Tears of a Clown

by MB Mulhall

  “Are you saying he drugged and raped her?!” Darcy threw her hands up.

  “NO! Not Judd! Remember, he doesn’t remember anything that happened that night either. It had to be someone else…”

  “Who? Who would have done such an awful, cowardly thing?” Darcy bit the inside of her cheek.

  “I…have an idea, but no proof.” His eyes narrowed.

  “And I guess you’re not going to say who…”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want to just sling accusations. It’s not right.” He growled.

  “You’re too nice sometimes.” She smirked.

  “Yeah, I suppose…” He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes.

  “So it’s very possible they’ve been telling me the truth all along and I’ve been the horrible one to not believe them?”

  “Probably.” He dropped his head.

  “How does one make up for that?” She put a hand on his shoulder.

  “By being honest and apologizing?” He pulled her into a tight embrace.

  “I can try that.” She smiled and hugged him back.

  A throat clearing caused them to jump apart.

  “Sorry, are we interrupting?” Jazz asked, her hands on her hips, Mandy and Judd looking on from behind her.

  “Nope. Just having a heart to heart,” Darcy said climbing back onto her stool. She hoped her face wasn’t red, but figured it probably was. Judd pointedly looked in the other direction.

  “Let’s get this show started,” Jazz proclaimed, coming to stand behind the island. She had pulled all the ingredients and equipment they would need.

  “Recipe?”

  Darcy stood and fished a piece of paper out of her pocket. It had been folded several times. Jazz grabbed it out of her hand and flattened it out. She barked out instructions: Pre-heat the oven, mix the dry ingredients, chop the prunes into tiny pieces. Everyone but Judd got busy.

  It was Darcy’s duty to dice the prunes. She was working slowly, in order to not cut herself. Judd sat on the tabletop watching her work. He turned to his sister.

  “Are you sure you should have given the clumsy clown the chopping job? You might burn your brownies while you’re rushing her to the ER.”

  “Judd, drop it,” his sister growled.

  “Hey! Darcy makes dinner all the time at home. She’s good in the kitchen,” Mandy came to her sister’s defense. Darcy smiled at Mandy’s compliment and then promptly cut herself.

  “Shit!” She dropped the knife and stuck her finger in her mouth. Judd shoved off the table top and came over to her.

  “This is all your fault,” she said around her finger.

  He rolled his eyes and gently tugged on her wrist. Her finger slid out of her mouth in a much more seductive manner than she had thought she was capable of. Eyes widened as she saw him swallow hard. His gaze quickly moved from her mouth to her finger.

  “It’s not too bad, but let’s get it cleaned up and put a Band-Aid on it. I think Junie has some Dora ones that will be perfect for you.”

  “Because I’m a girl?”

  “Because you act like you’re six.” Annoyed, she wretched her wrist from his grasp.

  “It’s fine. I’ll just wash my hands.” He sighed, loudly.

  “Does she ever listen to things you guys say? Or is it just me she ignores?” Steam shot out her ears as she threw the bloody knife into the sink.

  “Go to Hell Judd. Who’s been doing all the ignoring lately?” She stormed off to the downstairs bathroom where she locked herself in. She sat down on the closed toilet and began wrapping toilet paper around her finger, trying to hold back the tears. Why would Judd say such a thing when he’s the one who pushed her away and ignored her? Dropping her head into her hands, she took a few deep shaky breaths before she heard a quiet knock on the door.

  “Occupied.”

  “Really? Here I thought a closed locked door meant vacancy. Open up, please.” Darcy stood and wiped her eyes, hoping the unshed tears didn’t leave her eyes looking red and bloodshot. When she opened the door, she found Jazz waiting, looking sympathetic. The small girl pushed her way into the bathroom with Darcy and shut the door behind her. She motioned for Darcy to resume sitting.

  “TP band-aid? How mummy-chic and unsanitary. Let’s take that off and put a real one on, shall we?” Darcy sat quiet, holding her hand out for Jazz to play doctor. Jazz cleaned it up and put one of the baby’s pink Dora band-aids over the cut.

  “Alllll better. If you had let Judd do it, maybe you would have gotten an extra special sucker from the doctor,” Jazz said with a leer, hoping to cheer her friend up, but Darcy didn’t even crack a smile.

  Jazz crouched down so she could look Darcy in the eye.

  “He didn’t really mean anything by it you know. You just both seem to suffer from foot in mouth disease, not to mention you’re touchier than a kinesthetic octopus.” Darcy scratched her head at that one. “He wanted to come apologize, but I told him to give you some space. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?” Darcy glumly nodded her head. Jazz patted the red springy curls. “He retreated to his room for a while, so you’re safe to come out whenever, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Jazz smiled and left her friend alone on her porcelain throne. Darcy sat there, staring at her pink Band-Aid, thinking about how she overreacted. Jazz was right, she was too sensitive. She decided she should go find Judd and apologize.

  Cracking the door open, she peeked into the hall. The coast was clear. Quiet as a mouse, she crept up the stairs until she found his closed door. She could hear music coming from the other side, but it wasn’t nearly as loud as the last time she had been at the house. Taking a deep breath, she rapped loudly before she lost her nerve.

  “Since when do you knock, sister dear?”

  The door swung open to reveal a Judd Darcy didn’t expect to see. He was shirtless, revealing a muscular chest she had run her hands over but had never seen before. As cliché as it sounded, he really did have the body of an Adonis; rippling six-pack abs, gorgeously proportionate pecks, smooth with a light sheen of sweat. Below his torso he wore a teeny tiny black pair of running shorts, sitting dangerously low on his hips. She couldn’t keep her eyes from following the thin treasure trail of dark hair from his navel as it disappeared inside his shorts. She almost swooned imagining where it ended. She noticed he had a short barbell in his hand.

  Absently, she fanned herself. The corner of his mouth turned up at her actions. He knew he was affecting her and he was enjoying her reaction.

  “Well, you’re certainly not my sister.”

  “Uhhh sorry to interrupt your…workout.” He turned, knowing he was giving her a good look at his perfect ass, to put the barbell down.

  “You’re not interrupting,” he said before turning around. “Can I help you with something?” Darcy bit her tongue, slightly annoyed that he was playing dumb.

  “I…I came to apologize. I over reacted before. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” His expression grew serious.

  “No, I should be the one apologizing. I don’t know what it is about you that makes me want to push your buttons. I think I just like that you fight back when most other chicks hurry to backtrack and apologize, even if it wasn’t their fault. I hate that…at least you have balls.” Darcy cracked a small smile.

  “So…you like balls, huh?”

  “Figuratively speaking. Literally, the only balls I have any interest in are my own. You’re welcome to compare yours to mine though. I’ll show you anytime you’d like.” He winked at her. Darcy lost her smile. That he would offer such a thing, when he had rejected her kiss, made her feel cheap like she was just another in his long line of bedroom buddies. She took a step back.

  “No thanks. I’ll uhh let you get back to what you were doing.” She hurried away leaving a baffled Judd staring after her, wondering how he’d screwed things up this time.

  By the time Darcy re-joined her friends in the kitchen, the prune laced brownies
were going into the oven.

  “Everything all right?” her step-sister asked.

  “Yup. Fine.” Darcy looked at the mess that had been made. “Since I wasn’t much help with the cooking, let me clean up at least.” She started gathering bowls and measuring utensils. Chaz took them from her.

  “Let me do that. If you get your hands all wet, that pretty pink Band-Aid will come off.”

  “And then I’ll have to re-administer first aid and charge for my services this time around,” Jazz said with a wink. Darcy tried to protest, but they all waved her away saying it was fine. She took a seat back on the stool, elbows on the counter top, her hands holding her head up.

  “How are we going to know if these things will work?” They all stopped and looked at her.

  “Only one way to know,” Chaz said with a grimace. Mandy made a similar face when she realized he was right. Darcy sat up, stretching her back in the process.

  “I guess since I didn’t cook and you won’t let me clean, I’ll be the guinea pig.” Three heads shook at her.

  “I think you’ve been through enough,” Mandy said. “I’ll do it…I’ll consider it as part of my punishment and this way you guys will know you can trust me to follow through.” Chaz stepped up.

  “No way. You don’t need to prove yourself.” Mandy gave him a grateful smile. Meanwhile, Jazz had hopped up on the countertop.

  “OOoh I guess I’ll take one for the team. I’m a little shorter than typical rah-rah size, but I’m probably the closest representation, short of the actual cheerleader in our midst. Besides, it’ll be like a good cleanse for my system.” The other three looked at their friend.

  “Are you sure Jazz? Maybe we don’t need to test them. Just cross our fingers and hope. It’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work you know…” Darcy was worried for her friend.

  “Are you kidding? After all they put you through; we can’t not do it and if we’re going through all this trouble, let’s make sure it works. Just run to the store and get me a bunch of Gatoraid and some extra soft TP.” Jazz made shooing motions with her hands.

  “Mandy, can I borrow your keys?”

  “Sure…but why don’t I go?” Darcy threw Jazz a look. Thankfully, she understood it.

  “You’re busy helping Chaz clean, Mandy Pandy. I think Darcy can handle it alone.” Mandy furrowed her brow but tossed her sister the keys.

  “I’ll go with her,” Judd said walking into the kitchen. Darcy was sad to see him fully dressed. Chaz threw the other guy a grateful look.

  “Thanks. I’d feel better if she didn’t go alone.”

  “Me too,” Mandy said. Darcy rolled her eyes.

  “It’s not like I’m a little kid. I have gone shopping alone, ya know.” Chaz and Mandy looked embarrassed but Jazz came to their rescue.

  “Of course you’re not, but we’re your friends and we’re concerned for your safety so do us a solid and take the meathead with you.” She slugged her brother in the bicep and then grimaced, shaking her fist out. Darcy sighed dramatically.

  “Fine. Whatever. Let’s go.” She headed out not bothering to look behind her to see if her bodyguard followed.

  She was buckling her seatbelt when Judd slid into the seat next to her. She waited for him to get settled and then took off down the long driveway. They rode in silence for most of the ride until he broke it.

  “Well, this is different.”

  “What is?” she asked, not bothering to take her eyes off the road.

  “You being the one to drive me around for a change.”

  “Whatever.” They lapsed back into silence. Darcy pulled into the lot of a local drug store. They walked in and Darcy felt goosebumps rise on her arms. The air conditioning was set on winter wonderland. She was surprised there wasn’t frost on the store windows. Walking towards the refrigerated cases, she crossed her arms across her chest, concerned the cold would affect other things.

  When she opened the door, she realized she had lost her escort. For some reason, she felt uncomfortable that he wasn’t at her back. Darcy had an irrational fear that he had left her there, alone. Without grabbing the sports drink, she turned to look for him.

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?” She jumped a mile when his voice came from behind her.

  “You scared the crap out of me!”

  “Interesting choice of words, considering why we’re here…Sorry. Just thought I’d grab her some medicine in case she wants to shorten her time uhh indispose.” Judd held up a box.

  “Oh…Good idea. How about some magazines too?” He flashed a bright smile.

  “One can never have too much bathroom reading material.” After grabbing several drinks, they stopped at the magazine rack and picked out a couple before hitting the paper aisle to buy some extra soft toilet paper. Judd paid for everything, ignoring Darcy’s protests. He also grabbed the bags.

  The ride back was still quiet, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as the ride in. When they exited the car, Darcy grabbed the bags before Judd had a chance. As she made for the door, he reached out to stop her.

  “I don’t think you should do this.” Darcy was confused.

  “Do what? Oh, let Jazz taste test? She doesn’t have to. I am kind of uneasy about her doing it too. Maybe we can convince her not to?”

  “I didn’t mean that. I mean, I really don’t want to see my sister purposely making herself sick either, but I meant the whole thing. I don’t think you should go through with it.”

  “Why not?” She could see he was trying to control his anger.

  “Why not? How about because it’s going to sic them all on you again? How about that it might piss them off enough to follow through trying to make you sleep with the fishes next time?”

  “Maybe revenge is a bit childish, but I’m kind of hoping it’ll show them that if they keep it up, I’ll fight back.”

  “Don’t you have any concern for your own wellbeing?” His anger was evident as he clenched his fists and locked his jaw.

  “Why does it matter so much to you?” she spit out. Judd blinked several times, the color in his face receding a bit.

  “Why? I thought it was obvious…I-I care about you.” Darcy took a small step back, shaking her head. She swallowed the emotions that were rising in her.

  “Rejection is a hell of a way to show you care.” Judd reached forward and grabbed her upper arms. Roughly he pulled her toward him, his head dipping to catch her mouth in a passionate kiss.

  Darcy momentarily lost herself in the kiss, dropping the bags she had been holding. It was different from other kisses they had shared, more…emotional rather than lust driven. While it was still steamy and exciting enough to make her knees shake, there was also a tenderness that hadn’t been there before. It was her undoing. She placed both hands on his chest and forcefully shoved him away. Judd stood there, his full lips impossibly more swollen and plump, looking hurt and confused.

  “You can’t keep doing this to me!” Darcy yelled at him. “You can’t push me away one day and then kiss me like I’m the last girl in the world the next. It makes my head spin, and not in the good way. One day you want me, the next you avoid me like the plague. I-I can’t handle the emotional roller coaster. I may look like a clown, but my heart…my emotions are not a joke!” Snatching up the bags she dropped, she ran into the house, leaving the open door and a shocked Judd in her wake.

  “Welcome bac-” Mandy started but froze at the look on Darcy’s face. Her voice rose in pitch. “What’s wrong? Did you smash my car?” Darcy frowned at her step-sister’s panic.

  “Nothing is wrong. The car is fine.” She tossed the keys on the counter. Without answering the question, Darcy started unloading the bags she brought in.

  Jazz was the only one who saw Judd standing in the hall and look in. She watched him as he turned and headed back towards the front door. Shoving herself off the countertop, she landed gracefully, like a cat, on the travertine floor.

  “Whatcha get me? Oooh! Ma
gazines! What a good idea. Entertainment is a must when on the crapper. Thanks my little clown love.”

  “Hey, where’s Judd?” Chaz asked, suddenly realizing he hadn’t joined them. Jazz dismissed him with a wave.

  “He had some errands to run this afternoon. Probably ran off to avoid the sounds and smell of the powder room symphony that are going to occur shortly.”

  “Eww Jazz.” Mandy’s pretty face scrunched.

  “Hey, did you think it was going to come out all rainbows and butterflies, and smelling like roses? I’m sure your gas is as rank as any guy’s.” Mandy looked horrified.

  “GIRLS DON’T FART!”

  “Like hell they don’t. I’m one too, remember? Sometimes we even fart from the fron-”

  “JASMINE!” Mandy screeched, Jazz put on an innocent face.

  “What did I say? It’s not like I called it a quee-”

  “STOP! Please, for the love of God, stop.” Mandy turned to Darcy. “Back me up here! Tell her to quit it!” Darcy shrugged.

  “But she’s right.”

  Chaz listened, desperately trying not to burst out laughing. His shoulders shook slightly as he held back. It was a losing battle.

  “Leave Darcy alone. I bet her farts smell like cotton candy and roasted corn nuts,” Jazz said.

  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Chaz guffawed loudly, slapping his hand on the counter. Tears ran down his cheeks. Mandy crossed her arms over her chest.

  “You guys are disgusting.” But as much as she tried, she couldn’t help but smile too.

  Jazz winked at Darcy, who realized her friend had turned the conversation away from Judd to spare Darcy from having to answer any questions. She mouthed a thank you to Jazz who smiled knowingly.

  “All right! Let’s get this show on the road.” Jazz picked up the plate of prune laced brownies and sat at the table. A glass of sweating water stood waiting. “We added some prune juice to the recipe too since I read that will help speed things up.” Darcy made a face.