Taming Chaos

by Lynne St. James

“I figured you’d be. You don’t have a guy do you?”

  “No. Hell if I did I wouldn’t have gotten in bed with you.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant it didn’t seem like you’d sex lately from how tight you were.”

  The color charged into my cheeks full steam ahead. Shit, could I be any more embarrassed? Doubtful. “No, I don’t have anyone I’m seeing right now. But I’m not a virgin either.”

  He smiled and ran his finger across my cheek before pushing my hair behind my ear. Ugh. I hadn’t brushed my teeth or my hair. I bet I looked amazing—Not.

  “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t want you hurting too badly today. We have some…”

  “I don’t want your drugs.”

  “I was going to say aspirin. We don’t do drugs. Well Rage did, but he doesn’t anymore.”

  Easy Cyn, you’re all up his ass this morning. Nerves are one thing but you don’t want to be bitchy. But not drugs? I doubted I kept the surprised expression off my face. Rock band and no drugs? Is that even possible? Didn’t they all do them? “Sorry. I’m just a little antsy this morning.”

  “Don’t be, baby. It’s all good. Last night was fucking amazing. You take my breath away.”

  Okay if he kept saying stuff like that, I was never going to stop blushing. I wasn’t used to talking about sex, or having it either really. “Thanks. I think.”

  “Oh I know,” he said with a wolfish grin on his face, making me think of Little Red Riding Hood about to be eaten by the big bad wolf.

  “I guess they all know,” nodding my head toward the door.

  “Yeah, but they don’t care, and Wrath had a friend sleep over…so you’re not the only woman on the bus right now.”

  “Really?” I wondered what she was like.

  “Oh and Flame went to stay with Michelle. I’m starting to wonder about him.”

  “Really? Damn she’s staying at my place and cat sitting, so I guess they’re there.”

  “Figures, he gets to see your place before I do.”

  Now that was a surprise. “You want to see my place?”

  “Yeah, why not?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t know what was going to happen.”

  He took my hand, his callused thumb rubbing circles on the back. “I don’t either, but I’m willing to see where it goes if you are. I’ll tell you now I’m not into commitments, but the thought of never seeing you again isn’t an option either.”

  I didn’t know what to say, not in my wildest dreams did I think he’d say that, and after one night together? Was he trying me to keep me in his bed, or was he serious?

  “Okay…” I really didn’t know what to say.

  “You don’t have to decide now. You can think about it while we do these next few shows.”

  I nodded and took a long drink of coffee. My mind was going in twelve different directions. What kind of a relationship could we have with him on tour all the time? I wanted a family, children, a stable home…someday.

  Needing time to think about this, I change the subject. “So what’s Wrath’s girl’s name?”

  “Sapphire.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, she’s one of the groupies from last night, you might have seen her. She has bright blue hair, brighter than your streaks.”

  I thought about it and remembered seeing her in the hall after the show. She was with all the others but didn’t look like she really fit in. Interesting Wrath would pick her out of all the skanks he had to choose from.

  “Do the guys bring girls back a lot?”

  “Sometimes, depends on their moods I guess. More when we’re staying in hotels and not on the bus. When we get to the next stop we’ll be there for three days and stay in a hotel instead of the bus.”

  “I think I need a shower and to get dressed, I can’t believe I slept so late.”

  “It’s not a big deal. Everyone did. And we don’t have a fuckin’ thing to do today until tonight, except for fucking,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at me.

  “You’re bad. Didn’t you get enough last night?” I answered as I pulled out clothes and my shower stuff.

  “Fuck, woman. I’m a man, I can never get enough.”

  Leaving him laughing in bed, I slipped into the bathroom without anyone else seeing me. It didn’t matter what he said, I didn’t want them to see the mess I knew I had to be. Looking in the mirror it was so much worse than I’d imagined too. How he hadn’t laughed his ass off looking at me I don’t know.

  My hair was standing up all over my head, blue streaks and all. My bangs were pushed all over. My lips looked a little swollen and holy shit I had a hickey on my neck. Damn. I don’t even remember him biting me there. I took off his t-shirt and looked at the rest of my body. There were bite marks everywhere. Nothing huge, just little marks from my shoulders to my thighs. Thank God my clothes would cover them.

  The heat from the shower helped relax my tight muscles. We’d actually made love all night long. I’d never done that before, I’ve read about it in books yeah, but always wondered if it could really happen. Michelle was going to freak when I told her. Yeah, and what was up with her and Flame. Two nights together? We were going to Virginia for the next stop on the tour, too far away to see him, and I hoped she’d be okay.

  Stepping out of the shower, I could hear Chaos talking to everyone in the kitchen area. I put some make-up on, dressed and dried my hair. Taking a last look in the mirror I thought I looked like I’d had sex all night but maybe no one would notice.

  I put my stuff in his room then met up with everyone in the kitchen.

  “Morning.”

  Chaos turned around and pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around me. I wasn’t sure it was such a good idea but no one else seemed to notice.

  “Cynda meet Sapphire.”

  “Hi.

  Sapphire looked like she’d had quite a night too, and her neck was covered in bites, her voice was sort of raspy. “Hey there.”

  Fury and Rage were arguing over something on the TV and I went to get more coffee. My stomach grumbled and Chaos followed me to the coffeemaker.

  “Do you want something to eat? We still have the doughnuts.”

  “No that’s okay. I’m fine, really. Coffee is good.”

  “Fuck that. Your stomach’s growling.” He disappeared toward the back of the bus and came back with the doughnut box. Thankfully there was a plain one with cinnamon and sugar.

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” and he leaned down to kiss me.

  It started out innocent enough, but then he slid his tongue between my lips. Thankfully I’d put my mug on the counter or I’d have dropped it when I wrapped my fingers in his hair. The guys started clapping and he pulled back with a devilish grin on his face.

  I wanted to slap him. Damn.

  What could I do though? So I turned toward the group and bowed. “Thanks.”

  Everyone laughed and I breathed a sigh of relief, I really hated being the center of attention but I’d just slept with one of the most famous guitar players ever. So much for no limelight.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chaos

  We spent the day wandering around downtown Philly, I would have preferred to stay in bed but I knew she was too sore from our fun last night. I’d managed to avoid being recognized most of the day since I put on sunglasses and a baseball cap covering my hair, since the grey streak usually gave me away. I’d woken up with it one morning when I was little and it’d stayed ever since. I’m not sure what caused it. The shrink the court ordered when I first got to the Sherman’s said I’d remember one of these days, that was twenty years ago. I hoped I never did.

  We got back in time for the sound check and Cynda and I walked over to the arena. Everyone else was already there, even Flame, which was good since I didn’t want to have to drive to New York and kick his fuckin’ ass.

  The sound check went smoothly and we were hanging around talking to the guys fro
m Green Sky Rising when I noticed Cynda was gone. She’d been watching from backstage when I’d last seen her but now she was nowhere to be seen. I had a bad feeling about it, something wasn’t right.

  Opening the door to the dressing room, it was instantly obvious. It looked like an epic cat fight and if it hadn’t been Cyn and Sweets I might have watched, but she was doing exactly what I’d told her not too. Why the fuck couldn’t she leave Cynda alone?

  “Fuckin’ stop it. Now. What the hell?” Even though I yelled it didn’t appear either of them heard me.

  It couldn’t have been going on for long—we’d just gotten off stage. Sweets had at least twenty pounds and five inches over Cynda and she was using all of it. Rolling around on the floor they’d knocked over two plants, spreading dirt all over the floor. It added to the picture, dirt, blood, screaming women, yeah it was a picture I was glad no one else was seeing but me.

  Sweets rolled Cynda onto her back and was straddling her, smacking her across the face and I could see blood running from the corner of her mouth. Cyn wasn’t the only one showing signs of a beating, Sweets hair was wrecked and strands of it were on the floor, her left cheek was already showing a bruise and there were scratches on her arms.

  I tried to break them up but their anger made them stronger than I expected. I pulled Sweets trying to get her off Cynda as she swung back and punched her in the nose. Cyn pushed up with her knees and knocked her off. I was able to grab her as she tried to climb onto Sweets. Wrath must have followed me to the suite because he grabbed Sweets and held on to her.

  “Enough. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I knew Sweets had started it but Cynda should have known better. A cat fight in the dressing room and on a show night? The more I thought about it the more pissed off I got. I’d told Sweets to stay away from Cynda so the first time I wasn’t around she pulled this shit? Fuckin’ A.

  “What the hell were you thinking?”

  Sweets pulled out of Wrath’s hold and grabbed a notebook from the table. I’d seen it before, it was Cynda’s. Sweets opened it up and pushed it into my face.

  “This is what’s up. She’s stealing your songs. I told you she shouldn’t fuckin’ be here. You had to think with your cock. You can’t trust her, the record company sent her, she’s a fuckin’ spy and a thief.

  “Hold the fuck on.” I heard voices behind me. The rest of the band and a couple of the groupies were standing in the doorway watching. Fuck. Just what we needed, if this got out Rod was going to have our fuckin’ heads.

  “Wrath, get them the fuck out of here.”

  He nodded and thankfully I heard the door shut. Cynda had pulled away when Sweets had shoved her notebook in my face. She was standing over by one of the couches, and she looked like a wreck. Covered in dirt, blood running from her lip and nose and scratches down her arms, she wasn’t looking so angelic anymore.

  Shaking my head, I looked through the notebook. I flipped through the next couple of pages and saw she had lyrics written for a song. Then as I read the music and heard it in my head, I realized what they were. I couldn’t even focus on what she’d written I was so fuckin’ pissed off. Wrath was reading over my shoulder but I slammed the notebook shut, I couldn’t read anymore. What the fuck. It was the song I’d written the other night, when I’d thought everyone was sleeping. She’d been spying on me.

  Sweets had a look of ‘I told you so’ on her face but I was over her too. “Get out, tonight after the show you’re gone, do you hear me?”

  “What? You can’t do…”

  “I can do what I want. I asked you to leave her alone and you couldn’t. You told me last night I’d be sorry. Well you’re right, I’m fuckin’ sorry now. I’m done. I don’t want to see you before the show.”

  Sweets grabbed a napkin and wiped the blood from her nose, and charged ou of the suite, slamming the door behind her.

  Wrath tried to interrupt but I didn’t want to hear it. I was about to go ballistic and I needed to get out of there, but first I had to deal with Cynda. So much for thinking we might have a chance, she was nothing but a fuckin’ thief and she’d freakin’ played me good.

  “Wrath, get the fuck out of here, I need to talk to Cynda alone.”

  “Don’t do anything stupid, bro. You’re pissed, let it pass first.”

  I was over it. “Get out, Wrath, you don’t want to fuckin’ be here.”

  “Fine.” He walked out closing the door behind him.

  As I watched her I was so pissed I was vibrating. She’s lucky I’m not the violent type. I wanted to trash the rest of the room I was so pissed. She didn’t move, standing there looking scared and defiant at the same time, almost daring me to do something.

  I tossed her notebook on the table, not wanting to touch the proof of her betrayal. “What the fuck? Was this your plan all along? To fuckin’ steal our songs?”

  “No. Trent, please. How can you…”

  “Don’t you ever call me Trent,” I knew my voice sounded cold, but I couldn’t help it. She’d screwed with my trust and I couldn’t stand to look at her right then. “You have no right. Just answer the question, was this the fuckin’ plan?”

  “Whatever. After last night how can you even accuse me of any of this?”

  “Lady, you have no idea how many times people have tried to rip off our fuckin’ shit, you’re not the first.”

  “Why would I do that? I’m here to write songs for your album, why would I steal anything? I don’t need your songs, I have plenty of my own.”

  “Right, I’m sure you do. That’s why you’re working for a record company writing for other bands? If you’re not stealing it, why do you have this? It’s not theirs, I haven’t submitted it, hell, I haven’t fucking finished writing it yet.”

  “You know what, it doesn’t freakin’ matter. You are an asshole, just like all the other rock stars in this world. I was stupid to ever come here.”

  She picked up the notebook and stormed by me, slamming the door behind her. I stood there, in silence, our words echoing in my head. Had I been wrong? She didn’t act at all guilty, but why would she have my song then?

  Fuck it. I poured a glass of scotch, and was on my third by the time Wrath found me.

  “Shit, Chaos. What the fuck are you doing? We go on in three hours and you’re drunk?”

  “I’m friggin’ fine.”

  “Sure you are. You’re an asshole. You tell Sweets to get lost, so what are we going to do for backup singers for the rest of the tour?”

  “I don’t know. Wait, why do we need them?”

  “See, you don’t fuckin’ think when you’re like this. Did you actually think Candy would stay if you told Sweets to leave?”

  “Fuck,” I hadn’t thought about it. My head started pounding, and massaging my neck only made it worse.

  “Yeah, exactly. Now it sinks in, and you weren’t even drunk when you did it, so what’s your fucking excuse?”

  I didn’t have one. I let my anger get the better of me. Every freakin’ time I did I was sorry later, but they’d pushed me too far.

  “I don’t know what you said to Cynda, but she’s gone.”

  “What do you mean gone?” The room started spinning, between the scotch and lack of sleep, I was toasted, and nothing was making any sense. “How could she leave?”

  “What the fuck do you think I mean? She is fucking gone. Packed, cab called, gone.”

  “Goddamn it. I wasn’t done with her.”

  “Oh I’d say you were, asshole. Did you even give her a chance to explain?”

  Sighing, I shook my head then grabbed it. The spinning was worse now. Fuck. “I need to rest.”

  “Nope you need coffee, a lot of it. Start drinking. You’d better be sober for tonight. You wouldn’t put up with this shit from anyone else.”

  He was right. Had I fucked up everything? Trust was so fucking hard for me. Holding my head between my legs and hoping not to hurl, I tried to think about what I’d said to Cynda. Why’d she have my son
g? Why didn’t you let her explain it to you asshole?

  Wrath put a mug of coffee in my hand and I took a drink. It helped a little but I had a long way to go. The day had started so great but it sure went to fuck in a hurry.

  Wrath kept bringing me coffee and after three or four more mugs full, I went to find Joe. He’d spent a lot of time with Cynda, if he was back at the bus maybe he’d know what she’d been doing.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cynda

  Tossing all my clothes in the suitcase, I’d never packed so fast in my life. Thank God for smartphones, I had the name of a cab company and requested one to come pick me up by the time I’d gotten back to the bus. At least I didn’t cry. I was too pissed off. Joe took one look at me and winced as I came in, but I couldn’t talk to him. If I’d tried to explain I’d have cried, no doubt about it. He was just too nice and he would have hugged me and it would have been over. Total basket case. Nope, I wanted to hold on to my mad. I’d never met such a fuckin’ stubborn asshole. Who the hell was he? God, Jr.? He knew everything and was always right? He didn’t need to hear explanations just judge, jury, and get the fuck out of here. Well fine, I’d be happy to get the fuck away from him, far, far away and if I was lucky I’d never see him again. I didn’t care that it was going to cost me two hundred dollars, I needed away from him, all of them.

  Freakin’ Sweets. She must have snooped when we were in Philly, how else could she have found the notebook.

  Grabbing my suitcase and purse I told Joe I’d call him. I was glad we’d exchanged numbers the other day. I dragged my suitcase into the back of the cab, not giving the driver a chance to put it in the trunk. Couldn’t he see I was in a hurry? I wanted to be gone before Mr. Fuckin’ Wonderful showed up.

  I confirmed the address with the driver, and saw him looking at me in the rearview. I’m sure I was a wreck. I pulled my brush out of my purse and at least got the snarls out of my hair, but a quick look in my mirror showed me there was no fixing the rest of it in the back of cab. I needed soap, water, hell, a shower to wash that bitch off me.

  Leaning my head back against the seat I closed my eyes, it’d be at least three hours before I was home. Do I call Michelle and tell her I’m on my way? Nope, I was definitely not ready to deal with the questions, and didn’t want to broadcast my life to the driver.