Sin Worth the Penance
Page 18
“Don’t get me started.”
“Wouldn’t hear of it. What’s your poison?”
“Well, I think it’s got to be Jameson’s, don’t ya?”
“Bang on.”
Deirdre came up behind me as I was pouring and cleared her throat. “Uhh…Killian. Can I speak at ya in the kitchen?”
“Aye. But I first have to toast my friend Nolan here.” I passed him his shot and turned to her with mine in hand. “Did ya hear his Tara’s going ta wed that American fella?”
“Is that so? Well, congratulations.” She hardly looked at him. “I’ll see ya in the kitchen after.” Her face seemed drawn.
I stared after her. “That was an odd reaction.”
Nolan shrugged. “Maybe she’s jealous. Come now. Where’s my toast?”
I raised my glass. “May the lilt of Irish laughter, lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic, shorten every road….”
“Aye.”
“And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.”
He grinned. “Ahh, that’s a good un.”
We drained our glasses.
“Hold that thought. I’ll be back in a twinkling.”
When I came down the hall to the kitchen, I could see Paddy, Deir’, and Tag all in a huddle wearing worried expressions. Paddy caught sight of me and silenced the rest. I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“What’s about?” I studied their faces. The men looked to Deirdre.
“Umm…well, dear…” she began. She stared at the other two, and they nodded. “It seems…Bridey’s returned.” She grimaced, waiting for my reaction.
My body went rigid, starting at the soles of my feet and progressing through each part in succession to the roots of my hair. Fighting the tightness in my throat, I got out a hoarse, “Pardon me?”
“She’s in your room. Came in soaked to the bone, and I sent her up to change. She left some things here at some point.”
I put my hands on my hips and lowered my head, shaking it. “What’s with that girl and rain?” A sudden thought made me straighten. “She’s all right, isn’t she?”
Before they could even answer, I took off.
“She’s fine. Fine, love.”
I didn’t look at anyone as I passed. I was vaguely aware of a customer calling out, then Nolan asking what’s wrong, but my mouth was clamped shut, my feet racing across the hard wood in just short of a run. I bolted up the stairs, but as I reached the last three or four steps, I slowed. Gone for five months then shows up out of the blue?
Gawd, my heart was filled with so many emotions when I cleared the top of the stairs and saw her. She was bent over my nightstand with the tiny bird statue in her palm. A wave of relief hit first, to see her, and in one piece. No bruises, no breaks, no cuts…. A swelling of love and desire reared its ugly head next, and I struggled to keep from running across the room and knocking her into the unmade bed so I could hold her. But what burned its way up next obliterated all else. My face was so tight it was like I developed a sudden case of lockjaw.
She didn’t turn at first. “You….” She twisted to see me. She’d grown more beautiful for the missing. “You bought one of my birds.”
I shifted my weight from foot to foot, jamming my hands in my pockets and staring off to the side. “Aye. I did.”
She gently set it on the table. Without turning she murmured, “You’re angry with me.”
Damn right, I’m angry. Ya leave…I worried about ya every day. Then you just…waltz back in like nothing’s happened?
I stared at her.
“I probably shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry,” she said in a rush. She charged toward me, but I was blocking the only path out.
“Wait,” was all I could get out.
She stopped abruptly and stood wringing her hands, peering at me from underneath her lashes.
I worked my jaw. “Ya look good. Happy.”
She shrugged. “It’s a good day.”
We stood in an awkward silence. The stone wall around my heart I mortared in as I took those last steps up the stairs began to crumble away.
I blew out air. I was pissed at myself for not staying angry at her, but the words came out all the same. “It’s good to see you.”
Her head came up, and her face was filled with such longing. She took a step toward me. I wanted her to. I wanted her to rush into my arms. …But all the pain of the past months….
I marched past her to the window.
Why? Why did you come here?
Whatever the emotions were whirling around inside, they were making me shaky. Like I was going to come apart. I needed a minute to sort through things.
“Do ya want me to leave, Killian? Because if ya do, I’ll go. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.” Her voice cracked.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
I don’t know what I want. I wanted ya back for so long, and now you’re here, and I….
A headache clutched at the nape of my neck. I reached up to rub the pain away. I spun to observe her, hoping that would provide an explanation to my confused heart. Tell it what ta feel.
She stared at the bird on the table. “You want an explanation. And ya deserve one.”
“Aye.”
She exhaled. “You shall have one then.” She crossed to the bed and sat on the edge, focusing on the bird again. I took several steps forward so I could see her expression. She gazed at the ceiling, and her face simply dissolved. She covered it with her hands. I was about to move forward when she slapped them into her lap, pressing her lips together. A few tears flicked out. She took a deep breath. “Umm…all right, then. Those men, the ones my husband owed money to, who thought they could beat it out of me somehow, they showed up.”
“I know. I talked to the grocer.”
She jumped slightly. “Mr. Hennehan?”
“Aye. He told me how they came in there.” I edged closer to her. “But if they were threatening you, why didn’t ya come to me, or at least go to the guards?”
She stared at her toes and shook her head. “Going to the guards would do no good.”
I frowned. “Why do ya say that?”
She threw an arm out. “Because they own the guards, Killian. Ya don’t understand the amount of control—” She took in a breath, then looked to the side. “That day they came, they told me they had men working as guards. I thought they were bluffing, but I couldn’t take a chance. And I couldn’t come to you because…they threatened to hurt ya.” Her face became fierce for a moment. “I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let them do that to ya.”
“But Bridey. They were only trying to scare ya. Thugs like that don’t own the authorities. That’s movie malarky.”
“That’s what I thought, too. Then, one day, I was in a town called Skibbereen working as a waitress—that is the place I stayed the longest while I was away—two guards came in for lunch. They were very pleasant, joked with me…talked about their families. Then, when they were ready to pay the bill, they said, ‘Mrs. Flatery, we’d like to give ya your tip in person.’” She rubbed her skin like the hair stood up on it, shaking her head. “I didn’t tell them my last name. Only gave them Bridey. Their whole demeanor changed, and I knew before they even gave me the envelope. I just knew.”
“What was in the envelope?”
She stood slowly and sighed. “Their ‘tip,’” she glanced at me, “was an envelope full of pictures of you. Some here. Some in places I didn’t recognize. But they were following you. Then,” she took a breath, “there was a picture of a couple I didn’t know. They were sitting at a restaurant and seemed so happy. The next ones—” she put a fist over her mouth, and when she spoke next, her voice pitched. “I can’t talk about it. I can’t think about them.” She covered her ears with her hands as if she was blocking out some terrible noise. “My Gawd! It was awful. They were pictures of that couple being…tortured. Brutally, horribly tortured. And there were more of them—” She wrapped
her arms around herself and bent in half. She looked like she was going to be ill.
I crossed and took her hands, guiding her to sit on the bed before she passed out. “Bridey. Ya need to calm down.”
“Their message was clear. If I didn’t cooperate, you would end up like them.” Her expression was wild, and it was like she wasn’t in the room with me anymore. She was back there, somewhere. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, but after a few seconds, they popped open. “Even with my eyes shut I can still see them.”
I put my arm around her. “It’s all right, now.”
“So, ya see, they threatened to hurt ya. And that’s why I left, Killian. And that’s why I stayed away.” She stood, peering into my face. “And that’s why I will be leaving again. For good.” She turned away for a moment then twisted around partially. “I only came here to say my last goodbye. I’m going far away. I got my passport.” She looked to the ceiling again, then chanced a gander at me. “I’m sorry, Killian. I’m so, so sorry.” The words started pouring out of her like a stream. “I didn’t want to. I love ya so much. It was like…” Her gaze darted around, and she hunched her shoulders. “…throwing my heart over that cliff there to leave ya behind. And I missed ya. I missed ya all so very much.” The rest of what she said was broken by sobs as she completely lost it. “I didn’t know what to do.” It seemed like she was about to hyperventilate.
“Bridey, breathe, honey.”
“I can’t. I can’t. Oh, my Gawd.”
“All right. Come here.” I pulled her into an embrace.
“I’m so sorry.”
That was pretty evident.
“Ya need to breathe or ya’ll get sick.”
She nodded. At least something was getting through.
“Just, take a deep breath.” She tried. “Good. Now let it out. Good. In…out.”
“It’s not working.” She sounded scared.
“Come here.” I laid on the bed, scooting to make room for her. “You’re too bent over. Maybe if ya lie flat. Come here.” I coaxed her to my side, holding my arm up so she could lay on my chest. “All right…breathe.” This time it was a tad deeper. “And out. Good. That’s better. In.” We lay like that for several minutes, simply breathing. I finally closed my eyes and let myself feel her nearness. I drew her closer. It felt so incredibly good.
“We’ll figure out a solution.”
She was quiet.
“Uhh…” Deirdre’s voice rose from the stairwell. “Is everything all right up there?”
I smiled, imagining Tag and Paddy hovering beyond her shoulder. “Fine, Auntie. Do ya need me?”
“No. No. Ya all take your time,” she said brightly. “No need ta worry. We have it in hand.” She disappeared.
I rubbed Bridey’s arm and stared at the ceiling. “Bridey, we have a problem.”
She tilted her head to look at me apprehensively.
“We need to talk about this…” I scooted out from under her, dumping her on the pillow, and leaned up on one elbow, twisting to my side. “But first I need to do this.” I kissed her. After so long being separated, it was intoxicating. “And this.” I cradled her cheek, and my lips found hers again. Once I’d started, my body automatically responded. “And this.” I took the kiss deeper. I moaned, burying my face in her hair, though still damp. “I missed everything about ya.” I nuzzled her neck. “The smell of your skin. The taste of your lips.” I nibbled on the bottom one, then brushed my tongue along it. “I sure hope Aunt Deirdre doesn’t come up here again.”
She giggled, and it warmed my heart.
I lowered my head again, but she planted her hands on my chest and held me off. “Are ya certain, Killian?” She studied me. “Are ya certain ya want to do this? That it won’t make it hurt more to say goodbye on the morrow?”
I had no intention of saying goodbye to her or of letting her leave, but I didn’t want to argue the point now. I needed time to think. But I couldn’t think until I’d been with her again. Giving her the love I’d saved since she left. I suddenly realized she wore that blouse again. The one she wore the night we made love on the cliff. She left it behind. Instead of answering her, I reached for the top button of her shirt. Slowly I made my way down, until they were all undone. Her chest rose and fell, but when I parted the fabric, I was surprised by how skinny she was. I mean, she was always slender, but healthy. Now she was bony. I imagined she must have missed meals for lack of money as she moved from town to town, trying to find work. That, combined with the constant fear of being caught and beaten—or worse—whittled away at her in the same way she worked with a knife and wood.
Then I saw them. The circular burn marks they left her. I stilled. How did I not notice them before? When I undressed her at her place? And…it was dark on the cliff, sure, but in the shower? A wave of nausea hit me, and I fought to control my expression, but it was too late. She snatched the sides of her shirt and drew them together to conceal herself. She pushed up, forcing me to move back, and swung her legs over the side of the bed, perching on the edge.
“Umm…I should….”
“Bridey.” She started to rise, but I grabbed her. “Wait. Where are ya going?”
“I, uhh…” She furiously buttoned her shirt.
“Bridey, stop.”
“No, I—”
I sat, reaching around her to grasp her hands. “Stop!”
She hung her head.
“It doesn’t matter.” I brought my mouth to her neck.
“Aye.” She pushed my arms away and sprang to her feet, whirling around. “Clearly it does.” She raked her hair behind her ear as she bent, searching for something.
I sat, placing my feet on the floor. “What are ya looking for?”
She snatched something up, clutching it to her chest and rising. She was shaking, and she bobbled a pair of canvas shoes for a second. Little canvas runners. Like kids’ shoes.
“Bridey, please.” I grabbed her hips and drew her in.
“No.”
She fought me, but I held on tight.
“Please, honey.” I took one of the shoes from her and threw it on the floor. “It doesn’t matter.”
She cried out, “Aye, it does.”
I got the other shoe and tossed it aside, too. She brought her emptied hands to hide her face.
I stood. “It doesn’t.” I lifted her chin. “Please, honey. I was surprised is all.”
She shook her head.
I lowered back to the bed, hauling her with me so she was straddling my lap. When I realized she’d stopped fighting me, I quickly undid the buttons she’d gotten closed. “Let me show ya how beautiful I think ya are.”
She blinked. “Ya don’t have to say that.”
I took her chin and made her turn to me, but she closed her eyes. “I’m not just saying that.”
“No,” she whimpered.
I framed her face. “I love ya.” I lowered my mouth to hers. I wanted her so badly my entire body ached. “Bridey, look at me.”
She opened her eyes.
My lips brushed over hers. “I love ya.” I kissed her, then dipped my mouth to her neck. “It doesn’t matter.”
She reached to switch the light off, but I stopped her.
“No.” My voice was deep. “I want ya to see.” I pushed her blouse off. “Ya are so beautiful.” I kissed her chest. “So beautiful.” She shook with silent sobs and laced her fingers through my hair as I continued to kiss her. “Nothing could change that, or the way I love you.” I raised my gaze to hers. “All right?”
She nodded, then brought her lips to mine.
“Ya believe me?”
She bobbed her head again, and our kissing became more heated.
I pulled my lips away. “I want to show ya how much I missed ya.”
She leaned back, giving her room to tug my T-shirt off. I swung her around to lay her across the bed.
“I want ya to know the depths of my love.” Bringing my mouth progressively down, I traveled again acr
oss her chest, along her stomach, to her jeans. One foot hit the floor. I bent the other, rising on one knee, and standing as I peeled her pants off. I unlatched my belt, and she watched me. Her undergarments were the same emerald green as her eyes, contrasting with the white of my sheets, and the black hair fanning out above her like ink spilled on a page. My voice was husky. “I want to show ya how much I want ya.” I rid myself of my clothes, returned and hovered above her with outstretched arms. “How much I need ya.” Lowering my body onto hers, I sought her full lips to demonstrate my desire.
After a few seconds, she pushed against my shoulders. I extended my arms again, fearing she was putting an end to our lovemaking. She grabbed a pillow and set it on end against the headboard.
“Sit there.”
I did as she requested, and she swung a leg over mine. I grabbed her rear and found her bare. She must have slipped her underwear off while I was switching positions. Grasping the top of the headboard she rose to her knees, then scooted closer. I watched her, and she kept her gaze on me as she reached down and took hold of me, leading me into her. I closed my eyes and exhaled as we were mated, and she sighed, too. Then she began to move, slowly and seductively at first. My hands on her hips, I could feel each subtle gyration she made, and the sensations they created robbed me of my mind.
I unclasped her bra, and she stilled so I could remove it and toss it aside. Before she could start again, I brought my mouth to suck on her nipple while stroking her other one. She arched her back with a moan, and I switched sides. I cupped her then shaped and squeezed her breasts. She straightened, curling her fingers behind my neck as she made another soft sound of pleasure. I wanted to thrust into her so badly, but at the same time, I was enjoying this slower movement. Soon, however, the tempo picked up, as did our heartrates and breathing. Using the headboard as leverage she rode me until I could no longer resist the urge to thrust. Reaching behind her, I clasped her shoulders, applying downward pressure as well as up as I drove further into her. When she climaxed, I gave myself permission to release and followed her into bliss.
I laughed at the sound of our heavy breathing. “Good Gawd, woman. You’re sexy as hell.”