Waves of Winter

by L. C. Chase

  Kellan huffed and sucked in a deep breath. He exhaled and pushed away from the table. Time to go. “Well then, shall we?”

  KELLAN WAS quiet for most of the drive back to Nanaimo, so Jax tried as best he could to keep a running commentary going. Silence was never his thing until he met Kellan. He was the first person Jax actually enjoyed just sitting with in total silence as they watched the waves crash on the shores of Tofino’s Chesterman Beach and seabirds and eagles dance and sing overhead.

  They made one stop at the Coombs store on the way so Jax could get some rooftop goat-themed souvies for his mum and a couple of friends back home. He was disappointed the goats weren’t on the roof again, though. Kellan had said he’d been lucky to see them at all this time of year, so he buried his disappointment. He got to see the goats and the killer whales and spent a whole week with the one person he hadn’t realized he’d been looking for.

  Bloody hell. He looked over at Kellan and studied his profile as they waited to board the ferry back to Vancouver’s lower mainland. How was it he’d met a man like this at the very end of his three-month adventure? Why couldn’t they have met at the beginning and spent the whole three months together? Why didn’t they live in the same country? And why couldn’t they?

  Well, Jackson. Because you don’t pick up and move to the other side of the world for someone you just met. Delusional much?

  Kellan shifted his gaze from the ferry lineup to him—eyes warm and glittering, smile soft and inviting—and Jax wondered how he seemed to grow even more handsome with each passing minute.

  “I’d like to keep in touch,” Jax said quietly, meaning it. He’d put every effort possible into making sure they didn’t lose contact after a few weeks or months apart.

  “I would like that,” Kellan said, and Jax wholeheartedly believed the sincerity in his voice.

  He leaned over the console, and Kellan met him for a kiss that was soft and quiet and promised more than it had a right to.

  “Maybe you’ll see the orcas this time,” Jax teased when they pulled apart.

  Kellan laughed, took Jax’s hand in his, and gave a squeeze as they began the slow load onto the ferry. “I’ve given up on that.”

  “You never know,” Jax said.

  Kellan snorted, but it turned out that less than an hour into the sailing, Jax was right.

  As soon as everyone was boarded and the ferry began chugging away from shore, Jax grabbed Kellan’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go whale watching.”

  Kellan shook his head but didn’t resist. “This is pointless, you know. It’s like I exude some sort of whale repellant.”

  “Pfft. Come.”

  Jax led Kellan out on the deck. The trip over had been cold and gloomy, but the trip back was cold, gloomy, and pouring rain. Jax really wasn’t keen on spending the whole sailing outside, but if that’s what it took for a chance at Kellan seeing killer whales, he would. Jax let go of Kellan so he could pull his jacket hood tight around his head and put his gloves on. Kellan did the same, and together they walked to the railing. Elbows on the top bar, shoulders pressed together, they scanned the horizon. Nothing but waves and whitecaps. Neither spoke, but after about twenty minutes of standing in buffeting winds and freezing rain, he turned to Kellan, only to find Kellan looking at him instead of the ocean.

  “Not really the most enjoyable conditions out here,” Kellan said pointedly.

  Jax didn’t need any more prompting than that. He nodded, and together they ran for the door, laughing as they stumbled over the hatch and hit a welcome blast of warm air.

  “I guess you were right,” Jax said as they made their way to the café. No words were needed to know hot drinks were in order.

  Kellan only threw his hands up in response. “Like I said, walking whale repellent.”

  The line was long when they got there, and Jax let his gaze wander to the ocean through the windows. He really didn’t believe anything about Kellan could repel anything, but he was disappointed for Kellan regardless. It would have been nice for Kellan to have seen them, nicer still to have seen them with him.

  “Still watching?” Kellan teased, and Jax gave him a playful shoulder bump.

  “I haven’t given up all hope.”

  “Ahh,” Kellan said softly. “An eternal optimist. I admire that.” But instead of watching with Jax, he turned back to the line, letting Jax visually wander the ocean on his own.

  A few minutes later, something dark caught his eye. Could have just been light playing on the waves, but then he saw it again, and another one, and two more. He grabbed Kellan by the biceps and tugged. “Come on!”

  Kellan protested, and a couple of people behind them in the line scowled, but Jax didn’t care. There were whales out there, and he would make sure Kellan saw them if it was the last thing he ever did on this earth. Kellan followed along behind and couldn’t have been too serious about his protests, if his laughter was anything to go by.

  Jax led him to the starboard windows and pointed. “There!”

  Kellan stepped up beside him, followed the direction of his finger, and gasped.

  “Oh my God,” Kellan said. Reverence and amazement colored his voice, and a swell of warmth filled Jax’s chest, lifting him, making the world suddenly seem brighter.

  Kellan stepped as close as he could get to the large windows, hands placed on the glass and his nose less than an inch from touching the cold pane. He pulled back slightly when his breath misted the cool glass. “They’re gorgeous.”

  There was a pod of maybe seven orcas breaching the surface, then diving back under. One jumped and sent a large splash into the howling winds when it crashed back into the waves. They were gorgeous, for certain, but Jax found himself more intrigued watching Kellan. The joy and marvel on his face, the sheer awe at sighting these majestic mammals in their natural habitat, was the best thing Jax had ever witnessed. Kellan didn’t move, didn’t say a word or make a sound, so completely transfixed, and Jax found himself doing the same.

  Only a few minutes had passed before the last dorsal fin disappeared below the surface and the pod moved on. Jax stood back, quiet while Kellan continued scanning the waves for several more minutes. The crowd that had formed behind them to take in the sight began to dissipate. When it seemed the whales had done their show for the day, Kellan’s body seemed to deflate slightly, but then he turned to Jax, and Jax felt as though he’d melt right there on the floor.

  Kellan’s eyes were shining, and his voice was a bare whisper when he said, “I cannot believe I just saw a pod of orcas. In the wild. I never thought….”

  He turned back to the ocean, but Jax had a feeling the whales were long gone.

  “Call me your lucky charm,” Jax teased, feeling a need to lighten the moment, even as what he really wanted to say was he was glad he was with Kellan when he saw them.

  BY THE time they made it back to Kellan’s full-time home, a condo in Vancouver’s trendy Kitsilano Beach, it was too late in the day for windsailing. Jax really didn’t mind. He’d be more than happy to spend the last hours of his stay in bed with Kellan. That was all the sightseeing and adventure he needed now.

  Jax wandered into the condo and absorbed the surroundings where Kellan lived on the regular. The interior was modern yet comfortable, with rich brown leather furniture, reclaimed wood kitchen and coffee tables, and a few large potted plants. The kitchen was open to the living room, which was framed by floor-to-ceiling windows with an amazing view of English Bay and Vancouver’s North Shore Mountains. A black iron spiral staircase on one side of the space led to an airy loft bedroom, and on the other, a massive wooden surfboard hung from the twenty-foot concrete wall. Not large, and nothing like Kellan’s surf shack on the island, but just as amazing a place to call home. It felt lived in without being unkempt or cluttered, and Jax unwittingly saw himself curled on the couch with Kellan, pretending to watch TV, sitting at the table sharing the paper over breakfast, sharing a life here.

  He held back the sigh th
at wanted to escape. A life here wasn’t meant to be, but it could be a night to remember for years to come. A perfect ending to his journey abroad. That hurt in a way he didn’t much like. This adventure had been amazing—the places he’d been, things he’d seen, and the people he’d met, the experiences he never would have had had he not stepped out into the unknown. But now it was almost over. He didn’t want the story to end, and he definitely didn’t want to say goodbye to Kellan.

  “So…,” Kellan started, running a hand through his hair and suddenly looking nervous. “This is your last night in Canada. Anything you want to do, just say the word. I’m your tour guide and your chauffer and your anything you want.”

  Jax moved behind Kellan and wrapped his arms around Kellan’s waist, pulling him tightly to his chest. He nuzzled Kellan’s ear and said, “I want to spend it with you.”

  Kellan groaned and angled his head for a kiss. Back to front made for a slightly awkward kiss, but just the weight and warmth of Kellan in his arms made the moment beautiful. Kellan turned in Jax’s arms so they were face-to-face and deepened the kiss, tangling his tongue with Jax’s before capturing it gently with his teeth and sliding back.

  “Upstairs,” Kellan whispered, his voice hoarse.

  Jax meant to say yes, because of course, but his stomach chose that moment to growl like the hounds of hell had just been released from the Underworld.

  Kellan’s eyebrows shot up, and he stepped back, laughing.

  “Come on,” Kellan said, already heading back toward the front door. “Let me treat you to dinner at my favorite bistro first. You’re going to need your energy tonight.”

  “Oh, I like the sound of that.” Jax ran up behind Kellan and gave his butt a playful smack. “Lead on, my man.”

  “DINNER WAS amazing,” Jax said when they left the restaurant and stepped out into typical Vancouver rain. “I think that might be my new favorite bistro too.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” Kellan said, and found himself wishing it could be true. That it could be their fave place. Except this would probably be the only time Jax would ever eat here. He may never be back. Kellan pushed the melancholy thoughts away. Tomorrow, when Jax was gone, he would wallow.

  “Hold on.” Kellan ducked back into the restaurant to grab a community umbrella. “I was going to suggest a walk along the beach before going home, but….”

  “But let’s make haste,” Jax said, and Kellan had to laugh.

  “Yes, sir.”

  Kellan opened the umbrella, and Jax fell comfortably in step beside him as they quickly walked the few blocks back to his condo. Jax smiled and bumped his shoulder against Kellan’s, sending a rush of warmth through his chest. Kellan opened his mouth and snapped it shut before words he shouldn’t say escaped. What am I thinking? He’d been a breath away from saying those three little words—words that meant everything—to Jax. But he couldn’t. Saying them now would be unfair, especially with Jax on the verge of leaving his life, possibly forever. But right now, in this moment, he couldn’t deny how thoroughly and completely in love with Jackson—

  Kellan stopped abruptly. “I just realized I don’t know your last name.”

  Jax turned to face him, both eyebrows raised for a change, and started laughing.

  “What?”

  “You should see the expression on your face. You look horrified.”

  Kellan shook his head as heat flooded into his cheeks, but he smiled and started walking again. “Well, I don’t. So? Are you going to tell me?”

  “Colston. Jackson Colston.”

  Kellan nodded and stopped again, held Jax’s gaze, and put his whole heart into words he could speak. “I’m really happy I met you, Jackson Colston.”

  Jax smiled, and even in the dull light of a rainy evening, Kellan could still see the sparkles in his eyes. “I’m really happy I met you too.”

  Jax reached for Kellan’s hand, his larger grip sure and warm against Kellan’s skin. Jax gave a quick squeeze, and Kellan’s heart did a little flip. Jax was it. Some way, somehow, they needed to end up in the same hemisphere. They needed to be together.

  Chapter Eleven

  “STOP,” KELLAN gasped, but there was laughter in his voice. The moment they reached Kellan’s front door, Jax couldn’t keep his mouth from Kellan’s skin. He kissed along Kellan’s jawline, the column of his neck, nuzzled his ear, and excited Kellan enough for him to drop his keys for a third time.

  “I can’t,” Jax whispered between his ministrations.

  Kellan turned to face him, capturing his mouth in a kiss that nearly collapsed his knees. He desperately needed Kellan naked.

  Kellan shoved the keys at Jax’s chest. “You get us in,” he panted. “Hurry.”

  Two tries and Jax had the door unlocked. It swung open, and he and Kellan stumbled inside, carried by its momentum, grunting in unison as they banged against the wall. Jax pressed his body against Kellan, saving them from tumbling to the floor, and started laughing.

  “Now that’s what I call an entrance!”

  Startled by the unexpected voice, Jax spun around to see an attractive man with dark hair cut short on the sides and long on top lounging on the couch, wearing track pants and nothing else. His chest was defined, nicely furred, and an open book rested on his belly.

  “Shit! You scared us.” Kellan held one hand over his chest and hung on to Jax by the arm with the other.

  “Sorry, Kell,” the man on the couch said, smirking.

  Kellan took a couple of deep breaths, and then moved his hand from Jax’s arm to the small of his back. “Jax, this is my roommate, Jeff. Jeff, meet Jax.”

  Jeff stood and stepped forward to take Jax’s hand in a firm but friendly shake. “Nice to meet you.”

  Jax nodded, ignoring the little tendril of jealousy that reared its head, and shook the proffered hand. Kellan’s roommate was gorgeous. He had nothing on Kellan, not by a long shot, but Kellan lived with this guy. Aaand it’s none of my business.

  “How ya going?”

  “Ohh my, that accent.” Jeff placed a hand on his chest and gave Jax an appreciative glance up and down. “Where are you from, and do you have a twin brother who’s looking for me to answer all his dreams?”

  Jax laughed and mentally nipped his little green monkey in the butt, chasing it away. This was Kellan’s roommate and friend. As attractive as Jeff was, Kellan had still not dropped his hand from Jax’s back, and from what he’d learned of Kellan over this past week, that was all the two were to each other. “Australia, and no, sorry, mate.”

  Jeff all but pouted, then shrugged and was smiling once again. “How did you two meet?”

  “We met on the ferry—”

  “Today?” Jeff jumped in, surprised. He shifted his gaze to Kellan.

  “No, on the way over,” Kellan said, pride in his voice. “We ended up spending the whole week together. I even got him surfing.”

  Jeff glanced back at Jax, and he could see Jeff’s mental wheels turning. “Finally.” He hadn’t stopped smiling, but now there was a knowing heat in it. He cupped Jax’s hand in both of his, giving a little squeeze before letting go, and said, “Thank you.” The words were honest and genuine, and Jax realized he was being silly. Jeff was a good friend of Kellan’s, which meant he was good people, just like everyone he’d met in Kellan’s circle on the island.

  Jeff stepped back and resumed his perch on the couch.

  Kellan looked up at Jax, amusement glittering in his eyes. Jax was going to miss losing himself in those warm depths. He was going to miss Kellan. More than he’d thought possible, because he certainly never intended to find himself in this position, feeling as strongly as he did for Kellan. The trip had been about finding himself, not finding that someone he could fall in love with. Could? Who was he kidding? He was done and done. He would just have to find his way back here, hopefully on a more permanent basis. Kellan’s smile warmed his insides, lifted his spirits, and made him want to fall into him and bask in all that was Kellan. />
  “Jeff,” Kellan said without breaking his gaze from Jax. “Weren’t you going to spend the night at Dave’s tonight?”

  “No, I was going to chill and catch up on studying.”

  Kellan slid his gaze to Jeff and lifted his eyebrows pointedly.

  “Right.” Jeff laughed. “I was planning on studying at Dave’s.” He grabbed his book off the couch and headed for what Jax assumed was his bedroom.

  Kellan met his eyes again but didn’t say anything else. Instead Jax listened along with Kellan as Jeff rummaged through his room. A drawer opened and closed. Zipper teeth whistled as they were pulled—open? Closed? A dull thud—book, maybe—followed by a soft curse. Another whistle of zipper teeth, and then returning footsteps.

  Jax tracked Jeff in his periphery as he went for the entryway, slipped into a jacket, and then opened the front door. “No sex on the couch,” Jeff joked, and the door snicked closed softly behind him.

  “Where were we?” Kellan whispered.

  “Right here, I think,” Jax said. He tilted his head down slightly to claim Kellan’s lips, and desire blasted through him like wildfire at the bare touch. How long had it been since he’d last kissed Kellan, tasted his lips, sucked and tangled with his tongue? Not more than a few minutes or so, since the roommate interruption, but it felt like an age. How could he leave Kellan behind when his want for him kept growing?

  Kellan sank into him, surrendering to Jax while at the same time taking what he wanted.

  “Whatever you want,” he mumbled against Kellan’s mouth. “It’s yours. I’m yours.”

  Kellan moaned, but it sounded pained more than passionate. He gripped Jax tighter, dove deeper into his mouth, frantically, manically, like he couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t taste enough, couldn’t satisfy his need enough… and Jax understood. He didn’t need words to understand what was happening here. If Kellan was on the same page as him, which Jax would bet his board he was, Kellan didn’t want him to go as much as Jax didn’t want to leave. But he had no choice. Not right now. He’d find a way to give them a choice, though.