Eternally Yours

by Brenda Jackson

  Clayton got out of bed and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Since it appeared Justin and Dex weren’t going anyplace, he might as well watch the game with them.

  Syneda looked out the window as the cab drove through Houston on its way to the airport. She had flown in that morning and, a little over seven hours later, she was flying back to New York. With her day in court for the appeal on Wednesday, she needed to be fully prepared.

  Caitlin’s baby shower had really been pleasant and she had received many nice things. Syneda smiled at the games they had played at the shower. She had really enjoyed herself, as she always did with the Madaris family.

  She was glad that Clayton had not stopped by. She didn’t think she could handle seeing him just yet. She knew that Justin and Dex had gone over to his place. Neither had returned before she’d left for the airport.

  A part of her couldn’t help wondering how Clayton was doing. Had he dismissed her from his mind already? Was he back to dating other women again?

  She took a deep breath, irritated with herself for even caring. But she did care. She loved him and the thought of him with someone else…

  But, she reminded herself, she had been the one to end things between them. She had sent him away. She’d had no choice. She could not start depending on anyone for her happiness. The only person she could always count on was herself.

  As the cab continued to make its way through the city, Syneda couldn’t help but think of Houston. This was Clayton’s territory, his city. The city of his birth. In Houston, Clayton Madaris was a very well-known and successful attorney. But when he had come to her in New York, he had been her friend, her mentor and her lover. And deep down she knew she had lost all three. No matter what she wanted to think, there was no way they could ever go back and reclaim that special friendship they once shared. She was only fooling herself if she thought they could.

  Later that night Clayton received a call from Alexander Maxwell.

  “You don’t believe in giving me easy jobs do you?” his friend said, chuckling.

  Clayton smiled. “What can I say, you’re the best. Do you have any information for me yet?”

  “No, not yet, but I’ve stumbled onto something pretty interesting. I thought I’d better bring it to your attention.”

  “What?”

  “There are two other investigators checking out Syneda’s past. Seems like you’re not the only one interested.”

  Clayton sat up straight, frowning. “Who are they?”

  “Don’t know yet. I picked up on them in my database. I know about them but they don’t know about me. We have an advantage.”

  “Let’s keep it that way, Alex. I want to know who they are and what their interest is.”

  When he hung up the phone a few minutes later, Clayton couldn’t help wondering who else besides him would be interested in Syneda’s past.

  Chapter 20

  Syneda won the appeal and Kasey Jamison would be returned to her adoptive parents by the end of the week.

  She knew she should celebrate, but her win had also been the result of someone else losing. Kasey’s biological mother.

  Syneda left the courtroom after getting the ruling when it was released. She had spoken immediately with the Jamisons and shared their happiness.

  Entering her apartment, the first thought that came to her mind was that she needed Clayton. She wanted to share her victory with him. She looked around her apartment. Although she had returned all of Clayton’s things, his presence was still there. It was there in the living room where they had made love occasionally. It was in her kitchen where he had whipped her up a number of tasty meals. His presence was in her bathroom where they had showered together frequently, and it dominated her bedroom where he had made her his.

  He had made her his. He’d been the first man to capture her heart, making her irrevocably his. Syneda tilted her head back and drew in cold air, feeling the tears sting her cheeks. Her apartment was cold from the freezing weather outside, not unusual for New York the week before Thanksgiving. She quickly wiped away her tears.

  Her tears were for all she had lost, at her own hands, because she hadn’t been strong enough to take a chance on love—the kind of love Justin had for Lorren, the kind of love Dex had for Caitlin. Clayton had offered her that and she had refused it.

  Cassie Drayton Morgan had been right when she’d said, “It’s no fun being alone. Everyone needs someone to love and someone to love them…”

  Syneda had never believed that until now.

  And Clayton had been right when he’d said that what happened with her father did not concern them. It was time she got beyond that and moved on. And she was ready to do so. But first, there was something she had to do before she could finally put the past behind her. There was someone she had to visit.

  Syneda had won the appeal.

  Clayton leaned back in his office chair. He had just gotten word from a fellow attorney who was working on a similar case. He wanted to call Syneda and tell her how happy he was for her, and how proud he was of her. But he didn’t.

  She had made it very clear things were over between them, yet he still wanted to talk to her. He still wanted to hear her voice. He picked up the phone and after hesitating a few seconds slammed it back down. The words she had said to him the last night they were together tore into him. “I don’t want your love, Clayton. I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it.”

  Clayton rose from his chair, balling his hands into his pockets. He was hurting in a way no person was supposed to hurt. He was hurting everywhere, both inside and out, and all at once.

  He knew that although Justin and Dex had tried being supportive, they just didn’t understand. The problems plaguing his and Syneda’s relationship would not evaporate with time and patience. It would take love and trust, and she wasn’t willing to take a chance on either.

  Clayton tugged at his tie, wishing he could rip it off and then do the same thing to his heart—rip it out. But something in him made him bite back both his anger and his frustration. He refused to let any woman make him lose his mind, his self-respect or his pride. In time he would get over her, he would make sure of that.

  And no woman would ever get close to his heart again.

  Syneda took a deep breath as she leaned against the huge wrought iron gate. Her plane had landed less than an hour ago and she had immediately taken a cab from the Dallas airport.

  For the past eighteen years of her life she had avoided coming here. She used to tell herself that if she never came, her mother would never know the truth. Her mother would never know that the man she had died loving, trusting and believing in had let them down.

  Syneda straightened and began walking across the stretch of velvet-green lawn. As she neared the area where the ground-keeper had instructed her to go, poignant memories of her childhood with her mother resurfaced.

  The two of them had been close, almost inseparable, except for the time her mother was at work and she was at school. They had done a lot of things together. Although there hadn’t been plenty of money, her mother had worked hard and had taken care of their needs.

  The short walk was finally over and as Syneda stood before the headstone, she felt renewed pain followed by a deep sense of cleansing. She knew by the time she left to return to New York, a part of her past would be left here. It was the part she should have buried a long time ago.

  She knelt down and placed the bouquet of flowers across the headstone. She squeezed her eyes shut against the mistiness that began clouding them. “Mama, I know it’s been a long time, and your little girl is all grown up now. And I know in my heart you understand why I haven’t come until now.”

  Syneda felt a momentary stab of pain when she thought of the man who had fathered her. “I never wanted you to know he didn’t come for me, Mama, because more than anything I truly wanted you to rest in peace. And I knew you couldn’t do that if you knew the truth. I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

>   Syneda’s hands trembled as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m okay now. I admit I wasn’t in the beginning, the disappointment of him not coming hurt for a while, but I’m okay now. My heavenly father took very good care of me. He sent me to live with Mama Nora and Papa Paul. I know you would have liked them. They took me to church every Sunday just like you would have done. And I had Lorren. She’s the sister I’ve always wanted.”

  Syneda took a deep breath as her fingers traced lazy patterns in the cold earth. “I made something of myself, Mama. I went to college and got a law degree. And I’ve met someone special by the name of Clayton Madaris. I know you would like him, too. He’s kind, gentle, strong and caring. And he loves me. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but now I do. And I love him. I love him very much and one day soon I’m going to tell him just how I feel. I want to marry him and if we ever have children, I’ll tell them all about you. I’ll tell them how you took care of me all by yourself. I know it must have been hard being a single parent and all, but you did it. I’ll tell my kids how you used to read me stories before tucking me in at night and how you would wake me up by singing a beautiful song in the morning. I’ll tell them all about our good times.”

  Syneda hesitated briefly before continuing. “But most of all, Mama, I’ll tell them how much you loved me and how much I loved you.” Tears that she had held for so long were released and she wept.

  Syneda wept for the mother who had been taken away from her at the age of ten, and for the father who hadn’t cared enough to come and claim her as his daughter.

  A few minutes later she wiped her eyes and slowly stood. “Goodbye, Mama,” she whispered. “Continue to rest in peace. I love you.”

  She turned and walked out of the cemetery in the direction she had come in.

  Chapter 21

  How could he have let his mother talk him into coming here? Seeing Syneda was the very last thing he wanted, Clayton thought, walking toward the airport terminal. Passing through the entrance he moved in paced steps, ignoring the noisy sounds from the crowds. The airport was packed with people traveling to and fro to spend time with family over the Thanksgiving holiday. With a brief glance at the monitor, he checked the gate for the flight arriving from New York. Noting he was a few minutes early, he took a seat to wait.

  He disregarded the attractive young woman sitting across from him who’d sent an inviting smile his way. Her eyes ran over him, and Clayton couldn’t help but give her a half-amused smile before tipping his head back against the wall and resting his eyes.

  When Syneda’s flight was announced he stood and forced himself to relax. That brief moment of calmness came to an abrupt end the moment he saw her walk through the gate. She was dressed in a pair of white jeans that gracefully hugged her firm hips, and a peach-colored pullover sweater. She looked absolutely stunning.

  Syneda’s face registered surprise when she saw Clayton. His towering height made him quite visible over the crowd of people that were waiting for other passengers. She shivered slightly when she felt his hooded eyes on her.

  He was dressed in a pair of faded, snug-fitting jeans and a burgandy pullover sweater that outlined every detail of his muscled body. A body she had come to know rather well during the past few months.

  How could I have thought I didn’t love him? How could I have thought I didn’t want him? Taking a deep breath, she walked over to where he was standing. “Clayton, I’m glad to see you.”

  “Yeah, I bet you are,” he replied coolly, his lips forming in a taut line. “Mom sent me.” He took the flight bag from her shoulder. “She would’ve come herself, but didn’t trust me or Dad to watch her sweet potato pies that were in the oven.”

  “Oh,” Syneda replied. Her gaze met Clayton’s and the eyes staring back at her were like chipped ice. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but she couldn’t say them in a crowded airport. They needed privacy.

  “Are you ready, Syneda?”

  “Yes.”

  “Let’s go then,” he said gruffly.

  Together they walked down the wide, crowded corridor. Syneda was having a little bit of trouble keeping up with Clayton’s long strides.

  “It will only take a minute to claim your bags,” Clayton said curtly upon reaching the area where the rest of her bags were.

  “Am I the first to arrive?” Syneda asked, pointing out her bags to Clayton. Then she felt foolish for doing so. They had taken enough trips together over the past few months that he would have recognized her luggage easily.

  “No. Traci and Kattie were over earlier today to help peel the potatoes for the pies, but they left before noon. They’ll be back later today. Dex and Caitlin will probably be there by the time we arrive. They had to wait for Jordan to get out of preschool before coming over. And Justin, Lorren and the kids are flying in this afternoon.”

  “What about Christy?”

  “She’s been home from college since Monday.”

  For the first time since seeing him, Syneda couldn’t help but notice the fleeting smile that somewhat softened Clayton’s features. “Let me rephrase that,” he said. “Christy’s been in Houston since Monday, however, she’s seldom at home. She’s making her rounds visiting friends. She only pops in to eat and sleep.”

  “What about Jake?”

  Clayton frowned. “I don’t know what’s going on with Uncle Jake. For some reason he’s not coming this year. He called Mom earlier this week and said he had other plans. It’s not like him to miss Thanksgiving dinner with us.”

  As they stepped out of the building, Clayton led her over to a car parked nearby. He set down the bags and pulled the key out of his pocket. “Mom suggested I drive her car,” he said, as he loaded Syneda’s things into the trunk of the sleek champagne-colored Seville. “I guess she figured all your things wouldn’t fit in my two-seater.”

  Syneda nodded and again their eyes met. His eyes appeared colder than they had earlier. Suddenly, all the words she had wanted to say to him stuck in her throat. What could she say to undo what she’d done? What words could she use to make him understand she was ready to love him and she trusted him? She was the first to break the eye contact.

  “Will my being here bother you, Clayton?” she asked, feeling a little unsure of herself and suddenly filled with self-doubt. His cold attitude toward her wasn’t helping the situation.

  “Not particularly,” he said dispassionately, opening the car door.

  “Maybe I should not have come.”

  The look Clayton gave her was as sharp as a broken piece of glass and as cold as the weather she had left in New York. It was definitely not filled with the warmth she was accustomed to. “Too late to think about that now. You’re here, aren’t you?” he said harshly, shutting the door. Then he walked around to get into the car.

  His words had hurt, and when Clayton started the car, Syneda turned her attention to the scenery outside the car window. She couldn’t help wondering if she had made a mistake by coming. What if he no longer had a place in his heart for her? What if he no longer wanted her? It had been over a month since they had been together, and she hadn’t heard from him. The thought that he no longer cared for her sent her mind reeling in sheer panic.

  When they arrived at Clayton’s parents’ home, Dex was in the driveway washing his father’s pickup truck. Clayton brought the car to a stop and Syneda opened the door and got out of the car.

  “Syneda’s bags are in the trunk,” Clayton told his brother gruffly, tossing him the keys. “Tell the folks that I’ll be back later.” He then got into his Mercedes and left.

  Dex shook his head resignedly, then turned his handsome smile on Syneda. He came around the car and gave her a huge hug. His charcoal-gray eyes were filled with concern. “Are you all right?”

  Syneda gave Dex a forced smile. She wondered if he knew about her relationship with his brother, but at the moment she didn’t care who knew. “Yes,” she replied softly. “I’m fine.”

  “Wh
at in the world has Clayton in such a bad mood?”

  “I don’t know. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s picked up on it.”

  Syneda went about her job of grating the cheese for the casserole trying not to listen to the conversation going on between Clayton’s sisters, Traci and Kattie.

  Soon after she had arrived, the two women had returned to help with all the cooking that had to be done. It was an annual Madaris ritual that the women in the family prepared the entire Thanksgiving meal the night before, and the men were responsible for getting up on Thanksgiving Day morning to fix the special dessert. Rumor had it that this year it would be a delectable peach cobbler.

  Working by Syneda’s side in the kitchen was a very pregnant Caitlin, whose due date was less than two weeks away. She was busy chopping onions, celery and bell peppers for the potato salad.

  “I thought the two of you were convinced Clayton had a love interest,” Caitlin said to Traci and Kattie without looking up from her task.

  “All evidence seemed to lead that way,” Traci replied as a smile touched her lips. “Especially all those weekend trips that he refuses to discuss.”

  “All right, girls,” Marilyn Madaris spoke up. “Your brother has a right to his privacy. What he does and who he sees are none of your business.”

  “We know that, Mom. We’re just trying to figure out what’s bothering him.”

  Syneda was tempted to provide them with the answer they sought. She was what was bothering Clayton. He had been in a bad mood since picking her up from the airport.

  “Has he mentioned bringing a surprise guest to dinner tomorrow?” Traci inquired.