Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “My favorite spot,” Hailey exclaimed in delight, balancing her coffee cup and plate holding her sandwich. “Now we get to see all the comings and goings.”

  “Because there are so many of them in Hartley Creek.”

  “There’s enough,” Hailey retorted. “Sit here long enough and something will happen.”

  Shannon laughed, got herself settled in and took a bite of the delicious panini.

  While they ate she and Hailey’s conversation covered Dan and his daughter, Natasha, Hailey’s upcoming teacher’s job at the school this fall. Their sister Naomi and her dying fiancé and Naomi’s eventual return to Hartley Creek. Nana and her health.

  Family, community—the things that mattered, Shannon thought as she wiped her hands on her napkin.

  Thankfully Hailey said nothing about Shannon’s upcoming job or when she would leave.

  The bell above the door tinkled again and a couple of young boys came into the café to flirt with Lacy Miedema and order a couple of cups of coffee. Before they left, they glanced Hailey and Shannon’s way and gave a quick wave.

  Shannon wasn’t sure whether they knew Hailey or her, but it didn’t matter. Small-town friendliness in action.

  “So, now that we got all that other stuff out of the way,” Hailey was saying as she wiped her hands on her napkin and turned to her sister with a grin, “let’s get back to Ben.”

  Shannon preferred not to. She wasn’t sure what to think and what to feel.

  “He seems to care about you,” Hailey was saying as she set her plate and cup on the table beside the couch.

  “How would you know that?” Shannon asked, taking a sip of her tea.

  “Okay, even before the whole him-taking-you-to-the-wedding thing, that time I came to the house with cupcakes he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Hailey leaned back in the couch and tucked her foot under her, settling in for a chat.

  Shannon didn’t reply to that.

  “At the church during the wedding? I had a good vantage point and could see him watching you most of the service. And we won’t even talk about the dancing.”

  “Then don’t,” Shannon said, looking down at the steam rising from her mug.

  Hailey was quiet and Shannon shot her a sidelong glance, hoping she hadn’t hurt her sister’s feelings. But Hailey’s grin was proof she hadn’t.

  Then Hailey grew serious. “You’re allowed to be happy, you know,” Hailey said. “I don’t think you need to get all hung up on the whole issue of him being Arthur’s brother.”

  Shannon pursed her lips, as if thinking. “You know, that’s not even an issue. Not anymore.”

  “Okay. That’s neatly out of the way. Why are you holding back?”

  Shannon took another sip of her tea, giving herself time to formulate thoughts she wasn’t even sure she had organized in her own mind.

  “I have my plans—”

  “It’s not like working in Chicago has been a life’s dream of yours,” Hailey interrupted, adding an abrupt wave of her hand as if wiping away Shannon’s objections.

  “No. But it is still part of my future plans, which, I might add, are coming closer and closer.” She took a slow breath. “I’m not sure I’m willing to change everything because of…because of a man.”

  “You know I was in the same situation with Dan,” Hailey replied.

  Shannon lowered her cup to her lap, cradling it between her hands. “You and Dan had a history. You used to date. Ben is just…well…”

  “He’s Ben. He’s attractive. He came to church with you and you two seem to have something kind of special going on. What’s the problem with that?”

  “It’s more than that.” Shannon put her cup down and turned to Hailey, folding her arms over her chest. “You weren’t as old as I was when Dad left, so I don’t know if it had the same effect. I was left behind twice. Once by Dad and once by Arthur. I don’t know if I dare take a chance again. I don’t know if I have the reserves to take that risk.”

  Hailey’s expression grew serious and she laid her head sideways against the back of the couch. “I remember Dad leaving. I was only eight, but I remember watching him packing up his suitcase then walking past me and out of the house. I felt helpless and unable to do anything. Plus, Mom moved out shortly after Dan’s brother died and so did Dan. So don’t think you’re the only one who knows about being left behind.”

  Shannon heard the latent pain in her usually happy-go-lucky sister and it tugged at her heart. “I’m sorry, Hailey. I wasn’t trying to make it look like I’ve had it so much tougher than you or Naomi. It’s just, after Dad, I felt like I was in charge of cleaning up behind him. Mom wasn’t much help and you were, as you said, only eight. After Arthur left, I was also in charge of the cleanup. I was the one who had to cancel the caterer, the flowers, the minister, the deejay, the hall, figure out what to do with table favors for two hundred people, decorations and all the other stuff.” Shannon caught herself as remnants of the old bitterness seeped into her voice. That was almost a year ago. She had moved on.

  Hailey’s expression softened and she reached over and took her sister’s hands in hers. “I never knew,” she said softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t do anything to help you.”

  Shannon squeezed Hailey’s hands in return. “That’s because I didn’t ask. Big-sister complex blended with a heavy dose of pride.” Their gazes held for a few more heartbeats and Hailey’s smile grew melancholy.

  “And you still have the dress.”

  Shannon thought of it, then laughed lightly. “Mostly because I didn’t know what else to do with it. In a town the size of Hartley Creek half of the single girls in town had already seen it and who wants to get married in a bad-luck dress?”

  “The only person with bad luck was Arthur for walking away on you.”

  “That doesn’t matter anymore,” Shannon said. “Ben made an interesting point. He was married, too, but he and his wife divorced. He told me that at least Arthur spared me that and he is right. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.”

  Hailey nodded her agreement, then released her sister’s hands and leaned back again.

  “So where does all this leave you and Ben?”

  Shannon caught a wisp of hair and twined it around her finger. “I think… I think I’d like to see where it goes. I think I really care for him. I don’t know if I dare change my plans.”

  “Do you care for him the same way you cared for Arthur?”

  Shannon took her words and weighed them, then shook her head. “No. I’ve known Ben for less time than I’ve known Arthur, but I can tell that Ben is much, much different. What I feel for him is deeper somehow. Wider even.”

  “Which makes it scarier, too, doesn’t it?” Hailey asked.

  Shannon nodded.

  “I think you need to pray about this,” Hailey said. “I also think you need to be open to where God is trying to bring you. Don’t let your plans get in the way of something wonderful.”

  Shannon heard the wisdom in her sister’s voice, then expelled a deep sigh.

  “I think you’re right,” she said.

  “I usually am,” Hailey replied with an airy wave of her hand. “You didn’t sign a contract with the hospital in Chicago did you?”

  “Not yet.”

  “So call them. Tell them that you’re postponing your arrival.”

  “That seems irresponsible.”

  Hailey leaned closer and grabbed Shannon’s hands. “I was in the same position as you. I know how scary this might be. But please, don’t give up on Ben because of a job you don’t need.”

  On an intellectual level Shannon found herself resisting Hailey’s encouragement. She had told the hospital in Chicago she was coming.

  But her heart
—oh, how it clung to the hope Hailey spoke of. The possibilities.

  “Don’t overthink this, sis,” Hailey said. “Give Ben a chance. It’s worth it.”

  Shannon let Hailey’s encouragement take her along. “Okay. I’ll call them this afternoon. Tell them to give me a month.”

  Hailey grinned. “A lot can happen in a month. My goodness, a lot can happen in a week.” Then she glanced at her watch. “I better get scooting. I promised Natasha I would take her to the library after lunch.”

  They bussed their cups and plates, but as they left Mug Shots, Hailey reminded her sister to make the phone call before she and Ben went out for the evening.

  The thought of her date with Ben quickened Shannon’s heart and her steps. She was going to spend time with Ben. And it was okay. As Hailey told her, she didn’t have to think so far ahead.

  Even as anticipation sang through her, tendrils of misgiving crept up. She brushed them aside. It would be okay. Everything would be okay.

  It had to be. Her heart couldn’t take the blow of being left behind again.

  Chapter Eleven

  The cool night air carried with it the sweet scent of the lilies growing against her nana’s house. The streetlights cast a watery glow over the street, creating intimate shadows on Nana’s porch.

  Shannon couldn’t help a tremor of anticipation as she and Ben made their way up the walk to the veranda.

  At the door, Shannon turned to Ben and smiled. His eyes were a glitter of black, his smile a slash of white.

  “Thanks for a wonderful evening,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her. “I’m glad we decided to forgo the movie.”

  “I’m glad I wore sensible shoes,” Ben said with a gentle laugh.

  The crowd of young kids and the movie listed on the marquee had made Shannon doubt how much she and Ben would enjoy the movie. So she had suggested a walk through town on the new trail the chamber of commerce had completed a month ago.

  It had taken them longer than she’d expected, but then, they hadn’t maintained a blistering pace. Hand in hand, they had meandered down the gravel path, along the river, up to the golf course, through the newest subdivision and then back along the old train bed beside the park to arrive back at Ben’s truck three hours later.

  The whole time they walked their long strings of conversation had taken as many turns as their feet had. They talked about movies they had seen, books they had read, places they wanted to see. They shared ideas, they even shared work stories, each from their own perspective.

  Best and most important of all, they talked about their faith. She discovered that while Ben had held on to his beliefs all through med school, it was his internship and his subsequent work in the E.R. that had tested him.

  Since coming to Hartley Creek he had felt as if his heart, overwhelmed and empty, had slowly been refilled. Nourished.

  Now they were back at the house and the evening was over. Shannon was exhausted, but she didn’t have to work until two the next day, so she had time to catch up on sleep.

  Ben, she understood, was finally helping his mother rearrange the furniture. That was as far as his plans went.

  “I hope you’re not too tired,” Shannon said, glancing down at Ben’s feet as if to make sure.

  “I’ve been on my feet longer than this,” he said. “I’m sure you have, too.” Ben fingered a lock of hair away from her face, then let his hand drift down to cup her cheek. “But you’ve got to admit, this was much nicer,” he said, his voice growing husky. Then, to Shannon’s surprise and delight, he bent over and followed the touch of his finger with his lips.

  A shiver danced down her spine and when he drew away, all she could do was smile.

  “I have to agree,” she said, her voice breathless. She laid her hand on his chest and then, stepping up on tiptoes, brushed a kiss over his mouth in return. “Much, much nicer,” she said.

  Ben chuckled and gently drew her in his arms, holding her close. “So what shifts are you working the next few days?”

  “I have four twelves starting at three o’clock tomorrow, and then I’m off until Monday.”

  After she had called the hospital in Chicago, she had immediately let her boss at Hartley Creek Hospital know she was available for a few more shifts. They had given her whatever she could work.

  “Why do you want to know?” She was fairly sure she knew the answer, but she wanted to play the coy girlfriend. Just for fun.

  “I have some plans,” he said, brushing another kiss over her forehead. “I was thinking of an excellent Thai restaurant in Cranbrook that Carter said you loved. Figured I might need someone like you to help me make exactly the right menu choices. I hate food regret.”

  “Food regret is one of the worst kinds.” She slipped her hand up his chest and let her fingers linger at the warmth of his neck. “I’m sure I could help you avoid that horrible situation.”

  “That’s great,” he said with a light chuckle. “I’m sure we’ll see each other over the next few days. We can firm up plans as the week goes by.”

  “Sounds good.”

  An easy, comfortable silence rose up between them. In the background Shannon heard the rhythmic croak of frogs, the hoot of an owl on the hunt, the muted swish of cars driving on the main street two blocks over.

  But her attention was riveted on Ben. His expression had grown serious, his eyes glittering in the dark.

  “You’re a very special person, you know,” he said, his voice pitched low. Intimate.

  His words resonated through the empty spaces of her life, filling them with emotions she didn’t think she would feel again.

  Better emotions. Purer emotions.

  Then he lowered his head and caught her mouth with his, his lips moving gently over hers, drawing out her own response. When he moved away it was as if all the breath had been pulled out of her body.

  She rested against him, her head tucked under his chin, her hand still holding on to him. “You make me feel as special as you say I am,” she replied, her voice muffled against his shirt.

  He stroked the top of her head with his chin. They stayed close to each other awhile longer; then Shannon reluctantly pulled back. “I should get to bed. Need my beauty rest.”

  “Not that badly,” he chuckled, gently releasing her. “You’re amazingly beautiful already.”

  “I’ll take that compliment,” she said with a smile, folding his words up in her mind, storing them up, along with the other memories of tonight, for later when she was alone.

  “Have a good sleep,” he said, brushing the back of his hand over her face.

  Shannon nodded. Then, fighting her impulse to move closer, she turned and slipped inside the house. She closed the door behind her, then leaned against it, resting her head on the wood, letting the events of the evening seep into her soul.

  She heard his footfalls echo on the wooden steps, then nothing, and she assumed he was cutting across the lawn to his mother’s house.

  Turning, she took a quick peek through the window beside the door only to see him looking back over his shoulder at the house, as if hoping to catch another glimpse of her.

  When he tossed off a quick wave, she knew he had seen her and in reply she waggled her fingers back. Then he turned and jogged across the lawn, his long legs easily closing the distance.

  She bent over, slipped her shoes off and slowly made her way up the stairs in her bare feet.

  When she turned on her bedside lamp she wondered if Ben could see. Wondered if he was watching her window. The thought warmed her heart and made her feel protected and comforted.

  She changed, then slipped into bed and took her Bible off the end table. The Bible her nana had given her to remind her of where her hope lay.

  Na
na had given the gifts with the unspoken hope that Shannon would change her mind about moving away. The only change Shannon had made was to postpone her move, and now she was postponing again.

  Had she done the right thing?

  Shannon put the question aside. She wasn’t sure what she could allow herself to think. For now she knew Ben was growing more important to her and slowly becoming a part of her life.

  While the thought gave her pause, she knew she needed to take the chance. She thought of Hailey’s comments about not letting her plans get in the way of something wonderful. Plans that grew hazier the more time she spent with Ben.

  Shannon settled back in her bed and turned to where she had stopped reading last night. She had been reading the Psalms and tonight it was Psalm 23, the Shepherd Psalm.

  Though the words were as familiar to her as her face, she read each word carefully, slowly, letting the Psalm refresh her soul.

  The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul, He guides me along the right paths.

  Shannon truly felt that for the past few days she had been led beside quiet waters. Her life had come through the valley of shadow and she had arrived at a good place.

  She finished reading, set the Bible aside and let her prayer of thankfulness rise up to God.

  No second thoughts attacked her when she was done. And as she snuggled down into her bed and pulled her blankets around her, she could still feel Ben’s arms holding her close.

  Feel his lips touching hers.

  Thank You, Lord, she prayed. Thank You for this man. I pray that I can let go of my fears and allow him into my life.

  She waited a moment, then turned off the light, rolled onto her side and let sleep claim her.

  * * *

  As the door of the administrator’s office of Hartley Creek Hospital fell closed behind him, Ben fought a last-minute burst of nervousness.

  Had he done the right thing? Was he thinking clearly?

  He took a step away from the door, glancing at the envelope of paperwork required of him.