by Meghan Quinn
Never had she ever seen such hurt and dejection in his eyes. Margo wanted to reach out to him and make him feel better but she knew she had to be there for Lexi. They just stared at each other and the only reason Margo broke the stare was because she heard Lexi sobbing from her room.
Margo went toward Lexi’s room, leaving her bagel and drink behind. When she passed Jake she squeezed his arm and he bent down and whispered, “Take care of her for me, Margo.”
The tightness in his voice from not wanting to cry nearly brought Margo to her knees. Jake was always the strong, hero type guy that everyone could rely on. He was everyone’s rock when they needed him. To see him so helpless killed Margo.
“What’s going on?” She asked as quietly as possible so Lexi wouldn’t hear her conversing with who now Margo assumed was the enemy.
Jake shook his head and squeezed the bridge of his nose then rubbed his eyes. He sucked in a huge gulp of air and slumped his shoulders. “I have no fucking clue. She broke up with me because I control her life apparently.”
Margo stopped listening after he said she broke up with him. She shook her head in disbelief. “She what?” Margo practically hissed.
He put his head down and shook it. “She broke up with me.”
Margo pulled him into a hug and shook her head. “No, she didn’t mean it. I will fix this, Jake.”
Jake pulled away. “No, I don’t think you can. I’ve never seen her like this. She doesn’t want to be with me. She called me a hindrance to her life. It’s over, Margo.”
With that he pulled his keys out of his pants pocket and left their apartment. Margo just stood in the middle of the living room watching Jake leave. Lexi broke up with him? What was wrong with her? She was so in love with him, they were going to live together. He was going to propose. He told Margo all about it, it was the sweetest thing. There must be something seriously bothering Lexi for her to leave Jake and Margo intended to find out what that was.
She grabbed a tissue box off the coffee table and headed toward Lexi’s door. Margo’s heart broke from the sniffles and hurt radiating from Lexi’s room. Lexi had always been a strong girl and took care of Margo, even during her worst. It was time Margo returned the favor. She needed to make everything ok, if not for Lexi then for Jake. She might not have been on board with Jake taking her into his world and Lexi following him around but she sure as hell didn’t want them to break up.
Margo instantly felt an enormous amount of guilt settle on her chest. Was she one of the reasons why Lexi pulled away from Jake? Were her and Parker’s comments the reason why Lexi broke everything off with Jake? Margo quickly grabbed her phone from her room before heading into Lexi’s. She sent a text message to Parker.
Margo: Help! Lexi broke up with Jake just now. She is sobbing in her room.
Margo paced back and forth for what seemed like forever to receive a message back from Parker but in reality it only took him a couple of seconds to respond.
Parker: WHAT?!? I’m on my way!
Margo: Door is unlocked. I will be with Lexi.
Margo took a deep breath and entered Lexi’s room. The curtains were drawn and there were no lights on. The only reason Margo was able to see Lexi as a heap of human on the floor was because there was light beaming through the creases of her window. Margo slowly walked over and sat down next to Lexi who was curled up like a ball on the floor. She gently placed her hand on Lexi’s back and Lexi jumped from the touch. She didn’t even realize Margo had walked in the room.
Her friend cried her heart out as Margo rubbed her back in silience. Margo lowered herself on the ground and pulled Lexi into her embrace so she was spooning her.
“Shh…” Margo whispered in her ear. “I got you Lex.”
Margo didn’t know how long they laid there like that because next thing she knew Parker was bursting through the door wearing sweats and a t-shirt with his hair stinking sporadically out of his head. If Lexi wasn’t so upset, Margo would have taken the time to really soak in Parker’s I-just-got-out-of-bed look.
He bent down and picked Lexi up, pulled her close to his chest and sat on her bed. Margo instantly felt a twinge of jealousy but quickly stored it away because Lexi needed Parker. He would be able to help her. Parker nodded toward the window so Margo went over and opened the curtains. The light was almost blinding since she had been lying in the dark with Lexi for so long. Lexi buried her head in Parker’s chest trying to avoid the light. He didn’t let her.
“Lexi,” He said in a soothing tone. “You need to talk to us.” He looked up at Margo. “Can you get her some water?” Margo nodded and left the room. She heard Parker whispering things to Lexi in her ear but couldn’t make out what he was saying. She wished she was in Lexi’s place, how weird was that?
When she came back in the room Lexi had her face pulled away from Parker’s chest and was wiping away tears. Her face looked swollen and red and her eyes were completely bloodshot. Margo’s heart went out to her friend. Why was she doing this to herself? If she was in this much pain, why did she break up with Jake in the first place?
“Lexi, tell us what happened.” Parker said.
Lexi sat up a little taller but still in Parker’s lap. “I broke up with Jake.”
“We gathered that.” Margo said. Parker kicked her with his foot. “What? It’s obvious.” Parker just scowled at her.
He directed his attention back to Lexi. “Why did you break up with him, kiddo?”
“You guys were right.” Crap, Margo thought, they did have a hand in this. “I was living in Jake’s shadow, I kind of lost who I was and I finally realized it. It took me a while, but I realized it. I need to find out who I am and what I’m going to do with my life. Not ride around on Jake’s coattails.”
“You were never riding his coattails.” Margo said while rubbing Lexi’s arm. “You were helping him achieve his goal but we just wanted to see you have goals for yourself as well. You didn’t have to break up with him.”
“Yes, I did.” She said while getting off Parker’s lap and standing up, looking more sure of herself now then she was a couple of seconds ago. “If I stay with him there is no chance I will be able to figure out what I want to do with my life.”
“But don’t you love him?” Margo asked, not trying to drive a stake through Lexi’s heart but just trying to figure out her reasoning.
Lexi put her head down and grasped it with her hands. “I do. I love him so much.”
Parker got up and pulled her into a hug. “Lex, you don’t have to let him go. You guys can work at this together.”
“No.” She pushed away. “I have to do this on my own. I need to.”
Parker and Margo both nodded. “You can stay with me.” Margo said. “I have an apartment lined up for after we graduate. It will be small but you can stay with me so you don’t have to go back home.”
Lexi looked up at Margo with tear soaked eyes. Lexi flung her arms around Margo and squeezed her so tight Margo was afraid her head was going to pop off her neck.
“Margo, I can’t even tell you how much that means to me. I know I want to do this by myself but I can’t do it back home. Thank you.”
“Of course, sweetie. It’s ok to ask for help you know. You’re not alone here.”
“I know. Thank you.” She grabbed Parker’s hand and Margo’s in hers and looked between the both of them. “You two are the most amazing friends. Thank you for everything.”
Parker placed a kiss on her head. “You’re welcome but are you sure you want to break up with Jake?”
Lexi nodded her head. “If we are meant to be, then we will find our way back together.”
Margo hoped so because she had never seen Lexi so happy in her life then when she was in Jake’s arms. Margo only wished she had that kind of relationship with someone. She glanced over at Parker who grinned at her. He would be leaving soon. Rumors were he would be going to the Atlanta farm system, but those were just rumors. The thought of him being so far away killed Margo.
It was a whole other time zone.
Pushing the thoughts of Parker out of her head, she focused on her future. She had a fundraiser to take care of and a job to get ready for. She was going to be starting a new chapter in her life soon and unfortunately for her heart, Parker was not involved.
***
Darkness surrounded him as Jake sat on his bed. He didn’t know how long he had been there, he didn’t even really know what day it was. All he knew was Lexi ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped all over it. He didn’t believe what she said. He didn’t believe that she didn’t love him. If she didn’t love him then there was no way she would have been as upset as she was when he left. No, she loved him. She was just pushing him away, which hurt. They were supposed to support each other. He didn’t understand why that concept kept fleeing from her mind.
There were many times in their relationship where she didn’t trust him with his help. Jake thought he showed Lexi how much he wanted to be a part of her life, how much he wanted to be there for her and how much he wanted to walk through life together. Why was she shutting him out now?
There was a knock at his front door. Jake ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. The brief thought that it might be Lexi crossed his mind but he pushed that thought back. She wouldn’t be at his place, not after the things she said to him. He fell back on his bed then heard another knock but this was more of a banging that kept rapping at his door. Jake let out a frustrated growl and charged toward his door.
He whipped it open and yelled, “WHAT!”
In front of him stood Parker with a depressingly sorry look on his face. Jake didn’t want his pity so he went to slam the door shut but Parker pushed his way through.
“Jake, I want to talk to you.”
“Well I don’t want to fucking talk to you.”
“You might want to.”
What the hell did that mean? Jake gripped Parker’s shirt and pushed him up against the wall of his entry way. “What the fuck did you do?” He pushed him harder. “Was this your idea? I swear to God I will rip your balls off and use them as a hood ornament if it was.”
“Jesus.” Parker said while trying to break Jake’s clasp. “I didn’t even know Lexi was upset.” Parker tried to fight off Jake but even though they were evenly matched in size, Jake had rage coursing through his body giving him the edge.
Finally, Jake let up on Parker’s shirt and walked toward his living room while running his hand through his hair. He heard Parker following him so he turned around and shot Parker a warning glare.
“Why are you here?”
“I wanted to see how you were.”
“You come to laugh? Gloat? See how I’ve completely fallen to rock bottom after Lexi ripped my heart out. I know you’ve always pined after her. I’m sure you’re enjoying this.”
Parker shook his head. “I’m really not. Watching Lexi cry her eyes out is not at the top of my list of fun things to watch and there is nothing I can do about it. Lexi and I are friends, that’s it Jake. When are you going to get that through your thick skull?”
Jake sank down on his couch, put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Then he remembered what Parker said, Lexi was crying…a lot. He shot his head up. “So you saw her?”
Parker took up residence in the chair across from Jake. “Yea and she’s a fucking mess, man.”
“What the hell? Why is she doing this?”
“That’s why I came over. I thought I would give you a little insight. She still loves you, she told me just now.” The vice that was closing off the breath to Jake’s lungs loosened from Parker’s words. She still loved him. He knew it. He knew she didn’t mean any of the words she said.
Needing to be with her, Jake shot out of his chair and grabbed his keys. The only reason he didn’t make it out the door was because Parker stopped him.
“Where are you going man?”
“I’m going to get my girl. Now get the fuck off of me.”
“You can’t do that.”
Jake spat back, “And why the hell not?!”
“She needs time. You need to give her time. If you crowd her now you’re going to ruin everything. She needs to find her path, man.”
Jake shoved Parker to the side. “I’m her path. You have no clue. You haven’t been around lately. I’m what she needs.”
Parker shook his head. “I might not have been around lately but I’ve been there for the past three and a half years and I’m telling you, if you go over there now you’re going to ruin any chance you have at getting her back. Please listen to me when I tell you, she needs to do this on her own. She is stubborn as shit and when she says she needs to find her way, let her.” Jake loosened the grip on the door knob he was planning to rip off the door in order to get to his Jeep. “Give her some space.”
Jake dropped his head. “I don’t want to give her space.”
“I know but you have to.”
Unfortunately, Jake understood what Parker was saying. Lexi was one of the most stubborn women he knew and when she had her heart on something, she went all out, hence why she just broke the all-time hits record. He had to let her go, even though he didn’t want to. If he didn’t let her go, he might never get her back. Jake threw his keys on the ground and slid to the floor so his back was against the door. He didn’t like looking like a pansy in front of Parker but right now he didn’t care too much.
“Christ, this is so fucked up.” Jake muttered while rubbing his eyes with the palm of her hands. Parker slid down next to him.
“I agree but all you have to remember is that she loves you. She loves you so much.”
“I don’t understand why she is doing this if she loves me.”
Parker was silent contemplating his words but then broke the silence. “Don’t you see, man? She’s trying to separate you from her father.”
Jake felt the rage boil back up inside of his body. “How many fucking times do I have to tell her? I am not that bastard of a father she has.”
“You can’t tell her, you have to show her.” Parker said quickly. Jake didn’t interrupt Parker, he let him continue. “She needs her independence. Her mom warned Lexi about becoming her. Lexi watched her mom become so dependent upon her dad that she swore she would never be like her mom and when her mom tried to get away and stick up for herself, find her own way, her dad just beat the shit out of her. As if he was trying to show her he belonged to her. I know you are nowhere near her father, but Lexi is testing you. She saw herself becoming her mom and now she is trying to become the independent woman she once was. She is testing you to see if you will let her.”
It all clicked in Jake’s head. “Well, Jesus. I can help her for fuck’s sake.”
“She doesn’t want your help.”
Jake blew out a frustrated breath. “That’s what being in a relationship is all about, helping each other, being there, and taking care of each other.”
“Yes, you’re right but there is a fine line between helping her out and running her life.”
Jake shot Parker a warning glare. “I was not running her life. She could fucking choose whatever she wanted to do.”
Parker held up his hands in defense. “I know, but you have to put yourself in her shoes. She has seen the extremes of what a guy can do so if she senses any kind of control you are taking away from her, she is going to push it to the extreme.”
Shit. Parker was right. He didn’t want Parker to be right but he was. Lexi was so sensitive when it came to her family and if he reminded her of any negative aspects of her family,then he could understand why she needed to separate herself and re-group. It didn’t make sense in the real world but it made sense in Lexi’s world and he had to accept that.
Finals were right around the corner and then he would be heading off to start training with the Thunder’s trainers. His life would soon be fully consumed by football and he hated knowing that the last free weeks he would have would not be shared with Lexi. But if he thought about it
what were a few weeks compared to a lifetime without her? He needed to give her some space and time to figure things out.
“Alright.” Jake said in a defeated tone.
“Alright?” Parker asked confused.
“I’m going to give her the space she wants. I don’t like it but I don’t’ want to lose her either.”
“Smart.” Was all parker said.
Chapter 18
Lexi stood in the dugout waiting for her name to be called. She just played her last game and her emotions were out of control. They lost in the second round of playoffs but at least they were able to lose at home where all her friends were, her family not so much. Her mom was the only one present, her dad lost the privilege to watch her play when he started beating the hell out of her mom.
It had been a couple of weeks since she last spoke to Jake. She missed him terribly but she wasn’t going to go back to him. She couldn’t. She couldn’t end up like her mom who completely relied on her husband. Her mom now struggled paying the bills on a tiny apartment while she worked like a dog just to stay afloat. Lexi tried convincing her mom to ask for alimony during the divorce filings but her mom refused to take anything else from her dad. Lexi admired her mom for her decision even though it was slowly putting her mom in an early grave. Watching her mom fight for herself inspired Lexi even more to land on her feet after college.
Texas once again approached her but Lexi declined and this time it had nothing to do with Jake. She didn’t really want to be a coach even though softball had been her whole life, that was the sole reason why she didn’t accept the offer. She needed to separate herself from the sport that had run her entire life ever since she could remember. She had applied to a couple of odd jobs but didn’t really get any bites and there was nothing that really called out to her. She would be nervous if it wasn’t for Margo. She hooked Lexi up with a temp job at the animal shelter until she got a real job. Lexi had to be able to pay the bills somehow. She wasn’t too worried, she knew she was going to find her way and at least she would be providing for herself. Things were going to be tight but she would be finding her way.