Tears of a Clown

by MB Mulhall

  The bike roared to life, causing Darcy to stumble back against the curb. Judd leaned down and scooped up the dropped helmet. He gave her a sad lingering look before putting it on his head, neglecting to close the strap. Revving the engine, the bike sounded like an angry animal. Darcy felt, at that moment, it personified Judd. Without another word or look, Judd sped off, leaving the scent of burning rubber to tickle her nose and the growl of the engine in her ears. She stood, rooted to the spot, until the bike was out of sight. It didn’t take long.

  “Darcy Michelle McDillion! Did you come home on that death trap?” Her father stood on the porch, his arms folded over his chest, his voice livid. Numbly, she nodded as she walked towards him. He reached out and grabbed her arms, shaking her a bit.

  “I don’t ever want to hear that you’ve been on one of those again and if I catch that boy around here, I won’t be held responsible for my actions. Do you understand me?”

  “No worries dad. I don’t think he’ll ever be back around.” She shrugged out of his grasp and walked into the house looking like someone had kicked her puppy and told her ICP had broken up.

  The next several weeks passed in a haze of plan making and a never ending game of avoidance. Darcy still spent time with Jazz and Chaz at school, but both were busy after with Harvest prep or drama club rehearsals. In a funny twist of fate, Chaz was cast as one of the clowns. He had been pestering Darcy to help him come up with a unique makeup design for the show but she had been putting it off, her heart not into it. For once, wearing the makeup worked in her favor as she was able to paint a smile on everyday even though she hadn’t been further from happy since her parents first announced their divorce.

  Some of the kids still pointed and made stupid jokes and comments, but they left her alone for the most part. She figured the novelty was wearing off. On occasion, Rich and his group would try to corner her or say something nasty. Somehow, Judd always ended up popping up whenever there was even an inkling of trouble. Darcy didn’t know what to make of his appearances. Was he being sweet in trying to keep her safe or was he being a creepy stalker? She supposed it didn’t matter much.

  In those weeks, she kept making excuses not to visit Jazz at her house. The last thing she wanted was a run in with the twin’s brother. His rejection had cut her deeper than anything else ever had. She had been trying to deny it, but she knew for sure that what she felt for him was love. On a daily basis she kicked herself for the sharp tongue and stupid behavior that had pushed him away. Secretly she held out hope that he’d see the light and forgive her so they could have a real relationship, but she certainly wasn’t holding her breath waiting for it to happen. Blue was a good color on her, but after her time swimming in a toilet , she valued being able to breathe easy.

  Darcy also noticed that recently Mandy had seemed very out of sorts. She wondered what the parents thought of the two moody teens. They probably blamed it on never ending PMS. Isn’t that what everyone blamed moody women on? Darcy knew that living with women tended to cause cycles to coincide, but she knew Mandy’s issues weren’t solely based on the impending visit of Aunt Flo. It worried her that her step-sister had another run in with Dick and his…dick. One half of her said screw it, after what Mandy and her cheer-follower bitches did to her, she shouldn’t care in the least. The other half was saying that none of that mattered if Mandy was being sexually harassed. Darcy wouldn’t wish that on her worse enemy, and Mandy had definitely made herself an enemy.

  One quiet Friday evening, when the parents had gone out on date night, Darcy decided to bite the bullet and talk to Mandy. Her step-sister hadn’t gone out on a weekend in almost a month. Darcy found her in her sweats, curled up on the couch flipping the channels. She took a tentative seat at the opposite end. Mandy didn’t bother to avert her gaze from the big glowing screen in front of her.

  “What do you want?” Darcy had to take a deep breath to keep herself from spitting out a scathing retort.

  “Just thought we could talk…ya know, since we’re both home on a Friday night with nothing to do.” Mandy turned and shot her a nasty look.

  “I had plenty to do, I just opted not to.” Darcy gave a skeptical look.

  “Oh really? Like what?” Mandy scowled.

  “Like none of your damn business. Don’t you have my ex or your lesbo friend to hang with?”

  “They both had plans tonight. We’re going to a movie tomorrow. Want to come?” When Mandy didn’t respond, Darcy snuck a peek at her step-sister. She was surprised to find the blonde hair girl was trembling, tears and mascara silently running down her cheeks. Darcy was baffled.

  “Was it something I said?!”

  “Stop trying to mess with my head by being nice!” Mandy managed to choke out between the sobs that had suddenly erupted.

  “Uhh...sorry? I thought people normally enjoyed it when others were nice to them. I could be a bitch if you wanted. It’s not like you don’t deserve it.” Mandy turned to face her, hope in her eyes.

  “Yes! Please, be a bitch! Tell me how awful I am. How much you hate me. That I should drop dead…Please.” Darcy sat back, surprised by the pleading tone and the words Mandy was spouting.

  “Why? Do you get off on that kind of thing? I know some siblings are close, but umm you’re really not my type. Maybe Jazz could give you a verbal beat down if you asked nicely. She does seem to have that dominate thing going on…” Mandy waved her hand in the air, disgust on her face.

  “Stop deliberately misunderstanding me. You know damn well what this is all about.” She reached forward and plucked a tissue out of the box on the coffee table and roughly rubbed at her eyes, leaving herself looking like a demented kind of raccoon. Darcy felt herself bristle.

  “Okay. Fine. Let’s stop playing games and dismiss the niceties. You are an awful horrible person for allowing your friends to try to drown me. Especially since I had stepped in and got myself suspended on your behalf and kept your stupid secret. Especially since we’re related. Especially since I’ve never done anything to you. I should hate you. I should be trying to shove your perfect head into the toilet. I shouldn’t care that you look like a zombie lately, but somehow, I can’t be that mean.” Darcy stopped for a moment, letting her words sink in before she continued. “I came to talk to you, because I was worried Rich had tried to force himself on you again and that maybe he succeeded this time. As mad as I am at you, as horrible as what you did to me was, I couldn’t sit here and tell myself you deserved it. No one deserves that.”

  Mandy sniffled, little whimpers still escaping her downturned lips.

  “Rich hasn’t tried anything else. I try to stay away from him these days…”

  “All right, so what’s with the Debbie Downer, Queen of Depression bit going on?”

  “I…” She gave a shaky sigh. “I feel horrid about what happened in the bathroom. Libby had told me she was going to play a little joke on you. Something we could laugh about later. I had no idea she was planning on going to the extreme that she did. I admit, I wasn’t happy with you and your attitude and the stupid clown makeup, but she practically killed you! She wouldn’t listen to me and stop. If Jazz hadn’t walked in when she did….I…I can’t even imagine what would have happened. I know you may not realize it, but I did try to help…but I guess not enough…I’m sorry.” Darcy took in her step-sister’s words. It was true; she didn’t realize Mandy had tried to stop things at all. When her head was in the toilet and stars were dancing in front of her eyes, she wasn’t really paying attention to what else was going on around her.

  “You’re forgiven, but you really need to find some new friends. Liberate Libby and move onto better people. She’s a raging bitch who obviously doesn’t care about how her actions affect you, her ‘best friend’.” Mandy gave her a small smile.

  “Deal,” she said, holding out her hand to Darcy, who took it and gave it a firm shake.

  “So…do you have any interest in getting back at your new ex friend? I promise it doesn’t involv
e sending her to a watery grave, but it will be highly embarrassing and extremely amusing.” Mandy’s eyes widened as a smile danced across her face.

  “Tell me more.”

  Before they knew it, the Harvest Festival was a mere week away. Jazz insisted that they have a practice run before the actual event and invited Darcy and Chaz over. There would be no backing out of it this time. The twins’ folks were going away for the week, business trip coupled with a second honeymoon type of thing, so they’d be alone in the house to be deviant.

  Darcy figured it was time to let her friends in on the fact that they would have access to inside help, namely Mandy. When Darcy had mentioned going over to the Marshall house, Mandy had been hesitant.

  “Will Chaz and Judd both be there?” Darcy averted her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.

  “Don’t know. Chaz will be, but no idea on the Judd front.” Her step-sister, with whom she’d been spending more time with, caught Darcy’s expression and called her on it.

  “Don’t you want Judd to be there? I thought there was something going on with you two? Or did you decide on Chaz instead?” Darcy shook her head rapidly.

  “Chaz and I are just friends. I mean…okay, I admit, we hooked up and it was very nice…but I don’t think he’s the one for me and I think the feeling is mutual.” Mandy sighed.

  “Chaz is a very good kisser, isn’t he?” Darcy nodded her head, remembering their brief steamy kitchen of love encounter. “I notice you didn’t mention Judd. What’s going on there?” It was Darcy’s turn to sigh.

  “Nothing is going on. I blew it.” Mandy looked thoughtful.

  “Judd is a good guy…We all used to be really good friends. Chaz, Judd, Jazz and I…until that night…” Darcy said nothing. Mandy got a faraway look in her eye. Finally she shook her head and looked back at Darcy.

  “I don’t know how much you know…but Chaz and I used to date, back before he dated Libby…”

  “I had heard something about that…Didn’t it bother you that your best friend ended up dating your ex?” Mandy blanched.

  “More than you could know…but I thought it was my karmic punishment or something.”

  “Karmic punishment? What the hell for?” Mandy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She still looked pale and almost a little green when she opened her mouth to explain.

  “For cheating on Chaz with his best friend.” When Darcy said nothing, Mandy looked up at her step-sister. “Do you hate me now?” Darcy shook her head.

  “I don’t hate you. Everyone makes mistakes.” Mandy took over the head shaking.

  “It wasn’t just a mistake, it …” She closed her eyes again, remembering the moment. “It was a betrayal of trust. It was breaking a kind heart. It was…God it was the most awful thing I could have ever done to him. I still can’t believe I did. I swear, I was so in love with him Darcy. How could I have gone and slept with his best friend? Not that Judd isn’t good looking, and Lord knows the boy is aces at flirting…but I was convinced Chaz was the one for me. The one I’d spend forever with. You probably think that’s stupid for a 16 year old to think, but it’s how I felt.” Darcy felt compelled to give Mandy a hug. The other girl was surprised, but soon was hugging back.

  “Did you apologize? Like I said, everyone makes mistakes, and yeah, it was a doozy, but Chaz seems like the type who’d give a second chance.” Mandy broke away and sat down on Darcy’s bed.

  “I apologized over and over. I swore to him that I didn’t remember anything. No kissing, no taking off clothes, no getting into bed, no sex. In fact, neither did Judd. All we knew is that we had woken up with each other, half naked…and uhh there was a condom on the floor, so we guessed that something had happened, but I swear Darcy, neither Judd nor I remember a thing. It’s like we were drugged.”

  “Have you ever considered that you might really have been?”

  Mandy looked shocked.

  “Drugged? I… no. I never seriously considered it. Why would someone do that? Who would do that?” Darcy had her suspicions, but didn’t think it was fair to bring them up without proof. It was too serious an accusation to make on a hunch. She vowed she’d try to get to the bottom of it though. It was obvious Mandy still had feelings for Chaz and she thought he might feel the same for her step-sister. If Darcy could fix things between them, maybe it would fix things between Chaz and Judd as well. She made a mental note to do some sly questioning about that night and the events that led up to the supposed betrayal.

  Darcy eventually convinced Mandy to come with her, although when they got there, she wasn’t sure she should have pushed the issue.

  “What’s she doing here?” Chaz asked, a sneer on his pretty boy face.

  “She is my sister and would like to lend a hand.”

  “Did you forget that she’s half the reason we’re doing this in the first place?” Jazz asked.

  “It’s been discussed. Apologies have been given and accepted. If I can forgive her, why can’t you guys?” Jazz shrugged one shoulder.

  “If it’s cool with you, it’s cool by me. I just don’t want to see this backfire on you.”

  “Yeah. How do we know we can trust her?” Chaz piped up. Darcy stepped closer so she could look up at him.

  “If you can’t trust her, you’ll just have to trust me. Will there be a problem with that?” He frowned. Looking back and forth between his friend and his ex, it was obvious he wasn’t happy about the situation.

  “Fine, but if this blows up in your face, I reserve the right to repeatedly say ‘I told you so’.”

  “I can handle that.” He threw Mandy a dirty look and walked into the kitchen, leaving the three girls alone in the grand foyer.

  “Don’t mind him Mandy. I think Chaz is on the rag.” Jazz gave her old friend a smile. “I’m kind of glad you’re here. I’ve almost missed you.” Mandy rolled her eyes and smiled.

  “Yeah I know, Jazz. You’ve missed my fabulous chest.” The dark haired girl’s smile grew wide.

  “Well, it was quite fabulous, but I’ve had a nice replacement in Darcy while you had gone to the dark side.” Jazz reached a hand out to grope Darcy, but Darcy quickly slapped her hand away, shaking her head. Jazz made it a game of trying to grope each girl. They were laughing and smacking each other, not paying attention to what was going on around them.

  Chaz had come back and was leaning against a wall, watching with small smirk. Judd, who had heard the commotion and started down the stairs, stopped midway to watch the spectacle. Must have been like every teenage guy’s fantasy; three young girls laughing and grabbing at each other boobs. As she was giggling, Mandy looked up and spotted Judd watching them. He nodded at her.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey yourself. Long time no see.”

  “Indeed…” Darcy had stopped short, her face flaming when she realized he was there. She dared a glance up at him, but couldn’t read his expression. She dropped her gaze and turned to head to the kitchen. She gave Chaz a questioning look as she passed, but said nothing. He glared at Judd before turning to follow Darcy.

  Darcy heard the conversation continue to come from the foyer; Judd’s rich deep tenor ringing out with his sister’s alto and Mandy’s soprano tones. Darcy pulled out a bar stool and plopped herself in front of the island. Chaz came to stand next to her, leaning on the marbled top.

  “Are you really sure we can trust Mandy?”

  “Yes Chaz, I am.” He looked confused and sad.

  “How can you be so certain?”

  “I just am. We’ve talked a lot in the past few weeks. She feels awful for her part in the whole thing and I think she’s finally realized what an immense bitch Libby is…uhh sorry. I know you dated her and all, but that whole thing baffles me. You two seem like polar opposites.” Chaz rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed.

  “We weren’t very well suited, which is why we ended up breaking up, but she helped me through a difficult time. I guess that made me feel close to her.”

>   “Yeeeaaah about that, did you ever consider she might have been part of the cause?” Chaz froze.

  “What do you mean?”

  Darcy knew she shouldn’t say anything without proof. She thought about how to skirt around it and see if she could get any info out of him.

  “Let me back track a little. I heard about what happened...Why you and Mandy broke up. Why you and Judd are no longer friends. Doesn’t it strike you odd that neither of them can remember a thing?” Chaz looked positively livid.

  “No, it doesn’t since they were both drinking. They were always flirting with each other. I’d be surprised if that was the first time.”

  “Chaz…you don’t mean that. Mandy told me how much she was in love with you. Judd was your best friend. I don’t think they’d do that to you.” He slammed his first down on the counter top.

  “Yeah, well they did and what would you know? You’ve barely known them for three months.”

  “You’re right, I don’t know them as well, but you’ve known them a very long time. Stop being angry for a minute and really think about it. These two people you’ve spent so much time with, shared so much with. Would they really hurt you on purpose?” Darcy could almost see his anger and his logical practicality fighting with each other.

  “Hear me out for a minute, okay?” He didn’t look happy, but he grunted for her to continue. “Mandy and I have discussed this a lot, about how she can’t remember a single part of it. She told me she only had two drinks that night. Two drinks wouldn’t make her black out like that. I took to the internet and did some research. What I found freaked us out more than the idea that she willingly cheated on you.” Chaz’s anger receded a bit for worry and confusion.

  “What did you find?”

  “It looks like they might have been Roofied…I saw how people act when it happened to a friend at a concert. They seem real drunk even if they’ve only had one drink. They have trouble speaking and will eventually pass out, not remember anything that happened. It’s called the Date Rape Drug for a reason. Mandy even said she thought she remembered her drink being a weird blue color, which is what some of the newer versions of the drug will do.” Darcy saw Chaz’s anger come flooding back like a tidal wave.