Little White Christmas

by J. Lynn Bailey

  Josie changed the subject. “Do you like it?”

  “Oh, Josie.” She swung her arm around her best friend. “I love it. It’s perfect.” She led Josie over to the warm mugs of cocoa, and they added a little peppermint liquor to them. “So, tell me more about Tom.”

  Josie blushed. “I don’t know what there is to say. He wandered in here one day, looking for a book. We got to talking. Then, I asked him if he’d help with the Christmas tree.”

  Sarah Beth took a sip of her cocoa. “Did he ask you out?”

  Josie smiled. “He did.”

  “And?”

  She frowned. “I told him no.”

  Sarah Beth froze. “Why did you tell him no? Tom is a great guy. Has his own construction business. Loves dogs. You’ve got to love a man who loves dogs.”

  “I don’t know. I panicked. I mean, he’s divorced. What if … what if he has some weird fetish? Or some quirky habit—or more than one quirky habit? Or more than one fetish?” Josie’s face turned bright red. It did that when she was nervous.

  Sarah Beth laughed. Josie had always been a worst-case scenario person.

  “And some people just grow apart.” Sarah Beth paused for a moment. “Trust your heart, Josie. What’s your heart say?”

  “Well …” She thought on it. “I’m having trouble deciphering my undeniable physical attraction to him and the potential long-term relationship—if, of course, he doesn’t indeed have a weird fetish or habits. I suppose my heart says I should take him up on his offer.”

  “Worst-case scenario, it doesn’t work out, right?” Sarah Beth took another small sip of her cocoa.

  “Yes, but then I’ll see him around town. And then it will be super awkward. And then the whole town will know we were dating and then we’re not, and everyone will feel the awkwardness.”

  “But we’ll all go on.”

  “True.”

  “I say, take him up on his offer.”

  “Yeah, okay. I think I will.”

  They clanked their mugs together, giggled, and talked some more.

  “Seen Shane around town?”

  Sarah Beth couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Saw Tilly slither into his truck, like the snake she is.”

  “Oh, someone seems jealous.”

  Was it jealousy that Sarah Beth felt? Or was it pent-up resentment from the time she caught her then-boyfriend, Danny Walker, and Tilly snuggled up in a closet one night at a party?

  “Disdain,” she answered.

  “What was Shane’s reaction?”

  Sarah Beth thought about it. “I don’t know. I guess I was so caught up in her that I didn’t pay attention.”

  “Just my two cents based on experience, but sometimes, we’re so focused on the bad that we can’t see the good.”

  Sarah Beth inhaled her best friend’s wise words.

  Perhaps she’s right, she thought.

  “Come on. Let’s go watch our little ol’ town light up,” Josie said, sticking the liquor and the mugs beneath the counter.

  The town gathered around the impressive one-hundred-and-fifty-foot spruce tree at the end of Main Street, decorated by the Dillon Creek Volunteer Fire Department. Homemade cookies had been made by the Scout troops, and music was provided by the Booster Band.

  Christmas in Dillon Creek truly was magical.

  Mayor Dupont began. “Always a tradition to gather among friends and family to watch the annual Christmas tree lighting since 1934 …” he began.

  Sarah Beth scanned the crowd.

  Tom squeezed through the people to get closer to Josie and her. “Mind if I stand with you?”

  Josie grinned. “Not at all. Also, I’d like to take you up on that date—if you’re still available, that is,” she said quietly.

  Tom smiled real big. “I’d really like that.”

  Josie nodded. “Okay then, it’s decided.”

  Sarah Beth grinned, trying her best not to eavesdrop but she couldn’t help it.

  And there, next to Jack Sawyer, stood Shane. And he was staring right at her.

  A chill pushed through Sarah Beth’s body. One that made her toes tingle, her fingers vibrate, and her heart exceed the normal amount of beats per minute, which would surely kill her if it continued this way.

  But instead of allowing the resentment in, she smiled at Shane Sawyer, and every inch of her body felt it when he smiled back.

  Neither of them could deny the moment or take away any felt feelings, shared memories, or stolen glances from across the play yard as kids. It felt different for Sarah Beth. Different in a sort of way that made Christmas miracles.

  The question wasn’t if she cared deeply for him because that had started as kids, and she knew it now. The question was, when he left again—because he would since he was a cowboy with a need and passion for what he did—would he come back? Would she be willing to settle for a part-time lover? And could she trust that when he was on the road, he’d remember her? That he wouldn’t forget the girl from home who’d loved him since kindergarten?

  Sarah Beth wasn’t so sure she was willing to risk the heartbreak for a few months of good love. The safest way she experienced life was to always play on the cautious side of things. Less risk. Less damage for all parties involved.

  The Booster Band started to play “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” which took Sarah Beth from her thoughts and transported her back home, to the heart of where beautiful things always seemed to start—at Christmastime.

  Once the song stopped, the town did the countdown, and the giant spruce lit up.

  A hush of awe fell over the residents of Dillon Creek. It really was a sight to behold.

  Sarah Beth looked over at Shane to witness his reaction, but instead of looking up at the tree, he was staring straight at her.

  Something about Shane made her nervous and excited all at the same time, just as it always had since they were kids. Maybe it was his way with the women of Dillon Creek—and perhaps women all over the United States—with his smoldering green eyes, broad shoulders, and his ability to talk a woman out of her pants in five seconds flat.

  She’d seen it happen in high school. Not so much as adults, as he’d been gone for far too long. But she knew the Tillys of the world climbed all over him, and he willingly allowed it.

  She stared back at Shane, a smile no longer touching her lips. Doubt and insecurity danced in her mind and in her heart.

  Maybe Shane wasn’t worth the impending heartbreak. He’d done it once already.

  But a quiet voice inside Sarah Beth said, Maybe you never really let the real him in, in the first place.

  The crowd began to disperse.

  And before Josie, Tom, and Sarah Beth made their way back to Book Ends, Tilly Puckett pushed herself alongside Shane, as if some sort of participation award. But this time, Sarah Beth paid attention to Shane’s reaction. It wasn’t the look Shane had given Sarah Beth inside the church as he pushed inside her. Taken her mouth and given her what she’d asked for. It wasn’t the look she felt in her bones and ran from, for fear of heartbreak. No, not at all. Shane stared only at Sarah Beth, and it was as if he was begging her for just a few stolen moments of her time.

  Maybe, just maybe, she could give that to him.

  FIVE

  Shane

  Shane tried not to approach Sarah Beth that night even though he wanted to. No, he lingered on the outskirts of the people she spoke with. He wanted to know if her skin felt the same way he remembered it and if she still smelled like lilacs and oranges. If she still talked the way she talked behind closed doors when she was turned on. Shane had really enjoyed that. He wanted to know if she remembered the way he’d made her feel that night and what she’d said afterward.

  The words that had ripped out his heart.

  Tilly Puckett moved to Shane’s side. But he couldn’t peel his eyes from Sarah Beth. He wanted Sarah Beth to see he wasn’t interested in Tilly Puckett. Annoyed, he turned his body away from her, toward his dad, toward Lanc
e Belotti and Rue Samuels, who were talking cattle.

  “It’s almost like you don’t remember two summers ago, Shane,” Tilly whispered in his ear.

  He would have rather forgotten. It was a night out at The Whiskey Barrel with Hawthorn and some of the guys from the circuit, and he’d had way too much to drink. That was also before Sarah Beth.

  “Look, Tilly, I’m trying to be as nice as possible, but I’m not sure how you’re going to take the hint. I’m not into you, and there’s no way we’re going to have sex.”

  Tilly smiled. She was persistent. “You say that now, Shane, but you’ll be back.” With that, she walked away.

  Shane knew to his core that he wouldn’t dare mess anything up with Sarah Beth ever again even if he had to wait out his entire adult life for her to come around, but he also didn’t need to explain that to anyone.

  He looked back to find Sarah Beth, but she was no longer there.

  He searched the crowd for her. Just one last look, he told himself, so he could take her memory home and tuck it into his dreams.

  But she was nowhere to be found.

  Shane’s heart started to jackhammer in his chest. Sarah Beth was the only woman on this earth who could make his heart do things like that. A sense of urgency came over him. If he didn’t tell Sarah Beth how he felt, she’d move on. She’d have a husband by June and be pregnant not long after.

  It was clear to Shane at that instant that if he didn’t make the move now, while he had the guts, he’d never do it. With that information spilling over in his head, he quickly walked down Main Street and noticed her wool jacket.

  He ran, and his shoulder began to throb.

  Josie and Tom were with her.

  He caught up to them.

  “Sarah Beth,” he said breathlessly. “Just a minute of your time?” he asked.

  Josie touched Sarah Beth’s arm. “Tom’s going to walk me home. Call me later?”

  Sarah Beth nodded.

  Tom shook Shane’s hand.

  And then they left Sarah Beth and Shane standing on Main Street below the wreaths on the lampposts, below the twinkling Christmas lights, beneath the sky that Shane was sure would cave if Sarah Beth said no to his proposal.

  His mouth felt dry, and his heart was pounding. He let out a big breath, took off his cowboy hat, and ran his fingers through his hair. In that moment, he convinced himself that if he got tongue-tied again or allowed his fear of heartbreak to overcome him, he’d be risking everything.

  So, he started slowly and tried to pace himself. “I’d like to clear the air between us, Sarah Beth. I’d like to take you to dinner, if that’s all right with you. Just so we can talk.”

  Shane wasn’t going to profess his love to her right out here among the stars and the moon or anyone walking by. Sure, it seemed romantic. And it wasn’t that he was embarrassed or ashamed. He was worried for Sarah Beth. He didn’t want to catch her off guard. Unprepared.

  He could see the trepidation in her eyes. The sadness she hid so well. The sadness that only people who loved Sarah Beth could see.

  “Just give me an hour. Tomorrow night. And if you still never want anything to do with me, I’ll understand. But I can’t leave Dillon Creek, Sarah Beth, until you know how I feel.”

  The furrow in Sarah Beth’s eyebrows, the one that reflected the sadness, softened somewhat, and Shane saw it as an opportunity. “Please.”

  She thought about it.

  The Christmas music still played.

  He wished Christmas were over already, so everyone could get on with their lives.

  “What time?” she whispered.

  “Six? I’ll pick you up.”

  Sarah Beth agreed.

  Shane nodded and smiled, his heart that night grew a little freer and a little less lonely and a whole lot sweeter.

  “Can I walk you home?” he asked when she finally turned to leave.

  “No.”

  Shane nodded again. “You sure?”

  Sarah Beth stopped. Turned back to face Shane. “Why?”

  And then this came from his mouth. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t thought out. It was just there. And somewhere deep inside, he thought his mom had something to do with it. “The way I see it, our days are numbered, and time will eventually run out. Our bodies will be no more. But if I can spend just two more minutes of this life with you that I didn’t have yesterday, well then, that’s two minutes that I didn’t have before.”

  Sarah Beth’s face changed. Shane could tell she was trying not to smile, as if her heart was hardened from life, like a protective shield had been built around it. He understood all too well.

  “All right, Shane Sawyer.”

  He walked her home that night in the cool temperatures of winter and under the bright white stars and the moon that seemed to smile down on them, as if the universe trailed behind them, giving them the okay to fall in love.

  Shane watched her as she avoided all the cracks in the sidewalk.

  “Why do you do that?” he asked. He knew she’d done it since they were kids. He’d just never asked why.

  “Come on, Shane. You can’t tell me that you don’t do some weird ritual before you go wrestle a thousand-pound steer.”

  Shane laughed. Thought on that for a minute. “Suppose I do. I, uh … say a prayer and shove a feather in my boot for good luck.”

  “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” she recited.

  The tension eased between them as they left their memories behind them.

  They reached her front door.

  Shane stood back for two reasons. One, he didn’t want to make Sarah Beth feel pressured to kiss him, though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to kiss her. And two, he wanted to marvel at the beautiful woman, whom he’d loved since they were kids, in the moonlight.

  “Were the two minutes worth it?” she asked as she opened her front door.

  Absolutely nobody ever had to lock their door in Dillon Creek.

  “Yes,” Shane said breathlessly in the cold night air.

  And then she said, “What happened to Shane? What happened to the guy who wore the shield and who didn’t care about the world around him?”

  Shane thought. “You.”

  And with that, Sarah Beth smiled once again. Nodded. “Good night, Shane.”

  “Night, Sarah Beth.”

  She quietly and slowly shut the front door.

  Shane walked back to Main Street to get his truck. It was the first time in his life that he’d felt content since his mom died. He’d spent years trying to fill holes in his heart with metaphorical bandages, short-term fixes that would last an hour, maybe two. But for the first time, Shane felt free and full and as if everything was right where it should be.

  He wasn’t sure what tomorrow held for them or the next day or the next. He knew he’d have to figure out the balance of rodeo life and his personal life. But one thing was for sure; if Sarah Beth would have him, he’d move mountains to keep her.

  Shane and his dad mended fence until dark. With one hand, he was still a big help to his dad. It made him think of how his dad had done all of this on his own while Shane was gone on the circuit, chasing women and doing whatever the hell he felt like.

  “Who helps you when I’m not around?” he asked his dad.

  Jack pulled some wire cutters from his back pocket. “No one.”

  Shane stopped. Stood from his crouching position.

  “I mean, Lance and Bo would come over if I asked, but I’d hate to ask them,” Jack said. Clipped a wire. “Look, you have the skill and the ability that I sure as hell never had at your age. You are on the right path. Don’t worry about me. Your goal is to stay at the top. Rodeo is your life, son. Go be great.”

  Shane was never one to argue with his dad. But with these conversations they’d been having lately, nothing felt right.

  Leaving for the circuit again.

  Leaving his dad.

  Leaving Dillon Creek.

  Leav
ing Sarah Beth.

  All of it.

  Dad was getting older, and he would work—mending fence, breaking horses, bucking hay, and running a ranch that was way too big for him—until he couldn’t anymore. And even then, to a cowboy, that meant his body had to be buried in the ground before he gave up on the ranch.

  They both went inside.

  Shane showered and came out, dressed in a long-sleeved blue-plaid button-up shirt, Wranglers, and his going-to-town boots. He put his cowboy hat on when he reached the door and grabbed his jacket.

  “Where are you headed off to?” Jack asked.

  “Dinner.”

  “A date?”

  “No, dinner.”

  “A date?” Jack smiled. “Sarah Beth?”

  Shane paused. He’d never in his life mentioned Sarah Beth to his dad. “How’d you know?”

  His dad took another sip of his beer from his recliner. “I’ve always seen the way you look at her. Reminds me of the way I used to look at your mother. Have a good time, son.”

  His father always had a way of knowing. Observant to a fault. Shane remembered, as a kid, he’d watch his dad. Jack would study the bucking horses at rodeos, the cowboys that rode them well, make notes on a little notepad that he kept in his breast pocket.

  One day, Shane had asked him why he took notes, why he watched others so intently.

  Jack’s answer had been simple. “If you’re not watching, you’re not learning.”

  “See you tonight,” Shane said.

  “See you tonight,” his dad said.

  Shane made his way to town, but he parked on Main Street instead of Sarah Beth’s house, so he could steal a few more minutes with her.

  He made the two-minute walk from Main to her house.

  And when she answered the door, his words left him. The pang in his heart made his chest shudder.

  An angel stood in front of him and wore a red sweater that went to her thighs, black leggings, and cowboy boots. Her hair was down around her shoulders, and her milky-white skin glowed.

  “Well, you clean up nice, cowboy.”

  But Shane didn’t answer. He couldn’t.

  “Did you walk here?” Sarah Beth shut the door behind her.