“Yes, of course, Duke Rutland,” Dorothea said, forcing herself to smile. If she had noticed one thing about Rutland, it was his observant and knowing smile. Almost as if he knew she pretended to be happy. “How are you?”
“I’m doing well, Miss Cavendish. Only a bit perplexed over a notion that I was in discussion over with one of my acquaintances,” Rutland said, calculating how to go about it. “Perhaps you could be of assistance.”
“What is the discussion on?” Dorothea asked, intrigued to hear. Lord Barrett rarely engaged her in intellectual conversations, deeming her too young to know any better. However, Dorothea was smart, well read, and open to such discussion, with many points to share.
“Merely the notion of love and how it interferes with duty, to our families and our surroundings,” Rutland said, eyeing her for her reaction. Dorothea felt her heart drop, his statement resonating inside her as more than just another topic to be discussed. It was what her life had become about these past few months.
“A good and obedient child does what is needed, love is an added benefit some times,” Dorothea whispered, her mind running a thousand miles an hour. “It’s… it’s a futile argument, if I say so myself. There are more important problems in the world than love.”
Rutland felt in awe of Dorothea and the composure with which she answered him, making sure to answer logically rather let her inner turmoil show. “Alas, but I never mentioned children and their duties to parents, Miss Cavendish,” Rutland said, picking out her slip up. “Why would you say that? I’m intrigued to know.”
“I… I merely meant how—“Dorothea started, but Lord Barrett interrupted her, as she stumbled to cover up her mistake.
“Ah, Duke Rutland, I see you have my fiancée engaged,” Lord Barrett said, no one could miss the tone with which he said fiancée, possessively.
“Lord Barrett, Miss Cavendish is a well-rehearsed lady,” Rutland said, hinting towards his knowledge of their dynamic. “I must say, you are a lucky man.”
“I suppose, Duke Rutland,” Lord Barrett said, his eyes squinting in suspicion. “May I also hear of the conversation you were engaged so deeply in?”
Dorothea felt her heart drop, noticing the venom in his voice. She could see a light anger and irritation in his eyes, and she hoped Rutland wouldn’t make their discussion public. She knew Lord Barrett would read too much into it, and Dorothea would have to deal with the after-effects of his ire. She wasn’t scared of him, she merely did not want to deal with him and his insecurity.
“Perhaps another time,” Rutland said, and Dorothea exhaled, relieved. “Pleasure to meet you again, Miss Cavendish.”
Rutland smiled warmly, and Dorothea felt her heart flip and then drop, as he turned to leave and she was left alone with Lord Barrett. Dorothea could see him simmering, trying to rein in his doubt and act normal.
“It’s a lovely afternoon,” Dorothea said, unable to find anything else to say.
“Yes, dear. It is,” Lord Barrett said, masking the aggravation in his eyes and turning to smile at her. He traced Dorothea’s cheek lightly with his fingertips. She wanted to pull away, knowing he did it to mark his territory, but she couldn’t and merely stood and waited for him to stop.
A sudden thought interrupted her chagrin towards Lord Barrett as she wondered how it would feel if Rutland touched her this way. Dorothea halted that train of thought before it could cause unfixable damage. She knew where her duties lay, no matter where her lonely heart longed to be. She mustered up a smile, turning her attention to the one she was deemed to spend her life with, even if not destined.
***
Two young hearts lay awake the following night, wondering what the other was doing or thinking. Their own minds recalling each sentence, glance, and smile from their conversation. Conflict rose with each smile that graced their lips, their mind telling them to not encourage such thoughts for duty and honour were at stake.
Dorothea tossed in bed, in her own house, her mind thinking about Rutland over and over again. She willed herself not to, but her heart dared her to try not to, knowing how he made her feel. She smiled slightly, remembering his devilish smile and the confidence in his eyes. A man in control, in the most natural and human way. Not like Lord Barrett, in control to possess and conquer. Rutland was in control, to do good, and will people around him to be honest. Although Dorothea knew it was foolish to think this, but she felt like she knew him already so well. In the entirety of her companionship with Lord Barrett, Dorothea had never felt that she truly knew him, yet with Rutland, she felt she knew him. Her heart was somersaulting with each thought of Duke Rutland, and she closed her eyes, never wanting this feeling to end.
A few miles away, Rutland himself was awake, trying to read, but his mind wouldn’t allow him to concentrate. His treacherous heart an accomplice to his mind that was turning to head down a slippery slope. What had gotten into him? He was a man of honour, respectful of boundaries that one should dare not cross. Then why was he awake, unable to concentrate, his thoughts running over in circles and loops about Dorothea?
“Dorothea,” Rutland whispered, a breathless and sweet symphony to his ears.
She was to be married, engaged already and not available to be pursued, Rutland reminded himself. It was a wise decision to hide the attraction he felt. He had to hide and conceal it.
However, unbeknownst to the two, trouble already brewed in another bedroom chamber.
Chapter 5
The Aware Wolf:
L ord Barrett sneered, recalling the way Dorothea had smiled at Duke Rutland, the mongrel. Julian Barrett was a social man, respected by all and considerate to his colleagues. However, Duke Rutland did not fall into the category of such acquaintances. Yes, Julian met him and conversed, mingling as was required, yet it didn’t mean he appreciated the man openly engaging his fiancée in flirtatious conversations. Who did he think he was, seeking out a woman already promised to another man, that man being Julian?
Julian’s anger rose as he remembered his own fiancée, Dorothea, had done little to halt such advances from Duke Rutland. Julian had given her the benefit of doubt, choosing to ignore the first time he had seen them smiling coyly at the engagement ball. The gall of Duke Rutland to pursue her at her engagement party astonished Julian. However, he had overlooked it. Yet today, he could not do so anymore. Julian felt disrespected and humiliated. He had expected better from Dorothea, had expected her to show more class and composure. Yet she was at the end, the daughter of Samuel, the conniving and pitiful leech.
“I own them,” Julian said into the cold air of his balcony. “I’ll show them. Yes, I’ll teach Dorothea her lesson. I’ll discipline her.”
He drank the remaining brandy in his glass, throwing it across the room to hit the wall and smash into a dozen broken pieces. Julian stumbled back into the room, heading towards the mirror stationed above the dresser. He placed his hand on the wall next to the mirror, putting his face an inch away from it.
“You are the master of their lives!” Julian said to himself in the mirror. He hiccupped, smiling. “She’s nothing without you. Absolutely nothing, like her swag-bellied, deuced father.”
He moved to his bed, tripping on his feet and falling face down on the pillows. Julian would destroy anyone and anything that threatened the sanctity of the life he envisioned for himself. Sweet Dorothea was his, she had always been his. Ever since he had seen her, playing as a child, making his insides squirm. How dare she seek anyone else when she had him? Julian would make them all pay. A plan built in his head, one that had already entered his mind many times. He was not pleased with what he had seen, he would make them pay. He would not let his Dorothea, his trophy, slip from his fingers. She was his and his alone. She was his strumpet, to do with as he pleased and thought fit.
“She’s mine,” Julian whispered as the alcohol knocked him unconscious.
***
Dorothea opened her eyes, smiling for the first time genuinely in a few days. Ever sinc
e the luncheon, Dorothea had been left conflicted. However, over the last few days she had worked on toning down the desire and longing she felt for Rutland. They had met once since then, at a charity dinner, however, the whole night Lord Barrett had kept his arm around her waist, not letting her out of his sight. Dorothea had felt low-spirited because of this, as she had wanted to talk to Rutland and thought she wouldn’t be able to. Nonetheless, Rutland had surprised her yet again, by conversing even though Lord Barrett had been present. Dorothea had known that he had done this deliberately to aggravate Lord Barrett, who did not look pleased at all. Strangely, this had made Dorothea feel slightly better, and she had been feeling better since then. Although, she knew it was impossible and wrong, Dorothea wanted to meet Rutland again and talk to him. He was attentive and paid attention to her every word, not out of obligation but out of genuine interest.
Her heart content this lovely morning, Dorothea got out of bed, turning to head to the bathroom. She was about to wash her face when the bedroom door opened with a loud sound.
“MISS CAVENDISH!” Mrs Williams said, her voice panicked and loud.
Dorothea rushed out of the bathroom to meet her, worried as to what had happened.
“Mrs Williams? What’s the matter?” Dorothea asked, rushing to hold Mrs Williams who was shivering. “Has something happened??”
A look of pure fear overtook her face as she answered, “Mr Cavendish…”
The blood ran cold in Dorothea’s veins, freezing her body as the words registered in her mind. She could only imagine what this meant and prayed for her father as she ran out of the room calling out to him, “Papa!!”
A bemoaned prayer escaped her numb lips as no reply came. She ran down the stairs, willing herself to stay strong.
***
“No, no, no…” Dorothea whispered, rejecting the news the doctor had delivered to her. “No, I must see him! NO!”
“Miss Cavendish! Please, you must stay strong!” Mrs Williams choked out, hugging Dorothea to her chest, tightly.
“NO! HE’S NOT DEAD, NO!” Dorothea screamed out, wailing as the loss engulfed her every sense. “HE’S NOT DEAD!”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” the doctor said, with a perfected amount of sorrow and formality. “We’ll give you some space.”
Dorothea felt dumfounded, refusing to believe this wretched news that would tear down her whole world. “Not Papa… no, not Papa…” Dorothea sobbed, holding onto Mrs Williams for support. “Mrs Williams, he wouldn’t leave me, he wouldn’t do this.”
“Hush, dear, hush,” Mrs Williams consoled, holding back her own tears.
“Not Papa…” Dorothea said, her voice turning into a breathless whisper. She failed to stand upright, her senses numbing into blackness. “No—“
Before she could finish her sentence, Dorothea’s legs gave in and she fell, fainting.
“No, Dorothea! NURSE!!” Mrs Williams screamed, as Dorothea went numb in her elderly arms.
***
“Dorothea, dear, please. You must eat,” Mrs Williams cajoled Dorothea, holding the bowl of soup.
Dorothea lay in bed, bereft and numb to her surroundings. She was silent, unresponsive to Mrs Williams.
“Honey, please. This is not okay for your health,” Mrs Williams tried again, her eyes tearing up. “The doc—“
“I’d like to sleep,” Dorothea said, her voice low and weak. She was past caring for sustenance of her body, wanting only to feed off of the sorrow that had engulfed her for the past week.
“All right, dear. I’ll be right outside, if you need me,” Mrs Williams conceded, deciding to try again in an hour. She left, closing the door softly behind her. The sob that escaped Dorothea’s mouth did not go unheard, and Mrs Williams felt her own resolve waver.
Dorothea wept, missing her father’s presence and care. The only emotion that could overpower her depression was the anger she felt towards God.
“Why? Why me?” Dorothea moaned, wanting to claw out her heart from her aching chest. “You took everything from me!”
She did not know how she could ever find the power to overcome this obstacle that now seemed the only thing present in her hollow existence. Ever since the funeral, the day when her father, her only protector and parent, had been put in the ground, Dorothea felt enraged. She did not want to get out of bed, involve herself in any task. Everything seemed mundane and tedious, having lost all meaning. People were coming to visit, long-distant relatives reaching out to comfort her, yet Dorothea wanted nothing to do with it. She saw through the meaningless condolences, people pretending as if this affected them as much as it affected her. How could it? Their pain was nothing compared to the sea of turmoil Dorothea was drowning in. Samuel had been the only parent Dorothea had ever had, the only parent she ever could have. Even he was gone now, leaving her to deal with the hardships that now fell on her shoulders.
She didn’t know how to go on, knowing the dreadful life that awaited her. The man who had waited for this moment to come was waiting eagerly to increase her misery. Dorothea was too weak to deal with it, too afraid to negate him. More than ever before, knowing that now she was alone, her dear fiancé hadn’t even pretended to hide his pleasure, he hadn’t even pretended to be sorrowful or come to comfort her. Dorothea had never expected him to care, she didn’t want him to care. She only wanted to be set free of the chains he held around her body, a ventriloquist masterminding the puppet show that was her life.
Chapter 6
The Show Must
Go On:
T he Cavendish house was in mourning, a week had passed since Samuel had passed away, leaving them all shaken. However, as with all bad things, time was doing them the grace of healing, remedying their wounds. Dorothea felt an emptiness and ache, one that she knew would never fade, always reminding her of her late father. Upon Mrs Williams’s insistence, Dorothea willed herself to get out of bed, involve herself in tasks that engaged her mind, diverting it from depressive thoughts. With each day, Dorothea felt a bit better if not happy. However, all advancement was halted for the afternoon, as she dressed to meet Lord Barrett for luncheon. He had sent word yesterday evening, announcing that he’d be joining Dorothea the following afternoon to discuss an important matter.
Dorothea had been hesitant, having somewhat of an idea about what he wanted to discuss, but after much convincing from Mrs Williams she had agreed to send her acceptance to Lord Barrett. Now, Dorothea sat waiting in the parlour for him to arrive. She wondered why he had been absent for the past few days since she hadn’t seen him ever since the day after the funeral. The knock on the door alerted the household of a visitor’s arrival and Mrs Williams rushed to answer it. A minute later she was ushering Lord Barrett into the parlour. Once again, the charade of desiring his company started on Dorothea’s account.
***
“You look pale. Please start taking care of your appearance,” Lord Barrett said, patting the napkin on his face.
“Of course,” Dorothea said, mindlessly. She was far from paying any attention to what he said. Dorothea’s heart felt settled to break off the engagement, even more now that her father was not present to protect her.
“I have to inform you of something I’ve decided,” Lord Barrett said, trying to look concerned. “With your best interest as the only motive, of course.”
“Please go on,” Dorothea said, already knowing what he was going to say. His added statement of her betterment was a facade that Dorothea could see through as clearly as looking through glass.
“It is unwise for a woman your age to be living alone without any adult supervision,” Lord Barrett stated, his voice very serious.
“I have Mrs Williams with me at all times,” Dorothea said, with a hint of sarcasm at his attempt to back up his demand.
“Of course, needless to say, she is only an employee and I doubt she can be trusted, now of all times,” Lord Barrett said, ignoring the look of shock that took over Dorothea’s face.
This
was one of the many reasons Dorothea did not like the man sitting in front of her. His notion was that employees were servants and never to be trusted. Dorothea despised people who thought this way, considering Mrs Williams had been employed since before Dorothea was born and had been loyal to this day. She was the only family that Dorothea now had and the only person she looked forward to meeting and spending time with. Except Rutland, Dorothea thought and froze, shocked by her train of thought.
“Mrs Williams is the only person I would trust,” Dorothea said, making sure he understood that she truly was the only one.
“I admire your ability to see good in everyone. Regardless, my point is, as your fiancé, I think we should be married as soon as possible,” Lord Barrett said, with a hint of finality. “The end of the month is a sufficient amount for the preparation, I believe.”
Although Dorothea had expected this coming, she still was taken aback, her heart lunging back into the pit of sorrow. She searched in her mind for any reason to postpone his idea, set herself free, but nothing came up. There was no way to stop the inevitable.
“We need not rush, it is an important decision,” Dorothea said, her voice resigned.
“Alas, why wait? Unless there is something you have to say as objection,” Lord Barrett said, daring her with his eyes to contradict him.
“I would like to wait until the passing of Papa is not as fresh,” Dorothea said, her eyes tearing up.
“Dorothea, life doesn’t stop for anyone. Samuel knew that, especially when I saved him,” Lord Barrett said, indifferently shrugging his shoulder.
Dorothea felt her anger rise, knowing Lord Barrett had said that to remind her that her father had owed him. “I’m sure Papa would want me to be happy. I’d like to wait,” she said feebly, feeling frightened.
“Your father wanted many things, some that worked against him, as I’m sure you remember,” Lord Barrett said, his voice hinting towards menace. “In fact, it would’ve tarnished his reputation severely, if revealed to the public.”
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