Healing the Doctor's Heart
Page 16
He had made sure to come when Shannon wasn’t working. For some reason he wasn’t clear about, he didn’t want to run into her. He was fairly certain Daphne, the nurse he had met when Shannon had cut her knee, would fill Shannon in on all the details, but for this moment the decision was his and his alone.
Please, Lord, he prayed, Let me make the right decision for the right reasons.
The involuntary prayer surprised him yet gave him a measure of peace.
He glanced around the hospital again, quiet now. The pervasive scent of disinfectant brought back a sense of expectation. Things happened in this place.
Even as he formulated this thought, he heard the familiar wail and caught the strobing light of an ambulance as it pulled up to the doors.
The quiet and peace fled as the doors flew open and the paramedics burst into the hospital, joined by a nurse and one of the doctors Ben had just met.
Symptoms and jargon chattered between them, a rapid-fire balance of information and questions.
“…Cyanotic and dyspneic.”
“Possible pulmonary embolism.”
He had to stop himself from running over and joining in as he recognized the symptoms the paramedics rattled off. A jolt of dismay flashing through him. Guy might not live.
Death. Again.
But right behind that came Shannon’s comment about choices and how it was his job to deal with what was at hand.
He also thought of the people she had pointed out at the picnic and the lives that had been saved. The lives that bore witness to the work done in this very E.R.
He waited until the paramedics, nurse and doctor were behind the curtain of the E.R., then slowly walked toward the door.
He shot a glance over his shoulder as he left. He missed this, he realized. Missed the energy and the challenge. Missed the shot of adrenaline that came with challenging cases and the race against time.
He missed being a participating member of society and missed using the gifts given to him.
He pushed the door open and stepped into the sunshine, then walked toward his truck, drawing in a long, steadying breath. The hospital was located at the edge of town, close to the highway, and yet, even from here, the ever-present mountains stood guard.
A group of kids drove by on their bikes, laughing as they raced each other toward the ice cream store. A car pulled up and a young mother stepped out, opening the door and taking a little girl out of the car seat in the back.
Ben could see the strain on the mother’s face as she clutched her child close, hurrying to the emergency department. He wanted to rush over to her side, ask what the symptoms were, see what he could do, but she was already down the stairs and had stepped through the doors before he could respond.
Another time, he reminded himself, feeling the responsibility of his work.
Shannon had been right, he thought as he unlocked his truck. He was a doctor. Now, if he decided to take the offer, he was going to be a doctor in Hartley Creek.
He knew Shannon was sleeping right now; otherwise, he would have phoned her to talk to her about it. That was okay. A much better time to discuss it would be tonight over dinner.
The thought of their date put a smile on his lips and a cliché spring in his steps.
* * *
“So, no food regret?” Shannon teased, reaching across the wooden table of the restaurant and stroking his hand.
“You are a genius,” Ben said, smiling as he captured her fingers in his. “And this place is deserving of our patronage.”
Indeed, the ambience of the place added to the food experience. With low ceilings, subdued music, globe lanterns and fanciful Thai decorations with their bright colors on the walls and tables, he felt as if he and Shannon had been immersed in another culture.
And the food…
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” she said, her fingers tracing gentle circles on the back of his hand.
“We’ll have to come here again,” he said.
“Good idea, but there are a lot of restaurants in Hartley Creek we have to eat at yet. Sabrosa’s has excellent Mexican food and the Curry Bowl is always, always worth a visit. Never mind the Lost Mitten. Or the Royal if you want the best burger you’ve ever eaten.”
Ben grinned at her enthusiasm.
“Sounds like we’ll be busy for the next couple of months.”
“Always something to look forward to in Hartley Creek,” she said quietly, giving him a gentle smile.
He leaned forward and stroked her cheek. Things had become so comfortable between them the past week. A couple of days ago, when she’d come off her shift, he and his mother had had dinner with Shannon and her grandmother. The next night she had been invited to his mother’s place.
He’d cooked and she’d been properly impressed. Always a good thing.
“So now that you’ve finished the yard work, do you have any new projects?” Shannon asked.
“I’m running out of things to do. I don’t imagine your grandmother has any new jobs for me?”
Shannon shook her head, her eyes glinting in the dim light. “I’m sure she could come up with something, but for now, I think she’s willing to simply enjoy being in the house.”
“It’s nice for her that you’re there.”
Shannon nodded, looking distracted. “It is, but I have to make a decision about my living arrangements fairly soon.”
He guessed she was talking about her job in Chicago.
Questions hovered, waiting to be voiced, but he held back. Though he knew things were shifting and changing between them, growing more serious, he was still unsure of what he was allowed to expect from the relationship.
What he was allowed to say.
Shannon glanced up at him, a question in her eyes. He held her gaze and decided to take a chance.
“You could stay in Hartley Creek,” he said.
She tilted her head to one side, her smile growing. “I suppose I could. If I had a good reason to.”
He swallowed, old fears and pain rearing up, warning him. But he pushed them down. He had paused and hesitated and evaded long enough. For too long he had let circumstances dictate what he would do.
It was time to step out in faith.
Sending up a quick prayer for courage and strength, he began.
“I’m hoping that I can…” Still, he hesitated, and in that moment Shannon’s phone rang.
He pulled back, annoyed at the interruption.
When he looked down at the call display on her phone lying on the table beside their joined hands, his annoyance shifted to dread.
The number on the screen was Arthur’s.
Shannon frowned at her phone, then, pulling her hand loose from Ben’s, snatched her phone up. She leaped up from the table, turning away from Ben as she hurried away.
Her eagerness sent a warning chill down his spine and he felt a flurry of emotions riffle through him. Pain, anger, frustration and, worst of all, fear.
Why was his brother calling her?
And why was she so eager to be alone to talk to him?
He sat back, his heart thumping heavily in his chest. He had come so close to making some kind of declaration. The next move in the relationship. Some basic commitment to staying here and encouraging her to rethink her plans based on his feelings for her.
He dragged his hands over his face and sucked in a long, slow breath, gathering his scattered emotions.
So close.
Shannon was back remarkably quickly, her face flushed and her eyes bright with what? Anticipation? Joy?
She slipped into her seat and dropped her phone into her purse, avoiding his gaze.
He didn’t want to think too deeply about that.
Ben shook his head. “Just the bill, please.”
His curt tone erased her friendly smile and for a moment he regretted speaking so abruptly. But what could he say?
The woman I am falling for is still infatuated with my louse of a brother?
He pulled out his wallet, not even looking across the table at Shannon, not sure if he wanted to see the happiness on her face. Not sure he wanted to know how excited she was to be hearing from his brother.
The drive back home was quiet, Ben’s mind chasing a dozen thoughts and catching none of them.
His brother had called Shannon. The ex-fiancé of the woman he’d hoped would be willing to see him as more than a boyfriend.
He had come perilously close to asking her to make the next move in the relationship.
He glanced over at Shannon, but she was looking out the window, as if she couldn’t face him. On the one hand he wanted to know what was going through her head.
On the other, not.
As they came through the tunnel, Ben thought again of the picture Shannon had showed him in the rocks. The Shadow Woman. Waiting for her lost love to return.
Was that Shannon?
He pushed the doubts to the back of his mind. He was being paranoid. Just because his brother had called, didn’t mean Shannon would welcome him with open arms.
You don’t know for sure what’s going on. Ask her.
He couldn’t. Not as long as she sat in the truck, silent, clutching her phone as if clinging to the remnant of the conversation she’d had with his brother.
By the time they got to her grandmother’s house, tension gripped his neck and he felt as if he were reliving some of his less memorable high school dates.
The ones where no one dared say anything because neither dared be the first one to take the risk and potentially be shut down.
He dutifully walked around the truck, opened her door and let her out. She didn’t take his hand as they walked to her grandmother’s veranda, but when they got to her grandmother’s door, she turned to him, laying her hand on his chest.
“Thanks for a lovely evening,” she said quietly, smiling up at him. “I had a great time. I hope you did, too.”
“Fantastic,” he said with forced enthusiasm. He wasn’t completely lying. He’d had a great time until his brother’s phone call. His mind ticked back to the dress still hanging in her closet and he wished he could dismiss it.
He couldn’t because the dress was still there, a physical reminder of what Shannon had lost. A reminder that she couldn’t let go.
Her smile shifted, as if sensing his reticence. “Well, have a good sleep,” she said quietly, shifting away from him.
He wanted to pull her close, kiss her again, chase the doubts beating like moths against his tired brain.
Instead he took her hand in his and received a wavering smile. “I better go. Got a busy day tomorrow. Lots to do.” He waited a moment to give her a chance to make the first move. To show him something.
“One other thing. That morning concert at the park tomorrow?” she asked, “I have to bail on you. Something else has come up.”
“I thought you didn’t have to work,” he said, throwing out the comment casually. As if he didn’t suspect Arthur was the reason she was canceling.
“I don’t” was her cryptic response.
Ben’s heart faltered at her evasiveness, but there was nothing more to say.
“Okay. That leaves me free to do some of the things I’ve been wanting to do.” He waited a few seconds, giving her one more chance to make some move, give him some idea of where her heart lay.
She stood with her head bowed, braiding her fingers together. She was so beautiful, and though his heart ached, he couldn’t stop himself.
He caught her by the shoulders and gave her a quick kiss then released her. “Goodbye, Shannon,” he whispered. “Hope things go well for you.”
Then he turned and left, doubts and worries and Arthur’s shadow chasing him back home.
Chapter Twelve
So now what was he supposed to do?
Ben looked at the paperwork he had gotten from the hospital. Paperwork that was required before he could be hired. He’d been trying to read it for the past hour, but the words simply wouldn’t register.
As he shuffled through the papers, all he could think about was Arthur calling Shannon.
And Shannon going to meet his brother today.
In itself that wouldn’t have bothered him. What concerned him was he only knew this for certain because his mother told him. He and Arthur hardly every spoke, which was the fallout of lives moving on completely different trajectories for so long. But that Shannon hadn’t said anything about the date stung.
You don’t know if it’s a date.
What else could it be? She and Arthur had a long history. Shannon still had the wedding dress in her house, as if she couldn’t let go of that relationship.
Ben dragged his hands over his face and tried to focus on the papers in front of him. Did he really want to do this if Shannon returned to Arthur?
The door from one of the guest rooms down the hall creaked open and Ben glanced at the clock. His brother was up earlier than he had figured.
Why shouldn’t he be? He had a hot date with Shannon.
“Hey, bro, I’m home,” his brother called out.
When Ben had come back from seeing Shannon, it was to a note from his mother saying Arthur was coming back tonight. Wasn’t that nice?
Really nice, Ben had thought. Now his brother was awake and Ben had to pretend he was happy to see him.
Ben gathered up the papers on the table and shoved them in an envelope. He didn’t want his brother or his mother to see even an inkling of his plans.
As he got the last papers in, his brother walked into the kitchen, whistling, grinning from ear to ear. His blond hair stuck up in all directions, and though Ben knew he hadn’t come in until late last night he still looked fresh and bright-eyed.
“Good to see you, man,” Arthur said, grabbing his brother’s hand and pulling him close for a manly hug. His brother gave him two thumps on the back, but then Ben quickly pulled away.
Arthur had never been much for shows of affection, but then neither was Ben so he couldn’t complain.
“So, you’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you,” Arthur said, his one hand still on his brother’s shoulder. “I heard you’re not working as a doctor anymore, either. Whats with that?”
“I had stuff going on.”
“Yeah. I heard about Saskia. Sorry, bro.” Arthur was quiet for a few seconds, as if contemplating life and death, but very quickly his smile returned. Serious moment was over.
“Heard you got a lot done here for Mom,” he said. “Got any other plans?”
Ben fingered the envelope in his hands. “I’ve got a few irons in the fire” was all he said. There was no way he was telling Arthur his plans. Not when his brother looked so pleased with himself. “What about you? How’s the new car dealership working out for you?”
“Fantastic. Got top salesman of the year again, so I’m thinking it’s time to branch out. Start up my own business.” Arthur leaned back against his mother’s countertops, shoving his hand through his hair, and just like that, it was neat again. “Got a good reason to.”
“What do you mean?” Ben gave him a frown, not sure he wanted to hear what Arthur had to say.
“I’m meeting Shannon this morning.”
“Yeah. Mom told me.”
“She’s a great gal and I still can’t belie
ve I did what I did to her. I’m going to tell her that, too. I don’t blame her if she can’t forgive me, but she’s such a sweetheart, I’m sure she will.” Arthur punctuated the comment with a grin. “I’m hopeful.”
“Okay. That’s good, I think.”
Arthur’s expression grew serious. “You don’t sound happy about that.”
Ben replied with his own laconic shrug. No way was he getting all kiss-and-tell with his brother. Thankfully it sounded as though their mother hadn’t said anything to Arthur. That was a small mercy at least.
“Anyway, I thought I’d stick around for a bit after I see her,” Arthur continued. “I’ve got a few plans, but I want to see how things go between us. I heard she was moving to Chicago. She’s got a job there. I think it’s a fantastic idea. So we’ll see how things progress.”
Ben tapped the envelope he held against his leg, feeling suddenly foolish about his own plans. His mind ticked back to last night. The palpable reserve surrounding Shannon after Arthur’s phone call. Now Arthur’s ebullient spirits.
And what was he going to do about that?
What could he do?
“That’s good you’re staying around,” he said with forced enthusiasm. “I was thinking of heading out into the mountains for a couple of days. Do some hiking. If you’re sticking around I don’t have to worry about Mom being on her own while I do.”
He was making things up as he went, but he had his reasons.
He didn’t want to be a spectator to any potential reunion between Shannon and Arthur if, indeed, things went as well as Arthur hoped.
And if Shannon truly still yearned for Arthur, he didn’t want to get in the way.
“That’s a great idea,” Arthur said. “You could use some time to yourself. You’ve been busy working your fingers to the bone on Mom’s place and Nana Beck’s place.” Arthur sighed. “You always were the more responsible one.”
Irritation surged through him, but he quashed it. Yes. He’d been the one to do Arthur’s dirty work and now he was making it easy for Arthur to potentially break Shannon’s heart again.
You don’t know that.
Ben thought of the intimate moments he and Shannon had shared. The reality was he had known Shannon for a far shorter time than Arthur had. And Shannon and Arthur had history. Maybe his brother only needed to grow up. Maybe Shannon needed to give him another chance.