Mother waves her hand, as if trying to rush Brienne and she shakes her head. “What are you blackmailing Elias with to be with you? And what do you know about Mara? Start from the beginning.”
My mouth feels dry as I stare at her, feeling like the gum on the bottom of her shoe. She knows I’m no good. I’ve never been good enough. Always a mess for someone else to fix.
“I’m not blackmailing either one of them.”
I decide to stop hiding then and come out into the foyer.
And to make matters worse, Luka and Elias enter the room at the same time and Luka has something in his hand—a magazine. I start to sweat. He’s fuming and tapping it against his hand as everyone converges in the foyer. I decide to focus on Brienne and Elias.
“I told you to stay far from me. Both of you.” My voice drips with disdain. “Luka, it’s her or me.” I point at Brienne and look at him.
“I choose her then,” he says.
“Luka, be serious!” Mother cries.
My mouth drops open. I look at Elias and he’s staring at Luka with disbelief. Luka holds up the magazine and when I see the picture of myself on the front in a provocative position with the man I woke up next to, I feel the blood rush out of my face.
“I need a word with you, Mara.” Luka motions behind him. “Or if you’d like to start packing…your choice.”
“No, I’ve been meaning to speak with you, and I will…later.” I wring my hands together.
I feel unhinged.
The doorbell rings and I get a tiny inkling of hope. All is not lost. Yet. I exhale and beam, giving my brother one more look. I fling the door open and there stands Alex, looking like he’s just won the lottery.
* * *
Not only is Alex saving me from a painful confrontation with my brother, but my plan has grown. I am giddy—I don’t do giddy, have never done giddy unless I’m getting first picks from Fashion Sega—but I honestly could not have planned the timing better if I’d tried. I don’t even have it in me to throw Brienne out, and my brother’s words almost float right off my back when I open the door and see Alex standing there with his full-on swagger.
I do a leap and he catches me, wrapping my legs around his waist as we hug. He shuts the door from the prying eyes, leaving us outside, and he nuzzles my nose.
“This is quite the welcome. Was that for everyone’s benefit or are you really this happy to see me?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” I roll my eyes as I feel him harden underneath me.
He laughs and squeezes my backside. “You need to jump down if I’m expected to go inside and see your mother and brother.”
“They can wait. Your timing was perfect. Saving me left and right. We need to discuss the ground rules before we go inside.”
He frowns. “Seriously?”
“Hopefully it won’t take long, this arrangement between us, but I’m giving you an out now. We won’t kiss, and we won’t be having sex. You can be here as much as you’d like, or as little, but within the next few weeks, we will be getting engaged. Until I have Elias pursuing me the way I deserve, it could get down to the wedding day and I won’t stop things. Do you have any questions?”
“I want to renegotiate on the sex,” he says.
“Of course that’s all you think about.”
“I’ve never kept it a secret.” He shrugs.
“So do we have a deal?”
“What do I get out of it?” He sets me on the ground and shifts my hair off of my shoulder. “Besides falling in love with you even more than I already am.”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t know the meaning of love quite yet, Alex. Let’s not kid ourselves. You’re not ready to settle down.”
He smirks and licks his lower lip. “I did have fun with the Tornini twins night before last.”
I hold my hands out. “See? You’re not ready.”
“But you’ve had your fun with me…what makes you think you’re ready?”
“Because I’d be happy to never have sex with another person ever again if it meant I could have Elias.”
His eyes burn with lust and anger. He runs his hands through his hair and nods. “Fair enough. So again, what do I get out of this?”
“I’ll give you my shares in Riot, which is right around three million right now. I looked into it when my mother threatened my inheritance earlier this week.”
He frowns. “Why would she do that?”
I smile. “Worried about me more than the three million? Maybe you do love me.”
He scoffs and takes my hand in his. “Sounds like I’m getting the better end of this deal. You’d be okay if I take this? What if your mom’s threats are valid?”
“I have other investments she knows nothing about, none doing as well as this, mind you, but I’ll have a lawyer look into her threats. Bottom line, this is worth it to me, Alex. I’m more than happy to give you this money at the risk of not having it myself in the future—who said I’m not ready?” I put his hair back in place where I tugged on it and loop my arm through his. “Shall we begin?”
He leans over and puts his lips on my ear. “We shall…”
* * *
When we walk back inside, everyone is right where we left them. It seems the conversation has gone on without me, even though I was the topic. I sigh. I used to thrive on being the center of attention, no matter if it was bad or good, but as I swallow the knot in my throat, I feel as if I might be getting sick. The tension is thick. One look at Elias and I know he’s seen the picture of me. His eyes are cold when they hit mine and I flinch with the blow.
Definitely feeling ill.
I touch my forehead with the back of my hand and lean into Alex. “Are you ready to go? I just need to grab my purse.”
“We need to talk,” Luka insists.
“I’m working on making things right, Luka,” I say in my best earnest voice. “You will only be hearing good things from me, right, Alex?” I lean my head on his shoulder. “I was upset about something with Alex, and I made a mistake.” I motion to the cover. “But if he can forgive me, all of you should be able to.”
Elias sputters something under his breath and I turn to him, my eyes piercing him until he faces me. When he does, his face is red and the fury is bouncing off of him in triple time.
“It had nothing to do with Alex and you know it. You’re always on a downward spiral, Mara. God forbid you take responsibility for once.” Elias advances toward me but stops, as if suddenly realizing we have an audience.
My chest constricts and I feel the knot in my throat growing, but I won’t let tears fall. No, Elias won’t see me cry again.
“I thought my saying it was a mistake was admitting my responsibility.” I tilt my head, studying him intently. He swallows hard. “You just can’t make up your mind whether you love me or hate me—can you, Elias? That doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.” I force a smile on my face. “You’ve moved on, as you clearly pointed out to me, and so have I.” I look up at Alex and smile, putting my hand around his waist and he leads me out of the room.
I’m shaking when I get to my room and Alex shuts the door behind us. I sit down on the bed while he paces.
“I don’t know where that arrogant prick gets off talking to you like that. What do you see in him?”
It takes every ounce of strength in me to keep the tears from pouring down then. “He doesn’t want to love me, but he can’t help himself.”
“You have a skewed view of love…”
He might be right about that, but not about Elias. Elias is the only one besides my brother who’s ever shown me love. And that’s why I can’t let him go.
Chapter Eleven
Elias
When Mara and Alex leave the room, I pound the nearest wall and turn to Luka.
“Can’t you put a stop to this?” I yell, putting my fist to my mouth to keep from punching it through the wall.
Luka turns and puts his finger on my chest, jabbing me with every other
word. “You know as well as I do what she needs. When are you going to man up?”
I back away, my eyes dropping quickly, but not before he’s seen the look of guilt there. I wish I could be anywhere but here, and yet, I know my heart needs a wake-up call; it’s been getting ahead of itself lately.
“Your sister is not my responsibility, Luka.”
“Then make sure she gets the message. Once and for all.”
I want to demolish the room, turn it upside down and see if it will alleviate any of the rage in my chest. I glance down the hall, tempted to track down Mara and Alex and tell them off. But I don’t. I face Brienne, my chest moving up and down with my heavy breathing. I look her in the eyes and clear my throat before speaking.
“I apologize for losing my temper.”
“It seems clear that you have a lot of unresolved feelings about Mara.” Her words are soft but clear; however, I notice her hand is shaking as she reaches out to hold onto the chair.
Cece makes a furious sound and leaves the room. I feel Luka’s eyes on us and I turn to stare him down one more time before his jaw clenches and he goes in the opposite direction of his mother.
“We sure know how to clear a room.” Brienne tries for lighthearted, but it comes out strained. “Elias…” She moves toward the door and opens it. “Can we walk?”
That’s the last thing I expected her to say and I nod in slow motion, eventually moving toward her. We step outside and I lean my head back and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my skin.
“You don’t let anything faze you, do you, Brienne?”
“Oh, plenty fazes me, trust me.”
We walk along the front lawn and I look at the ocean past us. It really is a beautiful country. Someone catches my eye by the cars and I flinch a little when I see Harmi standing near Eden’s, scowling at me. I don’t want to get on his bad side. When we get closer, I see that he’s staring longingly at Brienne. Ahh…
I lift a hand to wave and he turns away, shaking his head.
Brienne frowns. “He’s been in a foul mood for a while now. I don’t know what his deal is.”
“I could wager a guess.” We walk a few steps further and pause to watch the waves. “Do you miss home?”
She looks across the water, biding her time. I can tell it pains her to think of home.
“Yes.”
“Do you see yourself ever going back?”
“If Lady Eden goes back, yes. Or if the Queen Mother needed me.”
“Your loyalty runs deep. I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone with such fierce loyalty.”
“Lady Kathryn saved me when I had no one. She came to our village and saw that my mother was sick. She had a doctor come to us and made sure she had the right medicine. When she passed, it was Lady Kathryn who gave me a place to stay. I owe her my life.”
“So why aren’t you there now, with her?”
“She sent me to look after Lady Eden. I think everyone forgets how young she really is. And after what happened to her father…it’s important that I protect her.”
I face her, studying her intently. “But what about you? What do you want?”
“I want to serve the Safrin family until the day I die. To me, there is no higher calling than that.”
“Wow.”
“You served the king before this and now Luka…it seems we have the same underlying loyalties, don’t you think?”
“Yes, but I don’t think I’d ever do it at the expense of myself and my own need for a family. You make me feel like such a selfish bastard, Brienne.” I smile to soften my words, but I can see they reach their mark. “You’re a good person, much wiser than me.”
She laughs and shakes her head. When we get to the path where we should either walk to the gardens or take the steps to the beach, she turns to me.
“Why aren’t you with Mara?”
I sigh. “She seems fully occupied at the moment, don’t you think?”
Her eyes narrow and I feel bad for my surliness. “I don’t mean right this minute. I mean, why aren’t you together?”
I run my hand along my jaw and choose our steps down to the beach.
“Mara just thinks she wants someone like me. She has this romantic notion that we belong together, but really, she just has an agenda…”
“From where I’m standing, it looks like you are her agenda.”
“Didn’t you see her with Alex? She’s always chosen him…”
“I’m pretty sure you’re the one she wants; otherwise, she wouldn’t be so upset about seeing you with me.”
“I will never be as rich or as powerful as someone like…well, like Alex.”
When we reach the bottom of the steps, I take off my shoes and sink my toes in the sand. Brienne does the same and then stares pensively out at the water.
“I have a hard time believing you’re letting a little insecurity get in the way of being with someone.”
My head jerks to her and I laugh. It sounds cold even to my ears. “You think I’m insecure?”
She shrugs. “It’s sure sounding like it.”
“Don’t you know there’s always more to the story?” I pick up a stone and skip it out across the water. We both watch as it bounces along the crests of waves and then gets swallowed up. I turn to her then. “And what if I want to choose a different kind of life?”
“We can’t always choose who we love, Elias.”
My shoulders drop. I reach down and pick up my shoes. “This topic is way too heavy for this night.”
* * *
Mara was seven and I was nine when she found me. Her parents had been traveling for months and Luka didn’t always love to do the things she wanted to do. I found out later she’d been planning to run away and wanted to take Luka with her when she did, but she was trying to get her plan just right before she attempted the real thing.
It was a pretty day out, just right for fishing, and I was pulling the boat in with a string of fish when I heard something a few feet away. Just behind a large rock, I stopped walking when I heard someone sneeze.
“Come on out.” I waved my arm and she stepped out, blond and bashful yet with fiery eyes.
I held the fish up for her to see and she jumped back when the tail of one slapped across her bare leg.
I laughed and her full lips lifted up. It sounded like music when she laughed too.
“I didn’t mean to do that, sorry.” I shook my head. “Do you want some?”
“You’re gonna eat them now?” She rubbed her belly.
I nodded. “Come on, follow me.”
We raced through the yard and ended up at the back door of my house.
“Pretty house.”
“Thanks.”
When we stepped inside the kitchen, she looked around and said, “Mmm. Smells good in here. And it’s way cozier than my house.”
I looked at her and smiled. Her wide eyes were so blue, so pretty. I pulled out a pan and warmed up a pat of butter.
“Where is everyone?”
“My dad’s at work. Mom’s…she’s resting.”
“You cook?” She sounded shocked and I raised my shoulders, standing taller and looked at her over my shoulder. She looked confused. “I’ve never cooked anything for myself ever. Someone else always does that for me.”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t eat.”
“Oh.” She bit her bottom lip and stepped a little closer.
I shrugged. “Name’s Elias.” I held out my hand and right before she reached out to shake it, I frowned and wiped it on my pants then stuck it back out, grinning wide. “What’s yours?”
“Mara.”
My eyes widened. “As in, the princess?”
“Yep.”
“Wow.” I didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just looked at her and then turned to work on filleting the fish, sticking it in a pan once it was the way I wanted it. I watched the butter sizzle in the pan as the fish browned.
No wonder she’s never cooked anything for herself. She’s a
princess. I’m cooking for a princess.
I placed the fish on a couple of plates and handed her one. Then I led the way back outside, to the water, and plopped down on a long piece of driftwood.
I waited for her to take the first bite and when she did, her eyes closed and she hummed.
“For a boy, you cook really good.”
I nodded. “Mom says if I need to have a backup career, I could always be a chef.”
“You could! What is a backup career?”
“You know, like not the first choice of jobs. My first choice is to be an advisor to the king.”
“To my father?”
I grinned. “Yeah.”
She grinned back. “That would be the best thing ever—then I could see you too.”
My heart warmed and I nodded. “Yeah.”
She told me about her brother. I told her about my mom being sick. And when she stood up to leave, saying she should get back to Luka or else he’d be all alone like they always were, I didn’t want her to leave.
“Aw, come on, stay.” I tugged on her hand.
That’s the first time I can remember my heart racing over Mara Catano.
“I should get back to my brother.”
“Bring him with you next time. We can all go fishing, or you know, do whatever you want.”
When she nodded happily, I leaned over and gave her lips a peck.
Starry-eyed, she held her hand up to her lips and grinned, then took off running back home.
That summer was the beginning of my friendship with Luka, and more importantly, or more devastating, depending on how you look at it…it was the beginning of Mara owning my heart.
Chapter Twelve
Mara
I wake up with Alex trying to cuddle and I push his hands off of me. That’s not going to work. I glance back at him and he’s sleeping soundly, looking more angelic than he’s capable of being. I might have to remind him of the guidelines a few times before it’s all said and done, but I think he’ll get the picture. It’ll just take some time to adjust after our relationship used to revolve mostly around the physical.
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