Home Matched (Salt Lake Pumas Book 4)

by Camellia Tate

  But I was here for Charlotte. Not for Sam.

  “It is a lot of attention,” I agreed. “But… good attention, you know? Everyone watching loves you and Pat so much!” The sentiment was similar to the one I’d expressed to Sam. There were no reporters or ill-wishers coming to the wedding. Only good-hearted people who wanted Pat and Charlotte to be happy. And who wanted Sam to do well at his speech.

  My fingers strayed towards my phone. Just one little text wouldn’t keep me from being there for Charlotte.

  Got your battle face on, Levesque? Don’t let the nerves keep you from breakfast! You’re going to be brilliant.

  “What are you most excited for?” I asked aloud. “Apart from being married to Pat.”

  “I mean, that is a top five, for sure,” Charlotte joked back, making me grin. I knew that marrying Pat was so far off that list that it couldn’t even see the list anymore. She did think about it, her tongue licking over her lips absentmindedly. “Seeing everyone there for us. I think... having all our friends and family together, it’s pretty exciting.”

  I nodded. Obviously, a lot of the friends Charlotte had we shared, but there were people coming who she’d met when away at university. Some of them I hadn’t ever met. It was exciting to finally be able to put a face to these names.

  “The speeches, too. It will be nice to hear what, like, my dad has to say, you know?” she smiled. “Have you spoken to Sam? About his speech? Pat said you helped him a bit?”

  As if on cue, my phone buzzed.

  Couldn’t be brilliant without your help, the message read, making my breath catch.

  Even though I believed Sam was brilliant on his own, I wanted his words to be true. We’d always been so good together. None of the relationships I’d had since Sam had ever felt quite the same. No one else helped me the same way, or needed my help. Sam and I built each other up - the same way that Pat and Charlotte did, or Pat’s parents.

  But that was a dangerous thought. Resolutely, I pushed it away. “I mostly helped him get his thoughts down on paper,” I answered honestly. “He knew what he wanted to say, I think. He just had to get it out of his head.” And writing had never been Sam’s strong suit.

  “I haven’t heard the final speech yet. I’m looking forward to it!” With a blush, I hastened to add, “And to what your dad says.”

  Thankfully, Charlotte’s nerves clouded her ability to read me like an open book. All she did was nod. “Yeah. It will be good.” She smiled. I did my best not to give a sigh of relief. If Charlotte had asked anything more about Sam, there was no way I could not tell her. Distracted or not, Charlotte knew me well enough to tell. And right now, I wasn’t ready to address just what had happened last night.

  While the taste of Sam still lingered on my lips, it was easy enough to distract myself with all the wedding prep. Once Charlotte had eaten, I went about getting my hair done. Then there was the getting dressed, making sure everyone’s makeup was just right.

  And before long, we were ready to head over to the church so Charlotte could get married!

  The storm had left the sky a beautiful, crystal-clear blue, as if the rain had washed away any lingering drabness or dirt. Sun streamed through the stained-glass windows of the church, painting patches of color on the bare floor.

  As maid of honor, I went in just before Charlotte, pushing open the heavy oak door and drinking in the expectant hush of the wedding guests. Though I’d walked into the church a hundred times, it felt different to do so in a floor-length gown and carrying a bouquet.

  My dress wasn’t white, of course. But part of me imagined that it was. My eyes sought out Sam, standing so tall and proud next to his brother. For a dizzying instant, I felt as if past, present, and future had all slammed together at once, spilling bits of the life I’d left behind into this very moment.

  I blinked, taking slow, measured steps up the aisle. Pat flashed me a nervous grin. It was all I could not to run to him and throw my arms around him. He was going to make Charlotte so happy!

  While the vicar spoke slowly through the marriage service, time seemed to dilate and contract. One moment it felt as if he’d been talking forever. The next, Pat and Charlotte were facing each other, flushed with joy as he slid a wedding ring onto her finger.

  Watching them exchange vows was as beautiful as I had imagined. Charlotte’s soft ‘I do’ lit up Pat’s eyes so that they shone like stars in the bright interior of the church. The smile on his lips was so sweet, so achingly familiar…

  “By the power vested in me,” announced our vicar with a fond smile, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

  The ripple of joy that spread across the audience wasn’t quite a cheer, but it was pretty close!

  I hid a few happy tears in Charlotte’s bouquet while Pat pulled her close and kissed her. This moment had been a long time coming. I truly couldn’t be happier for both Charlotte and Pat. They were going to make a wonderful married couple, making each other so happy that I almost wondered what they would do with it all!

  The photographer guided us all through the next steps, snapping away while Pat and Charlotte signed the documents which would make their union truly official.

  I hardly had time to catch Sam’s eye. At least, until the photographer suggested a shot of the two of us together.

  Dabbing at my tear-stained cheeks with my handy handkerchief, I nodded.

  Sam was a solid, warm presence at my side. Once the photographs were done, I smiled up at him.

  “So how does it feel to have a new sister?” I asked, teasingly. “You’d better take good care of her!”

  The deep laugh my comment earned made my stomach flip. It felt good to make Sam laugh. I’d never get tired of hearing that sound. His smile was wide, happy. I had to draw my eyes away so thoughts of wanting to kiss him again wouldn’t overwhelm me.

  “It’s great! Charlotte’s lovely and I know she’ll love Pat no matter what, so she’s very much a welcomed part of our family,” he answered easily, tone so genuine that it made me smile back. Sam was truly excited for Pat and Charlotte, it was impossible not to appreciate that.

  After a moment, Sam gave me another smile, a softer, more personal one. “Thank you for texting me earlier,” he told me gently.

  It made me glad I hadn’t shut down the impulse to reach out to him. Even though we weren’t together, I never wanted Sam to feel alone. And I knew how nervous he got about things like this.

  “I was only telling you what I told Charlotte,” I admitted. “That you needed to eat breakfast because otherwise, your mind wouldn’t be on the wedding. You’d be thinking about your stomach, instead!”

  Right now, Charlotte looked completely, blissfully happy, standing for yet more photographs with different combinations of Pat’s family and hers.

  “It was a beautiful ceremony,” I said. “I cried a little. Can you tell?” I tipped my head back, so Sam could check whether there were red lines around my eyes. Hopefully, my makeup was covering any evidence of tears.

  Sam’s eyes felt piercing as they focused on me. He actually checked the makeup rather than just assuring me it was fine. “There’s a little smudge,” he informed me. “May I?” Sam asked, holding one hand up, so close to my face but not actually touching. I couldn’t even find the words, just giving a soft nod.

  The touch was gentle, barely brushing over my skin as he rubbed the skin just at the corner of my eyes, so careful that it made my breath catch. Our eyes met, that kiss flashing before me. I could almost feel it flashing before him, too. For a moment, neither of us said anything, just watching each other.

  It was so tempting to tiptoe and kiss Sam again. But this wasn’t the time or place, if there ever was a time or place.

  “That’s perfect, do you want to maybe turn towards me?” the photographer called out, startling us both. Sam pulled his hand back suddenly. Instantly, I missed it.

  “Um,” he muttered, before turning more fully towards the photographer. “Maybe something less
... intimate?”

  My cheeks burned bright with blush. From where she was standing with her mother, Charlotte shot me a significant look. Luckily, it was her wedding. There would be plenty to keep her from asking me awkward questions about Sam.

  Following the photographer’s instructions, I looped my arm through Sam’s, leaning against him a little as the summer light made his tanned skin glow.

  We should talk, I knew that. But now was not the right time for that, either. Sam needed to be calm for his speech, not emotional from whatever we might say to one another.

  “How long are you staying after today?” I asked, suddenly realizing that I didn’t know.

  Sam frowned, like he hadn’t quite realized that Pat’s wedding spelled the end of him needing to be in Lunengrove. “I don’t know yet,” he answered. I could tell it was truthful. Still, the idea of Sam leaving reminded me that this - us - just couldn’t happen. Lunengrove was it for me and it really wasn’t for Sam. The problem we’d had from the start.

  “A bit longer,” he added. “A few more weeks, probably. Training camp starts then, so I’ll probably head straight there.” It had been so long since I’d even heard a reference to ‘training camp’. It seemed to solidify our differences even more.

  It made me miss Sam before he had even left!

  Part of me wanted to blurt out that I wished he wouldn’t go. But I couldn’t be that unreasonable. Sam’s life was in Salt Lake City, just as mine was here. I cared about him too much to ask him to give that up for me. I always had.

  Shaking my head slightly, I patted at Sam’s arm. The photographer seemed to be moving away, moving on to take shots of the cars which would carry us from the church to Charlotte’s reception venue.

  “I’d better go,” I offered, apologetically. “But I’ll see you at the reception.” I was a little glad we wouldn’t be seated together. And yet, sad at the same time. I wanted to be there for Sam, help keep his mind off his nerves.

  But that wasn’t my job. Not anymore.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sam

  “You’re not still crying, are you?” I asked teasingly, standing next to my mom while we waited. I couldn’t exactly blame her. The wedding had been lovely. There was no other word for it. Pat and Charlotte looked incredibly happy, just as they should be on their wedding day. So, of course, mom had cried.

  Dad, too, I was pretty sure had cried a bit. He was currently making sure everything was going smoothly for the newly-married couple’s arrival. Mom and I had already found our way into the room with all the tables.

  It was that strange in-between time, waiting for the couple to arrive and watching as the room slowly filled with guests. It was a nice opportunity for me to chat with mom. And maybe help to forget about my nerves when it came to the speech I had to give.

  She sniffed, but smiled brightly despite the slight redness of her eyes. “I’m done crying,” she promised. “At least for now.” She twinkled at me, making me chuckle. No doubt there would be more tears before the event was all over.

  “Helena looks lovely, doesn’t she?” she asked, glancing sideways between me and the crowd. If she’d asked, I could have told her that Helena wasn’t there. She’d gone to make sure Charlotte had everything she needed.

  “She does,” I agreed easily. There was no reason not to. Helena did look lovely. The bridesmaid dress that Charlotte had picked suited Helena, highlighting the color of her hair and eyes. But I didn’t think that mom was bringing it up because she wanted to gossip. Not about clothing, anyway.

  Reaching to take a sip of my wine, I raised an eyebrow at my mom. “What are you wanting to ask?” I knew her well enough to know that there was something.

  She turned her steady, sympathetic gaze toward me. Mom had always been one of my biggest supporters, no matter what it was that I wanted to do. Even, sometimes, when I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

  “Well, I suppose whether you really think that the two of you couldn’t have overcome your circumstances?” Mom asked. “It never seemed to me as if you were incompatible. And how well you’ve got on since meeting up again seems to prove that.”

  She was right. Helena and I had never been incompatible. It was our ambitions in life that had caused conflict. And that hadn’t changed. I lived in Salt Lake and Helena lived here. We were miles apart, countries apart.

  “It seems unfair of me to ask that of her,” I told mom. I had asked Helena once. Or rather, I had presumed. She’d chosen herself over me. I couldn’t even blame her; I had done the same thing. Or well, I’d chosen hockey, she’d chosen law.

  Helena was happy here. And I was happy somewhere else.

  Mom hummed. In a way, I suppose it showed how much I’d grown up. This time around, I didn’t presume Helena would uproot her whole life to be with me. And I knew that it hadn’t been very fair of me to think she would last time.

  “But isn’t that her choice to make?” my mom asked. “Is it very fair to assume you know what she’ll say?”

  I got her point, but I didn’t agree. Yes, of course, it was Helena’s choice, but she wasn’t going to choose me over everything else in her life. Nor should she. Helena was happy in Lunengrove. Her friends were here and her job was here. All the things that for me were in Salt Lake City.

  “Sure, it’s unfair,” I shrugged. “But do you think it’d be fair of me to present her with a choice like that? She didn’t want to move when we were together. It wouldn’t be fair of me to try to date her from a different country.”

  At the end of the day, Helena deserved better.

  Mom didn’t entirely agree with me. That fact was written all over her face, at least for someone who knew her as well as her eldest son. But she didn’t push. It wouldn’t have helped, and this was hardly the venue for it.

  “True love has overcome stranger things,” was all she said, giving a small shrug.

  “How very romantic of you,” I teased, giving my mom a small bump with one shoulder. Dad arrived then, saving me from needing to talk more about my feelings for Helena or how we just couldn’t make this work.

  The reception was then in full swing, with the bride and groom arriving. My speech closed in more and more. I did well by not drinking my anxiety away, though the wine seemed to be never-ending. There would be plenty of time to drink afterward, whether it went well or not.

  The time was finally upon me. The time for my speech.

  I tapped my knife against the glass, just like I had seen in movies a million times before. And just like in them, people stopped, turning towards me. It was... intense.

  Playing hockey, I was used to having all eyes on me. But this was still a lot. It was very different. At least on ice, I was confident in my gameplay. Giving speeches? Not so much. On ice, I had my team beside me.

  That thought made me glance at Pat, who smiled at me. Then at Charlotte, who looked so happy. And finally, at Helena, who gave me thumbs up, making my stomach swoop with how much I knew she believed in me.

  Fuck.

  Okay.

  I could do this.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, if I could, um, have your attention,” I said, standing up. “I have been informed that I have to give a speech, so I hope you’re all ready.” There was a light scattering of laughter which helped a little to put me at ease. Very little.

  I tried not to pay too much attention to everyone at the reception and instead focused on Pat and Charlotte. And maybe, a little bit, on Helena, too. Looking at her made things feel that much less stressful.

  “I’m not one for speeches,” I started. “And I’m quite nervous to speak in front of you all,” I added with a small grin. Another light laugh passed through the room. It did actually help to be able to say as much. Taking a breath, I smiled slightly. “I don’t have notes,” I explained to the room. “Because if I did, I still wouldn’t be able to read them.

  “Pat learned to read when he was four. There’s five years between us, so as you can imagine, at nine, I should
have been the better reader. I wasn’t.” The memory of that still felt bittersweet. “I have dyslexia. We didn’t know until later in school, so at nine, having my baby brother be much better at reading than me was pretty embarrassing.”

  I saw the way Pat frowned, but I gave him a reassuring smile. “But Pat knew. Even as a four-year-old, maybe a five-year-old, he knew that I felt bad because I couldn’t read like he did. So in the evenings, after I was done with hockey training, Pat would crawl into bed with me and he’d read my school books to me.”

  They had definitely been texts that, at five, Pat hadn’t even understood. But he was the reason I’d gotten through school. At least until I’d met Helena. The thought made me glance at her and then look away. There was such caring in her eyes; I could hardly deal with it.

  Certainly not in the middle of trying to give a speech that I’d memorized.

  “And that’s the sort of person Pat is. Even as a kid, he wanted to make me feel better. He’s always cared for others, always wanted to make them feel better,” I said, smiling at my brother. “Despite being five years older, I’ve always looked up to Pat. The way he gives so much, the way he respects and honors people. And now, also the way he loves.”

  I turned towards Charlotte. “When I was writing this speech - or rather, when I was begging Helena to help me with the speech,” I teased, throwing Helena a grin. “I thought a lot about love. About the examples that Pat and I had growing up.” This time, it was my parents who I shot a smile to. Mum was already crying. And I hadn’t even got to the bit she might want to cry about!

  “Our parents - Felicia and Carl,” I gestured at them, in case anyone had a doubt of who they might be. “They have always looked happy together. I would even go as far as to say that they have always been happy together,” I added with a grin and both of my parents laughed, but did also nod. “But neither Pat nor I have been looking to repeat what they have. Not because it’s not great, but because it’s not us.