Shattered Souls

by Alison Mello

  I look over at her. “Really. I didn’t know you went that way.” I’m trying to be serious, but I’m failing.

  “Fuck you.” She hits me with the duster. “You know what I mean.”

  “I know, and thanks for loving me. I need people like you and Keegan in my life.”

  She looks me in the eye. “I miss this Lexi, I hope she sticks around for a while.”

  “Me, too.”

  It’s been really nice spending the afternoon just chillin’ with Chloe. We watched a movie, had dinner, I helped her get her crap ready for work and she helped me find a few more jobs to apply for. They weren’t my ideal position, but I need a job. I can’t keep sitting around the house. I’ll end up thinking about the past, and nothing good comes from that.

  I’m about to turn in when my phone rings. “Hey, Keegs.”

  “Hi, sexy. How was your day?”

  “It was good. I spoke to my mom. I would like to make plans to have her over at some point when you’re ready to meet them.”

  “When I’m ready? What about when you’re ready?”

  I laugh. “Okay, okay. We’ll discuss it and figure it out. Clearly you don’t mind meeting them. I told my mom I needed to get my head on straight, and she knows I’m seeing you. I told her all about you.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yup. I told her all about your hot green eyes and your sexy smile.” The line goes quiet and I know he’s blushing on the other end. He doesn’t take compliments very well, and I have a feeling that’s thanks to his past. “I told her all about your ripped chest and how I love to run my tongue over your pebbled nipples.” I hear him take a deep breath. “I even told her about your rock hard….”

  He cuts me off. “You are so full of shit. You’re trying to make me hard and you’re doing a damn good job.”

  I burst into laughter. “But don’t you worry, I’ll get you back for this. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to beat off to thoughts of me fucking that pretty mouth of yours.”

  “Or I can come over and take care of that for you.”

  “Good night, Lexi.”

  “Good night, Keegs.”

  I cut the call and realize I worked myself up as well. Exhaling a deep breath I reach into my nightstand to pull out B.O.B. and I spot my bottle of tequila. I pick it up and uncap it to take a sip. I’m not sure what it is but I stop myself and put the cap back on tucking it away in my drawer. I grab my toy instead and quickly strip. Turning it on, it hums to life as I press it to my hard, wet nub. I quietly moan as pleasure shoots through my body along with visions of Keegan seated between my legs licking at my clit. In minutes I’m falling to pieces, shaking and quivering as I ride out an orgasm I wish he was here for.

  Lexi left early yesterday to spend some time with Chloe before we had to go back to work today. It amazes me how much I miss her, and I’ll admit it scares me a little, too. We’ve only been talking for about a month now, and she’s already come to mean a lot to me.

  I’m getting out of the shower from my workout when my phone pings.

  Lexi: I got an appointment for today. She had a cancellation

  I’m thrilled because she actually seems excited about this, and that’s a good thing. If she’s going into it excited she’s more apt to open up to the doc.

  Keegan: Nice. On my way out the door for work, so I’ll see you later and you can tell me how it went.

  Lexi: ;-)

  After our morning brief, Chloe and I go straight to the courthouse for Julian’s session in front of the judge. We go through security and head into the courtroom to wait for our case to be called. Of course, as usual, they are running behind because of all the crap that happened over the weekend. We’re sitting there listening to argument after argument when finally they call Julian up. He has been assigned some state attorney because he can’t afford a good one. Chloe and I step up as well, and I’m glad we do because the look on Julian’s face goes from nothing but fear to a bit relieved when he sees us. The judge asks him what happened and why he was driving without a license. He tells his story with us standing directly beside him. His voice is shaken, and from the look on the judge's face she knows he’s scared.

  “Are you two the arresting officers?”

  “Yes, your honor.” I speak up. “I’ve spoken with Julian at great length in regards to the poor decision he made that day. I would like to ask that you let him work with me doing community service. I’m a D.A.R.E. officer, and he has agreed to put in some time volunteering. I think it could benefit him.”

  The judge smiles. “Why are you trying to let him off easy?”

  “Not easy, your honor. I will make the boy work.” I look at Julian and then back to the judge. “I once made some foolish decisions as well, and if weren’t for the people who stood up for me, I may not be here as a cop. He needs guidance and encouragement.” Julian smiles, a full on sincere smile telling me he truly appreciates what I’m doing.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you what, young man. You are very lucky that Officer Ward is here defending you today.” She looks back at me. “If he makes one mistake while on probation, it’s your rear on the line.” The judge looks at me sternly.

  “Yes, your honor. I take full responsibility for his actions.” I put my hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze.

  “One slip up and you will quickly find yourself taking up residency in our lovely children’s prison. Am I clear?” The judge looks at him sternly.

  “Yes, your honor.” The kid's voice is shaking. He’s really scared shitless right now.

  “Good, get out of my courtroom.” She smacks the gavel down and we walk out of the room.

  The lawyer thanks us for coming, and then leaves us to go in search of the paperwork he needs to sign for Julian’s probation and community service time. “Do not get me into trouble,” I warn Julian.

  He shakes his head. “I won’t. I told you, this isn’t usually me. Thank you so much for helping me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  An older woman is standing beside Julian and he realizes he hasn’t introduced us. “Oh I’m sorry. Officer Ward, this is my grandmother. Grandma, this is the officer I told you about.”

  “Thank you for helping my grandson. His mother is a real piece of work and though I won’t be caught dead near that woman’s home I care about my grandson.”

  “Thank you for taking care of him while his mother’s in the hospital. Too many kids are abandoned by the remainder of their family when they are left in an environment like Julian’s.” She nods her agreement but says nothing more.

  “As soon as your lawyer gets back we’ll give you a ride to school.” He nods his approval and thanks us again. I look down at my watch and realize if we don’t get a move on he is going to probably miss lunch and I doubt he ate breakfast. Maguire and I keep the conversation light, asking him things like what he does for fun, and if he does any of the clubs at school. We both encourage him to stay involved with school stuff to keep from getting in anymore trouble. “I’m kind of a loner. I don’t get involved in a lot of things, good or bad. It’s not like I can bring friends over after school.” He shrugs. “I just keep to myself.” I feel for this kid because I know exactly what he means, and it fucking sucks.

  We’ve been waiting a little while now and I’m about to take him to go search for his attorney when I finally spot him. “Okay, you’re all set. You need to stay out of trouble. You’re on ninety days’ probation, and you have to do forty hours of community service.” His eyes go wide.

  “Don’t stress it, kid, I have plenty you can help me with. I’ll have things to do to prepare for family day in two weeks, and you’ll come to that with me. Trust me, you’ll get this done in no time.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” I look at his attorney. “Are you done with him? We’re going to give him a ride to school.”

  The attorney tells us he can go. He hands me some paperwork and explains that I need to fill it out with what h
e did for community service time. It’s quite detailed. I can’t just sign off saying he did the time. I have to state exactly what he did to fill the time he worked.

  We walk him out to the car, his grandmother tells him to behave, and says goodbye. We put him in the back and drive him to the high school. When we pull up I walk him in to let the school know he wasn’t skipping, and that he was with me. They give him a slip and send him off to class after I tell him I’ll see him next week. As he’s walking down the hall he calls out, “Officer Ward. I need to give you my number.”

  I chuckle. “It’s on the paperwork I have in the car. You’re good, kid, get to class.” He waves and takes off jogging down the hall.

  When I get back out to the car Maguire is talking to another cop. “Hey Ward, this is Officer Jones. He patrols the school.”

  “Lucky you,” I respond with sarcasm. “How’s it going?” We shake hands.

  “It’s going. This detail isn’t as bad as you think. What’s up with the kid? Was he skipping?”

  “Nah, he got into some trouble last week. We went to court with him. I got him assigned to work D.A.R.E. with me for community service.”

  “Nice. Be careful though. I’ve seen some good cops take some serious heat standing up for kids who they thought wanted to screw their head on tight and just wanted a free ride.”

  I nod. “Thanks for the advice. I think this one’s for real, but I’ll watch my back. The last thing I need is an ass chewing.”

  “I know what you mean. I’ve had my ass chewed more times than I care to fucking remember. My ass is sore and has had enough, that’s why I like this detail. I get to know the kids and I can keep myself out of trouble.”

  We laugh, telling him to watch his ass and say our goodbyes.

  I pull up to my place to see Lexi is already here waiting for me. “How was your day?” she asks, climbing out of her car.

  “It was good. How was yours?”

  She gives me a smile. “It was good.”

  I shake my head at her copying my words and she follows me inside. When we get into the elevator I drop my work bag by my feet. “When do I get to see you in that sexy uniform of yours?” She steps closer, running her fingers over my cheek and into my hair. I’ve noticed she loves running her fingers through my hair.

  “Sexy, huh?” Her smile grows and she nods with a twinkle in her eye. “Well, I typically only wear my uniform home if on a special detail. Otherwise, we change in and out of our uniform at work.”

  She pouts. “What are the chances you’ll use those handcuffs on me?” Her fingers run down over my pec.

  I lick my lips, my mouth mere centimeters from hers. “Those are a bit harsh, but I do have some fun ones in my stash we can play with.” She’s about to respond when the elevator pings and the door opens on my floor. Fuck, my cock is now hard as nails. She steps out of the elevator, and I can’t help but laugh. I unlock the door letting us in. I tell her to make herself at home while I get out of my jeans and into some shorts. It’s a habit of mine to change into lounge shorts when I get home. I pull one of my sidearms out and stick it in the safe I have hidden in the hall closet. The other goes in my room with me. I have a fingerprint safe on the side of my bed in case of an emergency if I can’t get to the hall.

  After locking up the second gun, I turn to see I’m alone in my room, and I have to admit I feel a pang of disappointment. It makes me hard knowing she’s fighting to have me, and I half hoped she would follow me, but she didn’t. That’s a good thing, because I really want to hear how her appointment went today. I quickly change into some gym shorts and a tank top, and make my way back out to the kitchen. She comes in and stands by the snack bar. “Is there something I can do to help?” I start pointing to where things are so she can help me pull out what we need. We’re making stuffed chicken breast out of the thinly sliced chicken I bought yesterday.

  I can’t help but notice we work well together in the kitchen. She has to ask where things are, but she manages to get the potatoes seasoned and wrapped in foil, placing them on the top rack of the oven to bake while I finish getting the chicken together. I remind her that I also bought wine, and tell her she’s welcome to pour herself a glass. I don’t keep wine glasses in the house, but she seems just as happy to be drinking it out of a tumbler. We were discussing yesterday how neither of us are much of wine drinkers, but she said she enjoys a glass of Moscato from time to time so I grabbed a bottle. “Do you want some?”

  “Sure, I’ll try it. I’ve never had it before.”

  She pours some into a tumbler over ice and places it on the counter for me. Once I have the chicken in the oven I wash my hands and take a sip of the wine she’s poured. It’s actually not bad. It’s a bit sweeter than I’m used to, but I kind of like it. I lock my fingers with hers and take her to the living room to relax while we wait for dinner. “How did your appointment go?”

  “Actually, I was pleasantly surprised.” She takes the seat next to me, curling her feet under her legs.

  She tells me that despite the fact she thinks the good doctor is a bit snobby she got along well with her. “We didn’t get into a lot today since it was only my first appointment, but I feel a lot more comfortable talking to her than I ever felt talking to the counselor the military hooked me up with.”

  “What was wrong with the old one?”

  “She basically had a ‘suck it up, buttercup’ attitude. Like fuck what I went through, get over it and move on.” She shrugs. “Well, fuck that. It’s not that easy.”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s not.”

  She slides closer to me. “Listen, I know I’ve been using some of the wrong coping mechanisms to get past this, but I’m trying.” She takes a slow steady breath. “Thank you for hooking me up with Dr. Miranda.”

  “You are very welcome.” I press my lips to hers. “I want you to be happy.”

  “Well, for the first time in awhile I’m starting to feel like that’s a possibility. Things were really rough over there, and I don’t mean the heat and the living conditions. Yes, that sucked too, but you got used to that. It was all the gunfire, mortar attacks, and constant shouting.” She slips into a daze thinking back to her time away. I know I’ve lost her for a minute because she stares off not saying a word. I leave her to her thoughts hoping she’ll share more. She shakes her head bringing her back to the now. “Anyway, what made you see a counselor?”

  I chuckle. “What makes you think I’m any better at discussing my situation than you are?” Her eyes go wide and I can see she’s not sure what to say.

  The timer on the oven goes off. I quickly get up from the couch to tend to dinner. Saved by the buzzer, I think to myself. I know it’s not fair that I’m asking her to share her experiences when I can’t share mine but she’s not ready to deal with my bullshit yet. I open the oven to see our chicken is looking delicious, but it’s not quite done yet, so I close the oven back up. I can feel her staring at me from behind as I get the water ready to steam the broccoli. Neither of us spreak for what feels like an eternity, but she finally speaks up. “You know you’re not being fair, right?”

  I freeze taking in the hurt in her voice. “I know.” My words are barely a whisper.

  “Then why? Why is it you expect me to discuss my situation, but you won’t discuss yours?” She’s angry and she has a right to be, but what can I say. It makes me feel stronger to help you with your situation? It makes me feel like my problems don’t exist? She’s not going to buy either of those excuses although they are somewhat true. It’s easier to forget your own problems when you’re busy helping someone else with theirs.

  I turn to her. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I can give you reasons, but none of them are going to sound good or make you feel any better about me shutting you out.” Her brows furrow as she takes in my words. I tell her all about Julian and court today, and how he reminds me of myself when I was a kid. I know she’s still not fully understanding, and it’s because I’m jumping all over the
place, being as vague as I can, giving her only as much as I have to. “Do me a favor, come to Kendall Elementary school a week from Saturday. I’ll show you.”

  She shakes her head confused. “Show me what?”

  “Why I became a cop. How I was saved from turning into a horrible kid. I have to work and will be there at eight-thirty with Julian, but I promise you it will be a good day.” She nods her head silently agreeing. I step closer to her, slipping my hand into her hair at the nape of her neck. “I want this to work between us, but I need a little more time. I promise we’ll talk more after the event.”

  “Okay, I’ll go, and then I’m spending the night here in your bed with you.”

  My lips slowly curl up into a smile. “I like the sound of that.”

  “Good, because if we don’t pull dinner from the oven we’re going to burn it.”

  My eyes go wide. “Shit.” I run to the oven pulling the chicken and potatoes out while she laughs at my reaction. “I’m glad you find that funny. You wouldn’t be too thrilled when I told you we have no dinner.”

  She shrugs. “We could always order out.” She giggles, “Or we could feast on each other.” She wiggles her brows and smiles. Fuck me, my cock heard that and is now standing at full attention ready to go.

  “Let’s eat.” I make her a plate, anxious to get her to bed as soon as we’re done.

  I’m running around the house, nervous as hell about this interview. I’ve checked my folder thirty times over, ensuring I have everything I need, from references and letters of recommendation, to transcript from school showing my exceptional grades, and extra copies of my resume. I know I have it all, but nothing seems to settle me. What scares me is I keep thinking about the bottle of tequila sitting in my room. It’s one of the first things I mentioned to Dr. Miranda when I went to see her. I know one shot would settle me, but the second they smell it on me I’m done. I would not only be skipped over for this job, I would be blacklisted from any and every major hospital in the area. I take a few deep breaths to try and calm my nerves. I pace my way back into the bathroom to check my appearance.