A Child Changes Everything

by Stella MacLean

  “Peter’s going to be very upset by the move, and I saw how well you handled Katie when she was lonely. How can I make this easier for him?”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  WHAT WAS HE SAYING? Why would Peter be upset if both Mason and Sara were going to be with him?

  “I don’t understand…”

  Sighing, he tilted her chin up, his dark eyes studying her. “As usual, this isn’t coming out right.” He sighed again. “Lisa, I’m not going to L.A. with Sara.”

  “You’re not?”

  “Sara finally agreed that the best place for Peter is here with me and my family. That’s what I was trying to tell you that day in your office.”

  Lisa gulped in embarrassment. “So you and Peter are staying here in Durham?”

  “It sure looks that way,” he said.

  Relief made her giddy. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, easing out of his reach while she straightened her thoughts. If Mason wasn’t going away with Sara, life suddenly had possibilities.

  “I knew when you saw Sara and me in Peter’s room, you assumed I was moving to L.A. and that I was getting back together with her. But you wouldn’t give me a chance to tell you the truth.”

  Feeling her cheeks grow hot, she turned away. “What was I supposed to believe? You told me that you’d do anything for Peter.”

  “But I wouldn’t try to resurrect things with Sara. I was hugging her because she’d just agreed to leave Peter here with me.”

  “That’s…nice.” Taken completely by surprise, those two inadequate words were the only ones she could come up with.

  He slid his arms around Lisa’s shoulders, holding her close. “When Sara told me she was definitely moving, I learned what it was like to lose control. I was terrified that my son would grow up without me, and I’d end up being on the margins of his life. I couldn’t stand that, but I didn’t want to leave you, either. Strange as it may seem, Peter’s illness was a blessing. It forced Sara to realize that if anything happened to Peter out in California, she’d have no one to rely on. She also recognized—finally—that Peter needed the love and support his family gave him here in Durham.”

  She could see the truth in his eyes, a truth that swept away all her uncertainty. “And I walked in while you were hugging each other and jumped to the wrong conclusion.” She shook her head. “How easily mistakes are made in a relationship.”

  She slipped her arms around his waist, seeking his warmth. “After you left the attic and didn’t call, I assumed you’d decided to move to L.A. rather than lose Peter.”

  “Did you really believe I’d make that kind of decision without talking it over with you? I love you. I couldn’t leave you, and I couldn’t let Peter go without me. My whole life was crashing around me.”

  “I didn’t have much faith in us, did I?”

  “I didn’t give you much reason to believe we had a future.”

  “How did two smart people like us get it so wrong?” she asked.

  “And I should have trusted you that night five years ago, listened to what you had to say. We might have ended up differently. It wasn’t until I watched you with Katie, and saw how well you handled such a huge change in your life, that I began to understand that I needed to take stock of my life and how I lived it.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “That I woke up and realized what was right in front of me.” His smile started in his eyes before edging down to his lips.

  A wave of happiness rose through her, leaving her breathless.

  Lisa wanted to curl up in his arms. She wanted to believe they could compromise, accept their differences and move on with each other.

  Mason ran his fingers along her jaw. “When I think of all the times after we split up when I wanted to call you, even for coffee… But I know now, that if I had tried, I would’ve failed. I’ll never see you as just a friend.”

  “Being friends was your idea, remember?”

  He grimaced. “Bad idea.”

  A strange fluttering rose in her chest. “Because you don’t want to be friends.”

  “I want us to start over from the beginning. Is that okay with you?”

  “That might work.” The words came out weak, compared to the feelings storming through her.

  Gently he led her to the living-room sofa and sat down beside her. Without touching her, he murmured, “I want you in my life. That doesn’t sound very romantic, but it’s the truth.”

  She heard the love in his words, and remembered another time, other words of love. Placing her hands on his chest, she whispered, “There’s still a voice in my head, the voice telling me not to take risks. But I’m trying not to listen.”

  “Then don’t. Your parents believed they were showing their love for you by encouraging you to play it safe,” he said gently.

  She nodded. “And I was the perfect, dutiful daughter.”

  Her body tingled at the feathery touch of his fingers along her cheek.

  “But it’s not about your parents anymore. It’s about you and me and what we want out of life.”

  “You make it sound so easy. As if I could change by simply snapping my fingers.”

  “You’ve already changed, and I’m going to silence that voice once and for all,” he told her as his lips replaced his fingers along her cheek, lingering on her heated skin, fueling her need for him.

  AFTER SEVERAL MOMENTS, Mason said, “You can’t remove all risk from your life, and besides, a little risk is good for the soul.” He kissed her lips, enjoying the sound of her tiny gasps that let him know she was feeling the same thing he was.

  “I grew up in the original house of mayhem, but never for a minute did I not feel loved.”

  “I’ve envied that…a little,” she murmured against his throat, her lips hot on his skin, sending his pulse into overdrive.

  “Lisa, I learned from my parents that love is about wanting to be with someone so much that you couldn’t imagine your world without that person. For me there is no world without you and Peter.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “When I walked out of the restaurant that night after saying all those awful things, what did you think?”

  “That you didn’t love me enough to hear my side of the story,” she murmured, pulling back from him.

  Panic welled up in him. He’d faced down criminals and been in many dangerous situations, but none of them had made him feel as exposed as he was now.

  This time around, he had to get it right.

  He felt the old urge take over. He could easily say she’d misunderstood…put words in her mouth.

  He’d done it so often.

  “Why don’t we talk about it now?” he said.

  Finally, after all this time, and one botched trip to the altar, Mason understood that marriage was about the give and take of real equals, and that, above all, was what he wanted.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  “WHEN WE HAD DINNER that night, I wasn’t expecting you to ask me to marry you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because there were so many things we hadn’t discussed, including children.”

  “For instance?”

  “You weren’t happy in your job, and I didn’t think we were ready for changes in our personal lives until your work life was settled. And I’d been feeling unsure of myself, and now I know why. I wasn’t aware of how much I resented you making all the decisions in our relationship. I felt I wasn’t being heard, and I couldn’t get you to listen. When you left the restaurant that night, I realized that unless something happened to change your attitude, you weren’t ever going to really listen to me. It sounds like I’m being too analytical about our relationship…”

  “Go on,” he said, barely above a whisper, his eyes never leaving her face.

  Silence churned between them, heightening her tension. “When you insisted that I agree to the number of children you wanted, I felt completely trapped. I thought you understood that with my mother’s anxieties ove
r children and the incident with Linda Jean, considering being a parent wasn’t an easy thing for me. I didn’t know how to respond.”

  “And yet when Katie came into your life, you seemed to jump at the chance to be a mommy. That was a little confusing for me.”

  “Yeah, it was confusing for me, too. I was terrified.”

  “But you took her in and cared for her despite that fear.”

  She looked into his eyes, at the love shining there. “I could do it because my family believed in me. I needed to feel I mattered.”

  “And I didn’t make you feel that way?”

  She shook her head. “You always jumped in, took charge, and I began to feel inadequate.”

  “I’ll admit I had trouble seeing you as being willing to take charge of a potentially difficult issue. Like your new family—I was worried you were in over your head.”

  “Tell the truth. You thought I was losing it,” she chided.

  “You weren’t losing it. I know why you did what you did. I guess I was worried, trying to protect you. That’s all I was ever trying to do.”

  She nodded, not sure what to say next.

  MASON HAD BEEN avoiding this conversation for five years, but now that they were having it, waiting for Lisa to continue was driving him crazy.

  He had vowed he wouldn’t break in, but it was taking all his self-control not to.

  Instead, he reached to touch a strand of hair that clung to her cheek.

  Despite their differences he’d been in love with Lisa from the first day he’d met her.

  Why the hell couldn’t he simply say that? Indecision wasn’t his style. When she didn’t say anything else, he leaned forward, resting his arm on the back of the sofa, and took her hand.

  “Lisa, I will never again leave you out of a decision, or give you reason to believe I don’t value you in every possible way. I can’t guarantee that we’ll be happy. No one can. What I can tell you is that I love you so much. I’ve made a lot of mistakes where our relationship was concerned, but I don’t want to make another one that could jeopardize what we have together,” he murmured.

  “I don’t want to make a mistake, either,” she whispered, her gaze on him, her lips moist and inviting. “Oh, Mason, I love you and we can make it work. I’m sure we can,” she said eagerly, cuddling closer as she kissed his chin.

  He expelled the air from his lungs in one long sigh. He held her, burying his face in her neck. “You can’t imagine how long I’ve waited for this moment, how many times I thought you’d fall in love with someone else before I could find my way back to you.”

  She held him, her hands in his hair, her breath warm on his neck. “When we met that day in Tank’s office, I was worried that you’d see how uncertain I felt, knowing you’d once again be part of my life. It’d been years since I’d spoken to you—I had to rehearse every word I said. I’ve missed you so much.”

  He leaned back on the sofa, pulling her against him, luxuriating in the smooth fit of her body against his.

  “When Tank called me about your mother’s case, I was eager to help you. Truth is, I was riddled with guilt over how I’d behaved that night, and grabbed the chance to make it up to you.”

  “Can we agree never to let misunderstandings come between us again? I can’t go through this twice!” she said, drawing his face to hers.

  “Agreed.” He tucked her body even closer to his as he kissed her—a long, sweet kiss.

  “Although I think our old problems are over.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you and I love each other, we have our careers and our families. But most of all I’ve learned that a child changes everything.”

  “Do you mean Katie?” he asked.

  “And Peter. And later…our child. Yours and mine.”

  “Our child,” he said. “Peter’s brother or sister. Katie’s cousin.”

  She smiled as the tears spilled from her eyes.

  ISBN: 978-1-4268-6497-1

  A CHILD CHANGES EVERYTHING

  Copyright © 2010 by Ruth MacLean.

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