheart, but…I mean…just consider…” he was almost on the verge of breaking down in a sob.

  Mrs. Santa spoke furiously “Okay, Okay! If you can’t provide funds, just be frank and refuse it. You have been postponing it indefinitely, and I don’t want to hear further lame excuses. I shall write to your cousin Sinterklaas for donating money generously for this noble cause. After all, he is immensely rich and is so generous”. Mrs. Santa’s voice dropped down to a nostalgic one in an instant, and she added playfully “Now I remember; he had invited me last month to spend the summer in his lavish mansion”.

  This remark seemed to strike right at Santa’s heart “What! You will beg for money from my cousin while I am still alive?” Mr. Santa snapped “Oh! What a shame! All right! All right! I shall set up this children’s organization” he said in a resigned tone.

  Mr. Belsnickel stepped forward, thanked Santa and hugged him tightly. Mr. Santa almost struggled to break free. Belsnickel kissed him on his cheek, on his forehead, and on his white beard.

  Mrs. Santa Claus watched her husband struggling to free himself, and smiled humorously.

  Belsnickel said “I want you to exempt me from disclosing the names, or tasks assigned, or amount of salary drawn by any employee in this organization. You shall never question me about the number of personnel, or their background, or how your funds have been spent”.

  Mr. Santa Claus was holding his chest and was very restless, as if signaling a second heart stroke. He groped wildly in his robe pocket, where he kept his pill box. Finding nothing, he groped in his other pocket and pulled out a Havana cigar. He threw it on the floor in disgust.

  Mrs. Santa eyed the cigar with hateful eyes.

  “Besides…” Belsnickel continued “…I shall have unlimited power to appoint any person in this organization, or to carry out any sort of activities”.

  Mr. Santa Claus reached for a glass of water placed on the table, and drank it hurriedly without paying much attention to Belsnickel.

  “I want all the activities of this organization to remain completely secret” Belsnickel demanded, “People won’t even know that I am the Director of this organization. They shall simply know me as Santa’s helper”.

  This demand drew Mr. Santa’s attention and he asked in a shocked tone “Why is it so?”

  Mr. Belsnickel did not answer Mr. Santa, but addressed Mrs. Santa (evidently he had already realized who the real boss is) “Madam, just think what a greatness it is, to serve for the cause of needy children and orphans in absolute secrecy. It is selfishness to expect acknowledgement in return for good deeds”.

  Belsnickel turned emotional. He wiped his eyes and said in a chocking tone “serve in such a manner that even your left hand shall never find out what your right hand is doing. This is my firm belief and working principle”.

  Tears rolled out of Mrs. Santa’s eyes on hearing such saintly thoughts. It seemed clear, that she had at last found the right person, whom she can trust blindly for fulfilling her dreams of setting up ‘Santa and Mary Claus Memorial Trust’.

  Mr. Belsnickel took out a piece of bond paper and said to Mr. Santa Claus “Now sign on this agreement please”.

  Mr. Santa objected feebly, but immediately Mrs. Santa spoke rather bitterly “If you don’t sign it, I shall fast until death in protest”.

  Mr. Santa Claus felt breathlessness, rapid sweating and throbbing heartbeat. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, and felt that his vision was becoming blurred. He felt uneasy and weak, and experienced a second heart stroke. He almost collapsed into his armchair, and without speaking of the discomfort he felt, he almost snatched the paper from Mr. Belsnickel.

  Mr. Santa gave a deep sigh, signed it hurriedly without even glancing at it. Handing it over to Mr. Belsnickel, he asked in a faint tone “What shall be the name of this organization?”

  “Children’s International Association” Belsnickel replied “in short, I have nicknamed it as ‘Corporation’ ”

  * * *

  Meanwhile, in Russia,the task of deploying Devilish unit under Ded Moroz was proceeding differently. Ded Moroz received yet another letter from Koschei, the immortal. On the envelope was stamped ‘Confidential’. This time the tone of the letter was quite different.

  Dear Ded Moroz,

  I was deeply hurt that you turned down my request for setting up a ‘children’s organization’ to counter ‘American’ Santa Claus.

  I did not ask for manpower: I have plenty of trusted men for deployment. All I asked was monetary support. You must bear the expenses of bearing a standing army of your fanatical supporters against ‘capitalist’ Santa. I need your approval to carry out necessary patriotic activities in your name.

  I know lots of dark secrets about you and about your past. You were a cruel sorcerer who turned innocent people into ice. You kidnapped young children and demanded ransoms. I am ready to leak out the secrets, if you don’t oblige to my request.

  But I am hopeful of a positive reply. I have even thought of a vague name for the proposed children’s organization. It shall be named ‘Koschei’s General Body’.

  [P.S. I hope you shall not dare to anger my guardian and supporter Baga Yaga, and risk dire consequences]

  Sincerely,

  Koschei Bay-re’ah.

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  Chapter 23

  Operation ‘La Befana’

  Jack had sworn to use all possible means to rise in power curve and extend his influence much beyond that of a ‘spiritual leader’ of Halloween world. Jack’s immediate goal was to influence the witches worldwide and win their support. And for that purpose, he had spotted out ‘La Befana’, the secretary of the Christmas witches, as his easiest target.

  Jack demanded to meet Belsnicke
l soon after Belsnickel had succeeded in deploying Jack’s Devilish forces under Santa Claus, as per Jack’s plan.

  Belsnickel reported to Jack in the newly furnished egg-shaped office room. The room was a model of modern architecture-with abstract modern paintings on the walls, conch shaped flower vases and an oval table with S-shaped legs. Seen from outside, the building looked like a huge, ellipsoidal shining pearl, floating on a pool of lotuses.

  “I shall keep my promise and appoint you the head of Mr. Santa’s intelligence unit” Jack said with a smile “Congratulations on your appointment, Belsnickel”.

  “Thank you Sir” Belsnickel said as he occupied his seat.

  “Should we get down to business now?”

  “Sure, sir” Belsnickel replied.

  On Jack’s demand, Belsnickel took an oath of office.

  “You are sworn to secrecy” Jack said “Always keep that in mind”.

  “Of course Sir!”

  “Good. As a first task, I assign you the task of toppling La Befana, the influential witch and Christmas gift distributor of Italy. Capture her, and bring her to me, alive. Do you understand? I want her alive. And no harm should befall her. Is that absolutely clear?”

  “Yes Sir” Belsnickel replied.

  “Very good” Jack said and pulled a file from his drawer. He handed it to Belsnickel “You will find additional information in this-“

  Belsnickel opened the cover. “Befana’s photograph…that’ll be useful!” He flipped a few pages and muttered “…. preferred mode of transport: broomstick…Attire: mostly emerald green cloak and black shawl….” He flipped a few more pages “…. main competitor: Babbo Natale, the official gift distributor of Italy…Hmmm………..marital status, Hmmm……….children: One. Dead…. I am sorry…and then…Wow! That’s a whole lot of information…our operation will be a blaze”. Belsnickel closed the file quickly.

  Jack smiled and gave thumbs up signal “Best of luck………….and I repeat. Carry out the covert operation with full attention to Befana’s safety and honor”.

  * * *

  Daylight was fading, when a team of witch-hunters, armed with broomsticks and witch sprays, gathered secretly in front of Befana’s residence in the district of ‘La Pesaro e Urbino’ in Italy.

  The leader of the group whispered, “It’s almost time for La Befana to come out. Now take your positions!” Instantly the group split into two, one proceeding towards the gate, and the other started encircling the residence.

  A few moments later, the door of La Befana’s residence flung open, and one witch riding on her flying broomstick shot out of the door like a bullet, and soared up rapidly in the air. She was followed rapidly by another witch, and then another, then another and yet another. Immediately, the waiting team members leapt off the ground on their broomsticks, and charged at the witches.

  The team leader was still rooted on the ground at his spot along with his two accomplices. He placed his binocular to his eyes and tried to focus his attention on the chase.

  “Hell!” he cursed and removed his binocular. Then he clenched his fist tightly and punching his other fist, he growled, “We have been cheated. Our men are after the wrong persons!”

  He stood there wondering what to do next, when he saw three witches emerging up through the chimney, riding their broomsticks. He watched them through his binocular, and snapped excitedly “It’s them! We must get them”.

  He threw the binocular on the ground and ordered “We must not miss them under any circumstance. I don’t want to hear any excuses! And remember, we must get them alive. I repeat… I have strict orders to get Befana alive! Fire you bolts only in dire emergency, not otherwise. That’s my orders!”

  He picked his broomstick from the ground, and tucked his wand in his cloak. Then raising his broomstick, he ordered, “Come on guys! Let’s get them”.

  The three of them charged at La Befana and her two companions like an eagle pouncing on its prey. La Befana and her companion dodged sideward, then flew like a cork out of a bottle of Champagne, swooped and dived like a hawk, and then they zoomed in and out, forming knitting like pattern. Then they split apart, formed two large horizontal circles and one vertical one and met again at almost the same spot for an instant.

  The chasers started encircling them, when Befana’s group decided to counterattack.

  A game of chasing and encircling followed, each group trying to outmaneuver the other one and gain strategic advantage.

  They were at each other’s trails at dizzying pace, climbing thousands of feet up and again almost grazing the ground within seconds.

  All of a sudden, one of Befana’s companions swung her wand and fired one bolt at one witch-hunting team member.

  The leader of the witch-hunt group held out his white handkerchief and waved peace signal desperately. But that witch ignored it completely and fired her shot again; this time the fiery arrow shaped bolt grazed over a team member’s shoulder, wounding him and setting his cloak on fire. He controlled his broomstick somehow, almost dropped down, and rolled on the ground, trying to put out the fire.

  His team-member shot back a lightning shaped, sparking electric bolt from his wand. The witch dodged and the bolt missed her, and hit La Befana’s left rib.

  La Befana started spiraling down and down, like an eagle whose one wing has been clipped. Sensing danger, one of La Befana’s companions surrendered, and the other escaped.

  La Befana fell on the ground unconscious.

  The leader of the witch-hunt group and his unhurt companion rushed towards her. The leader was just about to touch her, when his companion pulled out the ‘witch spray’ can and sprayed on Befana’s face.

  “You fool! What are you doing?” The leader shouted and slapped his companion’s face in a fit of rage, “Can’t you see she has fallen?”

  Then he bent down and held Befana’s wrist between his fingers.

  Her breathing was erratic and her pulse was irregular.

  “The mission seems to have failed utterly!” the leader said with a horror-stricken voice.

  He put his hand on his forehead, sighed in extreme despair and lamented “Oh my God! What have we done? What shall I answer to my boss?”

  “Shall we leave her here and report that we didn’t find her?” his companion asked, still rubbing his palm on his face.

  “She may die”.

  “Shall I fire one more shot to relieve her of her pains?”

  “How dare you?” the leader retorted angrily, “Hah! That would be murder in cold blood”.

  “Shall we take her to our boss for emergency treatment and hope for the best? But……...how shall we carry her in unconscious condition? Besides, she may die on the way. And how will boss react?”

  Finally, they joined two broomsticks with short sticks, forming a ladder like structure, and covered it with canvas cloth to make a hovering stretcher.

  “Let Befana’s companion ride on her broomstick alongside us” the leader commanded “Tie her hand with rope and holding one end, you people guide her on. We’ll fly Befana on this broomstick stretcher for treatment. Let’s pray that she doesn’t pass away on the way”.

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  Chapter 24

  The secret deal

  La Befana recovered quite soon.

  Then, she and her captured companion were lodged in separate prison cells.

  La Befana’s cell faced an open grass field. La Befana had to share her cell with an old, hunched crone, who claimed that she was a witch too.

  “We are in grave danger” she confided to La Befana.

  “What do they plan to do with us?” La Befana asked.

  “We are prisoners of witch hunters. They will first torture us. Duck us in a pool of water repeatedly from dawn till dusk, allowing a few seconds of gasping for breath each time and then plunge us again and again…until we are almost drowned”.

  “Oh my god!” La Befana muttered with a trembling voice.

  “They have
other methods too. They will tie us to a pole, and slowly dip our feet in boiling water”.

  She observed La Befana’s reaction very minutely and then said “And at night, they will…”

  “They will what?” La Befana said with a panic-stricken voice “What they’ll do?”

  Befana’s cellmate sighed and kept quiet.

  “Please tell me what they will do?” Befana pleaded. There was urgency and horror in her voice.

  “They will burn us at the stake”.

  “Oh my god!” La Befana shrieked again, and shuddered.

  Befana’s cellmate put her hand on Befana’s shoulder and said “we must face bravely whatever fate has in store for us. We must not break down”.

  “Will they really do all those things to us?” Befana spoke, almost breaking down.

  “Alas! Yes” she replied. “I have been imprisoned here for quite some time. I have seen all these with my own eyes”.

  * * *

  La Befana’s cellmate, the old hunched crone, was taken to another room on pretext of meeting the prison warden, where Jack was waiting alone.

  “Has La Befana softened a bit?” Jack asked.

  “Well, yes, to a certain extent. Some more convincing will be needed. A visual demonstration, perhaps” La Befana’s cellmate replied.

  “Which demos you suppose will be most effective?” Jack asked.

  “Fire and water” she replied.

  “Hmmm…fire and water” Jack repeated. He thought for a few moments and said “Are you very sure that we are not overdoing things? I don’t want to subject her or her companion to emotional stress beyond absolute minimum”.

  “Of course I am very sure” La Befana’s cell-mate said “She is not the type of person who will serve your wish on a platter. She will deny till her last breath. She is not likely to budge a bit…Especially when she stands to lose…you have to soften her a bit further…”

  “Hmmm… I see…” Jack replied. He rose up and went to the window.

  Jack turned back, smiled, and asked, “You can still shriek your unearthly scream, I suppose?”

  “Of course yes!” she replied, shrugging her hunched shoulder.

  “Good! Such a blood-curdling unearthly scream at the dead of the night will surely have the desired effect on La Befana” Jack said, hiding his cunning smile. He approached her and offered her three gold coins “Here, that’s your reward. You are persuading La Befana well. Continue your good job, and you shall not regret”.