by G. R. Lyons
Shit. They were early. Or Adrian was late in leaving. Either way, this situation was not off to a great start. Adrian had wanted to be long-gone before Kade and Smitty arrived.
Too late now. Zac walked by Adrian, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and answered the door.
“Yo, Blaze, what's up?” Kade slapped him on the back and stepped inside.
Smitty held up a fist, and Zac bumped his knuckles before letting him in, Smitty lugging in his base while Kade had brought along his portable, electronic drums, the kit currently folded up into the size of a briefcase.
Smitty came up short. “Whoa. Fag alert.”
Zac winced, and turned to see Adrian duck his head as he shouldered his bag. He tried to give Adrian an apologetic look, but the man had his eyes stuck to the floor.
I'm so sorry, baby.
“Adrian was just leaving,” Zac said, hoping to spur Adrian on since he seemed rather hopelessly stuck where he stood.
Adrian hesitated a moment before nodding, then scooted around them and headed for the door.
“Dude, what's the Iceman doing here?” Kade asked. “You're not turning fag on us, are you?”
Kade and Smitty laughed and shared a high-five.
Zac forced out a derisive snort. “You wish.” He glanced at Adrian one more time as his man let himself out. Zac was itching to kiss him goodbye, tell him he'd see him soon, tell him to be safe and that he'd call as soon as they were done, but he couldn't do any of those things. Not without losing his oldest friends.
“So, dude, seriously, what the fuck was he doing here?” Kade asked.
Zac rolled his eyes, trying to look as put-upon as he could. “Stupid group project for school. I got stuck with him as my partner.”
“Ouch. Sorry, man. That sucks.”
Zac shrugged. “He's all like smart and shit, so at least we'll get a good grade, right?”
“Yeah,” Smitty laughed, holding up a hand for Zac to slap. “Way to use the fag, bro.”
Zac forced out a laugh of his own, hating himself for it, and the subject was miraculously dropped in favor of their excitement over the possibility of an audition slot. There was still no word on whether they'd even get in, but being the first alternate, there might be a chance. They got down to work, Kade unfolding his drums while Zac and Smitty tuned their guitars, all of them talking over one another as they tried to decide which were their best pieces and which were likely to earn them a good standing in the competition.
They finally agreed on narrowing the list down to two songs, practicing them over and over until they were all satisfied with the sound, then decided on which one to perform at the audition concert and which to leave as an alternate, in case they needed a second for any reason. With the songs picked, and feeling pumped by a great rehearsal, they made plans to meet again once Zac had his car back. That way, he could go to the guys' house, where they had the space of the garage to spread out and really make some noise.
In the meantime, Zac needed to get Adrian home. Just as soon as he could get away with it, he hinted strongly that he still had homework to catch up on, and managed to get Kade and Smitty finally packing up to leave.
Kade held up his fist, and Zac bumped his knuckles. “See you at school, bro.”
“Later,” Smitty added.
Zac shut the door and blew out a heavy breath. Thank gods that was over. Now he could call Adrian and have him come home, with every intention of dragging the man straight to bed. Gods knew they could both use it.
He found his phone and dialed Adrian's number, then listened to it ring. The call went to voicemail, so Zac rang off and tried again. Still no answer. He shrugged and tossed the phone aside. Maybe Adrian had found something to do, or maybe he just couldn't hear his phone. No matter. The man was bound to call back when he saw the missed call.
With nothing else to do, Zac pulled out his violin and got back to composing his new piece again. It was coming along slowly but surely. He was having to snatch minutes here and there when he could work on it while Adrian wasn't around, not wanting to spoil the surprise. Zac smiled to himself as he played, the whole thing weaving itself together in his head.
When he finally took a break, he realized it had been almost two hours since Kade and Smitty had left, but still no word from Adrian when he checked his phone. Zac shoved his violin aside and called Adrian's number again.
Still no answer.
Babe, where the hells are you?
Zac shoved his feet into his boots, not bothering to lace them up as he grabbed his wallet and keys, stuffing them into his pockets. He let himself out, tucking his phone against his shoulder as he tried Adrian again while locking his door.
The line rang, and Zac heard the sound repeat nearby.
The hells?
He dialed again, following the sound. Zac's apartment was at the end of the hallway, and when he opened the door to the stairwell, the sound of a ringing phone got suddenly louder, coming from the half landing above. Zac climbed the stairs and found Adrian's backpack resting in a corner, but no sign of Adrian himself.
“Ade?” Zac called, looking up toward the second floor. “Baby?”
The barest hint of a noise came from somewhere above. Zac grabbed the railing and raced up the stairs, stumbling to a stop when he found Adrian huddled in the corner at the third-floor landing.
“Ade?” Zac murmured.
Adrian shivered but didn't respond.
“Baby,” Zac whispered, easing down beside him. “Ade, it's me.” Zac scooted closer and slowly slipped an arm around Adrian's shoulders. Adrian stiffened, then collapsed against Zac as Zac pulled him into his arms. “Shhh, it's alright. I've got you.”
Adrian trembled again, then went utterly limp, leaning heavily against Zac as though he were boneless and could no longer hold himself up.
“Have you been here this whole time?” Zac asked.
Adrian barely nodded.
“I tried calling you,” Zac murmured.
Adrian gave another slow nod. “I ran,” he whispered, his voice low and raw. “Dropped my bag…and got up here…couldn't move.”
Zac sighed. “I'm sorry, babe.” He rubbed Adrian's arm. “Come on, let's get you home.”
It took some doing, but Zac managed to get the man on his feet. He pulled Adrian's arm around his shoulders and put his own around Adrian's waist, the two of them making a slow, unsteady journey back down the stairs to Zac's floor. Zac grabbed Adrian's bag, and they shuffled back to the apartment.
Zac kicked the door shut behind them and helped Adrian into the bedroom. Adrian sank onto the end of the bed, then turned on his side and drew up his knees, hugging them as he curled into a tight ball. Zac lay down, facing him, and tried to pry one of his hands open.
“Relax, babe,” he urged. “It's alright. It's just us here.”
It was several minutes before he managed to get one of Adrian's hands open, only to find Adrian's palm was torn and bloody from where Adrian had been digging in his nails for so long. Zac sat up and forced the other hand to uncurl as well, then darted to the washroom for a wet cloth and bandages, cleaning and inspecting the cuts while Adrian lay there, staring at nothing.
Zac wrapped Adrian's hands in bandages, then lay back down with a sigh, lightly rubbing his thumb across Adrian's wrist.
Adrian closed his eyes, mumbling, “I wish we didn't have to keep hiding.”
Zac started to respond, only to realize Adrian had fallen asleep, drained by his anxiety.
He let out a sigh. “I know, babe. Me, too.”
* * *
ADRIAN WOKE slowly, trying to pry his heavy eyelids open. His entire body ached. He had no idea how many hours he'd spent curled up in that corner in the stairwell, but he knew he'd been tensed up the entire time. No wonder it seemed like every single muscle in his body was sore.
And he was still curled up in a ball. Adrian slowly extended each of his limbs, joints protesting at every movement. Making things worse was the fact t
hat he was still in yesterday's clothes. Adrian got up carefully, not wanting to wake Zac, and quickly stripped himself bare, dumping everything in the laundry pile as he headed for the washroom to shower.
He peeled off all his bandages—the ones across his thighs and the new ones he found on his palms—and stepped in under the hot water, standing awkwardly so as not to let the spray hit right on his cuts. Adrian washed as well as he could manage with his aching hands, then stood there for a long while with the water beating down on the back of his neck.
When he felt sufficiently human again, he got out and carefully dried himself, patting around the cuts that lined his thighs. He wrapped the scratchy towel around his waist and went back to the bedroom to get a pair of clean underwear.
Halfway to the dresser, he stopped, going utterly still as Zac stirred and turned over onto his back. Zac kicked his legs and settled back with a sigh, his hair fanned out across his pillow, his arms thrown up by his head, and almost all of his naked body on display.
Gods, Zac was so beautiful. And with each passing day, Adrian was less sure he deserved him.
Adrian stood there silently, just watching Zac sleep. He ached to touch the man, but didn't want to wake him, especially after he'd been working so hard just trying to keep Adrian from completely losing his mind ever since his pills ran out. If it weren't for Zac, Adrian wasn't sure he'd still be alive.
Adrian shook his head. Sure, they played at him being the dominant one in the bedroom, but when it came to the realities of their relationship, he didn't come close to filling that role. Not by a long shot. Zac had taken charge every step of the way, yet still somehow managed to make Adrian feel powerful and in control when they were naked and alone.
Maybe Adrian should be the one wearing the collar. Maybe he should be the one submitting to Zac in the bedroom.
Maybe he should give Zac something they hadn't tried before.
As though his wish had magically turned into reality, Adrian watched as Zac's cock hardened against his thigh, though the man was still fast asleep. Adrian inched closer to the bed. Zac had never once hinted that he wanted to top, but neither had Adrian ever suggested it. To be honest, he just couldn't see the appeal. Zac definitely seemed to love having Adrian inside him, but Adrian couldn't figure out how having anything inside…there…could feel remotely good.
Maybe it was time he found out just what Zac saw in the whole thing, and submit himself to Zac's pleasure in the process.
Adrian slowly climbed up on the bed, not wanting to wake Zac quite yet. Zac had woken him with a blowjob once, but Adrian had been too nervous to return the favor even though he was up before Zac most days. Time to fix that.
He tossed his towel aside, then leaned over and grabbed the bottle of lube, squirting some out and watching the shiny liquid spread over his fingers as he warmed it. Taking a deep breath, he brought his hand around and touched his own hole.
Adrian clenched right up at the sensation. He took another breath and forced himself to relax, rubbing the lube around and trying to will himself to press a finger inside. Good gods, even just that felt weird. How did Zac stand it?
But he was going to do this. For Zac. Bracing himself, Adrian pushed a finger in, cringing at the intrusive sensation, then concentrated on relaxing while he worked in another. He barely lasted a minute or so before he couldn't stand the weirdness of what he was doing and decided that was enough. He wasn't sure if he was stretched sufficiently, but he didn't care. If it hurt, he'd deal with it.
Moving slowly, he straddled Zac's hips while squirting more lube onto his hand. He gently grabbed Zac's cock, stroking it lightly as he coated it, his palms aching with the combination of lube and friction against his torn skin, then held Zac's cock and lined it up with his hole.
Adrian cringed as he pressed down, exhaling and pushing out as he tried to get his body to accept the idea of Zac's cock going inside it. He took another breath, bearing down, and the tip popped in. Adrian froze, squirming at the stretch and fullness of it. It was all just so backwards and strange, but he was determined to keep going. His quads started to burn as he rode his way down, one inch at a time.
Finally, he made it all the way, Zac's cock fully sheathed inside him. Adrian took a moment to catch his breath, then lifted up slowly before coming back down. He tried it again, tilting his hips as he went, trying to find that apparent spot inside himself that Zac always said drove him crazy.
He angled his hips the other way and lifted up again.
“Oh.” Adrian blinked, just holding there for a moment, then sought it out again, feeling something almost electric shoot through all his limbs. So that's what Zac felt when Adrian was inside him.
Adrian wasn't sure the sensation was worth it, though. It felt too damned weird, but that wasn't going to stop him. He definitely preferred topping, but he could do this for Zac. He'd do anything for him.
Adrian lifted and lowered again, and Zac began to stir.
“Mmmm…” Zac moaned, turning his head, his eyes still closed. Adrian kept going, and Zac hissed, his hands shooting out and blindly feeling until they landed on Adrian's hips. “Baby–”
Adrian started to move a little faster, and Zac froze, his hands clamping down on Adrian's thighs as he sucked in a breath.
Zac's eyes flew open. “Baby, stop.”
Adrian hesitated halfway down. “What?”
“Ade, stop,” Zac said, panting.
“What's wr–”
“Get off me!”
Adrian slowly lifted until Zac's cock slipped from his body. He tumbled toward the middle of the bed while Zac rolled out from underneath him, practically falling off the edge and scrambling to his feet, bolting straight for the washroom.
He slammed the door, leaving Adrian staring at it, stunned.
After a moment of silence, Adrian heard some fumbling about in the washroom, followed by the shower coming on. Adrian choked on a sob, sliding back on the bed until his back hit the headboard. He drew his knees up and clutched his legs, fingernails digging into his thighs as he listened to the water continue to run.
What the hells had he done wrong?
Chapter 19
ZAC BRACED his hands against the shower wall and tried to catch his breath.
Holy hells, that had been a nightmare. Stuck between sleeping and waking, he'd had a terribly confusing moment of not being sure where he was or whom he was with. Part of him was sure he was in bed with Adrian, but then the sensation of his cock buried in something hot and tight made him doubt, wondering if he was drunk and fucking some girl at a groupie party.
But he didn't do that anymore, right? He'd promised himself he wouldn't, for Adrian's sake, yet his cock was definitely inside someone. And when it came to Adrian, Zac always bottomed. They'd never even discussed it. That was just the way thing worked between them.
And Zac liked it that way. It was because of all those damned drunken parties that he never wanted to be inside anyone ever again, not even Adrian. He loved having his man's cock inside him. That was the right way for things to be done. They both loved it. There was absolutely no reason to do anything different.
But Adrian didn't know all of that. Zac punched the wall. He'd assumed that Adrian was a strict top. Never even bothered to ask. Didn't think he'd need to. Apparently, he was wrong.
Zac took a deep breath, straightened up, and scrubbed soap all over his body, trying to wash away the filthy memories of having sex with women. He couldn't seem to get quite clean enough, but he couldn't stay in there forever. Finally, he gave up and rinsed off.
He got out of the shower, dried himself, and wrapped the towel around his waist before opening the door.
Adrian was in the middle of the bed, staring at nothing, his thighs streaked with blood from where his nails had torn his recent cuts back open. Zac whirled back into the washroom, snatched up a washcloth, wet it in the sink, and darted over to the bed.
“Baby,” he murmured, gently pushing Adrian's hands away and
pressing the cloth to Adrian's legs.
Adrian just kept staring blankly, his whole body shaking.
“Baby, look at me.”
Adrian blinked a few times before he looked up.
“Hey, what's wrong?” Zac asked.
Adrian ducked his head again. “You didn't want me,” Adrian whispered. “You–” He glanced at the washroom, then looked down at his lap, his eyes seeming to go unfocused as he sat there, trembling.
Zac sighed, closing his eyes to buy himself a moment. Of course that's what Adrian would think. Adrian, who had never been good enough, who had been rejected by his own father, the only person really in his life—of course he'd think Zac's actions were a rejection of him as a whole. Pushing Adrian away and then running straight to the shower? Good gods, no wonder the man looked so shattered.
“Baby.” Zac cupped Adrian's jaw with both hands, trying to get the man to look up at him. “It wasn't you, alright? That was all me. My issues. I wasn't rejecting you, babe. I promise.”
Adrian slowly looked up at him, his brow creased with a puzzled frown.
“I don't like topping,” Zac told him. “Never have. So let's just stick to what works for us, alright?”
Adrian drew back slightly, his frown even deeper. “But…I thought…you said you were a virgin.”
“What? When did I say that?”
Adrian looked away, deep in thought. “Except…why the test at the clinic…” He slowly shook his head and looked at Zac again. “You said I was the only guy you'd ever been with.”
“You are,” Zac insisted, then added, “Key word there being guy.”
Adrian blinked and drew back even more, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his chest. “What?”