“No, we agreed to spend time apart. Give him a chance to figure out his new life.” I felt nauseous just talking about it, and it was evident in my voice.
Minty offered me a regretful look. She knew how down I’d been ever since Julian and I agreed to part ways.
“You know, I wish you’d never given me the Una Dea card at the party, Minty.” I shook my head. “It’s not your fault, but in hindsight, I wish this whole thing never happened.”
Minty rubbed my back as we waited to cross the street. “You know, the best thing for a broken heart is to get back on the horse.”
I snickered. “No way. And if you think I’m going to ask Gia for more work, you’re crazy. I’m not cut out for this. I couldn’t even handle one client without getting my feelings hurt.”
I crossed my arms as I waited impatiently for the traffic light to let us pass. “I quit the agency.” I looked at Minty. “I’ve already told Gia.”
Minty nodded in understanding. “I can’t say I’m surprised. What are you going to do for work?”
“I guess I’m back on the job market.” I gave her a sarcastic grin as we finally got the signal and crossed the road. “At least I saved up enough money from escorting to last me to the end of the semester. But I’ll need a way to pay my rent after that because my internship is unpaid.”
For the rest of the way to the design studio, we discussed possibilities of local places where I could submit my resume. When we arrived at Anzai’s studio, he took me into his office while Minty waited outside.
“I think you’ll probably be wanting this back.” He collected something off his desk and handed it to me.
My forehead wrinkled. It was my sketchbook. I flipped through the pages to check it was mine, and then I looked back up at him. How the hell did he have this?
Anzai smirked. “Julian. He showed it to me when I was over at his place a little while ago. Apparently, you left it in his car.”
Of course, I did. The night we staked out Cole’s house. All this time I thought that I’d misplaced it at college. I’d even gone to the office to ask if it had been handed in. I was relieved to have it back.
“Well, thank you for getting it back to me.” I wondered why he’d gone to the trouble of asking me to come here just to get this. “But, you know, I’m absolutely mortified that Julian showed this to you.”
Anzai leaned against his desk. “Well, that’s why I asked you down here. The designs in that book are phenomenal. Not just for a young designer, but for any designer.”
That was the last thing I was expecting him to say.
“And, I’ve seen your handiwork in person.” He tapped his pencil against the wooden desk. “Even if it was a complete mess by the time I saw it.”
“Oh.” I remembered back to how he praised my dusty pink gown the night I’d come in here with Julian. I thought he was just being polite. “You really liked that?”
“I loved it. The work you put into that applique… It shows real tenacity, and willingness to put in hard work… Attention to detail. What I’m trying to say, Lola, is that I want to hire you as a junior designer here for my studio.”
“What?” My mouth fell open.
Was I dreaming? Was this some prank? Was a cameraman about to jump out from behind a pot plant and tell me that this was all a practical joke?
“It’s a paid position. Long hours, terrible health insurance, and even shittier coffee.” He paused. “But, you get to design clothes for a living. You’ll be a real designer. And maybe in a few years, you’ll have enough experience to have your own line... the possibilities are endless. So what do you say?” He walked behind his desk and sat down, waiting for me to respond.
I could hardly believe my luck. I could have hugged him.
“Yes. Yes. Yes.” I squeezed my sketchbook until my knuckles were white.
Anzai looked at me over his glasses and smiled. “Good. Then you start in two weeks.”
* * *
After I said goodbye to Minty, I couldn’t wait to see Julian so I could thank him.
I ran to the subway, and before I knew it, I was standing in front of his door. Maybe this meant that he was thinking about me. If he’d been showing my sketches to Anzai...
Excited to see Julian’s reaction to my good news, I knocked on the door. I bounced on my heels, waiting for him to answer. The door opened, and as I spun around to greet him, my face dropped.
It wasn’t Julian at all. It was Hannah.
She furrowed her brow. “What are you doing here?”
I flicked my hair behind my ear. “Oh, I just wanted to see Julian. He did me a favor and I—”
She interrupted me. “He’s not here right now. And to be honest…” Her eyes told me that she pitied me. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come around here anymore. Julian and I are trying to mend things. We have a child together, and we’re trying to work things out.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Oh. Of course.” I stepped backwards. “I’m sorry.”
“Look, honey. I know that you and Julian had some fling. And I know he is a hard guy to forget.” She looked me up and down. “But things are different now. He might have a chance at a real family. Do you really want to ruin that for him?”
“No. I would never want to…” I scraped my shoe against the ground, feeling awkward. “I should go.”
“You should.”
I walked down the steps. I peered back at Hannah, who watched me from the doorway for a moment before slamming it shut.
My heart pounded in my chest. They were already playing family.
I didn’t want to cry. I was so damn sick of crying.
I skipped down the rest of the steps and onto the sidewalk. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to be near his house or his neighborhood. I didn’t even want to be in New York.
My walk turned into a jog as I got to the end of the street. I didn’t stop for anything or anyone. I dashed across roads, only narrowly avoiding cars.
The second I got home, I pulled out my phone and dialed my mom.
“Hey there Lola, what’s up?”
“I’m coming home. I need a few days to clear my head.”
There was silence on the other end before my mother responded. “Well, the door is always open, you know that.”
I flopped down on my bed with the phone up to my ear. “I miss you, Momma. I miss One Tree.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lola
I never thought I’d be relieved to be back at One Tree Valley. But the second I saw the old wooden houses, the open fields fertile with early summer seedlings, and finally, my mom waiting for me on the front porch of our pretty two-bedroom cottage… I knew I’d made the right choice. This was the palette cleanser that I needed. Even if it meant that I had to deal with my mother’s “I told you so” speeches.
After I settled in, Momma and I sat at the little round table in her kitchen and shared a pot of herbal tea. It was so good to see her, and she seemed happy and healthy. Her long blond hair was tied back in a loose bun, and her slim, athletic frame was covered up by her oversized flannel shirt. Even when she was worried about me, she still looked beautiful. I’d always told her she could have her pick of men if she considered dating again, but she was convinced that her time was better spent elsewhere.
“I know you prefer coffee, but I haven’t kept it in the house since you left.” She poured me a mug and then place down the teapot. “You know I hate that stuff.”
“I know, Momma.” I warmed my fingers on the outside of my mug.
I felt more settled than I had in months. Maybe it was just because everything around me was so familiar, so comfortable. We were sitting at the table where I did my home-school work growing up. It also doubled as a workbench when the harvest came in, and we spend days upon days chopping and curing vegetables that we could use over winter.
The tiny living room barely had enough room for a sofa and coffee table. Its walls were covered
with photographs of me, Momma, and our friends from the commune. I don’t think this place had changed in twenty years. And right now, that felt good.
“I wasn’t exactly expecting this visit. I know we don’t talk a lot about what’s going on in your life…” Mum knitted her eyebrows together.
“Only because you don’t want to hear it.” I blew on the hot liquid in my cup.
She leaned back in the chair and folded her arms. “I suppose… I just worry about you, that’s all. And maybe I am getting used to the idea of you living in the city. That doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”
I sighed. Was she ever going to accept my choices? Was it always going to be a point of contention with her?
“Tell me what’s got you so down and running all the way back here. I thought you were getting along fine in New York.”
“It’s hard to explain.” I gazed out the window.
There were certain things I couldn’t tell her, obviously…
“It’s about a boy, isn’t it?” Momma shook her head.
“How did you know?”
She chuckled. “At your age, it’s always about boys.” She took a sip from her drink. “Is it Noah? You know, I always thought you two would make a sweet couple. If only that boy had his head screwed on right. He could have done well here if he’d stayed, instead of running off to write books.”
I smirked. “No, it isn’t Noah. We’re just friends. It’s this other guy in my life… I just came home because I need time away from it all.”
“Did he break your heart?” Momma placed her hand on mine. “Because men will do that.”
“He didn’t mean to.” I felt my bottom lip tremble, but I wasn’t going to breakdown right there in front of her. “He didn’t deliberately break my heart, but my heart’s still broken, anyway.”
Momma nodded, as if she understood instinctively.
Sensing my hesitation, she changed the topic, and we spent the next hour or two catching up. She updated me on what was new around the commune, and I finally got the courage to tell her about my job offer with Anzai Aki. Maybe because she didn’t want to kick me when I was down, she listened intently. She didn’t speak much or even congratulate me, but her silence was almost as good as approval. And I think she knew all I needed right then were the comforts of home, and her ear to lean on.
* * *
That evening I sat curled up on my old bed with my journal. The bed was still covered with the patchwork quilt that Momma had made when I was twelve. Each patch was cut from pieces of clothing that I’d worn in my childhood.
When I was a teenager, I only ever saw this place as a prison, something that held me back. But having lived in New York for a few years and knowing how others were brought up, I could see that I had a different kind of freedom here.
We rode bikes, hiked, played in the gardens, and even helped build houses for new residents. Sometimes all of that in the space of one day. We had more responsibility than other kids our age because of our duties and the pressure of doing our part for the greater good of the group. But we also had no Internet, no cell phones or celebrities… We really were just kids. Not like the kids in the city, who seemed to grow up so soon.
After I’d finished journaling, I closed up my diary and saw a pink paper peeking out from the back. I chuckled as I pulled it out. It was “The List”. My ridiculous list. It was ironic because everything on it matched Noah perfectly. Yet we were totally incompatible. On the other hand, Julian didn’t fit the criteria at all, yet everything about him made my heart skip a beat.
“Screw it.” I ripped up the paper and threw it in the trash can in the corner of my room. Ticking boxes wasn’t going to find me my prince charming. It took some harsh lessons over the last few months to really know that first-hand.
A faint buzzing drew my attention to my cell phone, which vibrated against the nightstand. I picked it up and saw Noah’s name flashing on the screen. Butterflies flooded my stomach… We hadn’t talked since the night we’d had that massive argument.
I paused. Was I even ready to speak to him? To face home truths.
I glanced around at my childhood bedroom, remembering all the times Noah had snuck in here to give me magazines.
I sighed. There was more at stake here than just my ego — our friendship was more important than that.
“Hey, Noah.” I spoke nervously.
“Hey, Lola-pop.” His usual upbeat voice sounded regretful.
There was silence for a moment. Neither of us knew what to say next — or who would speak first.
“I’m sorry.” Noah let the words out in one quick breath. “It’s been killing me not talking to you, Lola. I came by your apartment, but you weren’t there. That’s why I called.”
“Yeah, I’m back home for a few days.”
“Wow. Things are that bad, huh?”
I laughed ironically. “They are. And I’m glad you called. You don’t need to be sorry. I’m the one who should be sorry. I lied to you.”
Noah sighed. “I get why you did it. I guess I was just scared for you. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“I know.” I paused for a moment. “I wish things weren’t so fucked up between us. I wish things weren’t so fucked up in general.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, they are, but I have a lot to do with that. You know, I’ve been thinking about that night I tried to kiss you when I’d just broken up with Nina. I was completely rebounding, and it wasn’t fair to do that to you. I realize that now.”
I was surprised by his honesty, and offered my own. “You know, I didn’t reject you because I was trying to hurt you… I just don’t feel that way about you anymore. I thought I did. But I don’t want to lose you as a friend, that’s the most important thing.”
“I don’t want to lose our friendship either,” Noah replied. “So maybe we should make a pact to never try to kiss each other again?”
I smiled. “Yeah, I think that’s for the best.”
I heard my mom calling from another room, announcing dinner.
“Hey, I’m glad you called. But I gotta go, dinner is ready. You know how my mom gets.”
“Yes, I remember. Whatever you do, don’t keep her waiting.” His voice sounded lighter. “Hey, I’m glad we talked. Let’s catch up when you come back to the city?”
“I can’t wait, Noah. See you soon.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Julian
I sauntered into the kitchen to get my third glass of bourbon that night. Moira was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner.
She flashed me a disapproving look. “That stuff isn’t going to solve all your problems.” She placed dishes into the cabinet. “Only numbs the pain.”
“That sounds pretty good right about now.”
Moira shook her head. “Are Hannah and Ben coming by again tomorrow?”
I had put Hannah and Ben up in a hotel close by, until we could find a place for them to rent in the long-term. The three of us had been spending most days together, particularly since I received the results of the paternity test, which was positive. Ben was definitely my kid, and I couldn’t get enough time with him. It just so happened that Hannah had been around the house a little more than Moira would have liked.
“You know, I don’t like that girl. She’s bad news.” She gritted her teeth as she wiped down the bench.
I leaned against the kitchen counter, watching her. “I know you don’t like her.”
“You don’t like people in general. “I took a big gulp of bourbon. “Except for me.”
“That’s not true!” She wrinkled her forehead. “I like Benjamin. He’s a sweet child. Very smart, like his father. And you know I didn’t mind that Laura girl you dated, she was much more tolerable than this Hannah.”
“Her name is Lola, not Laura… and we weren’t dating.” I placed down my glass, suddenly feeling like I couldn’t stomach anything.
She looked at me skeptically. “I don’t know what went on between you
two, but you’ve been in a rotten mood for days, and it’s intolerable. If you were my son, I would give you a stern talking-to about your attitude. That’s why I was so exasperated when Hannah turned that girl away at the door the other day. I thought maybe you two had mended fences.”
“What girl?”
Moira rolled her eyes. “Keep up. Laura or Lola or whatever her name is. She came to the door and Hannah answered. You were at work, and Hannah told the poor girl to never come back.”
Moira looked at me as if I was stupid for not having known. “Didn’t Hannah tell you?” she asked. “She told me that she was going to mention it to you, that’s why I didn’t.”
I stepped forward and leaned over the bench. “You’re telling me that Lola came past here, just a few days ago to talk with me?”
Moira nodded.
“Hannah didn’t mention anything.”
Lola had come by to see me? I thought she wanted us to keep our distance. After she’d come over that day and I told her about Benjamin, she couldn’t get out of here fast enough. I didn’t blame her. Why would a 22-year-old girl want to be involved with a 30-year-old guy who suddenly has a kid and an ex-who clearly wants more?
“I think Hannah was trying to get Lola out of the picture, so she would have a better shot with you,” Moira said.
I slammed my hand down on the kitchen bench. “Hannah.”
We’d spoken about this time and time again. Just because she was back didn’t mean I was going to accept her into my life like before. When I first set eyes on her, there was no doubt that old feelings swelled back to the surface. But at the same time, I could never forget what she did to me.
I was willing to give things a try, to at least be friends and see where it led for the sake of our son… and because she said she still loved me. But as the days had worn on and we spent more time together, I realized how little we had in common, and how much my feelings had changed.
Obsession: Seven Vices Series Page 18