Faithless: A Salvation Society Novel

by Megan Green

  She scoffs. “Kate, please. Your job is perfectly fine. We have plenty of stories from your backlog so we haven’t even had to resort to letting one of the junior writers take a stab at filling your shoes.”

  “Then what is this about?”

  She pauses for a moment, as if now that she has me on the line, she’s not sure how to proceed. Finally, she sighs. “How long have we known each other, Kate?”

  I don’t hesitate. “Going on six years.”

  “And in that time, I’ve never once known you to go radio silent like this. I was worried about you. Worried about how you were handling the death of your sister. But then I call and…”

  And she hears me sounding like I don’t have a care in the world.

  “I appreciate your concern, Iz,” I start, pausing as I try to decide how much I should tell her. But then, Izzy is the closest thing I have to a best friend back in Chicago—let’s not even start to analyze how pathetic that is. If there’s anybody who wouldn’t judge me for my current predicament, it’s her.

  “I appreciate it,” I repeat. “But there’s nothing to worry about. Losing Felicity was hard, but that’s not the reason I’ve stayed behind for so long.”

  “Your parents?” she asks. “I imagine it can’t be easy for them, losing a daughter.”

  I may consider Izzy a friend, but I’m not ready to go down that road with her yet. She doesn’t know anything about my strained relationship with my parents, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.

  “No, my parents are doing okay.” As far as I know, I tack on silently. “I, um… I met someone.”

  I hear her phone as it clatters to the floor. After a fumbling few seconds, her flustered voice comes back on the line. “I’m sorry. I thought I heard you say you met someone.”

  I giggle. “I did.”

  “Ho. Ly. Shit,” she says, enunciating each syllable. “Never thought I’d live to hear those words.”

  “Izzy!” I squeal into the phone. “Come on. I’m not that undesirable, am I?”

  She barks out a laugh. “Hardly. You’re gorgeous, Kate. And every guy that’s ever worked here knows it. I’ve just never seen you give anybody the time of day.”

  I’d made it a hard and fast rule to keep my personal life separate from my professional one, so I’d never mentioned the few men I’d dated to my boss. Not that there was anything really worth mentioning…

  “Well, this guy is different,” I say, lying back against my pillow. “He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

  “Where’d you meet him?” she asks, her voice high and light, making her sound more like an excited teenybopper than a forty-year-old professional.

  “Oh, um… at my sister’s funeral,” I say sheepishly.

  She pauses for a moment before laughing slightly. “Ah, so he was a friend of hers?”

  I clear my throat. “Um, you could say that.”

  I can practically hear the wheels turning in her mind as she tries to decipher what I mean.

  “Please tell me you haven’t gone off and fallen for one of your cousins or something…” she finally says, her voice wary and suspicious.

  A laugh bubbles out of my chest. “Oh, God, no. I may be a lot of things, Iz. But I’m not into incest.”

  “So, who is this mystery guy?”

  This is it, I tell myself. It’s now or never. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to tell someone about your relationship with Shane. You can’t keep it a secret forever.

  “His name is Shane. Shane Dempsey.”

  “Okay…” she says, drawing out the word. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

  “My sister’s name was Felicity Dempsey,” I explain, waiting for the pieces to click into place.

  “So you’re what? Dating your sister’s brother-in-law?”

  God, this is even harder than I anticipated.

  “No. Felicity didn’t have a brother-in-law.”

  “I don’t get it then, Kate. Is it one of her husband’s family mem—oh,” she says, expelling a large breath when the pieces finally fall.

  She’s silent for a moment, and I wait for her to speak. To say something—anything—to let me know that she doesn’t think I’m a terrible person for what I’m doing.

  Finally, it becomes too much to bear. “Say something, Izzy.”

  “Just to make this perfectly clear,” she says, her tone not giving away an ounce of what might be going through her head. “Just to make sure I understand you correctly. You’re seeing your dead sister’s husband.”

  Hearing her say it aloud makes me feel like the lowest of the low. How could I have done this? I should’ve turned around and gone home the second I realized I was attracted to him.

  But then you wouldn’t have Gracie and Ellie. You wouldn’t have gotten to know the amazing little girls that they are.

  When I don’t deny her statement, she sighs again.

  “Do you think I’m a horrible person?” I ask, my tone pleading, desperate.

  “No, Kate. Of course I don’t. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

  “W-what do you mean?” I ask, confused by her statement.

  “I mean, the man just lost his wife. He’s grieving. Lost, I’m sure. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “You think he’ll hurt me?” Tears begin to well in my eyes.

  “I don’t know, Kate. But it’s possible. You’re his dead wife’s sister. I just hope he isn’t clinging to you because you remind him of her. That isn’t fair to you, and you’re the one that’s going to be hurt in the long run.”

  My text tone chimes in my ear, signaling the receipt of a new message. I pull the phone away from my head and see that it’s Shane.

  SHANE: We’re downstairs. The girls are amped up on sugar, so I figured we’d save you the destruction of them coming to your room. Can’t wait to see you.

  I smile at the message, but then Izzy’s words ring through my ears.

  Is he just holding onto me because I remind him of what he’s lost? Am I just a placeholder for him while he grieves the loss of his wife?

  “Look, Kate, I don’t want to make you doubt—”

  I cut her off. “Thanks, Izzy. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ve got to go now though.”

  “Kate, please don’t be upset—”

  “I’m not. I appreciate you thinking of me. I know you just want what’s best for me.”

  “I truly, truly do.”

  “I’ll be in touch, Iz. Soon, I promise.”

  “Okay. And, Kate,” she says, her voice tentative and uncertain.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m here for you anytime you need to talk. I hope you know that.”

  “Thanks, Iz,” I say. “Talk to you soon.”

  I hang up the phone and open the text from Shane.

  ME: Be right down.

  I dash over to the vanity, pulling my hair back in a high ponytail, hoping it’ll keep the crisp autumn chill from my still damp hair. After grabbing my bag, I make my way to the elevator, telling myself how excited I am to be spending the day with my three favorite people.

  But the entire ride down, I can’t help but hear Izzy’s words.

  I just hope he isn’t clinging to you because you remind him of her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shane

  “I have a surprise for you,” I say, leaning over and whispering in Kate’s ear, my eyes flicking to the girls to make sure they’re otherwise occupied. Gracie has Ellie by the hands, trying to teach her some clapping game she’d learned in school. Ellie’s toddler reflexes clearly aren’t up to speed with her older sister’s, and the two of them flub it up more often than not. But Gracie doesn’t seem to mind, her movements slowing so she can demonstrate better instead of getting frustrated with her sister.

  “What’s that?” Kate says absently, not lifting her gaze from the pan she’s rinsing in the sink.

  “My mom is coming to take the girls for a while. We’ll ha
ve the whole evening to ourselves.”

  Trying to initiate a new relationship while in the constant presence of a six and three-year-old isn’t what anybody would describe as easy. Especially when you’re trying to keep said relationship from said six and three-year-old. By the time we get through with all our evening activities and get the girls to bed, it’s usually time for Kate to leave so that she can get some work done before bed.

  Not that I was complaining. Any time I get to spend with her is fantastic. And all those stolen kisses and glances whenever the girls aren’t looking are thrilling as hell. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not aching to touch her again. Really touch her.

  I know it hasn’t been easy for Kate either. The past few nights, it had felt like she’d been pulling away from me. Instead of lingering for a few minutes after the girls were asleep, she’d taken off right away. And each time I’d tried to touch her recently, she’d tensed, her normally soft body no longer melting into mine but freezing at the slightest contact.

  I know this is hard for her. I know she has her doubts on whether or not what we’re doing is okay. And me constantly being preoccupied with the girls doesn’t help matters.

  Tonight… tonight I’m going to show Kate exactly how much she means to me.

  “Oh,” she says, her voice strained as she scrubs at a spot of grease. “Well, that’s nice of her.”

  I trail my nose along the back of her neck. “You okay?”

  She shuts off the water, spinning around with the wet pan and forcing me to take a step back. She grabs a towel and begins drying it.

  “Fine. Just a bit tired. Actually, if it’s okay with you, I think I might head back a little early tonight. I’ve got a ton of work to get done on this piece, and I could use the extra time to get caught up. Maybe even get to bed at a decent hour,” she says, giving me a half-smile.

  My mouth falls open. I just told her we finally had a few hours to ourselves, and she wants to go back to the hotel and work?

  “Are you sure you’re okay? You know you can talk to me, right?”

  She swats at me playfully with the towel, but the smile on her face doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I told you I’m fine. Now, go play with the girls while I finish cleaning this up.”

  A knock sounds at the door then, and I know it’s my mother.

  “We’re not done with this conversation,” I inform her before heading to let my mother in.

  It takes all of five minutes to get the girls out the door. Once she said the words ice and cream, Ellie and Gracie had sprinted to the hall closet to grab their jackets and bolted out the front door. When I walk back to the kitchen, I’m surprised to see Kate with her purse slung over her shoulder and the keys to her rental car in her hand.

  “You’re leaving?”

  Her eyes fall to the floor between us, her lips setting into a guilty line.

  She’d been going to try and leave while my mother was here, because she’d known I wouldn’t make a scene in front of her and the girls.

  “What’s going on here, Kate? Have I done something wrong?”

  Tears pool in her eyes, the kitchen lights glinting off them. But still she doesn’t look at me.

  “No, of course not. You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”

  I cross the room in two long strides, taking her face in my hands and tilting it back until she’s forced to look me in the eyes.

  “Then why won’t you look at me? Why do you pull away every time I try to touch you?”

  She shakes her head. “Don’t be silly, I haven’t been—”

  I yank her body against mine, feeling her stiffen in my arms instead of sinking into me like she had only days before.

  “What do you call this then? You look like you’d rather be anywhere else in the world right now than here with me,” I say, letting her go and taking a step back. It might kill me to do so, but I’m not going to force her into contact she doesn’t want.

  “Tell me what I did wrong so I can fix this,” I plead.

  “You didn’t—”

  “That’s bullshit!” I shout, my hand reaching out and crashing into a pile of mail, sending it scattering to the floor.

  She flinches at my outburst, and I regret it immediately. I take a step toward her, wanting to comfort her, but pull up short before I can touch her, remembering what had triggered this whole thing in the first place.

  “Please talk to me, Kate,” I whisper, hating how desperate I sound, even to my own ears. But I can’t bring myself to stop, can’t seem to stop begging her to talk to me because I cannot lose her. My heart wouldn’t survive it.

  “How…” she starts, her voice frail and breaking. It’s not until then I realize the tears that had been swimming in her eyes have spilled over the edge, leaving trails of wetness in their wake.

  “How what, baby? Please, tell me.”

  “How can I know that when you look at me, you’re not seeing her?” she finally says, dissolving into sobs once the last word leaves her lips.

  This time, I don’t care about giving her space. I rush to her as she folds in on herself, pulling her into my arms and wanting to protect her from her hurt. I lead her over to a chair, putting more of her weight onto myself than her own feet. Once I have her settled, I kneel down in front of her, once again taking her face in my hands.

  “How could you even think that?”

  She sniffles. “Well, you were married to her for ten years, for starters. It doesn’t make sense for you to move on so quickly. Unless… I remind you of her.”

  I shake my head. “You’re nothing like Felicity. Sure, you might look a little like her. But that’s where the similarities end.”

  She gives me a humorless laugh. “How can you even say that? You don’t know me well enough to know what I’m really like.”

  I tighten my hold on her face, turning her to face me once again. “That’s a damn lie, and you know it. I may not have known you as long as I knew Felicity. But I know you, Kate Mitchell. I’ve known you from that first evening you spent here on my living room sofa, my girls on your lap, a smile on your face as you regaled them with tales of their mother. Tales of a woman who never treated you fairly.”

  She tries to push me away. “No, you shouldn’t say that. I’ve come in here and poisoned your mind against a woman you loved. You never would have thought these things about her if it weren’t for me.”

  I drop my hold from her face and move to her arms. “There are things about Felicity and me that you don’t know.”

  Another sardonic laugh. “Yeah, I’d say there are quite a few of them. But if you wouldn’t mind, I’d rather not hear the details.” She lifts her arms and breaks my hold, shoving the chair back from underneath her as she tries to get to her feet.

  “She cheated on me!” I shout, pushing her back down to her seat. All the fight in her body evaporates at my words, and she sinks back down willingly.

  “W-what?”

  I nod. “I didn’t want to tell you. I haven’t told anybody but Aara. But our relationship was over, even before her death.”

  “I-I-I don’t understand,” she stammers, her eyes frantically searching mine for some sort of explanation.

  I stand and hold out my hand. “Let’s go to the living room. This is a long conversation, and my knee is killing me.”

  Her eyes widen when she realizes I’m kneeling on my prosthetic. Leaping to her feet, she pulls me up with both hands before assisting me out to the sofa. It’s adorable, considering I outweigh her by a hundred pounds.

  I let her think she’s helping me though, more than happy to relish in the contact I haven’t felt in days.

  Once she has me seated and my leg propped up on the table before me—unnecessary, but appreciated all the same—she sits next to me, her body turned toward mine, her arm propped on the back of the couch as her right leg curls beneath her.

  I exhale slowly, hating that I have to tell her this, but knowing it’s the only way she’ll ever understand.


  “A few days before Felicity’s death, she sat me down right there in that kitchen. She told me she’d fallen for somebody else, and that she wanted a divorce.”

  Kate sucks in a sharp breath. “Did you have any idea?”

  I shake my head. “Honestly? No. And looking back, I can’t believe I’d been so blind. Things hadn’t been good between the two of us for a long time. We never talked. Never spent any sort of time together that didn’t involve doing something with the girls. We were just going through the motions. But even through all that, it had never even occurred to me to be unfaithful. Felicity apparently didn’t have those same scruples.”

  “Do you know who it was? The other man, I mean?”

  I shake my head. “No, and I don’t want to know. At first, I thought I did. And when I heard there’d been a man in the car with her when she died—”

  “There was?” she gasps.

  I give her a solemn nod. “Yeah. He walked away with just minor injuries that were treated on scene. I can only assume it must’ve been the man she was sleeping with. Otherwise, why would he leave, you know?”

  She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry, Shane. That must’ve been so hard for you.”

  “That’s just it, though. I was angry, yes. Furious, even. But then I met you, and it all sort of…made sense.”

  She scowls. “You met me and cheating made sense?”

  “No,” I say quickly. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just… how can I begrudge Felicity for finding someone that made her feel the same way I feel about you? Fuck, I couldn’t even tell you the last time either of us uttered the words ‘I love you’ to one another. She deserved better than that. So did I.”

  Her brow furrows even deeper. “So you’re not mad at her for cheating?”

  I shrug. “I mean, yeah. I wish she would’ve ended things with me before she found someone else. But we were both unhappy. I can’t fault her for wanting to find a little joy.”