Faithless: A Salvation Society Novel

by Megan Green

  “You’re a better person than I, Shane Dempsey,” she says, blowing out a breath as she stares at me in awe.

  “Nah,” I say. “It’s because of you that I’m even able to look at it the way I do. Without you, I’d probably still be dwelling in my anger, stewing in my resentment. I thought I’d lost my faith in love the day Felicity sat me down and told me she was leaving. But then you walked into my life and everything changed.”

  She smiles at me softly, and I reach over and stroke a thumb across her cheek.

  “Faithless to faithful, all because of you,” I say, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips.

  Her lips are soft and pliant beneath mine, and I know with that simple kiss I’ve got my Kate back. Whatever worries and doubts she’d been experiencing the last few days seem to have been eased now that she knows the truth of my relationship with Felicity.

  She pulls me with her as she leans back on the sofa, her lips never once breaking with mine. And as she slowly lifts my shirt up over my head, I send up a silent thank you to the big man upstairs, a man I wasn’t entirely sure existed until recently.

  I’d been faithless in love and faithless in God before Kate had appeared in my life. But there was no doubt in my mind now.

  There had to be a higher power at work in order to bring someone as perfect as her into my life.

  I’m just glad as hell that he chose me for her.

  I pull back for just a moment, staring at the beautiful woman beneath me, her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen from my kiss.

  “I love you,” I say before dipping my head down and claiming her mouth with my own.

  She doesn’t say it back, but she doesn’t need to. Because as she makes love to me there on that sofa, her body says everything her words can’t.

  Kate Mitchell loves me every bit as much as I love her.

  And I’ll be damned if I let anything get in our way.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kate

  I knock on the front door, reaching out and testing the knob when no answer comes. Finding it unlocked, I push it open and take a tentative step inside, careful not to drop our dinner in the process.

  “Hello?” I call, surprised to hear how quiet it is inside the Dempsey household. The usual sounds of the television, iPads, and two rambunctious little girls whose zest for life can be downright deafening at times, are nowhere to be found.

  It would be an odd occurrence on even a normal day. But today is Halloween. I’d anticipated having to help Shane peel Gracie and Ellie off the walls before taking them out trick-or-treating.

  “Is anybody home?” I shout again, wondering if maybe I’ve missed them. Shane had taken the afternoon off of work to be able to attend Gracie’s class Halloween party, so he’d been the one to bring her and Ellie home today. I thought the plan was to meet at four-thirty for a quick dinner of pizza and breadsticks before setting out for an evening of collecting candy, but maybe I’d been mistaken.

  But then the sound of Shane’s low voice rumbles from upstairs, alerting me to their whereabouts. I make a quick detour to the kitchen to drop off the food before I creep toward the stairs.

  I hesitate briefly, uncertain on how to proceed. Two days ago, Shane had told me he loved me, and despite how desperate I was to say it back, to tell him just how much he’d come to mean to me in such a short amount of time, I hadn’t been able to. The words had been right there on the tip of my tongue, but something had held them back.

  Hearing about the state of his and Felicity’s marriage should have put me at ease. Knowing that he wasn’t pining for her, wasn’t trying to dull the ache of her death by being with me, should have made me feel a million times better.

  But things rarely turn out like they should.

  Learning that Felicity and Shane hadn’t been happy had only increased my fears. Because even in the few weeks I’ve known him, I’ve learned something about Shane.

  He’s committed.

  Committed to his girls. Committed to his job. Hell, I have no doubt that if the Navy called him up right now and called him back to duty, he wouldn’t even hesitate. He’s the type of guy who sees things through.

  Always.

  So how could that type of man be okay with the dissolution of his marriage?

  Am I just a way for him to try and rectify a failure?

  There’s no possible way he can reconcile with Felicity.

  So does he see me as a way to right his wrongs?

  I know he’d never hurt me intentionally. And I know he believes that he truly does love me. But subconsciously?

  Is he going to wake up one day, maybe in a month… a year… maybe even in a decade… and realize that this was all a mistake? Is he going to suddenly realize that he’s never loved me—just the idea of what I represent?

  I know I’m being ridiculous. That if I love him, I would trust him not to hurt me.

  But knowing something and actually acting on it are two entirely different things.

  So for now, I’ve decided to take things one step at a time. I’m not going to end things, because despite my misgivings, I really do love him. And Gracie and Ellie… I can’t imagine going back to a life without the two of them in it.

  But I’m not going to lay it all on the line. I need to protect my heart, so that if the day finally does come where Shane realizes this is all just a farce, I might be able to walk away with some small shard of it still intact.

  But as I hear Shane’s deep voice murmur something to his daughter, hear her gentle tone as she mutters her response, I know it’s a lost cause. The chances of me escaping this with even a sliver of my heart are non-existent. Because the three people who live within these walls already own every single square inch of it.

  I pause at the threshold of Gracie’s room, realizing the sounds I’m hearing are her soft cries. I peer inside, not wanting to insert myself into a situation where I’m not wanted.

  Gracie sits in the middle of her bed, her head cradled in Shane’s arms as she sobs, Ellie hugging her around the waist. My heart cracks a little at the sight, at the love and tenderness flowing out of Shane and Ellie and into little Gracie.

  “It’s okay, Gracie Belle. It’s okay,” Shane soothes, leaning down to press a kiss against her forehead. His large hand lifts to wipe away her tears. “Mommy is always watching over you.”

  “She was supposed to be the fairy godmother!” Gracie weeps. “I’m supposed to be Cinderella and Mommy was supposed to be my fairy godmother! She was supposed to turn me into a princess!”

  Shane smooths her hair away from her face. “I know, sweetie. I know. But maybe when Kate gets here—”

  “No!” she shrieks, tearing herself away from him and throwing her face into her pillow. She continues speaking, but I can’t make out her muffled words from where I’m standing.

  Shane must though, because his shoulders slump.

  “No, you’re right. That was for you and Mommy. I’m sorry, Gracie.”

  At the sound of his words, I suddenly feel like an intruder.

  I shouldn’t be here.

  Not here, in this moment, witnessing this heartbreaking moment between a father and his daughters.

  And not here, in this house, with the people who my sister loved so much.

  And who obviously love and miss her.

  I turn around, trying to sneak away slowly before they even know I’m here.

  I’ll text Shane and tell him something came up with work. Tell him to take the girls trick-or-treating without me, I think. And then, I’ll try to figure out just what in the fuck I’m going to do.

  But as my foot comes down on that first step, the floor creaks, and I know I’ve been caught.

  “Auntie Kate!” Ellie squeals, releasing her hold on her sister and leaping off the bed, her butterfly wings whipping around behind her as she runs.

  She nearly knocks me off balance when she barrels into my legs, my distracted thoughts taking a moment to catch up with what’s happening. I
throw an arm out to steady myself before plastering on a smile.

  “Hi, girls!” I gush, my words sounding a million times more cheerful than I feel. “I brought pizza!”

  Gracie sits up and wipes her face, eyeing me warily. I can tell she’s trying to assess how much of their conversation I heard, so I somehow manage to widen my grin even further, feeling the muscles in my cheeks protest at the stretch.

  “I got your favorite, Gracie. Pepperoni and black olives, with extra cheese.”

  This seems to lift her spirits a little, her eyes brightening when they meet mine.

  “Did you get cheesy breadsticks, too?”

  I bring my hand to my chest. “Why, Gracie Lou. Are you suggesting I would forget the best part of pizza night?”

  She giggles as she pushes herself up off her bed. After giving Shane one last look and a subtle shake of her head, she crosses the room and hugs me around the waist.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Auntie Kate. I like your witch costume.”

  I look down at my black dress, green and black striped tights, and knee-high boots. If it weren’t for the pointy hat on my head, I’d probably look like a normal person who just happened to have a taste for patterned legwear. It isn’t much of a costume, but the look on Gracie’s face as she stares up at me makes me feel like a million bucks.

  “Thanks, Gracie. I like your costume, too.”

  Her blue dress is crumpled and off-kilter, but she’s still the prettiest Cinderella I’ve ever seen.

  She leaves the room then, taking Ellie by the hand and bounding down the stairs. I give Shane an apologetic look. I know he knows I heard at least part of that, and I don’t want him to think I was eavesdropping.

  “I’m so sorry, Shane,” I start, my eyes falling to the floor between us.

  He’s up off the bed and pulling me into his arms in an instant.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I shouldn’t have interrupted—”

  He shakes his head. “You did nothing wrong. Gracie was just upset, that’s all. She misses Felicity, especially on days like today. Halloween was always sort of their thing.”

  “I heard. Cinderella and her fairy godmother.”

  “Yeah. They always dressed in themed costumes, ever since Gracie was old enough to remember. I didn’t even think to ask you beforehand if you’d want to step in—”

  I hold up a hand. “No, Shane. I don’t ever want to try and replace the memories they have with their mother. It was wrong of you to even suggest that to Gracie.”

  He nods, letting out a flustered sigh. “I know. I just don’t know what to do. I hate to see her hurting. I’d do anything to make it go away.”

  Anything. Like starting a relationship with the one woman who might be the most like Felicity?

  Gracie shouts from downstairs, saving me from having to respond to his statement.

  “I’m starving!” she hollers, her anguish from only moments ago clearly already forgotten.

  Shane gives me a sideways smile.

  “You ready to go trick-or-treating?”

  I press my forehead against his chest, inhaling the scent of his cologne. I’m not sure why, but something tells me to savor this moment. To imprint the smell of him, the feel of his body against mine, into my memory.

  “Daddy!” Gracie screams again.

  I force a smile onto my face.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be. Come on, we better get down there before she starts gnawing on the box.”

  Shane takes my hand and leads me downstairs.

  It’s not until later I realize that was the last time I’d ever be in that house again.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Shane

  Pushing open the break room door, I stroll inside, heading straight for the coffee pot and my third cup of joe. That whole trick-or-treating on a work night thing is for the birds. By the time I got the girls out of their costumes, bathed, and ready for bed, it was nearly eleven p.m.

  Not that it had mattered all that much. I’d spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning anyway, worried about Kate.

  I hadn’t wanted her to hear how upset Gracie had been about Felicity not being there on Halloween. I didn’t begrudge my little girl her sorrow. She deserved to grieve. She deserved to miss her mother. But still. I’d hoped to have it tempered by the time Kate arrived.

  No such luck.

  After overhearing the conversation with my daughter, Kate had acted… off for the rest of the night. Any time the girls had goofed off and done something funny on their way from one house to the next, Kate’s laughs had always come a second too late, as if her thoughts were anywhere but there with us on that street. I’d hoped to be able to talk to her about it when we got back to my place, to help her get through whatever it was that was so obviously bothering her. But she’d begged off as soon as we’d set foot on the front lawn. Something about an article she had to write for work. I don’t really know, because she took off before I could ask any questions.

  I know it couldn’t have been easy for Kate, hearing my daughter cry for the woman who had once been so cruel to her. But Kate had never seemed to mind talk of Felicity before. There’d even been times over the last few weeks where she’d initiated it, telling us all about some memory of Felicity she’d just recalled.

  So what changed? Had it been Gracie’s obvious displeasure when I had even hinted at Kate taking Lissy’s costume?

  Looking back, I can see how that might have been a foolish suggestion. It hadn’t occurred to me that it could come across to either Gracie or Kate that I was suggesting Kate could take Felicity’s place. I know that’s not what Kate wants. Hell, it isn’t what I want.

  I want my girls to remember and love their mother for the wonderful woman she’d been. It’s why I’m so obstinate about nobody finding out about her affair. I never want my daughters to think of their mother as anything less than perfect. They deserve to have their memories of her untarnished.

  My conversation with Kate from the other night replays in my head.

  “How can I know that when you look at me, you’re not seeing her?”

  Kate had thought I’d only wanted to be with her because she looked like my wife. That in some weird twisted way, I was trying to replace what I’d lost with her.

  Did she think I was trying to do the same thing with her and my girls?

  I thought I’d put that whole thing to rest after I told her the truth about Felicity and me. I thought she understood that I didn’t care what she looked like. Who her family was. All I cared about was her.

  But maybe I hadn’t made myself clear enough.

  I bring the cup of coffee to my lips as I ponder just how I’m going to get through to her. To convince her she’s what I want. Not what she might represent.

  The door swings open again and Cody Brown walks in. He startles when he sees me, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say the thought of turning around and walking right back out crosses his mind. I raise my cup to him in greeting, putting on a friendly smile.

  “Hey, Cody. How’s it going?”

  He hesitates for a second longer before grunting out a response, striding across the room and opening the cupboard to my left. After grabbing a mug and pouring himself a cup of coffee, he turns and leans against the counter, his eyes looking everywhere except at me.

  Cody has only been at Cole Security for a little over a year. In that time, I’ve spoken maybe a dozen words to the guy. He’s a few years younger than I am, and unlike most of the guys who work here, he isn’t former military. In fact, I’m not entirely sure what his background is. But I know he’s a dead-eye with a gun and can throw down in the ring like freaking Muhammed Ali. All that other stuff just never seemed very important, I guess.

  But now, seeing how uncomfortable he is to be here alone with me, I regret not taking the time to get to know him. The guys here at Cole Security are my home away from home, the people I can turn to when I need a break from the
reality of raising two feisty little girls. That should include everyone here.

  Turning to face him, I lean a hip against the counter and take a sip of my coffee. “So, Cody. I just realized we’ve worked together for a year now, and I don’t really know anything about you. What do you say we grab a beer sometime?”

  His eyes narrow as he lifts his gaze to mine, distrust clear on every inch of his face.

  I hold up my empty hand in innocence. “Don’t worry. I’m not a closeted serial killer or anything. And I promise not to roofie you and tie you to a post in the basement… not unless you’re into that sorta thing…” I jest, grinning at him and waggling my eyebrows.

  Cody doesn’t seem the slightest bit amused by my attempt at humor, his eyes pinning me with a hard stare. I cough lightly, clearing my throat and diverting my eyes from his.

  Dude seriously needs to lighten up.

  “I’m busy,” he says, pushing away from the counter and heading toward the door.

  “Oh, well… I didn’t exactly say what day…”

  He turns and gives me an assessing once-over. “Like I said. Busy.”

  With that, he pulls open the door and heads back toward his office.

  Oh-kay. So much for that idea.

  I don’t have time to think about his reaction to my invitation for too long though, my phone ringing from my pocket pulling me from my thoughts.

  Debbie’s name flashes across the screen when I grab it, and I briefly debate sending her to voice mail. But, it has been nearly three whole days since her last phone call—she’d randomly thought of some other knickknack of Felicity’s that she’d just had to have at nearly one in the morning this past weekend—so I decide to cut her some slack.

  Besides, if I don’t answer it, she’ll just call back anyway.

  Swiping my thumb across the screen, I press the phone to my ear.

  “Hey, Debbie. How are you tod—”

  “Is it true?” Her voice comes out on a harsh breath, acid pouring from her tone.

  My brow furrows.