My Epic Fairy Tale Fail

by Anna Staniszewski

  I couldn’t agree more.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  When I got home, I couldn’t help shuddering at the sight of Aunt Evie giving her ostrich patient a therapeutic massage in the middle of the kitchen. The oversized ostrich beak brought up memories of giant birds that I knew would give me pecked-to-death nightmares for weeks.

  Aunt Evie smiled when she spotted me in the doorway. Then her face changed, and I realized she was looking at the necklace around my neck. “Wasn’t that your mother’s?” she said. “I haven’t seen that in ages. Where did you find it?”

  “It’s a long story.” I wished more than anything that I could finally tell her the truth. And one day I would, I decided. When I found my parents and brought them back, the three of us would tell her everything, no matter what the Committee said. After all she’d been through, Aunt Evie deserved to know the whole story.

  “Maybe you can tell me over dinner?” she asked. “I’m planning on making your favorite: fish casserole.” She pointed to some cat food containers stacked on the counter.

  “Sorry, I wish I could, but I have to go.”

  “When will you be home?”

  I hesitated. Who knew how long I would need to track down my parents in the fairy world? It could be hours, or it could be days or even weeks. “I’m not sure,” I said finally. “But I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”

  I hurried out the door and around the corner to Dr. Bradley’s house. I expected to find the doctor rummaging through piles of trash like usual, but instead he and Anthony were sitting in the living room with somber looks on their faces. Those looks were a far cry from the big grin that had been spread across Anthony’s face when he’d dropped me off at home only minutes earlier.

  “What’s wrong?” I said.

  “You disobeyed the Committee,” the doctor said. “And you tricked Anthony into helping you.” For the first time I could remember, he sounded upset with me.

  I swallowed. “But it worked out in the end, didn’t it? I got rid of Ilda and saved the king and queen. Wasn’t it worth the risk?”

  “The Committee members don’t see it that way,” said Dr. Bradley. “They are furious with you.”

  “What else is new? I’ve decided to stop caring about hurting the Committee’s feelings. It’s not worth the stress.”

  “This is serious, Jenny-girl,” said Anthony. “Dr. Bradley said they’re talking about kicking you out all together, stripping your adventurer title.”

  Yes, I’d disobeyed the Committee members, but only so I could follow my adventurer instincts. How could they not understand that? “You talked them out of it, right?”

  Dr. Bradley sighed. “They’ve agreed to let you stay on for now, but you’re on probation. One more misstep and—”

  “Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. I won’t do anything like that again. I can’t believe we’re even talking about this when I finally have a lead on what happened to my parents. Ilda said they were taken by the fairies to their home base, wherever that is.”

  “Fairy Land,” Dr. Bradley said with a thoughtful nod.

  “Fairy Land?” I repeated. “That’s even worse than Merland. It sounds like an amusement park, not a place where evil fairies live.” I expected Dr. Bradley to at least crack a smile, but his face stayed somber. “Why aren’t you more excited about this? My parents are alive! We know who took them. This is the lead we’ve been waiting for.”

  “The problem, Jenny,” said Dr. Bradley, “is that I’m afraid the Committee members won’t allow you to go.”

  I gawked at him. “What are you talking about?”

  “They believe it’s too dangerous.”

  “So, they just want to let my parents rot in Fairy Land?”

  “Of course not,” said Dr. Bradley. “But perhaps the Committee is right to be cautious. What if the witch was lying? What if your parents weren’t taken by the fairies?”

  “Ilda had no reason to lie! The fairies stole her magic and betrayed her. And they tried to silence her when she started to tell me the truth.”

  “I’m afraid the Committee has already made up its mind.” Dr. Bradley shook his head slowly. “The members feel they can’t allow you to go into a land we know so little about.”

  My blood felt like lava in my veins. “So that’s it then? Case closed?”

  “They’ll study the matter further,” he said. “Maybe one day they’ll know enough to be able to put a plan into action.”

  “One day?” I said. “I’ve been waiting seven years. My parents have been waiting seven years! Don’t they care about that?”

  “Of course they do, Jenny-girl,” Anthony jumped in. “But they also care about you. We all do. Do you really want to rush into danger when you don’t even know what’s waiting for you?”

  “Isn’t that what I always do? Isn’t that what being an adventurer is all about?” As I said it, I realized Jasmine would probably disagree with me. To her, being an adventurer was a job, but for me it was my life. And finding my parents was so much more than just another adventure. It was one mission I could never give up on.

  “Sorry,” I added. “There’s nothing the Committee members can do to convince me. I’m going after my parents, with or without their help.”

  Dr. Bradley let out another long sigh. “I was afraid you would say that.”

  “Jenny-girl, think about this for a second,” said Anthony. “They’ll fire you. You won’t be an adventurer anymore.”

  I should have felt shocked or hurt or angry at the thought, but I just felt nothing. The truth was that if being an adventurer was going to stop me from getting my parents back, then it was no good for me anyway.

  “Then they’ll fire me,” I said flatly.

  Silence buzzed through the room, wrapping around all three of us.

  “Are you really sure this is what you want?” Anthony finally asked.

  “No,” I admitted, sinking into an armchair. “But if the Committee members are willing to give up on my parents so easily, then I don’t want to work for them.”

  “So what are you going to do?” said Anthony.

  “Go to Fairy Land.”

  The gnome shook his head and chomped into a cucumber. I had to admit, he was starting to look a little leaner. “That’s it, Jenny-girl?” he said. “That’s your whole plan?”

  I couldn’t blame him for staring at me like I’d completely lost my mind. Maybe I had.

  “How will you get there?” said Dr. Bradley.

  “I-I don’t know,” I admitted, realizing that yet again I was charging into things without thinking them through. In truth, I had no idea where Fairy Land was. And since I had no magical abilities, I had no way to get there on my own. Unless I could steal a spaceship or something. “I don’t suppose either of you would be willing to help me?”

  Anthony and Dr. Bradley looked at each other. I watched another one of their silent, head-nodding conversations. No doubt they were working out a way to lock me up in a mental institution.

  Finally, they turned back to me.

  “Of course we’ll help you,” said Dr. Bradley.

  “Really? But what about the Committee?” I turned to Anthony. “What about your reunion? We probably won’t be back in time. All that dieting will be for nothing.”

  “Don’t even worry about that, Jenny-girl. Bottom line is that we agree with you. The Committee is being dumb about this whole thing.” He shrugged. “Besides, I’ve realized I kind of like health food.” He bit off another hunk of cucumber, and for once, he didn’t even cringe.

  “We loved your parents,” Dr. Bradley added. “If there’s any way to get them back, we must at least try. Even if the Committee doesn’t approve.”

  I rushed over and threw my arms around Anthony. Then around Dr. Bradley. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

 
Dr. Bradley let out a sad chuckle. “Don’t thank us yet. We can take you to Fairy Land, but I’m afraid we might not be much help. The Committee was right about some things. We know very little about the fairies.”

  “We’ll figure it out. We always do. I promise you won’t regret this.” I ran my fingers over my mother’s necklace and then glanced down at my bracelet, which I had decided to wear again. Both pieces of jewelry seemed to be humming with excitement, just like I was. My parents had never felt so within my reach. “When do we leave?” I asked.

  Anthony shrugged. “How about now?”

  I couldn’t believe it. After all these years, this could finally be my chance to get my family back. I smiled. “Now would be perfect.”

  Acknowledgments

  We have to do the cheesy thank-you stuff again? Ugh, Jenny would not approve. Luckily, she’s away on an adventure right now, so here we go.

  To Ray Brierly for being the bestest husband ever and for not being afraid to tell me if my silly jokes aren’t funny.

  To my family and friends for always rooting for me and for forcing my debut novel into the hands of anyone who can read.

  To my writing partners and cheerleaders—especially Megan Kudrolli, Alisa Libby, Heather Kelly, and Sarah Chessman—for unlimited brainstorming help and occasional therapy sessions.

  To Ammi-Joan Paquette, agent extraordinaire, for being just plain awesome.

  To Aubrey Poole and the rest of the fantastic Sourcebooks folks for giving me the opportunity to send Jenny on more adventures.

  And to the fans of My Very UnFairy Tale Life who have blown me away with their enthusiasm and support. You rock!

  About the Author

  Sedman Photography

  Born in Poland and raised in the United States, Anna Staniszewski grew up loving stories (especially fairy tales) in both Polish and English. After studying theater at Sarah Lawrence College, she attended the Center for the Study of Children’s Literature at Simmons College. She was named the 2006–2007 Writer-in-Residence at the Boston Public Library and a winner of the 2009 PEN New England Susan P. Bloom Discovery Award. Currently, Anna lives outside Boston with her husband and their adorably crazy dog, Emma. When she’s not writing, Anna spends her time teaching, reading, and jumping rope with mermaids. You can visit her at www.annastan.com.