Seek Me With All Your Heart

by Beth Wiseman

  David had almost forgotten about his list from Lillian. “I better pay for these couple of things, then head to town for the other items.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill.

  “There’s a singing here on Sunday, if you’re interested.” Jacob handed David his change. “It won’t be nothing like what you’re used to, I’m sure, and there ain’t a whole lot of people who attend, maybe only ten or fifteen, but you could meet some folks. There will even be a few single girls coming. How old are you, anyway?”

  “I just turned twenty.”

  “And you ain’t married yet?”

  David forced a smile. Marriage wasn’t in his plans. “No.”

  “I’m getting married in December.” Jacob grinned again. “Adding another crazy woman to my life. Beth Ann’s her name.”

  David watched Jacob’s eyes light up when he said her name—his new friend was happy about this. “Congratulations.”

  “Danki. ”

  David picked up his small bag with the noodles and green beans, and then extended his other hand to Jacob. “Nice to meet you, and please tell Emily that I’m not some psycho or anything.” He chuckled, but stopped when he saw the color fade from Jacob’s face. “Did I say something wrong? I just don’t want her to think I’m—”

  Jacob waved his hand. “Nah, it’s okay. I can tell you’re a normal guy.” Then he stood up and headed toward the back of the shop. “See ya ’round,” he said over his shoulder. “Come Sunday, if you feel like it.”

  David opened the front door of the shop and walked toward his buggy. The snow had stopped, and he glanced across the white terrain between the shop and the house. Movement on the front porch caught his eye. Emily. He stopped for a moment, then pivoted on his foot and headed in her direction. He’d never made a woman cry before today.

  EMILY’S FACE FLUSHED with embarrassment as she watched him walking toward her. When was she ever going to feel—and act—normal again? She reached up and touched the scar on her forehead. Never.

  The screen door slammed behind her, and Vera Detweiler joined her daughter on the porch.

  “Who is that handsome fellow comin’ ’cross the yard?” Mamm smoothed the wrinkles in her brown apron. “I don’t recognize him.”

  “I’m going in the haus.” Emily started to step around her mother, but felt a hand on her arm.

  “Emily. That’s rude. Is this young man coming to see you? Did you meet him at the shop?”

  Emily wiggled free of her mother’s grasp. “Ya. But he’s not very friendly, and I’d rather not talk to him.”

  Mamm’s lips thinned. “Emily, how are you ever going to find a man and get married if you keep running away from everyone?” She softened her expression. “You must move past what happened.”

  The man was nearing earshot, so Emily didn’t have a chance to respond.

  “Guder mariye.” Mamm waved from the front porch. Emily didn’t think there was much good about this morning at all.

  “ders hunched forward, his gaze landed on Emily. “I’m sorry for the way I acted back there.” He nodded toward the shop. “I’m just having a really bad morning. I didn’t mean to scare you.”Guder mariye to you.” He stopped in the yard and looked up at Emily and her mother. “I just wanted to come apologize to Emily.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and with his shoul

  With renewed humiliation about her behavior, Emily looked away from him. When she turned back to face him, his gaze was still on her. “It’s all right,” she mumbled, casting her eyes to the ground, wishing she’d never have to see him again. Not much chance of that if he lives here.

  Her mamm carefully eased down the porch steps, then extended her hand to him. “I’m Vera Detweiler.”

  “David Stoltzfus. We just moved here yesterday from Lancaster County.” He latched onto Mamm’s hand, glanced at Mamm for a moment, then looked up at Emily.

  Mamm turned her head and smiled. “That’s my daughter, Emily.”

  As David’s hand dropped, he nodded in Emily’s direction. “Gut to meet you. And again, I’m sorry for the way I acted. I’m not normally like that.”

  Emily drew in a deep breath and was about to speak when Mamm cut in.

  “Come into the haus. Let me get you some hot kaffi. You can tell us about your family.”

  Mamm started back up the porch steps and then turned around to see if David was following her. He hadn’t moved. Good. Maybe he’ll just head back to wherever he came from.

  “Come in, come in,” Mamm coaxed with a wave of her hand. “We’re such a small community, we’re always anxious to meet new members.”

  Emily held her breath, but David smiled and moved toward the steps. Mamm waited for him at the doorway and held the screen door for him to follow her in. Emily trailed slowly behind them.

  “Emily, you keep David company while I go get us all a cup of kaffi. I have some on the stove.” Mamm smiled in a way that made Emily self-conscious, and she waited until her mother turned before she rolled her eyes.

  “Uh, I can go if you want.” David arched his brows, holding his hat in his hands. “I saw the eye rolling thing.” Then he grinned.

  Now that she was feeling safe inside with her mother, she allowed herself to notice the well-defined, boyish dimples on either side of his striking smile. Back in Middlefield, she might have responded to his good looks, but she was wiser now and knew that looks were deceiving.

  “Mamm asked you to stay, so stay.” Emily pointed to the rocker in the corner of the room. She waited for him to sit down before she eased onto the couch across the room from him. She folded her hands in her lap, sighed, and then watched David tap his foot nervously against the wooden floor.

  “So . . . Jacob tells me that there is a singin’ here on Sunday.”

  Thanks a lot, Jacob. Emily forced a smile. “Ya.” She strained to see around the corner and into the kitchen. Mamm was placing three cups on a tray. “I reckon there won’t be many people here. It won’t be anything like you’re used to, I’m sure.” She turned back to him, narrowed her eyes, and frowned. “No outside games or anything. And mostly younger teenagers.”

  “Kaffi for everyone.” Mamm hummed as she sauntered back into the den, then placed the tray on the coffee table. Emily wondered how much more transparent her mother could be. “Ach, I forgot the creamer. I’ll be right back.” Mamm scurried back to the kitchen about the same time Emily heard tiny feet jumping down the stairs. Betsy stopped at the bottom of the stairs and folded her arms across her chest.

  “What are you doing here?” Betsy glared at David, who sat up a little taller when he saw her.

  “Besty, Mamm invited him for kaffi. This is David Stoltzfus.”

  “Betsy and I met earlier.” David smiled. “Although we weren’t properly introduced.” He stood up and extended his hand to Betsy, who ignored the gesture. She squinted her eyes and pressed her lips firmly together before she veered around him and plopped onto the couch beside Emily. David returned to the rocker as Betsy slid closer to Emily on the couch, then placed a protective hand on her sister’s knee. Emily’s heart was heavy as she put her hand on top of Betsy’s. I wish Betsy didn’t know something bad happened to me.

  “Here we go.” Mamm returned carrying a white creamer in the shape of a cow, a trinket Mamm said her grandmother had given her. Emily disliked the creamer, and it embarrassed her every time her mother used it. When Mamm walked toward him, David held out his cup, and Emily stifled a grin as he eyed the cow.

  “Interesting creamer.”

  Mamm raised the tail end so that milk spewed out the cow’s mouth and into David’s cup. Mamm thanked him, although Emily wasn’t sure David’s statement had been a compliment.

  “So where are you living? What homestead did you purchase, David?” Mamm sat down in the other rocking chair in the far corner.

  David finished taking a sip of his coffee, then set the cup down on the table between him and Mamm. He shook his head before answering. “I don�
��t know who owned it before, but it’s a real mess. Needs lots of work.”

  “Where ’bouts is it located?” Mamm crossed her legs as she sipped her coffee.

  “If you head north toward that bakery that’s on the corner . . .” David pointed to his right. “I can’t remember the name of it, but you turn on that street.” He scratched his forehead for a moment. “My family lives in the two story haus, the one that badly needs new paint. And my Aenti Katie Ann and Onkel Ivan moved into the smaller haus on the property.”

  Betsy leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at David. “You bought that old place?” Betsy’s voice squeaked as she spoke.

  Emily watched David’s cheeks redden. “Ya, I know. It’s in real bad shape. But we plan to start painting, and . . .” David let out a heavy sigh. “My stepmother, Lillian, ’bout fell over when we pulled in last night and she found out that there ain’t no indoor bathroom. Just an outhouse.”

  Mamm set her coffee cup down and kicked her rocker into motion. “You said your stepmother?”

  Since divorce wasn’t allowed, Emily knew David’s mother must have died, and she felt a wave of sympathy as she recalled the death of her grandmother two years ago.

  “Ya. Lillian is great. Mei mamm died when I was eight, and Daed married Lillian about three years later.” He paused and the warmth of his smile echoed in his voice. “Everyone loves Lillian. She’s been a great stepmom, and I have two sisters now. Elizabeth is almost five, and Anna is seven, same age as Betsy.”

  “I look forward to meeting all of them.” ious to meet Elizabeth and Anna.”Mamm returned the smile and then turned to Betsy. “I’m sure Betsy will be anx

  Betsy’s eyes sparkled with mischief and grew rounder as she spoke. “Lizzie at my school said an evil witch used to live at that house.”

  “What?” David cinched a brow and leaned forward.

  “Betsy!” Mamm glared at her. “That’s enough!” She turned to David. “I apologize for mei maedel, David.” She faced off with Betsy again. “Where in the world do you hear such nonsense, such silliness that is not proper talk?” Then their mother straightened in her chair as she folded her hands in her lap. “I reckon to have a word with Magdalena about this.” She turned to David. “That’s Lizzie’s mamm,” she said as she cringed. “They’re from Missouri.” Then she shrugged, as if that explained it.

  Canaan was home to Old Order Amish families from Pennsylvania, New York, Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, and Missouri. Folks had slowly been settling in this southern part of Colorado for about seven years. From what Emily had learned over the past three months, some were buying land at cheaper prices than in their home state. Others said there was a shortage of land where they lived. And she’d recently met an older man and woman who left their Order in Indiana because they disagreed with the way their bishop was running the community. Then there were those folks who seemed to be running from something—like her own family. She instantly wondered which category David and his family fell into.

  “David, how did you come to purchase the property?” Mamm tilted her head to the side as the tiny lines above her brows became more evident.

  “My great-grandfather purchased it.” David shrugged. “I don’t think he ever saw the place. He bought it off a computer at the library before he died. Mei daed said Grandpa Jonas bought it mostly for the land, but said we’d have lots of work to do on the houses.” He shook his head. “But I reckon none of us knew it was gonna be this much work.”

  Betsy chuckled. “That’s for sure.”

  Mamm pointed a warning finger in her direction. “Be quiet, Betsy.” Her mother turned back to David and took a deep breath. “Well, as you know, we’re all about hard work, and I’m sure the community will pitch in and help.”

  David’s mouth tipped up on the left side as he nodded. “We might need some help. I know mei daed and Lillian would appreciate it.”

  Betsy crossed her small legs, pressed her lips together, then peered at David. Emily recognized the expression and feared Betsy was about to disobey their mother again.

  “Lizzie said there are snakes in the basement that the witch collected, and I’m not going to that house.” She shook her head back and forth.

  Mamm bolted upright from her chair, and Betsy’s face twisted into a frown. “Betsy! To your room. Right now. You are being rude.” Their mother pointed to the stairs as her face turned a bright shade of red. “There is a load of clothes on my bed that needs folding. Tell David good-bye.”

  Betsy huffed and then stood up. She gave a quick wave in David’s direction; then she stomped across the room to the stairs. Mamm waited until Betsy was out of earshot before she turned her attention to Emily.

  “Where does mei dochder come up with this silliness?” Mamm sighed. “I will most surely be havin’ a talk with Lizzie’s mother.”

  Emily shrugged, and Mamm turned back to David. “I apologize for Betsy. We continue to scold her for making up such outrageous stories. Betsy is a smart girl, but she has a big imagination.” She took a deep breath and stood taller. “I’m sure that you and your family will make the haus into a wonderful home. And I’m sure the community will help you.”

  David nodded with a half-smile, then stood up from the rocker. “I best be going. I’ve still got to go to Monte Vista for some supplies.”

  Emily wasn’t surprised by his desire to get out of their house. He probably thought they were all a bit ab im kopp. He’d witnessed Emily react like a crazy woman earlier in the shop, and Betsy said there were snakes in his basement left there by an evil witch. Emily couldn’t help but grin. Maybe he wouldn’t come around too much.

  But then there was tered what happened, Mamm. Always trying to make up for her family’s actions by running her perfect household with a smile on her face. Always perfect, always happy. It never matMamm carried on as the ideal fraa and mudder, with her flawless haus and her ability to pretend that everything was good . . . all the time. Betsy often made that difficult, but three months ago it had been Emily who challenged her mother to face tragedy and still keep a smile on her face.

  “Wait right here.” Mamm jumped up and scurried toward the kitchen. Emily drew in a breath and blew it out slowly as she avoided David’s eyes on her. Don’t look at me. She wanted to reach up and cover the scar on her forehead, but doing so would only draw attention to it, so she fought the urge, leaned into the back of the couch, and kept her eyes down.

  “Guess I’ll see you Sunday.” David smiled as he spoke, and Emily felt her chest tighten.

  Her mouth dropped open slightly, but she quickly snapped it shut. After a moment, she said, “You won’t like the singings here. Hardly anyone comes.” She shook her head as she stood up and faced him. “I wouldn’t waste your time.”

  “Jacob said there will be some single ladies here.”

  Emily locked eyes with him for the first time since he’d arrived. Nervously, she moistened her dry lips and shrugged. “Maybe.” Then she looked away as her stomach churned, wishing he’d just leave and not come back. She knew his type. Charming and good-looking—but deceitful, which could cause a girl to let down her guard.

  She shivered as a brief flashback threatened to squeeze her throat shut and leave her breathless, a feeling she’d had more than once.

  “But you don’t want me to come on Sunday?” He rubbed his chin for a moment, then dropped his hand and fumbled with his hat.

  Emily was relieved when Mamm walked back into the den.

  “Here, David. You carry these things to Lillian.” meal cookies.” She smiled as David stood and accepted the bag. “And you tell Lillian to stop by anytime. And not to panic. We will all help you get things together at your new home.”Mamm pushed a large, brown paper bag toward him. “There are three loaves of bread, some pretzels, and a batch of my famous oat

  “Danki, Vera. I know Lillian will be real appreciative.” He moved to leave, Mamm following. Emily was relieved when he was almost out the door.

  He turned around be
fore he pulled on the handle. “See you Sunday, Emily.” An easy smile played at the corners of his mouth. Emily bit her bottom lip, then forced a smile.

  “Gut, gut.” Mamm gazed at him as if he were the answer to all her prayers.

  Emily began to calculate. Today is Wednesday. Four days.

  Four days to find an excuse not to be at her own house during the singing.

  Two

  LILLIAN HELD LITTLE ELIZABETH’S HAND AS THEY waited outside the outhouse for Anna. Elizabeth had no qualms about venturing across the front yard to their primitive accommodations, so Lillian couldn’t understand why her older daughter refused to make the trip by herself.

  “Anna, are you almost done?” Lillian sighed and fought to tamp down her building anger about this move. She knew Samuel thought it was best for all of them, and she struggled not to question God’s will, but as she stood outside the boxlike structure with a half moon carved on the wooden door, she just shook her head.

  “It’s stinky in here, Mamm.”

  Lillian leaned her face closer to the door. “Then you best hurry, no?” She smiled down at Elizabeth; then she gazed across the snow-covered flatlands of their new home. She raised one hand to her forehead to block the sun’s glare. It was amazing how there could be so much snow on the ground and yet the sun was blazing down on them. It felt much warmer than Lillian knew it to be. She lifted her eyes to the mountains that surrounded them in every direction. Samuel said to think of it as the Promised Land, a place where they’d start anew and get out of debt. Every time she thought about their home in Lancaster County, her eyes watered up. Now was no exception.

  She couldn’t fault her husband, though. After David’s kidney transplant five years ago, Samuel had struggled to keep up with everything. Samuel’s shunned brother, Noah, had donated one of his kidneys to David and had paid for most of the expenses related to the transplant surgery, the larger invoices that would have put a strain on the community health care fund. However, medical bills continued to trickle in long after the surgery, and David’s medications cost over a thousand dollars a month.