Perchance

by Lila Felix

  She let out a huge breath and her chin was quivering.

  “I’ve only ever told two other people that. Not exactly a happy childhood.”

  I understood her now. Her Mom was left helpless and hopeless. She wasn’t going to repeat that and I respected that hell out of her for it. Seeing what needs changing is one thing, but changing it is quite another. I got up and crossed the small space between us and lifted her out of her chair. I hugged her with everything I had. She was so strong. And I was a fool to think that she needed my help for one single second. What an idiot. She could do anything. All of the sudden, I was scared that she was never going to need me. She was going to be this incredible woman and not need anything from anyone. But I needed her with everything in me. Down to the tips of my toes, I needed her and I loved her. The turn of the tide.

  She cleared her throat and said something about it getting late. I walked her home and went to bed. I wasn’t even tired. But it was better than being awake and wondering if she would ever need me like I needed her.

  A gunshot woke me from my almost asleep stupor.

  Remi: You got weird on me. I said too much about my Mom, huh?

  Me: No, I’m glad you told me.

  Remi: But…

  Me: I thought I was helping you. But you are so strong. You don’t need anyone’s help.

  A few seconds went by, longer than it takes to text a message.

  Me: You there?

  Nothing. Now I had done it. I laid back on my pillow groaning at my own stupidity.

  There was a loud knock on my door.

  I got up and opened it.

  “Don’t do that to me or to you.” Remi was yelling at me and she was in her pajama pants and a tank top.

  I just stood there like a dummy.

  “Do what?”

  “Don’t ever try to put down what you have done for me these past two weeks. It’s been the best two weeks I’ve ever had and it’s because of you and your stubborn breakfast and lunch and school supplies and sweetness and patience. So don’t you dare ever make light of how much you mean to me.”

  Her eyes got wide as if that last part wasn’t meant for my ears.

  Then she turned around and stormed out, and almost made it to the stairs before I turned her around. I picked her up under her arms and lifted her up to hug me face to face. This time, unlike the other times, she didn’t hesitate. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed the life out of me.

  When she began to whisper in my ear, I thought I would come unglued. Girls should be warned about a man’s response to whispering in their ears.

  “Cooper, I try to be tough and strong, but I’m not. Sometimes I feel like I’m made of glass.”

  “I won’t break you Pistol, I won’t.” I whispered back into her ear and felt her body tense against mine.

  She pulled her head back and looked at me. I was still holding onto her and didn’t know if I would ever be ready to let her go. She looked me straight in the eye. Her arms had moved back and her hands were on the sides of my neck. I wanted to kiss her. I think I’ve been waiting all of my life to kiss her. But I wasn’t going to be the one to move this forward.

  She moved so slowly towards me. A small breeze wisped by us and I could smell that apricot stuff that she always used. I had seen her put it on after lunch. Her lips were covered in a faint shine. And then her lips met mine and it was like something clicked into place inside of me. Like I was a clock running a little off kilter and she set me right again. It lasted only a second but I would remember it for the rest of my life.

  She smiled at me and her cheeks were twice as red as they were earlier and it made her even more beautiful.

  I let her down and fake groaned. “Ugh… now I have to walk you home again!”

  “Or you can let me drive the Cuda home.”

  “That’s it! Now I know it. You’re only with me for my car!”

  She laughed at my fake despair.

  “Fine, I’ll just give you a ride home since you love her so much.”

  “Ugh, I do love her.”

  We got in the car and I took her around the block three times at her request. I was getting a little concerned about her obsession with it.

  I finally pulled into her driveway and she pecked me on the cheek and said “Sleep well, ok? I will talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Are you kidding me? You, in your pajamas in my car? I might not ever sleep again.”

  “One kiss and you are already talking dirty to me Cooper? And here I thought you were a gentleman.”

  “I didn’t say anything dirty…but what I was thinking about…”

  “Stop, stop, stop!!” She was laughing the whole time she said it and had put her fingers in her ears. “I’m going in before you corrupt me completely!”

  She went in the house and I went back home happier than I’ve been in a long time.

  Remi

  The next morning I woke up in bliss. Pure and utter bliss. Aunt Brenda and I were having another girl Saturday where we went to the flea market, ate and then went to see Edith. And then in the afternoon we would work on the gardening. And tonight I needed to study since I was going hiking with Cooper, Josie and Troy tomorrow.

  I put on a long pink maxi dress with some flip flops and heard Aunt Brenda in the kitchen. I walked out to find the table set and breakfast casserole in the middle. She was whistling and almost danced to the table.

  “I’m so excited for today! I feel like I didn’t get to see you at all this week. Between work and school and Cooper, I never see you anymore!” She filled a plate and handed it to me.

  “You had to add last jab didn’t you?”

  “Yup.” We ate and talked about what we wanted to buy at the flea market.

  There were more tents than usual today at the flea market and I didn’t see Eric and Cooper’s right away. We walked the length of one side and Aunt Brenda bought some Mayhaw jelly. The name of it kinda scared me, but I promised her that I would try it.

  We went down the other way and someone caught my elbow. I turned around smiling, thinking it was Cooper, but came face to face with…what was his name? I think it was Kevin.

  “Hey Remi. How are you today?”

  “I’m fine. I’m kinda shopping with my Aunt, so…”

  “Ok, well maybe we can have lunch together?” He wasn’t getting the hint.

  “It’s an all day thing. So, see you later.”

  “Oh, ok. “ He walked off.

  Aunt Brenda took my arm in hers and led us away.

  I saw the little wooden tables and then I saw blonde tendrils whipping in the air. I hoped her hair got caught in the wood and ripped it from her pretty little head.

  We got closer and Aunt Brenda whispered to me. “She’s trying awfully hard, isn’t she? Bless her little pea pickin’ heart. ”

  I snorted and we stood there for a minute watching the show. Cooper was trying so hard not to laugh. She kept flipping her hair here and there. She would laugh really loudly and reach out over the tables to hold on to Cooper like it was so funny she couldn’t stand up. He was glaring at his Dad, almost begging him to save him but his Dad had his back turned and from the looks of his shaking shoulders he was enjoying the show too. Poor girl.

  I had finally had my fill, so I whispered to Aunt Brenda. “Watch this.”

  I walked between two of the other booths and walked into the back of their booth and winked at his Dad. He was still laughing at Pippy Cheerstocking and waved me in. I walked up and snaked my arms around Cooper from behind and kissed him on the back of the neck.

  He turned around and brought me around to his front and kissed me on the temple as he held me to his side. She scoffed and tried to continue the conversation. Why didn’t she quit already?

  I held up my hand and said “Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt but I was just making sure we are still on for tomorrow? What time?”

  He looked at me and beamed “Yeah, I will pick you up at noon.”

  “Ok, g
ood. I need to go.” I squeezed him around his middle.

  “Call me tonight after you get everything done, ok?”

  “Yup. See you later…I’m sorry what’s your name again?”

  “Chrissie.” She sneered and Cooper’s Dad had a sudden coughing fit which sounded a lot like laughing behind me.

  “Hey, lunch?” Cooper shot at me.

  “Yeah, meet us in about thirty minutes, ok?”

  “Ok.”

  I left the tent and went back around to Aunt Brenda who gave me a hidden high five. We walked through the rest of the booths and I saw a ‘The Who’ keychain and bought it for Cooper. I decided not to wait and we had to walk back towards his booth to go eat anyway, so I went to give Cooper his keychain. He wasn’t in the booth so we just went ahead and ordered some lunch. We sat down and ate while we talked about school. I told Aunt Brenda that Cooper hated the Bell Jar and she said, “All the boys do.”

  We were almost finished and I saw Cooper in line waiting for food. He was looking at me with wide eyes and I looked around him to see what the cause was. Right next to him was another one of the blonde squad and she was talking non-stop. Every time he progressed in line, she progressed with him. He ordered and moved to the next line to get his food and she shadowed him. I knew what they saw in him, I more than anyone else knew he was a catch. But jeez, tone it down a little.

  He turned and made his way to our table and Aunt Brenda said she was going to go look some more and winked at me.

  As soon as the girl saw me at the table, she left him alone but not before grabbing his bicep and giggling a goodbye.

  I kept eating, trying not to smile. He got up to the table and almost slammed his tray down.

  “It’s not funny.”He said and I busted out laughing. Poor Cooper had groupies.

  “I’m sorry. And they’re eyeing you now. You better watch yourself.”

  “Where? Are you serious?” He didn’t want to tip them off by looking around.

  His Dad walked up just in time. He was laughing too, apparently he had caught the whole thing.

  “Cooper, sit by Remi and I will block y’all by sitting over here.”

  “Who’s watching the booth?” he asked.

  “It will be fine for a few minutes. Mr. Lou next door is keeping an eye out.”

  Cooper moved to sit by me, almost on my lap so his Dad would shield him.

  His Dad cleared his throat. “I thought for sure Remi had nipped that in the bud with her coming into our booth and announcing y’all had a date. But I guess not. They are relentless.”

  “Well I need to make sure they know that this is my girl. The words “Grand Gesture” come to mind.”

  “Oh Cooper, you are my son for sure.” His Dad laughed. I could see planning and plotting in their eyes and I needed to bolt before they put it into action.

  “Oh you know what? Aunt Brenda needs me like now so yeah, bye!”

  I scampered off and left the two Neal guys laughing their butts off at me.

  Edith was not in a good mood. She was sad and mopey. I didn’t know what to do for her so I just sat and hugged her. Aunt Brenda did some of her laundry while we were there and checked with her nurse to make sure she was taking all of her medicine properly and eating.

  “What’s wrong Edith? You can tell me.” I whispered while Aunt Brenda was gone to check with the other nurses.

  “Oh honey girl, today would’ve been our 50th wedding anniversary. I just miss him. There’s nothing you can do, but I know if there was you would. Some days are worse than others, but I miss him every day. But don’t tell your aunt. She’ll dote on me and I just don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Ok, but I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are but there’s a lesson in this too.”

  “There is?”

  “Yes, love him with everything you have every single day.”

  Aunt Brenda came back in with two nurses who looked frazzled spouting off dosages and times and pulling out checklists and unlocking some drawer with all of her medication. I stood up and cleared my throat.

  “Aunt Brenda?” She turned around to face me. “Her medication is fine. And she’s been eating. She’s just having one of those days, ok?”

  “Are you sure?” She looked at Edith like she didn’t believe me.

  Edith cleared her throat. “She’s sure Brenda. I have my bad days just like everyone else.”

  I didn’t tell her why and she didn’t offer up the information.

  I hugged Edith one more time and asked her if there was anything I could do. She said no and that she would see me Monday. We left and Aunt Brenda questioned me about it but I told her it was our secret. She fumed a little but got over it. Soon we were digging in the garden and laughing about Cooper and his cheerleader stalkers.

  We moved to the front yard and pulled a few weeds while we decided what to make for supper. She said she wanted pancakes and I agreed. She asked me about tomorrow, she called it my date with Cooper, but I disagreed saying that Troy and Josie were going too. She argued back and then I refused to talk about it unless I was in front of a plate of pancakes.

  We ate and we agreed to call it a group date. I showered and got ready for bed. I was getting into the covers when my phone beeped.

  Cooper: I have news and I’m not sure what you’re gonna think.

  Me: Shoot.

  Cooper: Troy and Josie have backed out of tomorrow. I think they’re fighting.

  Me: Oh crap. I hope Josie’s ok.

  Cooper: If you don’t want to go, it’s ok. I understand.

  Me: Don’t make me come over there in my pajamas again.

  Cooper: Don’t tempt me woman.

  Me: Ok, ok, ok. No, it’s fine. Just you and me.

  Cooper: Always

  There was a knock later on and Aunt Brenda wanted to know if Cooper wanted to eat lunch with us after church but before our trip. I texted him but he didn’t answer. He must’ve been asleep.

  I texted Josie and she said she and Troy had had a fight because he was acting like a chauvinist pig. She said she would be fine and he would be crawling back soon. That girl was a firecracker for sure. She told me to enjoy my alone time with Cooper.

  The next morning I woke up and got dressed for church. I was almost shaking I was so nervous. Aunt Brenda took one look at me and said, “What’s the matter Remi?”

  She felt my head and patted my glands and made me show her my throat. Then she stopped and just smiled at me.

  “Don’t start. I’m just nervous. It’s…well…it’s my first date.”

  “I thought we were calling it a group date, so it doesn’t count.”

  “That was until last night when he texted me saying that Josie and Troy were out. They’re fighting or something.”

  She hugged me and I was getting used to being hugged by her all the time.

  “It’s gonna be fine Remi. Cooper is a nice young man. Just be yourself.”

  “Ugh…can we just go to church now?” I was whining, but I didn’t care.

  Church went fast and we were out by ten. Cooper and his Dad weren’t there and Josie kept turning around and giving Troy dirty looks. Then she would turn and smile at me. It was so funny that even Aunt Brenda was laughing.

  We went home and I skipped eating and went to get ready. I put on some cut off shorts and a purple tank top and some tennis shoes. I packed a backpack with a towel, extra clothes and some bug spray.

  I went to wait in the living room but he was already there and Aunt Brenda and he were talking about school.

  “Ready?” I said, sounding perkier than normal.

  “Yeah, I was just telling your aunt that I didn’t see the text last night or I would’ve come to lunch. I spent the morning getting some stuff ready and Eric is working overtime.”

  “Ahhh…ok, let’s go.”

  We walked out and I saw Eric’s truck instead of the Cuda. I poked my bottom lip out as far as it would go and stared at him. He was still walking and then
stopped, realizing that I wasn’t any more.

  “Come on Rem…oh no you are not pouting because of the truck, are you?”

  He walked up to me like a man on a mission and leaned down close and spoke softly. “We’re riding in the truck because it’s safer and if you don’t put that lip back where it belongs I will kiss you right here in front of your aunt.”

  “You wouldn’t dare!”

  “Try me, Pistol.”

  “Ok, ok, I’m getting in the truck.”

  We drove the forty five minutes to Tunica Hills. Cooper had to use the GPS on his phone to find it since we didn’t have Troy or Josie to guide us. My nerves were working overtime and my face felt like it was on fire. We parked in the parking area and pulled out our backpacks. It looked interesting.

  “What’s going on with you? You didn’t say a word on the way.”

  I let out a breath that I had been holding all the way up there.

  “It’s so embarrassing but I’m just nervous. I haven’t dated that much before.”

  “Ok, define much.”

  I just gave him a look that said, ‘don’t make me say it.’

  “Oh, man, I’m such a jerk.”

  I looked at him like he had lost his marbles.

  “How can that be? You haven’t ever… I mean no guy has ever asked… ”I nodded because his assumption was right. “And I took you to get dirty and slosh through waterfalls.” He threw his hands in the air and let them slap his sides.

  “How were you supposed to know? Anyway, waterfalls and…” I patted his backpack, “a picnic dinner, I’m assuming, plus you, I mean really what girl could ask for more?”

  “You deserve more.”

  “Boooooo!! I don’t like pouty Cooper. Come on.” I grabbed him by the hand and led him towards the first trail.