Illusive

by Diana Nixon

  "Good."

  "You don't believe me."

  "I don't. But it doesn't matter now. You need to sleep it off."

  "What I need now is you." He cupped my face in his palms and whispered. "When I kissed you, I knew it was you, and no one else."

  I didn't know if he really meant what he said, but I accepted it.

  "Let's talk about it later." Or never.

  He nodded in agreement and we walked to the staircase. I hoped I wouldn't need to drag him to his room, because chances were high I wouldn't be able to move him if he fell.

  Fortunately, we got to his room sooner than I expected. I pushed him to the bed and he fell on it, face first.

  I shook my head watching his motionless body.

  "Thanks," he mumbled.

  "You are welcome." I gave him one more look and left the room. Trying to undress him was pointless. Besides, as angry as I still was, I thought he deserved a little discomfort. Not to mention the morning hangover that would no doubt kick his drunk ass in a couple of hours.

  I went back to my room and thought it was time to give my sleep another chance. After all, I needed strength to live it through the day and Ariel hardly cared if I spent a good part of the night waiting for her uncle to come back home. As dead drunk as he was, I doubted his day would be much better than mine.

  Needled to say, morning came sooner than I expected. It felt like I had just now closed my eyes and then my clock went off, and I needed to get up.

  Ugh… I sat on my bed and cursed mentally. The day promised to be a long one.

  But not just one day, but a whole week turned out to be long and eventless.

  I didn't see Blake, not even once.

  He did his best to avoid me, again. And I thought it would be better not to push my luck with him. Maybe he simply needed time to man up and look me in the eye. Though after some time, I realized my offense was not as strong as it was the night he kissed me. And the whole 'tragedy' didn't seem to be so tragical anymore.

  Or maybe I missed him so much, I couldn't wait to see him again. Even if that meant forgetting about the kiss and pretending it never happened at all.

  "I think we need to call Mia," Reggie said, pouring two cups of tea, one for me and one for herself. Ariel started taking painting classes, so Reggie and I had some time to talk while the girl was busy working on another picture.

  "What for?" I asked, putting sugar into my cup.

  "Blake's been acting weird these days. Haven't you noticed?"

  I didn’t tell Reggie anything about the unfortunate night almost a week ago. She knew something happened, but as polite as she was, she wouldn't bother me with unnecessary questions. She knew I could tell her anything if I wanted to.

  "Maybe he has too much work to do," I said.

  Reggie gave me a meaningful look, like, "You will not fool me with your poker face."

  "Fine. I'll call her."

  She nodded and sat down at the table to have her tea. "Tell her it's urgent."

  I rolled my eyes. "He's not five, Reggie. If he doesn't want to talk to anyone of us it doesn't mean he needs help."

  "Oh, trust me, dear – he does."

  "Why don't you talk to him?"

  "I care about my life, you know?"

  I puffed. "And Mia doesn’t?"

  "She doesn't live here, so even if he sends her to hell, she won't need to look for another job."

  "I thought you were the only person able to stand his impossible temper."

  "I think I'm too old for this."

  "Okay, let's call Mia." I took my phone and unlocked it. "Are you sure he won't kick us out for calling her?"

  "Anything's possible. But she's our last hope."

  CHAPTER 11

  Blake

  "Go away, Reggie! I'm not hungry." I shut my laptop and pushed it aside. The day had been hell for me and tomorrow was not going to be any better.

  "I'm glad to see you too," Mia said as she walked into my room.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked, without looking at her.

  "I could ask you the same question. Working from home?" She came to my desk and looked skeptically at the documents spread all over it.

  "Being a boss has its advantages, including working from home."

  "Aha." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me. "What happened this time?"

  "Nothing. Why?"

  "Look at you, Blake: you are wearing a shirt that has coffee stains in like ten places, your beard is like a caveman's, and you obviously need to take a shower. When was the last time you left this room?"

  "Um…Last year?"

  "Very funny." She sat down on a chair near the window and proceeded. "You know, you can't avoid her for the rest of your life."

  "Avoid who?"

  "Stop messing with me, Blake Bowen!" The look she gave me was threatening. "You know exactly who I'm talking about."

  I leaned against the back of my chair and sighed. "It's your fault, Mia. You sent her here. You should have known better than to tease me. You knew I wouldn't be strong enough to resist her."

  A barely noticeable smile curved her lips. "What exactly happened between you and Eden?"

  "I kissed her."

  "You … Wow!" She looked thrilled to hear that. Ugh, seriously?

  I crossed my arms, watching her. "Am I imagining things or have you really been waiting for it to happen?"

  "Of course, I have!" She stood up and started pacing the room too excited to sit down. "When did it happen?"

  "Last week."

  "What? And you've been sitting in this room since then?"

  "Yep."

  "Poor girl! She must be devastated to be ignored by you!"

  "I don't think she wants to see me again."

  "In this life or ever?"

  "Both."

  "Okay…" She stood in front of me again. "What have you done? Apart from kissing her I mean."

  I lowered my head, not sure if I should give away the details of that damn night.

  "So?" She waited impatiently for my response.

  "I called her 'Rachel'."

  "Oh… Did that happen before or after the kiss?"

  "Somewhere in the middle."

  She OHed one more time.

  "Would you please stop saying that?" I flared.

  "All right. Then tell me, did you really think she was Rachel?"

  "No. Not exactly… Damn it, I don't know. My mood sucked, and then she walked into my room and asked if I needed anything. Kissing was the first thought that came to mind in response to her question. I didn't think twice before doing it. I just knew I wanted it and I wanted it now. Period."

  "Hmm… Looks like Eden was right after all…"

  "Eden? Did she tell you to talk to me?"

  "No, Reggie did. But I talked to Eden too. And she said you'd done something stupid and now you're feeling too guilty to get your ass out of here."

  "Something of the sort."

  "Do you want to know what I think about this whole situation?"

  "Not really. But it won't stop you from saying it, right?"

  She smiled. "I've known you since you were wearing diapers, Blake. I know almost everything about you and the shit that is happening in your head. I also know that you need to stop thinking about Rachel and move the fuck on!"

  "Do you think it's easy?"

  "You kissed Eden, remember? Is it enough to prove that I have a point?"

  "I don't know what made me kiss her."

  "Oh, yes, you do. Look at me, Blake. Did you see Rachel in her when you felt like kissing her?"

  I clearly remembered that moment, unlike everything that happened after it.

  "No."

  "Then why did you mention her name?"

  I stood up and ran both hands through my hair. "I guess it was because I had been thinking about Rachel that day, a lot. Have you heard about Mason's visit?"

  "I have. News never stays locked in this house."

  "He came here aski
ng for a meeting with Ariel and it brought back so many memories I had been trying to take out of my head for so long. And don't make me start on how he looked at Eden."

  Mia smiled.

  "What?"

  "So it wasn't just about Rachel, was it?"

  I turned away from her piercing stare, knowing she could read me like an open book. Sometimes I wondered if what she knew about me was written right on my forehead and there was no use in trying to hide it.

  "You were jealous, weren't you?"

  Oh, she just had to bring up that topic again.

  "May I leave your question unanswered?"

  "Sure. I know the answer anyway."

  I rolled my eyes. "Of course you do. You are just that smart, my dear friend."

  "This is why I knew Eden would be a perfect candidate to become Ariel's babysitter. You know the saying – If you want to get over your fears, face them."

  "I am facing them, every day, thanks to you."

  "Not true. You are not afraid of your past anymore, Blake. You are scared to face your future." She paused and wrapped one arm around me. "A future without Eden."

  My eyes found hers and I saw the truth that I had been refusing to see for so long. She was right, it wasn't about Rachel and my feelings for her anymore. My fears were focused on someone else, because losing her suddenly turned into the biggest fear I had ever had.

  "What do I do now?" I asked.

  "First of all, you need to shave. And then, talk to Eden. Tell her what you feel, Blake. Don't be afraid to say it out loud. Maybe this time, it won't be just an echo that you’ll hear in response."

  "What if she doesn't want to listen to me?"

  "Oh, trust me, she will listen to you. She has been waiting for this talk since the unfortunate kiss you gave her. And one more thing…" She paused and I knew I didn't want to hear what she was going to say next.

  "Whatever it is, the answer is 'no'."

  "You need to let Mason see Ariel."

  Told you!

  "No."

  "Rachel wanted him to know the truth. It was her choice, not yours." She patted my back, as if wishing me luck and trying to encourage me.

  "I'm not giving her to Mason."

  "Who? Ariel or Eden?"

  It was the last question she asked before she left.

  I thought about what she said about Rachel. She wanted Mason to know the truth, she loved him and I'm sure she wanted to have a real family with him and Ariel. She just didn't have time to make it happen. And despite how much I hated the jerk, Mia was right. Telling him about Ariel was Rachel's choice, not mine. I couldn't argue with her last will.

  I came to the drawer where I kept his business card and after a short moment of hesitation, I dialed his number.

  "Blake?"

  "Hello, Mason. Do you still want to meet Ariel?" A part of me hoped he would say he didn't.

  "Of course, I do. She's my daughter."

  "Then you may take her for a short walk." I intentionally emphasized the word 'short'. I had no idea how to tell Ariel why she needed to go somewhere with someone she didn't know.

  "I'll be there this afternoon," Mason said. "Is that okay?"

  "Yes." I hung up the phone without saying good-bye. Not very polite, I know. But calling him was a huge step ahead by itself.

  Now it was time to take a shower. I didn't want anyone in the house to see me like this. Mia helped my rational thinking return and I didn't want to play caveman anymore.

  ***

  Eden was in her room. I could hear her talking to someone.

  I knocked and waited, not sure if I was doing the right thing by coming to talk to her. She could have slapped me in the face, she had full rights to do it. Maybe if she did it right after I kissed her, I wouldn't have spent the last week locked in my room.

  "I'll call you later," she said, opening the door. She ended the call and stared at me. "Blake? Do you need anything?"

  "Um…yes. May I come in?"

  She hesitated for a moment. "Sure."

  "The thing is…" I started.

  "No, wait. Can I say something first?"

  Here we go, she was gonna call me every name in the book, because I deserved it.

  "If you are here to apologize, again, don't do it. It's me who owes you an apology."

  "For what?"

  "For letting instincts lead me, instead of leaving your room before…that thing…happened."

  "You mean the kiss?"

  She sighed, a bit irritated by the fact that I wasn't ashamed to name it. "Yes."

  "Well, your apology is not accepted."

  Her lips parted in a silent question and I couldn't but remember the thing she mentioned.

  "I don't regret it, Eden. Except for making one small mistake that I don't know how to explain."

  "Calling me 'Rachel', right?" Now it was her turn to be a smartass.

  "Yes."

  "How about we forget about it?"

  "All of it?"

  "Yes. I think it's for the best."

  I stepped closer, close enough to make her nervous. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

  She met my stare and nodded without saying a word.

  Coward, I thought to myself. She didn't want to forget about the kiss and neither did I. But for now, I pretended I accepted the rules of this small game she was playing with me.

  "As you wish," I said.

  She looked pleased with my response.

  "There's one more thing that I wanted to talk to you about."

  "What is it?"

  "Mason will be here later today to take Ari for a walk."

  "Really?" She looked genuinely surprised. "I'm glad you've decided to give their relationship a try."

  "Looks like I don’t have a choice but to let them have it."

  "I could go with them, if you don't mind."

  "I do mind actually, but…" My second thought - Eden's offer would make me less worried about Ariel and her time with her father.

  "We can't tell her the truth. Not now, anyway. She needs to feel comfortable around him."

  "You are right. And yes, I'd like you to go with them." My third thought - I didn't want Mason to spend time with Eden. My fourth thought – I will kill him if he dares to touch her, or which is even worse – try to kiss her.

  Not that I believed her lips were mine now that I'd claimed them with a kiss. But Mason was the last man in the world I would let anywhere close to Eden. Period.

  "I'll tell Ari he's a friend of mine," she said. "That way, she will know she can trust him."

  I didn't like the sound of that, but what choice did I have?

  "Okay."

  I was about to leave, when Eden stopped me with her words, "In case you need something from me, make sure you remember my name first."

  I stopped at the door and squinted, watching her. "You mean something like another kiss?" I dared to go that far because I could see she wasn't angry at me anymore and I really missed her and our small exchanges of jokes. Not that kissing her was a joke to me.

  "And that too," she said.

  I smiled. "Deal."

  I can't say the next couple of hours were easy. I kept looking at my watch, waiting for Mason's arrival. My hate for him aside, Ariel got a lot from him, including the dimples on her cheeks. She had her mom's eyes, but Rachel always said she was a small copy of her father. And with time, I could see that she was right.

  Will Mason see the resemblance between them? Will he love her enough to become a worthy father for her? Will she love him enough to accept him as her parent?

  God, my mind was about to explode from the number of questions buzzing in there. If only Rachel were still alive… She always knew what was best for her daughter. And I still needed to learn how to leave my selfish love for the girl aside and put her interests first. I wasn't her father, but I was sure I was so much better than the man who wanted to be one for her. I hoped he wouldn't fail to meet her expectations. I really wanted her to be happy, no matte
r whom she would call her dad.

  "You have a visitor," Reggie announced, entering my office.

  "Is that him?" My tongue wouldn't move to pronounce his name.

  She obviously heard the poison in my question and chuckled. "Yes, he's waiting for you in the living room."

  "And Ariel?"

  "She's upstairs. Eden's dressing her for the walk."

  "Give me a minute, okay?" My nerves didn't do me any good. It was so hard to accept the fact that Ariel and Eden were going to spend time with Mason, without me. I felt like he was taking everything from me, and there was nothing I could do to keep it for myself. Exaggeration, I know. But I couldn't help it.

  "She'll be fine," Reggie said, as if reading my mind. "Eden will be there to look after her."

  And who will look after Eden? I wanted to ask.

  Again, as if Reggie knew what I was thinking, she said, "Eden is big enough to take care of herself."

  "Of course. It's just…so unexpected. Mason's presence in our life I mean. I need more time to get used to it."

  "You'll be fine, Blake. You are a very wise man. I'm sure deep down inside you know you are doing the right thing by letting him see her."

  "Deep down means somewhere very, very deep."

  Reggie smiled. "Come on, it's not polite to make the guest wait. Even if you don't like him."

  Together we went to the living room where Eden was introducing Mason to Ariel.

  "He is a good friend of mine," she said. "We haven't seen each other for a long time."

  "For a very long time," I commented. "Mason." I nodded to greet him.

  Eden gave me a disapproving look.

  "Hope your walk won't take too long. Reggie's making a special dinner today."

  "Am I?"

  Looks like no one in the house was going to make it easy for me today.

  "Yes, you are."

  "We'll be back in a couple of hours," Eden said, wrapping a scarf around Ariel's neck.

  I was dying to ask about Mason's plans for their walk, but I thought I would call Eden a little later instead. Talking to her was so much more pleasurable than sharing even a couple of words with him.

  "Be a good girl," I said to Ari, kissing her goodbye.

  "I will." She hugged me and ran to the door, followed by Mason.

  "You behave too," I whispered to Eden.

  She'd be dammed if she didn't try to tease me. "Don't worry, Mr. Bowen, he's not my type. Unless, he does something to change my preferences."