Seek Me With All Your Heart

by Beth Wiseman

  Hannah’s face twisted with disapproval, and she gave a begrudging nod. David waited until everyone was out of earshot, then walked closer to Emily and said, “Let’s take a ride in the buggy after the singing.”

  Emily’s defenses piqued. “I can’t.”

  “Just a short ride.”

  Footsteps rounded the corner. “She said she can’t.” Levi positioned himself in front of David. “Didn’t you hear her?”

  “Stop it, Levi. It’s fine.” Emily gently touched Levi on the arm, but he jerked away, eyed David, and headed out the kitchen door.

  David arched his brows. “I reckon people from Middlefield are more aggressive than where I come from in Lancaster County. What was that about anyway?”

  Emily shrugged. “Ach, just ignore Levi. He’s been overprotective since—” She bit her lip, but David seemed to be waiting.

  When she didn’t go on, he said, “It’s okay, Emily. You don’t have to tell me. Now or ever. But just know that you’re always safe with me. I promise.”

  She smiled. “Maybe just a quick ride after the singing later.”

  David smiled. “Gut. ”

  DAVID HUNG AROUND until all the guests had left. Hannah Kauffman had been as flirty a girl as he’d ever met. She was from Minnesota. He’d never met any Amish women from Minnesota before.

  Hannah was only seventeen, and she didn’t behave like most of the Amish women he knew. She spoke softly, but she was also a bit bold, touching him constantly on the arm and never leaving his side. With her silky, black hair and big green eyes, David was sure any fellow would jump at a chance to spend time with her. But she just wasn’t his type. Emily was more—

  He recognized the thought and quickly pushed it aside. Emily had issues. And David knew he had his own problems. But the prospect of friendship with Emily interested him. He’d been taught his entire life that a person’s looks didn’t matter. He was human, though. He liked the way she walked, light on her feet with her hips swaying naturally. Her eyes were a warm brown, and when her lids slipped down, as they did when she seemed embarrassed, her long lashes brushed against high cheekbones.

  “Emily will be right down.” Vera came down the stairs smiling. “That’s so nice that the two of you are going on a ride. Do you have a heavy blanket?”

  “ting a wedding.Ya. And a heater.” David returned the smile, anxious for Emily to get downstairs. He’d only talked to Vera a few times, but she always left him feeling as though she was secretly plot

  David looked up when he heard footsteps. “I won’t be gone long, Mamm.” Emily buttoned a thick black coat as she spoke, then tied her bonnet.

  “Take your time.” Vera smiled; then she turned toward her husband when he entered the room. David had met Elam Detweiler earlier that evening. “Elam, these young people are heading out. Remember when we were that age?”

  David felt his face redden, and he glanced at Emily and saw her cheeks doing the same.

  Once they were outside and walking through the snow toward the buggy, Emily said, “I’m sorry about mei mudder.”

  David opened the door for her. “About what?” He knew, but he wanted to hear what she’d say. He walked around to the other side and got in, then turned toward her.

  Emily shrugged. “You know . . . the way she acts.”

  David smiled. “Ach, you mean the way she’s already planning our wedding.”

  Emily avoided his eyes and bit her lip as the moonlight shone through the buggy and onto her flushed cheeks. She nodded. “So silly.”

  “Ya, it is.”

  Emily reached up and dabbed at the scar above her brow, then left her fingers there as if trying to hide it. Most women her age were looking for a husband, but David didn’t want her to think that her scar had anything to do with the boldness of his statement.

  “We barely know each other,” he added with a smile.

  She pulled her hand down but stared straight ahead. David flicked the reins and moved the horse into action, and they slowly trotted down the driveway. When they pulled onto the main road, he reached in the backseat of the buggy and pulled out a big brown blanket.

  “Here.” He handed it to her.

  Emily took it, then reached down and clicked on the battery-operated heater. She draped the heavy blanket around her shoulders, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

  EMILY FOUGHT THE chill that ran from her head to her toes, unsure how much of it was from the frigid air. This was the first time she’d been alone with any man, outside of her immediate family, since her date with James.

  Before she could stop herself, Emily said, “I’m not even sure why I came with . . .” She cut her eyes in David’s direction and saw him raise his brows.

  “Not sure why you came with me, no?” He grinned.

  Emily turned straight ahead, sat taller, and folded her hands atop the blanket. She shrugged. “I figured you’d rather take Hannah, or maybe Edna, for a ride.” Emily wished right away that she hadn’t made the comment.

  David turned his head toward her and grinned again, but then his expression soured. “I reckon those two are lookin’ to be courted.” He paused. “I got no plans to date anyone.”

  “Why?” She gritted her teeth and silently reprimanded herself for asking the question.

  David shrugged. “Just not in my plans.”

  Emily’s curiosity was piqued. Why wouldn’t someone as handsome and seemingly kind as David Stoltzfus not be looking for a wife at his age? Maybe he was just telling her that, so as not to hurt her feelings. “I understand.”

  He turned toward her, captured her with his clear blue eyes, then turned and faced forward again. “I doubt it.”

  He’d mumbled it, but Emily heard it just the same.

  “What about you?” David eased the horse onto Jenson Road. “Guess you don’t have a boyfriend?”

  “Why would you just assume that?” What’s wrong with me? She blasted herself again for speaking every little thing on her mind.

  “Whoa, don’t get upset.”

  “I’m not upset.” She’d said it louder than she intended. “I’m not upset,” she repeated but more quietly this time.

  “I reckon if you had a boyfriend, he would have been at the singing. Right?”

  Emily didn’t say anything for a moment. She folded her arms across her chest, shivering, despite the heater and the blanket. “Where are we going?” It wasn’t like they could drive to town for coffee. It would take much too long to get to Monte Vista, especially this time of night and with the temperature dropping.

  David rubbed his forehead. “I don’t know. I didn’t plan too gut.” He glanced at Emily. “I’m sorry, Emily. This was a bad idea. Not the best weather for a ride.”

  “I’m all right. The heater is keeping my feet warm.” She forced a smile. No, you didn’t plan very well.

  David shook his head. “This is the worst ride I’ve ever taken after a singing. It’s cold. There’s nowhere to go. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  Emily imagined David had carted a lot of pretty girls home after Sunday singings, as was customary if you were interested in the possibility of a romance. He’d said that was not the case, but still, his criticism about tonight stung.

  “Then just take me back home. I don’t want to be thought of as the worst ride you’ve ever had after a singing.”

  David slowed the buggy, and even in the dim moonlight, she could see him frowning. “Sorry. That’s not what I meant, Emily. It’s not you. There’s just nowhere to go and it’s so cold.”

  “Then just take me home.”

  They came to a gravel road on their right, and David turned the buggy onto it. “Let’s at least get off the main road. Maybe we can just sit and talk, if we don’t freeze.”

  Emily’s stomach started to churn, and she fought the vision of her and James in his car in Middlefield. David was nothing like James. He couldn’t be. She’d seen him with his sisters. She’d never known much about James. Only that he ha
d incredible good looks. Of course, David did too. She took a deep breath.

  David cut off the lights in the front of the buggy, and Emily gasped. “It’s too dark.” Her heart began to beat hard in her chest. “Turn the lights on.”

  “But look how pretty it is. It’s a full moon. You can even see the tops of the mountains over there, and—”

  “Turn the lights on!” Emily slapped her palms against the dash of the buggy. “Now! Turn the lights on!”

  Click. The headlights illuminated the gravel road in front of them. “Okay, okay! They’re on.” David twisted in his seat to face her. “I’m sorry, Emily.” His teeth were chattering, but his eyes clung to hers. “It’s just . . . pretty out here. I mean, the full moon and everything. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  He swung his arm over the seat, and Emily slid sideways into the buggy door. “No,” she whispered.

  “I’m getting a flashlight I have in the backseat.” David slowly pulled a small black flashlight across the seat between them. He flicked it on, then shined it near the side of her face. “Are you crying?”

  “No.” But she knew she was on the verge.

  David shone the flashlight on the floorboard of the buggy and lowered his head. They were quiet for a few moments. He took a deep breath and looked at her. “Emily, I don’t know what happened to you, but I reckon it was something bad, and it must have been at the hands of someone bad.” David paused, and Emily could feel his eyes searching for hers. She finally looked at him, and their eyes locked. “If we’re going to be friends, you gotta stop being so jumpy around me. Emily, I will never hurt you.” He shook his head. “This was probably a bad idea. Here I’ve taken you out in the middle of nowhere on a cold, dark night. I’m sorry.”

  He sounded so regretful that Emily instantly felt the need to make him feel better. “It’s all right. You can turn off the headlights.”

  “Are you sure? Because I can leave them on.”

  “No. The flashlight is gut enough.” David turned the lights back off, and they both looked outside. “You’re right.” Emily stared straight ahead and strained to see into the darkness. “You can see the mountain tops.” She smiled as she imagined a stairway winding around the mountain, leading all the way to heaven. “Someday I’m going to climb one of those mountains.”

  When she turned to face David, he had a dreamy gaze on his face. “You should smile more. You’re so pretty, but—”

  But what? She reached up and touched the scar.

  “I don’t even notice that scar, Emily.”

  She quickly dropped her hand. But what?

  David smiled. “You were the prettiest girl there tonight . ..” He paused, still holding the light toward the floorboard of the buggy. “But I don’t have any interest in dating you. I hope we can be friends.”

  “I reckon I don’t want to date you either.” It was true. Or at least it was true until he said he didn’t want to date her. Why didn’t he?

  “Gut. Then we’ll be friends,” he said. Then his forehead creased. “Why don’t you want to date me?”

  Emily chuckled. “I guess where you come from, everyone wanted to date you. Well, I’m not one of them.”

  Her laughter didn’t invoke the playful response she’d expected. Instead, David pulled his eyes away from her, and his face grew solemn. “I didn’t really date back home.”

  Emily scowled. “I find that hard to believe. Someone as good looking as . . .” Emily faced forward on the seat, and she could feel her entire body flushing from head to toe. She was determined not to look at him.

  “Emily?”

  She didn’t turn his way. “Ya?”

  “This is dumm, no? We’re both freezin’.” David clicked the headlights on and then took the reins. “I’ll take you home.” He paused as he motioned the horse into a slow trot. “I guess I was just wanting to get to know you better.”

  Emily didn’t say anything, and her teeth wouldn’t stop chattering. The windshield and winter roll-downs didn’t keep out the cold very well. They were quiet the rest of the ride back.

  David’s breath clouded the air in front of him as he turned into her driveway. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

  “Thursday?” Emily sat taller. “But that’s Thanksgiving Day.”

  David turned his head toward her, his own teeth knocking together. “Didn’t your mamm tell you that she invited us to Thanksgiving? My Onkel Ivan and Aenti Katie Ann too.”

  He faced forward again, but even in the darkness she could see him smiling. Mamm had never invited anyone who wasn’t in the family for Thanksgiving. But then, back home there were lots of family for them to gather with.

  Emily scowled. Was her mother really trying that hard to play matchmaker?

  David pulled the buggy to a stop in front of her house.

  It wasn’t snowing anymore, but the cold night air was brutal, and Emily took a deep breath before she reached for the handle on the buggy door.

  “I’m sorry about tonight.” David offered a forced smile.

  “Next time we go out, I’ll plan better.”

  Emily shrugged. “It’s all right.” She pulled the door open and jumped down. “Bye.” She slammed the door and headed through the frigid air toward home, hugging herself as she trudged in ankle-deep snow. But she’d heard him loud and clear. Next time we go out . . .

  DAVID STABLED HIS horse and walked briskly toward the house. He could see a faint light coming from his parents’ room and assumed they were already reading in bed. Elizabeth and Anna would be asleep by now, so he tiptoed up the rickety porch steps and carefully pulled the screen door open. He jiggled the brass knob on the door until it opened, then made his way through the den to the kitchen.

  He jumped when he entered the kitchen, not expecting to find someone sitting on one of the long benches. In the darkness, all he could see was the silhouette of a woman wearing a bonnet.

  “Lillian?”

  “It’s tern. As he lit it, he heard her sniffling. He held the light upward and saw dampness shining against his aunt’s cheeks. She quickly turned her head away from the light and dabbed at her eyes.Aenti Katie Ann, David. I’m sorry I startled you.” She stood up about the same time David reached for a nearby lan

  “What’s wrong?”

  Katie Ann bit her bottom lip for a moment, then clasped her hands in front of her. “I—I don’t have any milk. Ivan likes warm milk at bedtime. I thought maybe Lillian had some.” She paused with a shrug. “I think it’s terrible, warm milk. But it helps Ivan to sleep.”

  David studied her face in the dim light for a moment. He’d always thought Katie Ann was the prettiest woman in their family. She had deep brown eyes that were softened by tiny little lines at the corners, and her full smile lit up a room. Or, it used to. The past couple of years, Katie Ann just seemed sad all the time. David pointed to one of the large ice chests on the floor. “There’s some milk in that chest. Daed is supposed to be getting a propane refrigerator tomorrow.” He grinned. “Otherwise Lillian is going to go bonkers, I think.”

  Katie Ann pressed her lips together and walked to the ice chest. “I just need a small amount for Ivan. I’ll go to market tomorrow.” She flipped the latch and quickly located the milk. David watched her fill up a small container, but when she poured too much, it spilled over the side and onto the floor. “Ach! No.” She set the carton of milk on the counter, then her small plastic container, which sloshed milk on the counter and onto the floor. “I’m a clumsy woman.” Her voice cracked as she reached for a towel and began to dab the floor.

  “Here, let me.” David squatted down beside her and gently reached for the towel. He swiped the rag across the jagged wood. “I don’t think anyone would notice a spill on this old floor.” He offered her a comforting smile.

  Still squatting, Katie Ann covered her face with her hands. “I should have been more careful.” She sniffled.

  “Aenti Katie Ann, it’s no problem. Really.” David touched her arm, then slowly st
ood up as she did the same. “What’s the matter?”

  She shook her head. “I reckon I’m tired. I need to get this milk to Ivan.” She reached for the plastic container she’d brought. “I’m sorry.”

  David leaned against his hand on the counter. “There’s no problem, Aenti Katie Ann. But are you sure you’re all right?”

  “Ya, ya.” She waved her free hand in the air. “Danki, for helping me clean the mess on the floor, and thank Lillian for the milk.” She moved toward the door.

  “Did you bring a lantern?” David raised the light in his hand slightly.

  “No. But the moon is almost full, and I’m just going across the way a bit.”

  David extended his arm and offered her the lantern. “Here, take this one. I’ll get it back tomorrow.”

  “I really don’t need it. I walked over here without one.”

  David shrugged as she pulled the door open, then pushed on the screen. “I’ll see you later, David.” Katie Ann didn’t turn around as she made her way down the porch steps.

  He watched her until she’d made it safely to her own house, then he closed the wooden door. His heart ached for his aunt. And his uncle. Something was going on with them, and it had been for a long time.

  He thought about Emily as he tiptoed up the creaky stairs to his room. He didn’t want to date anyone, but when Emily said she didn’t want to date him, he’d felt an uncomfortable jab in the heart. He shook his head and grunted. He didn’t need to take on whatever problems Emily had. He had enough worries of his own.

  He put the lantern on his bedside table, pushed an unpacked box out of the way with his leg, then sat down on his bed. He popped the usual pills in his mouth and followed them with a glass of water. Then he lay back, folded his hands behind his head, and crossed his ankles. Shadows from the lantern danced on the ceiling overhead as he tried to focus on prayer. He tried to recall the last time he’d actually heard the voice of God in his mind, felt the words in his heart. His chest hurt for a moment when he realized that he couldn’t remember the last time. He’d been so angry for the past few months, ever since he found out about this move. Fear, worry, and anger. All emotions that blocked a man from hearing God. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.