Yukon Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  Nate had been cute actually—not that he would know that or that she was happy about noticing it herself. But when the two had arrived, linked together like one, Nate’s thick, blond eyebrows had shot up and his eyes had narrowed. He looked over their paperwork, then glared at Amy, who smiled sweetly at him and asked him if there was anything wrong. Poor Nate, Bethany knew he wanted to say something, but he held back.

  “Nothing,” he replied between his gritted teeth, his gaze sliding to her. Bethany managed to keep a straight face, but she felt his pain. All evening afterwards, she’d thought about what Amy had said earlier in the week about Nate not having been the same since she’d left town. That was practically ten years ago. She wasn’t about to let herself contemplate what that meant. She was certain it had nothing to do with her.

  Today, as she had the day before, she continued to be distracted by him. It was as if, after being away from him for so long, that now she just couldn’t get enough of looking at him. His rugged, Western jacket made his shoulders look impossibly broad, and gave her flashbacks of how protected and loved she’d once felt when he’d wrap his arms around her and hold her. She sucked in a shaky breath and told herself to remember it had all been a lie. He turned toward her at that moment and caught her looking at him. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she wanted to crawl beneath the nearest iceberg.

  Hiding that need, she gave a thumbs-up signal. “I’m ready if you are. This is going to be great.”

  She thought his scowl was going to intensify, but instead he relaxed a touch. “You’re sure you’re up to this?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

  Not on your life. As she stared into his indigo-blue eyes, thoughts of summer days spent hiking together beside the rivers and lakes making up this part of Alaska waylaid her. Those had been days she’d thought would never end—days that she’d wished would last forever. “I’m ready,” she said feeling a quiver of uneasy longing at the memory. She would definitely have to be on her guard or she might forget that all those memories were illusions. Illusions that ended the day Nate told her he’d lied and that he didn’t love her.

  His gaze floated across her face. “I hope so. That little boy is going to be a handful.”

  “Little boys don’t scare me,” she said, watching Cody edging for the door once more. His dad stepped in and distracted him by teasing him. Bethany smiled watching them—determined that she was going to be upbeat about this experience. She loved watching kids with their dads. “I think it’s all going to be great fun.”

  Bethany met Nate’s gaze, and it struck her again that if they’d gotten married they would probably have had a child around Cody’s age. The thought was like a splinter wedging its way into her determination to not let Nate see how much she was still affected by his rejection of her and the life they could have had together. Planting a smile on her face, she winked at him—a cover-up for the real emotions plaguing her. “I remember how much you enjoy leading tours. Even tours with rambunctious little boys. I’ll never forget that set of twins that one summer. You had as much fun as they did, pulling pranks along the trail. If my memory serves me right you were the one who came out of your tent and had a bucket of water dumped on top of your head.” It was true.

  She laughed remembering that. “I never did know if that was Barry and Bart’s doing. Or yours.”

  He looked innocent. “I guess you’ll never know.”

  They stared at each other for a long moment. Bethany had to keep smiling, as if that was just a cute memory between friends. It was going to be hard, but that was how she was going to approach this trip. She was fine, and no one, especially Nate, was going to know how hard this was on her.

  Great fun. Nate wondered how she meant that an hour later, as they unloaded their packs from the van. He’d had them carried deep into the interior of the Chilkoot Trail. They would be hiking all day, but sleeping in a lodge for the night. It was bit of a harder trek than he normally took a family on with a small child. However, this was the way he needed to go to check out his hunch about the treasure. This was the way to Klink’s Ridge and the spot where his grandfather died. Until Amy’s boys had found the map hidden in a secret compartment of her kitchen cabinets, he had not understood remotely what his grandfather had been thinking. After seeing that the treasure was supposedly hidden in a spot somewhere between the Chilkoot Trail and the Taiya River, it made more sense to him. Nate was on a mission to find that spot, and maybe—just maybe—it was the same spot that X marked on the map.

  He was worried about Cody, though. The little boy was active and he didn’t seem to take instruction well. He hoped Bethany really was up for the hike and helping him keep up with things on the trail—Cody being number one on the priority list.

  “Everyone grab your backpacks. And remember to stay close at all times. This is a tour and we are going to see the most beautiful land in the world, but it is wilderness. There are wild animals out there and we need to respect that—”

  “Mr. McMann,” Ely March cut in, tugging his new wife close to his side as he threw his paper-thin shoulders back and puffed out his chest. “It’s safe though, right? They told us it was safe.”

  Nate hid a smile. Ely was about as big around as a pine sapling, even had a pimple on his chin, he was so young. Nineteen, but Nate was having to trust the birth date. The kid didn’t look a day over sixteen.

  Lisa looked almost nineteen and stared at Ely like he was superman—complete adoration lighting her eyes. It was a look Nate had seen at least a dozen times over the last hour. The two kids were over the top in love and attached at the hip—how they were going to ride two horses was a mystery that was yet to be figured out.

  “As long as you’re aware of your surroundings and don’t invade their space, they respect your space for the most part. They’re much more scared of you than you are of them. But we have to remember that this is the wilderness, and that always means expect the unexpected. So let’s be careful.”

  “Will we see bears?” Cody asked, with the great expectation of a seven-year-old. He was decked out in a red jacket, jeans and hiking boots. He had curly brown hair with big, brown eyes that saw everything, and a splash of freckles across his nose.

  “We should. We’ll keep watch for them.”

  Cody beamed. “I want to see one. I been practicin’ sneakin’ up on ’em.”

  Nate frowned and shot his parents a look that conveyed his concern. “Son, you don’t sneak up on bears. I’ll show you one if we come across one, but you’ll see him at a good distance. We’ll also see bald eagles and moose, if we get lucky.”

  “My mama showed me a picture of an eagle. But it wasn’t bald. I’d like to see a bald one.”

  That got a laugh from everyone. “I’ll do my best,” Nate said, and then quickly explained what he was certain the boy’s parents had already explained about the eagle just appearing bald with its white head.

  “Did you know an eagle can spot a fish up to a mile away?” Bethany asked, coming to stand beside them.

  “How far is a mile?” Cody looked up at her with an expectant expression.

  “Oh, let’s see,” Bethany scanned the majestic countryside. “Do you see that cabin sitting down there in the valley?”

  “Sure I do,” Cody replied, nodding his head vigorously.

  “That’s about a mile.”

  Cody’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened as he looked from the cabin to Bethany and then back to the cabin. “The eagle can see a fish that far away?”

  “That’s what the experts say. They can also fly thirty miles an hour and dive up to a hundred miles an hour.”

  “That’s as fast as my daddy drives—”

  “Whoa, son,” Robert Taylor interjected, grinning. “I don’t drive that fast.”

  “When we took mama to the hospital when she got sick you did. I saw it on the speed ohmmeter from my car seat.”

  Robert rubbed his jaw and grinned at Nate. “He’s got me on that one. Shelly broke her arm real
ly bad last year, and she needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible.”

  Shelly came up and put her arm around her husband’s waist. “I’m just thankful God protected us. Poor Robert was beside himself.”

  “I liked it,” Cody said. “I bet the eagle likes it, too.”

  Laughter rippled through the group. Nate had always enjoyed hearing Bethany laugh. It had always made him feel a deep satisfaction, and he’d never forgotten the sound of it. And nothing had changed, he still loved hearing the sound.

  “It’s time to get going. We’re burning daylight,” he said, a bit rougher than he’d meant, but he didn’t need to be standing around beside Bethany, reminiscing about the good old days and what could have been. It was too dangerous. He had to survive five days out here on this trail, and getting all sentimental wasn’t going to help him at all.

  Ely helped Lisa get her backpack on and she rewarded him with a kiss just as Nate walked past them. He immediately remembered kissing Bethany out here in God’s country—memories were going to be everywhere. Behind him Bethany chuckled at something someone said and his heart squeezed tight—he wasn’t going to be able to get away from her and the memories this entire trip. He quickened his steps, grabbed his backpack and hit the trail.

  This was going to be a long day—and a long, long week.

  And one he knew, without a doubt, he was going to regret.

  The wilderness hadn’t changed. Bethany was bringing up the rear of the tour and enjoying the beauty around her. Neither the Marches nor the Taylors had wanted a history lesson over the Chilkoot Trail. They’d simply wanted to see some of Alaska’s wilderness. The passage they were hiking today was one she remembered well. The hike was uphill most of the way, but there were no cliffs to worry about Cody falling from, and yet there were spots where you could look out across the valley that was surrounded by snowcapped mountains. It would absolutely take your breath away.

  The only problem for Bethany was that she kept getting distracted from the scenery because she kept watching both families with wistful thoughts pounding away at her. The newlyweds held hands, kissed and encouraged each other to the point of it being sappy. Bethany thought they were darling, being so in love. The sweetness of that new love was touching—in her business, she was around young love all the time, and it made her wistful. If only things had been different…she’d had to learn to live with her own disappointment and not let it affect her livelihood. It was odd, really, how she could live with a broken heart but still enjoy weddings for others.

  She had just pushed everything aside and had not dwelled on it. That had been the best way for her to deal with it—once she’d realized that she had to move forward.

  But being on this trip with Nate right there in front of her, leading this tour like all those years ago, when she’d believed he loved her, made it all come rushing back.

  Watching Ely and Lisa and the lovely, more mature, loving relationship between Robert and Shelly Taylor had her longing for what should have been.

  “I want to see a bear. A big bear,” Cody informed them, when they stopped to rest a couple of hours later.

  “We see them often on this trail,” Nate said. “But it will be further along and from a distance. There’s a great bear-viewing spot that we call Hunch Hill Overlook,” Nate said, meeting her gaze. He was tense.

  Bethany knew the spot well, they themselves named it that, for the odd look of the mountain and cropping across the way. “It’s a great place. Everyone eat a granola bar and take a break,” she said, encouraging them and moving to stand beside Nate while everyone headed to some fallen tree trunks to sit.

  She hoped when they saw bears that Cody didn’t try to scale the mountain to reach the animals. He’d made several sudden dashes into the woods when he saw a scurrying rabbit or other startled animal taking shelter. Cody’s dad had patiently taken off after him and brought him back. She was just glad that most animals were heading in the opposite direction from them and that none of them took offense at being chased. The little boy had a thing about running off—it was as if he thought it was a game. Bethany was worn out just watching him, and she could tell Nate was tense.

  “Loosen up,” she said.

  He grunted. “I’ve never seen a kid run off so much. It could be a problem. He’s like a jumping jellybean.”

  No sooner than he’d spoken than Cody began jumping and pointing toward the woods. “A bear!”

  “Where? Where?” Ely yelled, hopping in front of Lisa, arms out as if ready to do hand-to-hand combat.

  Bethany automatically moved between Cody and the woods and Nate did the same, as everyone scanned the area.

  “I don’t see him.” Nate looked at Cody. “Did you get a good look at him?”

  Bethany had her doubts about whether Cody had actually seen a bear or if he’d wanted to see one so badly that he’d imagined it. Nate probably had the same thought but would never let Cody know he doubted him. She liked that about Nate…he would have made such a great daddy. The idea ambushed her, twisting her heart like a dishrag.

  “I saw him good. I’m gonna go find that ole bear,” Cody said, puffing out his seven-year-old chest and heading toward the woods.

  “Oh no you’re not, young man.” Shelly grabbed him by the back of the jacket and halted him.

  “Are we in danger?” Ely wrapped his arm around Lisa, who was glancing around nervously. He was becoming a broken record.

  Nate pushed his Stetson off his forehead, his blue eyes serious but conveying trust and security as he looked at the group. “As we explained in orientation, there are always risks involved in a wilderness tour, but I’ve never had any trouble with bears and I’ve been leading tours since I was in high school.”

  Relief eased the tension of Lisa’s expression, as she looked up at Ely. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m not afraid. Mr. McMann knows what he’s doing.”

  A cold gust of wind blew through and Ely pushed a dancing wisp of hair out of her eyes. His expression was absolute adoration. “Even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

  Lisa melted right there in front of everyone. “I know you wouldn’t.”

  Bethany melted herself. What woman wouldn’t want to hear that from the man she loved?

  “I’m going to check for signs,” Nate growled in her ear, startling her. “We start the second leg of the hike in fifteen minutes. Watch him,” he snapped, nodding toward Cody.

  Bethany sucked in a cold breath of air and watched Nate stalk off into the woods. The temperature had been hovering around fifty degrees, but it suddenly felt like fifty below. What had just gotten into Nate?

  There was so much about Nate McMann that she’d loved…but he’d broken things off. Watching him go now sent a chill to her bones, reminding her of that day ten years ago.

  Turning away, she forced a smile as she faced her group. “We have fifteen minutes. I suggest we sit on those rocks and relax and enjoy this beautiful spot.

  Nate is scouting around, and if there is anything out there that might want to do us harm he’ll scare it off.”

  She led the way to the rather large boulders sitting at the base of a sloping hill. Ely and Lisa immediately sat off to the side by themselves. Lisa leaned back against Ely, and he draped his arms about her as they stared out across the horizon at the snow-covered mountains. Bethany eased her backpack from her back and had to smile as Cody scampered over and did as she did. When she sat her pack down at the base of a rock, he sat his carefully beside hers before climbing up on the rock beside her. His cheeks were a touch pink from the wind and Bethany’s heartstrings were tugged just looking at him.

  “Are you having fun?” She pulled two protein bars from her pocket and handed him one.

  “Yes ma’am. I’m gonna like the horses the best, though. When do we ride them?”

  “Tomorrow and the day after is when we ride. Have you ever ridden a horse before?”

  He nodded. “I rode a pony at the fair last ye
ar.” He frowned. “But this man walked beside the horse and we only rode in a circle.”

  His disgust was thick in his voice, making her hide a chuckle. Out of the corner of her eye Bethany saw Robert reach for Shelly’s hand. They smiled at each other then looked back at Cody. Clearly, they loved their little boy.

  “I can certainly see where that would bother you.”

  “Oh, yeah, I’m seven now, I don’t need nobody holding my horse.”

  “Well, I can understand that, also. But you know, there are rules out here in the Alaskan wilderness. Our tour company is pretty strict when it comes to kids. Your horse will have to be tied to me. But the good news is we won’t be going in circles inside a fence. Is that going to bother you too much?”

  He sighed a heavy sigh. “I guess not, but one day I’m gonna be able to do things myself.”

  She laughed. “That day will get here before you know it.” She reached out and gave him a hug. “We’re going to have fun tomorrow. I promise.”

  Glancing around, she took a deep breath herself and tried to focus only on what was happening now. Not on the past. Not on the fact that she was sitting here alone when she should have had a family of her own by now. Time flew. It marched forward and disappeared behind her quicker than she could ever believed.

  She was sitting in this beautiful place God had created, and she felt suddenly alone—it wasn’t as if she hadn’t felt that way before. Ever since Nate broke up with her all those years ago, she’d felt that way, but she’d managed to push those feelings away for the most part and get on with her life. But she’d felt distant from God, too. And the gulf she felt, the abandonment and aloneness she felt was because God had done nothing to ease the pain of what had happened to her.

  “I will never leave you or forsake you”—the verse came to her clearly, as if God spoke it out loud on the breeze. Bethany tugged her turtleneck higher about her chin and blinked against the sudden sting of tears. God might have said that promise, but it wasn’t true.