Little White Christmas

by J. Lynn Bailey

  “Can I help you with your coat?” Shane finally said as they made their way to town.

  “Sure.” Sarah Beth handed him her coat.

  And when he went to take it from her, his good hand grazed hers. Sparks illuminated in his heart. He hadn’t touched Sarah Beth in two long years, and he still remembered what she’d felt like. Dreamed about it.

  The way each of her breasts filled his mouth.

  The way they tasted.

  The way his hands looked against her hips as he held her against him and pushed.

  And when their chests united, he’d thought he’d die in the feeling it gave him.

  Shane tried to act casual, but when her scent—lilacs and oranges—collided with the memories of that night, he knew he didn’t stand a chance of normalcy or anything that went along with subtle.

  Just when they began to walk again, Shane’s phone chimed in his back pocket. “Sorry, I meant to put that on silent.”

  Sarah Beth shook her head. “It’s fine.”

  Just as they turned the corner, Sarah Beth asked how his day had been.

  In that moment, Shane realized he could spend a lifetime with Sarah Beth. It wasn’t just in the way she’d asked him, but he could hear the sincerity and the love in her voice. A type of love that got stuck in someone’s heart and never left.

  Shane’s phone chimed again. He sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket. Just as he went to flip it to silent, he saw the text from Hawthorn.

  Jimmy didn’t make it.

  SIX

  Sarah Beth

  Shane hadn’t needed to tell her that she looked beautiful. She could tell by his reaction. The way his chest had paused and he held his breath and for all the words he didn’t say.

  But when Shane looked down at his phone, she knew something was terribly wrong.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  Shane was stoic. She watched his face as he tried to search for what to say.

  “Shane?” She placed a hand on his good shoulder and felt a need to hold him in her arms, but she refrained. “Are you all right?”

  Shane took his eyes from his phone to her face. “Um … a good friend died.”

  Sarah Beth never reacted, not that she didn’t want to, but she rarely did. She pulled Shane to her and held him. “I’m so sorry, Shane.” She allowed his scent to take her back to that night. She allowed his body to touch hers. Allowed his heart to hurt against her chest.

  Sarah Beth even stood on a crack in the sidewalk as she hugged him.

  Shane didn’t cry.

  He didn’t say anything.

  He didn’t move.

  But she felt the weight of his body. “We don’t have to go to dinner.”

  “No, we don’t have to, but I’d like to,” he whispered.

  The combination of the cold outside and his warm breath against her neck sent chills down her spine.

  They walked in silence to The Whiskey Barrel, and her hand fell in his by accident—or not by accident because maybe she did want her hand in his. They grabbed a quiet corner table next to the window that overlooked Main Street. Sarah Beth noticed Christmas music played softly in the background.

  The waitress, new to Dillon Creek because Sarah Beth didn’t recognize her, took their food and drink order. She arrived back with a beer for Shane and a glass of house red for Sarah Beth.

  Amid the sadness, Sarah Beth couldn’t help but enjoy the Christmas decor in The Whiskey Barrel. Mavis Morgan had excellent taste. Whether it was Saint Patrick’s Day, Easter, or Christmas, her decor was always on point. And truth be told, maybe it wasn’t that Sarah Beth enjoyed only the atmosphere but also the company that she kept on this cold winter night even if the weight of silence was heavy.

  “Can you tell me about him?” Sarah Beth asked. She touched Shane’s good hand that rested on the table. Sarah Beth had learned that it was sometimes easier to talk about it than to hold it all in.

  “He had a wife and two kids. He loved riding bulls but loved his family more. Did it to pay the bills.” Shane let out a deep breath. “Listen, Sarah Beth, I need to tell you something.”

  Sarah Beth took a sip of her wine. Swallowed a touch of fear that she’d somehow found.

  “If I don’t tell you now, I never will.” He begrudgingly removed his hand from hers, finished his beer, and stared at her from across the table. Smiled as if he’d found a memory he had tucked away in his heart for some time.

  “What is it, Shane?” Sarah Beth tried to prepare herself, as she always did.

  “I’m convinced now”—he smiled, burrowed his eyes into hers, and it made Sarah Beth blush—“that I’ve loved you since we were kids, and I love you today.”

  This wasn’t what Sarah Beth had expected. In fact, it caught her off guard, yet it touched her heart in all the right places, created warm spots in places she had felt nothing in a long, long time. She didn’t say anything. She just listened and tried to hide the feeling Shane Sawyer gave her. A feeling no man had ever given her.

  “And I’m afraid if I don’t tell you this, I’m going to miss my opportunity at real love.” Shane held his breath. Broke eye contact with her. Perhaps it was because of the vulnerability of the moment, the way he’d just exposed himself so raw. “Say something, Sarah Beth,” he pleaded.

  Don’t look too eager, Sarah Beth told herself.

  She breathed him in, his words, and tried her best not to melt. “When I was a little girl, my mother always said to wait for the man who made your heart double over itself. Wait for the man who saw your faults and loved you anyway. The man who treated you like you deserved. I fell for you the day I saw you stand up for little Lenny Warner, all four feet of him, when we were in the third grade. Do you remember?”

  Shane didn’t remember. Cocked his head to the right.

  “It was right before your mom died. Gary Bovine and Ryan Carter had stuffed him in the trash. You’d walked around the corner just in time to see it all happen. And then you proceeded to let the two boys have it. Got suspended for it. And never told a soul that you’d defended a boy who was being bullied. And if I remember things correctly, I think Lenny, after your suspension, brought you his mom’s homemade brownies for months afterward.”

  Shane smiled. Nodded. “I remember now. But I think what I remember the most was the brownies.”

  Sarah Beth paused when she saw Shane’s smile. Tried to tread lightly on his heart before she said, “It was freshman year. I watched your life spin out of control with the partying, the girls. I thought, How can I love a boy who loves other girls without care or with regard? So, it was then and there that I told myself that I could never fall in love with a boy whose heart seemed broken from the start. But pieces of me—big pieces of me—couldn’t help but want to take care of you. And then you changed. Everything about you changed because you became so reckless. And then I didn’t feel the need to want to take care of you anymore.”

  The shame that covered Shane’s face lay like a broken-in pair of jeans. It fit the crevices of the lines that ran the length of his face—well-earned heartbreak, she supposed.

  “I made mistakes, Sarah Beth, some really poor choices, but you make me want to be a better person. And since that night we made love in First Christian Church, I can’t forget about you. I’ve longed for you. I tried to ignore it, tried to push it under the rug, but I can’t anymore.”

  Sarah Beth’s words—the ones she had said after they had sex in the church, just to protect her heart—played in her mind over and over. Words that had come from a place of self-preservation and not love. “And then I said to you, ‘It was just sex, Shane. I save lovemaking for those who can. I don’t think you’re capable.’ ”

  “I am capable of love, Sarah Beth. And it’s always been you. I’m scared if I don’t tell you this now that you’ll marry someone else and have two kids, and it will be the biggest step I never took because I was scared as hell of what you’d do and say.”

  “Why’d you run?”<
br />
  He shrugged. “It was easier. I couldn’t convince you I was in love with you that night. So, I tried to forget you. And I couldn’t.”

  Sarah Beth said, “In love?” The words fell from her lips so carefully and so desperately.

  The corners of Shane’s mouth turned up. He nodded cautiously. “In love.”

  “I thought I was a number to add to the collection of women.”

  “There is no number, and there is no collection, Sarah Beth. And if that’s what you thought, then … well, you’ve always been at the top, even before my lips touched yours.”

  Sarah Beth’s breathing picked up pace. After she took a big sip of her wine, she set it down and stared at Shane square in the eyes. “Where do we go from here, Shane?”

  “We eat,” he said, and just as he said that, the waitress brought their food.

  They both picked and thought and pushed their food around their plates. It wasn’t that it wasn’t divine; it was.

  “My parents were older when they had me,” Sarah Beth finally said. “My father fell extremely ill just after we made love in the church.” Sarah Beth saw the crushed look on Shane’s face. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad. I told you because, that night, I’d made a choice. For the last two years, I blamed you for leaving. I blamed you for what happened between us. In truth, my decisions were my decisions. I’d made a choice that was reckless, yes, but I made it with a broken heart. I didn’t mean what I said about you being unable to make love. I guess I just needed someone to hurt you as much as I was hurting. I saw the look on your face when we were done. The guilt. I didn’t want to be your pity case. And now, I realize it wasn’t that at all.”

  This time, Shane reached across the table and took Sarah Beth’s hand.

  The waitress returned. “How is everything? Can I get you anything else?”

  “Just the bill,” Shane said.

  The waitress brought the bill.

  Shane wouldn’t take no for an answer as Sarah Beth attempted to pay for at least her portion.

  The nip in the air was quite sharp as they left The Whiskey Barrel.

  The wind whirled around them, cocooned them.

  “I’ll take you home in my truck,” he said.

  With his good arm, Shane opened the truck door for Sarah Beth, but before she climbed in, she kissed Shane on the cheek. “I’m sorry.” But the kiss she gave him wasn’t meant to be sweet or soft. It was meant to be a token of passion and necessity.

  They rode the thirty seconds it took to get to Sarah Beth’s house.

  Shane put his truck into the idle position, got out, went to her side of the truck, and opened the passenger door. He walked her up the walkway.

  Sarah Beth wasn’t nervous. Not this time. She was quite calm when she said, “Come inside?”

  Shane looked at Sarah Beth. “Are you sure?”

  “I haven’t been surer of anything in an awfully long time, Shane.”

  Shane went back to his truck, turned it off, and let Sarah Beth lead him inside.

  With the lights off inside and the wind howling, Sarah Beth guided Shane to her bedroom.

  And then the rain began.

  “I’m going to change. Are you comfortable?” Sarah Beth asked Shane.

  “What are we doing in here, Sarah Beth?” He sighed as he gently touched the small of her back from behind.

  “Making up for lost time,” she simply said as his chest met her back. She felt his heart thumping. Her heart grew warm, as she knew she had this effect on Shane.

  “I’m going to change my clothes,” she said. “Get comfortable?”

  Shane did and she slipped into the bathroom.

  Sarah Beth stared back at the woman in the mirror behind the closed door. She stood tall and with a full heart. And she knew without a doubt that Shane was the one. And she also felt this tiny, tiny thought of trepidation, like something was on the horizon that was out of her control. Sarah Beth didn’t know if it was good or bad, but she tucked it away and filed it with her old thoughts on Shane, not the new thoughts, the new feelings of Shane Sawyer.

  And she’d always been one to trust her gut.

  Without anything but a small silk robe slightly open, exposing her breasts, stomach, and thighs, she walked out into the dimly lit room.

  The wind wailed.

  The rain poured.

  Shane’s reaction to her made her feel like the most important thing in his life.

  He walked to her, not cautiously, not with care, and stood in front of her. She felt his need for her. His breathing was labored. She could feel it against her breasts.

  “God, Sarah Beth.”

  The longing look he gave her, she felt it in all the right places.

  Her heart.

  Her head.

  And the ache between her legs.

  “Make love to me, Shane?” she whispered meekly.

  The ache only grew the second he stepped closer.

  A low growl sounded beneath the layers of layers she’d just begun to peel back from his tough outer image.

  Shane gently took off his sling. With his hands, he started just below her backside and slid them underneath her silk robe and up to her hips as he stared at her in the eyes.

  She could feel him harden against her with just this single touch.

  “We’ve got to take it slow, Sarah Beth.” His voice was ragged already. “Because I’m not sure how long I’ll last with you.” He smiled against her mouth as he took hers.

  He moved his hands to her jaw and kissed her, invited himself to explore her mouth with his tongue at first slowly and then with more urgency.

  She pulled at his shirt as his hands moved to her shoulders and pushed the robe off.

  Almost unwillingly, he stepped back from her to marvel at her body.

  Sarah Beth stood there, her lips needing his, her body almost vibrating from his touch.

  Shane stared at her and then at each inch of her body.

  When he reached out and touched her breasts, she sighed, unable to control what came from her mouth.

  She could tell that was too much for Shane, as he came back to her and picked her up with his one good arm. Sarah Beth wrapped her nakedness around him while he carried her to her bed.

  He softly laid her down and stared down at her. He took his good hand this time and ran it down her stomach and then between her legs, barely touching her folds.

  He unbuttoned his shirt as Sarah Beth watched. She saw the bulge in his jeans and so badly wanted to help him with that.

  Finally, he slid off his jeans and his underwear, and she watched him climb on top of her.

  He never once winced in pain.

  “Does your shoulder hurt?” she asked.

  Shane shook his head. But she knew better. It was the adrenaline of it all.

  She’d never wanted another man more in her life.

  He kissed her again. She pushed his back to the mattress and climbed on top of him, felt him between her legs. He smiled, and she did too.

  He took a breast in his mouth, tugging gently on her nipple, which made her call out.

  He laid her on her back and crawled between her legs. He spread them as he kissed his way down her stomach, to her folds. Gently, he took his fingers and exposed her.

  “You’re so wet, Sarah Beth.”

  She groaned. “That’s what happens when you wait two years for the right guy to come along again.”

  He stopped. “You waited?”

  “Yeah.”

  At first, he used the pad of his finger, touched her at the top of her folds, and moved.

  Sarah Beth smiled and spread her legs further for him. She watched him watching her.

  Then, he slid a finger inside her, and her body shuttered against the mattress.

  “Again,” she said.

  He did what she’d asked. And then he took his tongue and flicked her warmth over and over and over until her hips moved and bucked.

  “Please, I need you inside m
e.”

  But instead, he did things to her that night as the wind screamed and the rain made the world a different place outside in the darkness.

  Sarah Beth waited for him to enter her, but he never did. He pleasured her over again.

  She was certain he was uncomfortable with his shoulder and … in other ways.

  “Why won’t you make love to me?” she asked while she was in his arms, lying naked under the covers.

  “Because I don’t want you to think that’s the only thing I want.”

  Sarah Beth sat up in bed and pulled the sheet to her breasts. “What on earth do you mean? I know that’s not all you want.”

  He pulled her mouth to his and said against her lips. “I want you to know that I want your whole heart too.”

  And with that said, Sarah Beth climbed on top of him. Grabbed a condom from inside the nightstand.

  Shane looked from the nightstand and back to her again. “I thought you said you hadn’t—”

  “A girl can never be too careful.” She smiled, opened the condom with her teeth, and slid it down his length as he fell back against the pillow.

  Sarah Beth sat directly above him and slowly eased herself on top of him.

  Hard and ready, he pushed up from the mattress, and Sarah Beth felt all of him.

  She moved with ease and precision as he stared hard at her, only to take her breast in his mouth once more. She watched him. He held her hips tightly to his as they moved together.

  He was a broken little boy at one point, but now, he is a man, a powerful force to be reckoned with, with a stronger heart to follow, she thought.

  In one swift movement, Shane lifted Sarah Beth from him, still with one arm, put her back to the mattress, and found her all over again. She could tell he needed to be in control, and she was okay with it.

  She made sure he had full access to whatever he needed with her.

  They climaxed together when the rain finally stopped.

  Shane and Sarah Beth fell asleep in each other’s arms, and they both knew their hearts belonged together, but there was yet another storm blowing into town that they didn’t see coming. It was all just a matter of time.

  SEVEN